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It's been years since I actually missed her
And its a surprise because I thought I was done dreaming of her forever
Not only did she break my heart
But I grew to hate the things we both shared, like a broken handle on a cart.
At one point during these 7 years I became delusional
Creating a fake relationship for her and I, utterly insane, no?
I wanted her and I to be a thing once upon a time
I considered myself to be a nickel and her a dime
Embarrassingly enough to say, but even before we became friends I had set my sights on becoming her man
Unfortunately, I was too hasty in my confession resulting in my unused plan.
I tried to not let it bother me and I was able to move on eventually
Until of course I found out she was interested in my best friend, not surprisingly.
He was pretty popular unlike me
I, however, wanted to be useful to her so I listened to her "gush" over him because that's what a friendzoned 'nice guy' does ,right?
His feelings don't matter so there's no point putting up a fight.
If she's actually interested in you she'll make those feelings known.
I couldn't understand that back then, but I can now since I've grown.
It's been 7 years since she released me from her life.
I became so jaded and bitter from all that strife.
The nickel that wanted to be with a dime
Can't believe I dreamt about her after all this time.
I had a dream about Giovanna last night. I decided to include more in this poem about the friendship I had with her at the time so maybe someone would understand why I get so triggered thinking about her.
or maybe i'm not
maybe i'm just pretending
still fixing myself
🌻
Olive Nov 2021
Snap
I can feel my branches trembling
Snap
I can feel my roots quiver
Snap
I can feel my body shake
Snap
I can hear a faint whisper
Snap
I try my best to still my movements
Snap
So that the voice becomes clear
Snap
I hold it all inside
Snap
Until I hear all of the lies
Snap
I tell myself I’m stable
Snap
But I know it isn’t real
Snap
I breathe through the chaos
Snap
Until the chaos breaks through
Snap
I am not thriving
Snap
I am barely surviving
Snap
I hold myself back
Snap
Until one day I finally
Snap
And see the mess I’ve made
Snap
I am running out of branches
Snap
But all I need is one
Snap
To remind me who I am
Snap
I am stronger than I speak
Snap
I am kinder than I act
Snap
I embrace the anger
Snap
I embrace the sadness
Snap
I embrace what made me
Snap
And I choose to
Stop
I choose to
Grow
riri Sep 2021
displaying a badly painted portrait of myself to the public
just so that i can be picked on, as i predicted
self-sabotage isn't just a bad habit, but a disease
the only cure to it is self-love, but that's something i can never seem to reach

possibly the pain became too addicting
or i'm afraid of change, i'm afraid to be loved
after all i can never accept the fact that i am loved in the first place
i'm so used to mistreatment, for it's the only form of love i know
i complain about "why does it feel like the world is out to get me" when i literally set myself up every single time.
riri Aug 2021
it took her months to come to this realization
but one day it just hit her, and it hit her like a brick
that even if he did come back as a new, changed person
nothing could ever repair the damage he's caused
and at that moment she knew nothing would ever be the same again
i don't want to go back to overthinking, and changing my entire personality to the watered down version of it - all for what? just so you could stay? just so a silly boy like you could "approve" of me? i'm better than that. this time i'm choosing me.. except i say this yet you're still in the back of my head. but i'm coming to terms with this thought i've had today, i'll get over you eventually.
Talia Jan 2021
Empress won’t impress
just to please

With a vendetta against aggression
she brings violence to its knees

Tiger striped thighs tantalise
though single handedly she
plays tonight

on a mission, led by zebra striped eyes
she rides the northern lights

Peace and presence, her only weapon
an Empress needn’t corruption to threaten
A version of me reading this is on instagram @talneedsapenname if anybody is interested!
Jeanmarie Dec 2020
It’s crazy,
Looking back on the time
Before you and me,
I was really happy then
But you changed me.

I was happy,
But I needed you.
Life would’ve looked different without you
I’m not sure if I would’ve made a good future wife without you

Happier ain’t always better
If it means you’re stuck in your ways
And not broadening your horizons,
I needed you.
To change my strong-willed ways

I was happy,
But I needed you.
Life would’ve looked different without you
I’m not sure if I would’ve made a good future wife without you.

I cried, a lot.
But what’s life without the hard stuff too,
You touched my heart,
That fact is true
It turns out, I needed you.

Happier ain’t always better
If it means you’re stuck in your ways
And not broadening your horizons.
I needed you.
To change my strong-willed ways.
I truly believe that people are put into our lives for a reason.  Even if they bring pain and heartbreak.
Andrea Lee Bolt Dec 2020
first time I saw you
was in a vision
so when I saw the familiar light in your eyes
it grabbed my attention

did I bake you up in a dream
how are you everything you seem
love at first sight, alright
I wanna be game

knew you were coming
left the door open
no words need spoken
have finally broken
our love chains
set me free

You know who you are
this game is our art
the act of remembering
pondering who you are
wondering why you visit this dimension
why aliens grab your attention

all the answers lay within
private bliss den
every thought ever written
level up, Neo
forget reminiscing

the unknown is calling
a daydream for good reason
knowing tomorrow
always the illusion
privacy a myth
you'll reach the same conclusion

take the red pill
grab a shovel
find your dig-nity
give till you become We

each kiss expands me exponentially
the only thing keeping you from me
is I have to accept this is my reality

Baby,

You gotta tell me.

Please, honey. Darlin. Bae.

  Did my mind womb bake you in a dream completely? How are you everything you seem?

That's it. Surrender

Now I believe in the Light
cause the Lawrd naw
I just fell in love at first sight!

yes, I know there's so many roads this could blow
trust me
let's go to a new town
protect our vibe

I am in the Light and Lawrd knows I believe in love at first sight
God oh Mary oh my good Harlequin. Can I get an Amen for this goddess worshipping session?!

Frida, our soul sister.
I call Kwan our the lady of the Yin
Magdalyne! Where you been, my fierce maiden girlfriend?
Buffy the Slayer and all my guides,
MJ we forgive you, use your light to unite the tribes.
Chad Boseman we know you're with Us
plus sirens of love,
Rumi and Shams all the cosmic lover aliens sent from above
come ****** your glory on We!
For we have fell in love and wish to accept Loves Fulfillment as our divine quest!

Oh to believe
receive this oh Lords
I need a witness.

Blessed be. We will pray to any holy trinity
please
Us and Gods, you know we're all the same matter
so this is something I really want MAKE IT MATTER!

If I'm creating all of this, and I'm We and Us and He is me and the flicker in his pupil is part of said We
Then can we all agree that this is the best feeling sauce and the past is the past and now we know we can let it in! The chase was so fun and now we are ready to swim.

Across all ancestral ties all soul dimensions
throughout all space and time
We bring to the surface anything that may block or deny
our love at first sight
our one true love from existing in the here and now
anything real or imagined, anything we may have previously created that would conflict with this new desire and passion
We uncreate, delete and alchemize here through the void.

We call upon the most romantic energy
the divine oneness of the we
we know we wrote this story with thee
we pray for ease, grace and harmony.

Thank you for co-creating with us
this adventure
the one that's our utmost romantic encounter
no repeats only new waves of love's passion
we'll read this again if we ever feel out of fashion.

Home is where we stand in the womb of the greatest game.
Thank you for playing with Us, gods and unicorns. We'll pick one of you to name our first born.

Love you, Us, Me and the We.
We (all the people who reside inside of the consciousness that makes up the whole of who I, Andie, am. A shapeshifter if you will.) have been answering our call, accepting the quest that we have come to not preach but yeah, preach. Sans the soapbox. We spent out life being a comedian and tv writer and we see that all of that was just to prepare us for our. life's purpose. Our ego has had to die many times and it was a... hell riot. Apparently our soul wanted to give us the full extended pack version tour of the 9 circles of hell. So we reemerge a story shaman with the goal to make the journey much quicker and more enjoyable for everyone else. Part of this was healing our human body of 3 diseases. They say your mess is your message and boy did I get to trip over my purpose. Part of that is I can channel source energy. I've helped many people guide their own consciousness to healing and our purpose will be to do that on some sort of larger, clown-ier scale. I'm not religious nor was I raised that way but I do now have a relationship with just about all the Gods. I believe in all of it and that whatever you believe you are right. That like Rumi said "beyond wrongdoing and right-doing is a field, that's where I party." I stay out in thtat field and invite you to come join me. This site is creating an outlet for me to let some of this stuff out, still figuring it out and tuning our unique frequent-say. Till then, enjoy the ride who knows what's gonna come out. If anything resonate please holler! So curious as this is new consciousness expression for us in a big way.
Andrea Lee Bolt Dec 2020
Get me out these spiral spaces
I know where my rightful place is
Center of the void is where my base is

the slip stream in-between
Everyday a daydream
When you walk yourself home
Andrea Lee Bolt Dec 2020
Hello Spirit,

I can’t find you again. Feels impossible to be holding your hand all the time, co-dependency equals blasphemy.

Does it count if it’s with me?

If you are me then I need you but I am you so really I need me.

It was always right there in front of me. You.

Holding your hand,
The Narcissit
Lots of avatars inside my mech suit powered by the light.. we have lots to grow still
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