There's that place in my heart
Where I know you reside
But I'll ignore that gnawing feeling
All because I mean nothing

From time to time, when my wayward mind strays
The memory of your beautiful eyes stays
Your haunting eyes eats away at my soul
God my heart resembles a black hole

One more day away from you
and all I wish is to curl up and die

She lost her heart inside his soul..in the words his mind composed...inside the myriad memories of this emerald eyes...that shone with a light she had never know...a longing she thought was hers alone...

She loved him more than life itself..
But feared that even the shadow of her
scared, wounded heart would cast
an evil that could not be dispelled.

The proof of her love was in her eyes..she loved him each moment...knowing well that even the sight of him killed her a thousand times over...
She wanted the best for him...even if it meant being without her.

His future, his dreams meant more to her than that ache deep down to see him behold her with a longing she saw in his eyes alone....none ever looked at her like that...ever
Lust was all she got....disgust if at all.

He made her feel beautiful, feel complete..seem ageless...almost magically as if his love alone could transform her demons into ashes....
He was all she ever wanted..hoped for..he was the answer to her aching heart!

She loved him like she would die every day just to be held in his transcendental embrace...

But then she ran away...frightened at the plethora of emotions that coursed through her hopeless body..afraid of her own shadow...afraid of what it meant...a reality she couldn't dream of..cudnt imagine..
worlds colliding.. hopes shattering...
she dare not love again...she dare not love again..she promised herself.."Not this time...not again"

The sun stole the daylight from her eyes
He blinded her to reality
Drove her to insanity

His brilliance was meant to protect
To heal to cure
To banish ills
To drive out demons that roamed the earth

The Sun in all his glory
Did that to her?

Blinded by his sheer magnificence
She stumbled in to darkness,
His was a light so bright
That it left her without sight

Is it so ? They mocked her!
Is it so, she asked herself
Can something that is meant to protect
Also take your life?
or drive you blind?

Who would believe her?
Who could she take her plea to?
They'd call her insane
And counter blame.

You are stupid! They'd say
To play with fire
To fly too close to the sun
Which fool did inspire?

So she went back into her cocoon
Her shelter, never to return, never to falter
She was scathed, her soul a cinder
Her heart a hole, her mind a blender.

He was late.  He rushed forward.  All he could see was a crowd of people standing near a lady.  Her sister he guessed.  Dark sunglasses adorned a cherubic face.  Her red nose was a clear give away, that she had been weeping.  They had closed the grave. He was late. He didn't get a chance to see her one last time.

How could it be possible?  She had met him a few months ago!  She looked fine. He received a message from her sister.  She was dead. It was her funeral.  He could hardly believe it. How did life change in a mere few months?

Her sister was speaking to a group of young women, her friends, he gathered.  They were speaking with her sister. He overheard them say "But she never told us! She called us and said we should go camping and planned the whole trip at such a short notice.  We had so much fun! But she never told us."  

Her sister replied, "She was informed 4 months ago, somewhere at the end of Jan, that she had a few months to live.  She had developed a lung complication and it had taken a turn for the worse. The medication had stopped working. She didn't want any more doctor visits and stuff. She refused to get treated. She decided then she would have fun and live the last few months of her life, memorably.  Surprise friends, meet people she never made time for before. Make happy memories.  She lived her last days simply wanting to be happy.  She met most of the people on her wish list. Except a few who were away."  

Hearing that, his heart sank.  He was one of those she paid a surprise visit to. He remembered that day. He had been avoiding her. He recalled the surprise visit to his house. He was home that day. It caught him off guard.  He was in a spot and didn't expect that she should drop in unannounced. How upset he was! He recalled those words.  Angry words, he had lashed out at her. Then he didn't hear anything from her afterwards. Now it sank in him.  She met him at the end of Jan.  She didn't have time.  Why didn't she tell him that?  She hardly said anything at all.   He was angry with her, again, even now.  Why? Why? Why?  He approached her sister and introduced himself.  "Hi! I am John".  At that his sister interrupted him, "Oh! I have a note for you", With that she took out an envelope from her pocket and handed it over to him.

He was dazed. His sister turned her attention away.  He held the envelope in his hands, shock, disbelief, he couldn't explain what engulfed him at that moment.  He had always, avoided her.  She was irritating, a pain, he thought. She had issues.  Unresolved issues.  He remembered the time, she whispered to him, that she was in love with him.  But he ignored her.  Pretended that he never heard it. She wasn't his type. He opened the note.  It read.  

"Dear John, By the time you receive this note, I will not be physically present in this world. I am sorry for dropping in unannounced at your place, that day. I am really sorry. I realized you were upset, but believe me upsetting you was the last thing I had in mind.  

You see, I had been having issues with breathing for quite some time.  My sickness made me depressed.  A lung infection I caught on, turned into a complication. I was hoping to get better.  I never thought, that it would be the end of me.  But when the doc told me I had a few months to live.  I was shocked.  I asked myself.  What is the only thing you would regret leaving behind. And then I saw your face. You my dear friend, are the 1st person I will regret leaving behind. Not having spent time with you. And not spending time with people who have loved me irrespective of my so called "issues", these are the ones I will regret leaving behind.

So I decided to let the end of my life, albeit a few months, be the happiest days of my life.  And for once let me control what I choose to do with my days, rather than living a schedule of must do things and tasks and priorities.  You see, we have a choice, yet we choose to focus on the priorities that don't add any value or meaning to our lives.  Day and months pass by in meaningless pursuits.  We miss the opportunity to love and share our love with others.

You were in no doubt that I loved you, but I respected your decision. I don't resent it. I chose to give freely and to grow every day by being richer in the experience of just giving for the sake of it. I stopped worrying about how my actions will be interpreted by people around me.  Seriously, they have no clue about my journey and what it has taken me to keep myself alive.  

Having decided this for myself, I've spent the best days of my life in the last few months.  I am truly, happy and satisfied.  The only regret I have is that I didn't get to create a happy memory with you that day.  I also understand completely the reasons you gave me. But it doesn't matter now, does it?  I cannot create any more memories from my grave.  

Love ya always "

He closed the note. Yes, he realized no more memories, no more sorry.  You can't create memories from the grave.

My heart is simple, my feelings true.
I had no intention of offending you.
Not to shock, neither to stalk,
I simply decided to walk.
My sixth sense warned me not to go
I thought I just say Hello
To silently be a part of your grief
No tears apparent that I could weep.
Words a few, comfort to give.
Basic understandings, that I knew.

My world came toppling at your accusations
That I failed to understand your basic assumptions.

Yes, I do regret, surprising you.
But the greater shock, was seeing you.
Deciding to circumvent, I landed into you.
Not expecting, not realizing,
No benefit of a doubt.

I am the one shocked, I need to take stock
If this is ur attitude, twice I've taken the blame
Suffered the shame and humiliation
Only in loves name

"I Love U" whispered the Moon  to the Sun. A forlorn look crept into her eyes. "I've always been in love with you", she whispered in a hoarse voice, choking on the oceans of love which welled up in her eyes.  A whisper barely audible and poignant.  She looked at the Sun, knowing fully well that she cud never stand in the brilliance of his love. Knowing that as the day separated the night their love could never unite. Yet she pined for him, with undying love.

She revolved around the earth, but her heart had only eyes for him. Of all the planets she had to fall in love with him.  A tiny spec, unnoticed in the galaxy.

Eclipses were short lived phenomena occurring few and far in between, rare and once in a year maybe.

But she waited for the day, when she would bask in his glory and be the cynosure of his eyes alone. She waited patience personified, knowing it was sheer madness to love the Sun.  Dazzling, hot and magnificent that he was, the universe revolved around him. He didn't even know she existed. Except for that one special day, when his eyes would notice her momentarily.

So she dressed up as pretty as she cud hoping his wayward heart would see, that it was her love which adorned her.  Just the thought of seeing him upfront would bring a twinkle in her eyes.

She waited with baited breath for that fleeting moment, shorter than a quarter of a hour. A quarter of an hour in the 8760 hours he spent outside of her world. While she waited, hopelessly endlessly, pining for the his love.

Then mockingly he came to her at last. At that designated time, teasing her about how naive she was. "Show me" she blurted with baited breath, her heart racing the universe in those fleeting moments. So he gathered her in his huge embrace and pressed his wild heart close to her breast. And in that embrace the earth was eclipsed in their union.

She could feel his wild heart through the layers of the physical distance which still separated them and she closed her eyes to his scent, the scent of the universe, that brought waves of nostalgia. She longed for more, and hugged him back. Aching to tell him how much she loved him and wanted this moment to last.  She wondered what it would be like to taste him.  She wanted his brilliance to permeate every fiber of her being.  But, she realized she was playing with the Sun.  His fire would consume her, if she flew too close to him.

He seemed unruffled, as she quivered at his touch, his scent, so full of him and so dizzy with that euphoria. Did time stop? Would the universe allow a few seconds of oblivion?

But then the world was in an eclipse. He had to leave.  So softly he whispered in her ear, "I have to leave". Reluctantly she let go, feeling the extricated from the universe, as if separating from him, meant death, fearing that perhaps this may be the last time she would see Him.

For as the world waited with expectation for an eclipse to occur and counted days when their union would be so spectacular, it also longed for normalcy.  Something wasn't right when the Moon embraced the Sun. A tiny creature smaller than the earth, she shouldn't dare hold him, they said.

She for once knew what it was to keep wandering in eternity, with so much love held in her ***** with the only hope that an eclipse would occur some day and that her yearning for the Sun would never ever fade or dwindle, in this lifetime or the next. A tsunami of a sob escaped her lips, oceans in turmoil. The door had closed on her universe, she was in a darkness. She could feel his warmth even then, but it began to grow cold. A panic started to form as she struggled to retain control.

He however, was far away unknown to her misery.  He on the other hand, belonged to the universe, no one could hold him back. Self-made, disciplined, his was a journey few would understand.

She did, she perfectly did understand. Only, she didn't expect anything from him, except few words of reciprocation. Few words, that he loved her just the same way, that she meant something to him. That his heart beat the same way for her.  She also knew that this experience meant nothing to the Sun, he would move on as he always did. He had a status to keep and the universe was watching.

But alas, he was The Sun, would he tell a tiny insignificant creature like her anything at all?

The Sun left her abode, he shrugged off the experience, and got back on his journey. While far away those watching the Sun, began to notice that a few spots had appeared on the Sun.  A memory of where he had embraced the Moon, had left a black hole on his heart.

Dedicated to the one and only man my heart loves

He broke his silence for her
He broke the rules he never should
Said what he felt like he did
He engaged with a fence sitter
Not knowing he was throwing
his heart under her feet

His eyes were blazing
His soul searing
His risk was great
His reputation at stake

Did he love her?
Should he say that he did?
Would she respond
Would she understand?

Oh she did understand!
Oh she did want it just they same!
Only her freedom was not hers to claim!

She loved him the only way she could
His happiness his dreams where precious to her
She was the distraction he could not afford
No one was going to be happy with this arrangement she understood

Sometimes it is so easy to loose yourself
in the moment and forget about the rest
But then the moment comes back to haunt
It should never have been!
Those words spoken those feelings rent
The soul laid bare and naked, exposed

Then she ran away, as fast as she could
For she saw in him her reality
A mirror of herself
He loved her as she loved him
What next, what next?

Will he forgive her
Why should he?
Why should he?
She broke his rules.

Mesmerizing eyes anchor me to your soul
I loose myself in those translucent depths
I wonder if your lips were made for me
I wonder if your heart beats for me

When gently on your chest I lay my hand
I hear your heartbeat restrained
Thumping loudly, visibly tensed
Sensing if I'll ever guess

Strangers to unbeknown eyes
Your gaze I've held
How I would want to pretend
But you've deeply affected my rest

Words form freely, in the minds unrest
Silence seals my lips before my story unfolds
Scarcely breathing, surviving, the truth untold
Stranger I am to my own world

I don't want to be a stranger to this feeling
I don't want to be just a keeling
Never want to let you go, hold you to myself.
Bury myself in the depth of your vortex

You'll never understand
The reason of my restraint
Undelivered words and messages unsent
Hiding visibly in broad daylight
When your sweet voice I want to hear daily

The antithesis of my story is laughable
The dissonance of my utterances and intent
Perplexed and fraught between
To be or not to be
My struggle, my dichotomy
Paradoxical my situation
Fake my appearances seem
Inside I am dying my love
Dying for a simple truth from you!

A futile battle enmeshed
Overpowering emotions struggle to stay afloat
Heaving a deep breath I sink in
Isolated in my despair
Sliced through bone and marrow
Pain wrenches my soul, vice in its hold

A fragrance wafts in
Electrifying my soul
Reverberating memories explode
Bursting to surface
Tender moments, the story of a heaped up soul

In every cell of my being I feel you
Emanating exuding your deep truth
Your touch like butterflies
Transcendental your love
Rewinding reel by reel
The story of an unsaid love

I see you close, though I bear you not
My heart lost inside your soul
Irreplaceable the magic
Weaved by those deep emerald embers
Wants each moment to unfold

I ease back and surrender once again
To the assurance of this bliss
Entrenched deeply in this moment
Serenity shrouds a warm blanket
Intense emotions lay calm, spent
My soul in glorious serenity elevates
You are undeniably a part of me
My paragon, my serenity
Issue forth bright light, vibrant colors
Adorn the deep dark night sky
Your love a painting a million hues
Panoramic and divine.

I LOVE YOU....

If this title attracted your attention
As it surely should
The devil is real my friend
Rest assured it's true.

Folks I am not fibbing
The master of lies has a great disguise.
Like the Saviour he is watching you too.
But unlike the Master, your fears are his haven.
He's lying in quiet wait to trip you.

If you think I am fibbing, let me explain.
His existence is in the mind of the aimless.
He makes his home in the hopeless.
The young ones he infects with discontent
His hatred he sows deep.
This till the children of God become his sheep.

Then beguiling he'll lead them to slaughter.
Broken hearts, bitterness to plunder.
The emptiness a yawning gap.
You can't save yourself,
He'll push you to give up.
Then he'll put words of despair in the mouths of loved ones.
Break your resolve if you so much as dare.
He'll thrive on wickedness, and turn your love into despair.
All around you, you'll see hopelessness.
This minions perfecting the part.
Only the Son of God (Jesus), can break this act.

When you feel love tugging at your heart
And reach out to those hurting.
When u bury the hatchet
And choose forgiveness.
When you rise above the pettiness
Your pride destroyed
When you see in persons God's image
Trust me, you've the fetters blown away

Oh, he won't let you go easily
Your too much a prized possession
The one he'll ensnare,
The one he'll dangle, before His throne
Then the Son of God, His Christ, his body tearing, will offer himself in exchange
A bargain with his blood
Before your life can drain.

Look out Oh children of One God
The devil knows no religion
He exists it's true
Simply look around you.
The wars and guns are his legacy
Products of his insanity.
The mindless massacre of innocents
Unleashed through times immemorial
****** earth covered cries for vengeance.

Mind you, you can only be so much as used.
As you allow yourself to be.
The traps are set in every corner
It's not going to be easy.

Often you'll be goaded by those closest to you.
Offering you solace in things that should not be.
Drugs and gangs
Violence and rave
Ecstasy and addiction
Cool fads and attractions
Wanting things you'd
be better off

But it doesn't stop there
Fear is a potent weapon
He'll use it everywhere.
He'll bombard you from every corner
Till you doubt your sanity
Then willingly you'll walk into his parlour
Handing over your serenity

You'll never know what's evil.
Cause he make you believe he doesn't exist.
But my friend all long
You were flirting with the devil..

Love me for who I am
Love me for who I can be
Love me for what your 
love can make me.

Love me not for who I was
For the past is gone
Regaled to the memories of yesterday.

But love me for tomorrow
The promise of which is your love.
For love alone can make me
Elevate me with your loving

Rain on me, dry as a bone
Starved of comfort
Eyes set on the road ahead
Fading soul calls out
Any hope is a straw to hang on to
For the hopeless a mirage
To survive and sustain
Long before the shadows dim

Parched soul, fill the ache
Return with your love
Magnificent and transcendent
The desert blooms
An oasis in the midst of misery

Life is what you make of it
And I want to make mine scenic
Paint the hues of love
Amethyst and Amber
Garnet and topaz
Like the rising dawn
The beauty of which brings hope
On the horizon of my yearning soul.

It's so surprising
I love you so much
But will never let you know.

When times are tough and things go blue.
Think of others worrying too
Just because your problems are many don't think others haven't any**

I remember these lines when I was a child.
Never understood the meaning behind others smiles.
I'd complain and grumble to all and sundry
How life's burdens made me weary
Till I paused for a while to take the time to realise.
The problems I encounter are mine alone
People's cups are overflowing
Why make a bone
Everyone's so wrapped up in their strife
Life's so deary, faded are the smiles
To each one his own, the selfish style
The world's gone crazy toppled lives.

Till one day I heard the wise words once again.
Evil has a way to storm you
Till your endurance breaks
Sunk in despair and in pain
The light will slowly begin to fade

You'll long for someone to rescue you
But help is not any where in sight
People are so wrapped up in their strife
It takes a mighty move to turn the tide.

So I'll make a start with me.
Maybe some day somebody will follow
Right now it is hard to see.
I'll give myself a reason to smile
Those wise words will remind
To bury my pain behind my smiles
To reach out to those in pain
An insight in their world to gain

Having said that, things will never be easy
Evil will always try to place hurdles
To make my path greasy
Armed with my Saviour's Love
I shall remember
IT ALL STARTS WITH ME.

HAVE WONDERFUL DAY

I shall seal my lips
Never open to utter
For I wonder
What is better
to speak your heart out
and be construed a fool
or to store it in
and be considered a sage

The beauty of truth is that one day, it shall reveal itself.  
Try as you may want to hide it.
Lies never got you anywhere.

It is understandable to lie to protect yourself
But it is terrible to influence others with your lies
The lives you've ruined, cause your understanding was skewed

But, as I said, the truth shall reveal itself
That day shall decide, whose side you are on
So you better hide, lies make a poor sheath.

There is a new world out there
For people like u and me
A world where we won't be measured by fickle standards u see

A world where "love" means
Embracing the person whole heartedly
Where different abilities and minds
Melt and mould and become one

Where caring takes a new dimension
Where hope is forever new
Where the sun shines brightly each day
And brings promises anew

Where fighting the world does not drain you out
And you can say what u feel without wondering how u'll be judged

Where u can be childlike in your innocence
And maintain the purity of your emotions.
Where u don't need to twist yourself to fit someone's frame.

And where u can worship the Lord again
Where u can stand tall and proclaim
His love for all to see
And you know you'll be backed by HIM

Where u can trust ur fellow men blindly
Cause the one who sees
Knows your heart and feels
The truth of your words
Where externals fade before his gaze
Where liars need to fear his face.

Such a world beckons
So I say
Do not give up your loving
Do not give up on your friend
Do not try to fit in someone else's mind
Be yourself, your purest self
For that's what u were deigned to be
For If that's not what the Lord intended
Then his saving grace you'll see

If only we could understand ourselves, the world around would make much  sense.
It all begins with me.

GOD sees us without our defences
He sees us without our pretences
He sees us without our sins
He sees us for who we truly are

And

HE LOVES WHAT HE SEES...the real YOU!

**Isn't it beautiful :)

I once knew a guy
Who had a strange reply
If I would talk about a certain friend
He would say "oh you referring to that black guy."
And if I said about another
The color descriptions came out further
So I decided to teach him a lesson
A few things about color.

I invited him to dinner 
With friends from different races
And when asked to be introduced
I began this way.

I am pink, my friend here is white
She's yellow, he's red, over there are brown and black.
Now with the introductions done, could tell me which color are you?

All I got a was jaw dropping colorless face staring back at me.

Better my simple emotions in prose
May invite some perked up nose
Better my writes may not be liked
Than for me to plagiarize

Your beauty enamours me he said
Those green eyes glinting
With a light so deep
I'll drown in the pool of your eyes
A stream of elixir daily it serves
Your lips so soft I want to feel
I want to drink of your love so deep
Make you mine forever to keep

What happened now to that desire?
What happened now to the elixir?

The pools now a void 
The streams run dry.
Incessant your words 
dried up the source.

Sometimes I want to shut that drumming sound in my head
The pounding of bothering with everyone's problems
How easy it is to project your torment on others
But how difficult to hide it within and persevere

Like a loose cannon it shoots from your lips
Not concerned where it lands
In someone's bed or someone's hand
It blasts in their face and leave them anxious
Your worries have left your cushion
They've have now bedded in my mind's prison

I feel so ***** and robbed of my peace
Your problems you've cast on to me

Though I'd like to help
I've realized now it's getting a bit
It's become a habit for you
To send crytic clues in your worries
And wringing your hands in desperation

So for now I'll pretend my cup's full too
My mind's occupied and I need my space
I can't jump in for your every whim
Give my life to run around your din.

Then you'll get angry for not helping you
You label me as terrible and bad mouth me
But seriously I care a flying rat's ***
Your problems are your making
Your mind is a cesspool of worries
It's never going to end
Till on your internal reserves you learn to depend

You know nothing about me
All those years between us
Wasted time in memory

You know nothing about
Because you cared a flying rats ***
Your needs were always priority

You know nothing about me
Cause it was always about you
And how things never were your way
You'd fight and say.

You know nothing about me
Because I hid my dreams my deepest desire
Fearing you'll breathe fire

You know nothing about me
Cause in your eyes I was stupid
And you were stuck in this relationship.

So now I'll untie me and set you free
Your free to go your way
At least there'll be harmony

I am now free to follow my heart
Revel in my inner fire
Chase my dreams and desires
My gifts I sacrificed at your selfish altar
I've taken my life back from your grip
How I wish I could reclaim my heart too.

I met a teeny bop
When I looked at him
his eyes went plop.
I am in love with you  he said
Haha I laughed "that's so sweet"
I ruffled his hair.
No I mean it he said.
I paused and smiled
Seriously, how old r you?

I am just a lad to you maybe
But your love will change me
I want to shower on u my love
Be a man for you no other can.

I froze, I have nothing to give, I said
I am running on empty.
I shied.
He pleaded, you only need but  try
Just once, open your heart to mine.

Then he took my love 
And fled.....

The Anger within me is boiling
The situation seems out of control
The fight or flight responses
Is as primal as it can be.
The amygdala, kicks in
And takes over for me.

But why blame it on primal
Cause religion teaches another
Created by the Father
Born of free will are we.
The choice of being noble
Or primal is in my capacity

So I decide to test my confusion
And see who lives inside of me
A person of free will or 
A carnal nature of me.

So when I encounter situations
Which would otherwise anger me
I'd like to bellow in rage
I'd like to make believe
Here my animal is taking over
I can feel his grip over me
The struggle within me is stronger
The ground I'm loosing steadily

I laugh! Where are you free will?
See whose got me now in his grip
And then in the flash of the moment
I see the irony!

Suddenly as if the scene's changed
The reactor becomes the actor
Letting go of a long sigh
The drama comes to a halt.
For in that moment, free will kicked in
My freedom I realized

Yes we are carnal beings
And it's not surprising
Because animals behave just as we
But we are armed with an arsenal
To be infinitesimally good
To be heavenly

If only we listen to our inner wealth
Telling us to above all rise
When we give vent to our free will.
It's that moment to decide.

Anger is worst of the lot of monsters
But alone he's usually not.
He has a lot of companions
His minions are all about.

This matter is not simple
Don't get bogged down in psychiatry
Practice makes one perfect
Tackle your fears and threats
Handle each one steadily
Before long you'll know the signs
Arm yourself with humility
His minions will try wreak havoc
And wound your ability

So stop the amygdala from taking over
Ask yourself is it worth?
What is the worse that could happen
if things didn't go your way.
The answer will be astonishing
When you've discovered your treasure
You'll find the demon's flown
What a relief it will be
You'll feel blessed abundantly

Don't make me laugh
Your not in love with me
Let me tell you why
It's just your fantasy

Cause this is not love
You surely are mistaken
You've never felt love 
or anything close to it
Cause you never had 
love to under stand
You were too busy with pleasing
Standing up to expectations
Trying to fit a larger than life figure
Chasing dreams that were impossible
You drove yourself harder 
Hoping that somehow you'd make up for the affection you did not receive.
Your running on empty 
And empty is all you can give.

Love is not keeping yourself bottled
And taking flight for the smallest threat.
To your grandiosity.
Love is not sending cryptic clues
Trying to gauge responses
Love is not in hiding
But in making itself felt
Love's presence is silent
Yet the warmth radiates.

So I have nothing to expect from you.
Your tethering is not astonishing
I can understand the see-saw you feel inside.
An emotional wave you fear to ride.

So it's best we let bygones be what they are meant to be.
Don't start the process all over.
Try not to kindle the spark
Cause the fires have blown over.
I've healed myself, of the emptiness you've left behind.
I am not turning back this time.
My resolve is deep,  my mind made up.
I have promises made to myself.
To live a full life and always be content.

So, heads up I walk into my future
Closing the door of my past.
Letting go of the riddle of a relationship
And leaving the hurt behind.
You are now a closed chapter.
The book I could not complete.

Things aren't going right again today
I wish I could close my eyes and pretend
That's everything would be fine soon

But then again, I need to tackle this mess
It threatens to over power me and gain
Do you know that creepy feeling, like all is lost?
Like you can feel dejected and simply sigh!
Or scream your agony out!

Some how that should help,
make things controllable
But it doesn't do a dime!

So I pause and gather my thoughts,
Penning my frustration,
at odds that fly in my path
Some how I attract the worst
I feel like that all the time

Then I close my eyes and think!
No there is worse!
I am not there!
With the worst
I am here with the blest.

I have roof over my head
Clothes to wear
A job that pays
Food on the table and
loved ones to care.

This mess is the selfishness pouring
Out of hearts that have forgotten gratefulness
In its place grows restlessness
To seek and infect and thrive on sadness
Till it devours and make its conquest.

Oh Lord, my frustration is overpowering
If you don't do something soon I'll trip
That's not what I'd want cause I'll feel like a wreck
So I turn my gaze to you and reflect
Ask myself, what did you learn today
Did you get buried in your problems
Or did you look up and pray.

You see, the GREAT TEACHER, is watching
Life's little lessons he sends our way
Chapters on human psychology
Management of Time and Stress
His methods are tough
Not meant for the weak
Only the strong, can pass His test.

He never mean't it to be easy
Cause your are just not anybody
But His special treasure
Which He would like to gather
Richer and purer, after a struggle that's worthy
Of His Kingdom so glorious.
Which I await with a sadness, the longer I tarry!

With this experience firmly noted in my life's book
I shall mark it with gladness, for when again history repeats itself
I shall remember to read this lessons with gratefulness
The GIFT of words He gave, so that I can share.
When again frustration raises it ugly head
Armed with HIS words I'll fight my best.

Don't break my heart and walk away
Then come back and expect me to welcome you back

Don't think that my heart is your stool (seat)
You can sit on and relax and watch me make a fool (of myself)

You may have run out of your supply and need a naive like me
But don't expect that fools will not grow wise one day
Your behavior's so predictable,  stone blinds shall stare

There is no Elixir for the wounds you inflict
Even if there was
You would have dried up its source long ago

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When depression raises it ugly head
Often its simple cause lies in
The second hand treatment meted
by someone you care.

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Find pleasures in small things in life
In activities that satisfy you
You don't have to be a know it all!

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Sometime you forge ahead saying every thing will be fine
Then you look back for support
And there's none.

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Do what you wanna do, who cares actually.

--------------------------------------------------------------
­
It is the pain of this mad ache
Which dulls my senses
Highly inebriated, going back for more.*

---------------------------------------------------------­-----

Wicked wicked wicked my mind
That feels so unkind
Unkind my thoughts
That damage my heart
Damaged my heart that burns my tongue
Burned my tongue that lashes out
More enemies than friends have made I

How trapped I feel inside
The walls and bonds of your presumption
How evil this mind that sways between hate and devotion

How terrible this burden I must bear
Cast on my shoulder
For a fault not mine
Delving deep on those wounds
Which cruel men with their lust inflicted
Broken the tender bow of my spirit
Set me off on a course of anger
Hatred buried so deep beneath
Seething waiting to explode

But what explodes is not me
It’s the anger and the wrong
That should not have been

Where were u when I was abused?
Where were u when as a doormat I was used?
What is it that now can be done?
To right a wrong
To right a spirit that stands forlorn.

Damaged beyond words am I
Damaged in my thinking
Damaged emotions course through my veins
Burning, scalding, bearing pain.

See that wound, that moment, that started it all
You can see for your eyes behold all.
Robbed of innocence
Trapped in blackmail
Jilted love just for gains

No one saw that person beneath
No one saw that  crushed soul
No one saw that  waif of a girl
Longing, hoping for true love’s gold
Running in directions for a sweet word
Madly following dust for pearls

You saw, u were there
You are here now
To you nothing is hidden
All externals are just veils
Your eyes can rend them all
Your word can heal it all

How hardened am I
Wickedness seeped in every act.
I don’t wanna be like that
I don’t wanna be hated
I don’t want nothing
I want to be free
From this madness overtaking me

Stretch out your hand and calm my soul
Hold my trembling heart in your fold
Show me how things can be right
Only the one who has made me has that sight…

Today is tough
Really tough
I don't think I'll make it
But do u care Jesus.
Do u really care for me.
From the depths of my despair
I call out to Holy God.
Show yourself Lord.
I am hurting so much.
I want this to end.
Forgive me Lord.
Or i'd like to die.

Please take me away
or show me the way.

Please.

Your hold over language is excellent

Your choice of words so perfect

No more no less

Always seem to have the right words to say,

whatever you  wish to convey

But somehow when it comes to me

Words in your repertoire

Get get dysfunctional

Sigh!

What if we had a skin like that of chameleons?*
But instead of mirroring our surroundings
It would reflect our innermost state.

P.S : I wonder what'd look like for those whose feel empty inside.

She stands tall and slender like poetry
Her eyes hard as steel 
Her face a mask of sovereignty 
She's seen it all in her industry 

Outwardly she appears calm
Don't be fooled by her charms 
Her mannerisms are her keeping
Don't overstep your line. 

She's fought a hard battle 
Laid claim to the highest throne
She's driven out the competition 
But now she stands alone

At what cost comes success
The sacrifice of sanctity 
The loss of integrity 
A woman fighting in a man's world
Play by the rules or risk your dignity

The fall from grace will be so steep
One she'd rather not see coming
So she dances while she can
Her ballerinas grace has u enchanted 

When the time for the show is over
When the curtains r drawn and the lights are dimmer
She takes off her mask and weep miserably 
She has only loneliness
To keep her company

Why am I sad?
Why am I bad?
Why does depression
bite off my head

Every ponder to wonder
Some days are bright
Some days are dark
If its not cyclic and then
tell me what I lack.

I want to stop my enemy
Dead in his tracks
A foe so deadly
I could have lost my life
Why should I give up
On his altar of shame
Why am I victim of his
depressing game

So I thought I'd dig deeper
Play my enemy at his game
Get the tactical advantage
While the sun still shines
For sooner will it it set
Then he's made my mind.

When he's inside my head
I can't think
A simple, fun loving person
Runs to the shrink.
So get going when he's far off
I got the advantage now to stop.

So I got down to doing what I do best
Looking for information on the internet
From all what I've gathered
I thought I'd share
Friends it's not so easy, the world is bare!

It began with ruthless lifestyles
The throwing away of values
The desecration of sacraments held so pure
Families in ruin, children in shambles
Sensitive young minds, had no supply
But to seek out love or run on empty

You see I've dug and found gold
But it's not a gold I'd like to behold
For in it I see a mirror of the world's ills
Fallen on young and innocent wills

I'd could go on and it'd never be over
But the crux of the matter is what needs to be told
My friend, the world's running on empty
Each one needs to find his/her worth
But there's nothing left in society
That'll made you feel worthy

This vicious cycle needs to be broken
The Master of lies, is seeking his victims deep
His hatred planted in broken minds
His sword has struck steep.
His rage bellowing, that know no bounds
Cut and destroy before his victim can flound

It runs from generations to generations
And is labelled hereditary
But friends, hatred beget hatred
There's no rocket science in it to detect
The genius liar, spurious angel of light
Knows, what it takes to make men fall.

If ever by chance, his victims learn to love or forgive
His vicious cycle will be broken and the cage set free
Then all his victims with love will see.
That the world is beautiful,
when each one loves thee.

Give away of yourself free,
learn to heal and forgive
And change your destiny.
Stop the growelling on empty,
pick up the mantle of care
Adorn it your best and accept your test

Say to yourself, what's happened is in the past.
I forgive and choose to live,
cause I cannot change what's lost.
Stop the hurting and make your peace.
Stop the enemy in his tracks.
He's never given you worth
All his tricks and ploy,
All the lies and games
will only succeed in bring you shame.
Look not for worth in un-fulfilling things
The empty promises are not his to keep.
Look inside your heart where the well of love overflows
Open it wider, let it glow and grow.
So full and majestic and reaching high
Till it sweeps us all in it's tide.

So the lesson is out there for you and me
*Love one another and I've Loved you..

Is God around us
Is he external
Can he feel for me when he is outside of me?
That answers it.
No He is not around us?
No He is not an outsider
He is within us.
Deep inside us
One with us.

Because when we close our eyes
And shut out the world
When we shut out the din
And hear that inner voice
It is HIM
It is home coming.

My heart is weary, the light I cannot see
My suffering seems so hard to bear
My emptiness yawning stretching in front of me
Feels like this is forever's destiny

I don't want to be resigned to this fate
For I know of brighter days
Days of laughter, days of cheer
Days when my fears were never near

Hidden behind a dark boundary
There dared not approach me
Cause my moment was happy and blithe
And I never thought depression would have me in sight

But you see at the least worry
Dark clouds gathered and made me scurry
Hiding behind my closed door
I made sure none would enter

And so I hid, behind my excuse
And when I turned there was none but me
My emptiness a yawning road
All stretched out like a barren field

Gone were my friends
Gone were those days
When laughter and joy filled my ways
I could not muster the courage to call
Death was knocking at my door
I thought I could stand tall

But before long,
I was crushed below
The weight of my adversary unknown
Drowning out in this sojourn
Grappling with sanity

Is this me, could it be?
Cause yesterday I was happy and free
Today I am waiting for that moment
When the doors will open again
And the light streams steadily
Cause in this darkness my doors are closed
The door **** the mind eyes cannot *****.

Be careful whom you trust
Be careful who hears your words
Be careful to whom you confide
Often enough these are people who hide

Their masks are bright and painted
The claws dipping in blood and tainted
They feed on your every word
What you confide is like gold

Unbeknownst to you, they lie in quiet wait
Waiting and watching when you'll trip over your fate
Then gleefully will issue that malicious smile
I've got you trapped now, where will you fly.

From the heart of a wounded, I write to you
Friend, fear the one who says he's true
Test and try every one you meet
Open not your hearts door to everyone you greet!

We are our own darkness and we can be our own light.
We are our own prison and we can be our own freedom.
We are our own suffering and can be our own happiness.

It's all in the mind,
A fragile line between being bound and choosing to let go!

What's holds you down is not people or rules
What's holds you down is your own fetters
When you choose to stay and not break away

Who makes the rules that makes you stay
Who binds you in discipline in the name of the law
Who enforces them and pretends not to care
Those who make these rules themselves will not obey?

So I say to you, the only rule you need to follow
Is the one engraved on your heart
That is only one rule and that you must obey
For the Son of Man sealed it and its still stands true
Love one and another as I have you.