I bottled my guilt and shelved it for another day

I awake to the words before me
like a stale omen.
I sit till my hands numb, my thoughts dry
and eyes blurred.
Is this what has come of the day?
A zig-zag stitch,
an endless mantra of words that I give birth.
Line after line of black upon white,
of emotion upon meaning,
that I rearrange from grieving.

Hello there pages of my work...
the hours of sleep lost.
The minutes of life lost to give you birth.
The stress runs deep upon my brow.
The furrowed **** deep down.
Bury me upon your pages,
cut my wrist with your wisest words.
Let my blood leak
into pools of your work.
Let my heart pour upon the white snow.
All these hours,
page,
and words
I must let go.
For now I have another chance,
another go...

Some people
They take life seriously
Experience only once
Not afraid to feel everything
Never frayed or afraid
To them
Tomorrow is just the end of another
Day?
Tomorrow is just the end of another
Day?
I remember it wasn't so long ago
I was afraid
Desperately yearning for everything
I gave
It’s been five years now
I could give it up any
Day?
I could give it up any
Day?
But I guess I take life seriously
Never tried anything
But once
I think I've felt everything
This
This is kind of a different
Day
Just an end to another
Day?
Some people take life seriously
Teetering off the edge
You only live once is what they'll say
Never admitting
A fear
Tomorrow
Is just the end of another
Day?
But I kind of feel different today
Today
I learned no matter
What I say
I'm a fool to ask forgiveness
From someone who has already left
At least figuratively
I miss those
Days
I miss those
Days
When we were so young
All we did was play
But now we're all gone
At least figuratively
You can't ask forgiveness from
One
One who has left yesterday
I guess I could give up any
Day?
I guess I could give up any
Day?
And go to some place
Some place that feels like a family
A home that feels like
Family
Maybe
Just the end of another
Day?
Just the end of another
Day?
Or we could realize
The years that lead to time
Maybe could unwind the mistrust
After all the
Lies
The lies that time leaves behind
The lies of who we are
Maybe some believe all these
Lies and time
Are better off
Sticking to whiskey, gin and wine
Maybe to them
It's just the end of another
Day?
The past has already gone away
I could give up any
Day?
Tomorrow is the end of another day
And I know I just can't
Stay

I am in levels. Past levels. This deep, intrinsic wonderful lost, the lawlessness of its fascinating expenditure of excite. Pushing through the wild and feral snow-dusted plains and timber ridges. Like red-spotted dots breathing through the cylinders called the spine. This descends into a narrow channel of scantly clad greenish scenery in a time-soaked visionary wilderness of snow,
Our crab legs dancing down wiry purple highways, our heads could not even look backwards if we had wanted.

Furious, love-latitudes, stalking breaths thwacking fork-ended tongues into a pinkish knot buried into the first layer of organic membrane on this railway of miniature canals, showing. And their pride snuck into the elbows, shooting down each vertebrae as it stepped with great precision every ledge that the currency emphasized. The raw accumulation of stolen heart-beats rattling between the interstices of new fuel careering these red engines. Crashing with exquisite pleasure into one another.

walk into the tobacco shop,
the bell rings, letting everybody
know you're here to buy a cigar
that will soothe your pain
and eventually make it disappear,
until it comes back and
you'll reach out for
another, and another,
until your pack is empty,
and you'll go to
the same shop to buy
another one.
*it's a cycle that never
ends, and i hope it never will.

you're the perfect beat in the song
together, you're knotted with a perfect memory
you're a could have, should have,
you're a wish and a dream
and to trace my fingertips across your skin
feels like heaven and bliss running through me
head to toe, and sometimes at a breaking point
but I'm not even sure if my words mean anything
because we can spend all night, all day, all year
talking. laughing. fighting.
we can spend forever in ecstasy, thinking it'll never end
I will still have my doubts
because you're a couldn't have, shouldn't have
just a wish and another goodbye

it's agonizing to know
that the remains of
the touch from
your delicate hands
that were
on my body

(and my soul)

will now be
placed everywhere
onto another
girl