please just let these wounds bleed/ razor blades across my brain/ razor blades across my brain/ over and over again/ counterfeit feelings and choked out dreams/ all im asking is you let me bleed/ let me breathe/ scream for air in a silent scare/ razor blades across my brain/ razor blades across my brain/ tired eyes and a poured out heart/ stop living and just survive after ive died/ nonsense is my language of choice/ a voice alone in the dark corner of my/ razor blades across my brain/ razor blades across my brain/
sullen white-witch, white tiger-striped underbelly, 5-3 eyes spitting hot chiding ectoplasm with saber-tooth gaping pessimistic dross in fear-thinking ear lobes mercilessly and the inescapable 8 inch slit in between 5 pound bags of translucent fat. kneeling down in the soot of ruination with hands tied in the gypsum torso the heart carved out like purple pumpkins, the ****** hair cinched by the fire of India and the head twisted and pulled off like a chicken by a Mexican rancher, scratching in the unchanging dust and running aimlessly in all directions with no ventilation amongst these strong cement walls. the druids of dry spirits coaxing out the dejection of the toothpaste epitome, encapsulated and ******, with emotional charged derangement on inner tubes down the burning rivers of the gullet strait, only to regurgitate barges of empathy upward through the injured pharynx and cutting waves of melancholic indiscretion to seep through porous skin and roll off the bitten tongue like a silver pinball of pointless blubbering to any pair of snapdragon ears that were willing to listen but as the burning tears roll down the succulent cheeks like broken thermometers of poetry, spittle hung from lip and chin onto the circling senseless pulpit and the obsidian curtains of clarity parted east and west like Moses untangling Roman corkscrew ******, the candlefat burned brightly in throbbing pink, the unappetizing laundry room pizza tasted like hot needles of preeminence and the x-rayed skeletal lifeforce fornicated in rustbrown apathy while the stars shot across the blue nights like birds of fire in our desecrated minds.
I have this silly game that I play Where I test to see just how long I can keep everything in. Problems are thrown my way like dice That always come up snake eyes While I pretend they're smiling seven.
It’s just like roulette, Only there are no blanks, The rounds are fired blindly, And I wait to see when they will lodge themselves in my throat.
The odds aren’t fair. I continue smiling as my body is used for target practice, Pretending not to feel a thing Until one day I can no longer contain this pool of blood. My fingers claw at it, trying to drag it back, But it’s no use. I am exposed. Either I will smile through red-tinted teeth And laugh it off like a nasty paper cut, Or the reservoir will break and take us down with it.
I am afraid. Every shot sends anxiety through my bones. Bang. I’ve only been pretending to like it because you do. Bang. I have so many questions I will never ask, because I’m scared that this isn’t real for you. Bang. I trust you – love you, maybe – but my past is lingering like ghosts in a cemetery. Bang. Why can’t I stop second guessing? Bang. Why can't I tell you? Bang. Do I want this because you want this? Bang. How do I… Bang. Where do I… Bang. Begin.
What I have bottled up inside are words I've chosen not to say. The feelings I hide till this very day. You can see it in my eyes. Please find a way to read between the lines. What I have bottled up inside are secrets and lies of the past I can't erase. With memories that won't seem to go away. Why can't I be happy, with or without you. Why can't I be happier, when today's a new day.