Lonely Lullabies
                 Lull Lost Adults
                                 Loosely into Lockdown
                                                     As they drown in
                                                                          Sleepless Slumber

Someone told me you're still pretty
you still wear your 20's in your 30's
bite your nails when angsty
and stutter when jittery

Someone told me you still fly
making the earth your sky
falling out of being shy
into living a different reality

Someone told me you still cry
when you're feeling, everything really...
turning your cheeks red with salty tears
chafing childhood from baby cheeks

Someone told me you...still...

I slipped and fell from reality
Going down, I saw the silhouette
of myself waving back from the cliff of reality
getting smaller and smaller

My fall carved the air
with a bundle of chaos
dense with fear
and weightlessness at the same time

I am lost
between letting go and wanting to go
everybody goes at some point anyway  
between waving goodbye to what's better
and saying hello to what's bad
between loving to love, and loving being loved
or both,
I am lost between loneliness and aloneness
between confidence and bitchiness
between opening my heart and keeping it
and giving it to you, naked, want it?
between sobriety, and faking it
I am scared of changing and I am attracted to change
of walking away, when walking is my favorite hobby
I fear losing something, when there was nothing to begin with
I am addicted to turmoil, I lather my skin with recklessness
I inject my veins with the soothe intoxicating taste
instability
I question my lust for instability for chaos
for heartbreak and heart-mend
for unreciprocated love, for ... everything that doesn't make sense
I question my fabrication of a future, before I even say hi.

I am confidence wrapped in anxiety, that wears me like a gala dress
hugging my curves, with self-doubt
I am fake, a hypnotized being, programmed to smile
to blend, to speak less, to love less, love like that,
to compare, to compete
I am tired

Her.

“Good Morning gorgeous”
echoes down the hall
her voice altered
into a decibel
that she created
a clear tone only meant
to the one who knows

I have looked at her for 27 years
and counting, I witnessed growth
naturally aligned with her stars
never gone astray
with a mind for a compass
a heart to balance and a body to embrace
those who need

Her strength bewitched me
from mishaps to miracles
her legs never failed her
from tree climbing to moving houses
from cartwheels to driving in foggy weather
Her courage moved me
from enduring unfairness
to teaching about fairness
her rationale calmed me
and it was when she carried her baby
that I felt mother nature adopt her into motherhood
blessing her with power unknown to man
with endurance with love, with intensified
fountains of love, waterfalling everyday
every night into her baby’s heart
filling her with a glow only she knows how to grow

I saw her in a different light
with her own world between her arms
marveling at the strength that body has
to carry and nourish

She has become a mother
even though from time to time
I still steal a glance at the sister I knew
but I, now, am the proud sister of a mother.

Looking through the window
at floating clouds
sun beams melting away
in their fluff
a bird flies by

A slight shiver awakens my spine
your warmth slowly slithers
around me
a strong embrace

The sun shows up again
the clouds have passed
blue skies, calm me

you land a kiss on my shoulder

you go back to bed

and sign off with a light caress down my spine

sign language for

"come back to bed
the sun understands"

Here's to the poems that never made it
I will forever smile in your memory
clandestine