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Ambika Jois Aug 2018
When we were kids,
We just couldn't rest.
We'd wake up early,
Coz each day was a fest.
The younger we were,
The less we slept.
We felt waking up was better,
There was much to test!

The more we learned,
The more we knew,
The more we heard,
That more became true.
The less we observed,
The less we grew,
The less we listened,
This less became true.

We learned to wait,
We learned about patience.
We designed ourselves to fit in,
Whilst we outwaited our creations.
We began to yearn for time,
We began to yearn for another chance.
We began to yearn for what we once had,
We began to blame it on finance.

We spent our first few years unafraid,
Didn't we know then that we were in an ocean?
We didn't stop to think of that, did we?
We just continued to join the waves in motion.

We didn't know fear,
Until we reached for something others couldn't.
We didn't know fear,
Until we yearned for something others didn't.
We didn't know fear,
Until we waited in hope, whilst others didn't.
We didn't know fear,
Until the rainbows we saw weren't our own.

Now time is running out,
We're in yet another decade.
We've been through hell and back,
But we've reached this age, still afraid.
We wake up everyday with reluctance,
We don't want to face our duties.
We muster it up and turn on auto-pilot,
We let ourselves become our own refugees.

We've forgotten how we awoke,
6am every Christmas morning,
Run downstairs to see Santa's gifts,
Our tummies all butterflicious, hearts warming.
We've forgotten how we felt excited,
To face each day with the unknown
Each year taught us to be less dependent,
Leading up to the writings on our headstone.

Isn't it time we were born again, everyday?
Just so we once again embrace what we don't know?
With something new to look forward to,
Would we not find this lost joy and our own rainbow?
I was watering the plants this morning and saw this lovely rainbow. And then these thoughts suddenly came rushing in, alerting me of how we get caught up in moments that make life seem so long, when it's actually pretty short. We spend so much of this time being weary, afraid and cautious. We didn't go through all this as kids! It's actually quite a painful feeling, to know that we were happier as kids when we feared less than we do now as grown ups. I’ve feared for too long now. I just don’t have the energy anymore. It’s demotivating and has made me begin to question why I wake up everyday if I cannot feel the way I used to as a kid. Kids have such love for each day that there is much to learn from. It seems to get harder as I grow older, to be more like them. Fearless. Here’s what I feel I’ve become and I know there are more like me. I hope you can relate to this poem I wrote. Enjoy :)
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
Roses are red,
Violets are violet.
Poets can lie to rhyme,
We can't keep our minds all that quiet.
Ambika Jois Sep 2018
The rug
Lying underneath your feet;
Been on the ground
So long,
It's stuck to the ground.

The fence
Standing deep, anchored in soil;
**** rooting down
So deep,
It's part of the land.

The frames are clean,
The pictures seem
Like history.
Once upon a time,
I was
More than furniture to us.

But now:

I want you to see me,
Like the door you can open;
I'm more than what's inside your home.

I want you to want me,
Like you used to everyday;
I'm that girl you wanted to make time for when you're alone.

Now, are you not alone?
Is that why
I'm the rug, fence and your furniture?

I know I work from home.
I know I got a lotta things to do.
I know I haven't lived up to the best of expectations.

I'm still that girl you fell in love with.
I dream beyond every bandwidth.
I take my time to really be sure.
I wanna do it without complications.

But I know,
I bore the hell outta you.
With my
Nagging that could turn ears blue.
But I
Promise that I love you baby,
You gotta see me in the light of the truth:

I want you to see me,
Like the door you can open;
I'm more than what's inside your home.

I want you to want me,
Like you used to everyday;
I'm that girl you wanted to make time for when you're alone.

Now, are you not alone?
Is that why
I'm the rug, fence and your furniture?
There are times when we are so much a part of other people's lives - married couples, live-in couples, friends, family, housemates, you name it - that we turn into their everyday lives in such an unnoticeable way. This poem is about what tends to happen when you get too used to having someone around.
Ambika Jois Apr 2016
Be my siren.
Give me another chance.
Kiss me now,
My emotions will enhance.

I feel broken
Without your presence.
My heart is weighing more.
I need you, not silence.

You equals me.
Me equals you.
My soul pauses
Just to think of you.

This life is wasted,
Just like the others too.
Come, be my siren.
I will always, always be with you.
In Greek mythology, Sirens were dangerous yet beautiful creatures, who lured nearby sailors with their enchanting music and voices to shipwreck on the rocky coast of their island.
Lament: A passionate expression of grief or sorrow.

I wrote this poem inspired by a recent come by of a web comic (LINE WebToon) by the title ‘Siren’s Lament’, exquisitely created and illustrated by Mingso (Miso aka InstantMisoSoup) accompanied by beautiful background music by Kenny (KennyComics). I was very touched by the illustrations that portrayed the heartbreaking one-sided love story between two friends. The saying,”It’s hard to admit when you have fallen in love with someone who can’t be yours.” is pretty much the best way to describe the sentiment behind this comic story as I’ve read it so far. Not to mention how Kenny’s simple piano music to accompany this beautiful and strong emotion reaches my heart and settles deep within my very marrow. I dedicate this poem to Mingso and Kenny for capturing my mind with your talent and art, my new friend Anushri Praveen for introducing me to the comic ‘Siren’s Lament’ and for getting me to start reading something again, and my best friend Sutha Bala for being supportive, encouraging and for believing in me.
Ambika Jois Jun 2019
There are some
Who age too fast
To keep up
With the trend

There are some
Who say age
is nothing
But numbers

There are some
Who need numbers
To help them
Feel their worth

There are some
Whose numbers
Don't add up
Till the end

There are some
Then there are others...

There are some
Who like to wander
With thoughts
Loose in their minds

There are some
Who spend their lives
Thinking 'bout feelings
Of all kinds

There are some
Who believe that
It's too late to
Trust your heart

There are some
Who'll stand in your way
When they know
You'll make it safe

There are some
Then there are others...

There will always be
The one

There are some
Then there are others...
And there will always be
The one.
Was feeling a little blue a few days ago. Felt like it was too late to reach for my dreams. Felt like I was stuck in the same pickle for all my life. Someone told me it'll be told late. Heck, everyone has told me that. They told me it's too late to pursue to my dreams after a certain age. Something tells me if I'm stuck in this same pickle for all these years, I must still have a chance. If pickles last that long and time doesn't stop for that, then why would there be a limit for my possibilities?
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
All these days
I thought I was fated
Challenged against my will
To gain the trust of strangers
Strangers who turn into friends
Friends who turn into lovers
Lovers who turn heartbroken

I don’t bow my head to their feet
I bow down way beneath
To offer this trust
In desperation to be trusted
With the impression that trust happens on the outside.

While I feed my soul to the world outside
While I feed myself an understanding
That strangers turn into friends,
I am blinded away from my world on the inside.
Those I always know are my own
Become more transparent than invisibility
Those I take for granted as my own,
Become the strangest of strangers.

While I chisel and chisel away
I shape strangers into friends
Friends into lovers
Until I carve a bit too deep into the stone
Realizing a little too late its fragility
Lovers turn broken hearted
And I fall

And there they appear all over again
My very own strangers
They reappear
With love
They disappear again
With strangeness
Yet only they appear again
And again

Godsend, these strangers are
They let me walk away from them
They let me befriend
They let me love
They let me hurt and get hurt
They let me fall
They watch me fall

Yet they appear,
Only to pick me up again
To hold me with grip
To be my crutch, my wheel and my horn
To be the strangers I first opened my eyes to
To be the strangers who showed me friendship
To be the strangers who taught me love
To be the strangers whose hearts are too strong to break
To be the strangers I call,
My family.
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
The end of the day
Gets so dark
I get so tired
All I wanna do is
Fall asleep
In your arms
And I just know
All my dreams will flow
Among the flowers and the leaves
By the river
It'll be colourful as we fly
The sky will be blue
And we will be so happy
Coz you and I are in love
And in the same dreams too
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
You can have me
Have me now, pay later.
Or pay now, have me later.

You can want me
Want me now, regret later.
Or regret now, want me later.

You can see me
See me now, touch me later.
Or touch me now, feel me later.

You can take me
Take me now, I’m yours forever.
Or I’m yours forever, to take me whenever.
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
As I took a fresh breath,
I realized for how long I’d been holding.
I understood I’d gone into stealth,
Immersed in the depth of thinking,
Influenced by emotion, memories;
A glimpse of the future possibilities.

My chest had tensed and tightened.
I felt some kind of unusual pain.
My senses had intensely heightened,
By the idea of losing all I’d gained.
My stomach had been churning,
Digesting how I’d been hallucinating.

I’d heard that we as humans,
Never stop wanting.
How distinctively we stand in unison,
From other creatures wandering!
The reality we know of and imagine,
Shows how wild our minds run during famine.

As I test my tolerance of turmoil,
I also test my strength in giving;
In being so far from my mother’s soil,
Knowing what fuels my living and loving,
Will connect all the roads I now roam,
To just the one that leads me straight home.
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
I wake up with a headache
I knew I shouldn't have stayed up so late
'twas so foolish to hope that I'd understand your game

I know what I gotta do
Too lazy to get outta bed for you
And gulp it down with a glass of water to ease this pain

I see now what I saw before
I didn't know what it was for sure
Till it worked just like paracetamol

I woke up
There it was
Once that killed
Without a cause

Those dreams that turned into nightmares
Those arms that gave away time shares
Feels like history since the last time I needed help but still

There's life waiting to be celebrated
It's no longer so complicated
Thanks to my prayers from the day I wanted more from life

And for the small white pill
This poem is my vision for the common day to arrive whereby Cancer can be treated with a small white pill, that can be taken just like any other painkiller. We have lost many valuable lives out of no fault of their own as a result of Cancer. The world misses them, and I miss them too. Here's a toast to all the hard working scientists and people who are dedicating their lives to find a cure for this nasty beast.
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
Every poet has a truth.
The truth is, poets can lie.
Poets can lie and hide the truth.
Poets can also disguise a beautiful truth as a sinful lie.

We poets don't back down easily.
We poets want to win every conversation.
We very much prefer to raise our pens
To record our artful manipulation.

We write about our sorrows
Our nearest and dearest know nothing of.
We write about our joys
Our greatest challengers want to dispose of.

Do we know someone who knows us better?
Do we know someone who knows who we are?
Do we know if we are anything else but poets?

We are all the same.
You are human, as am I.
You see it straight, I see it in rhymes.
You like it easy, I like it fly.
You hear it quick, I take my time.
Do you know why?

'Coz every poet has suffered a lie.
A lie that ignites a fire for truth.
Poets can write the truth whilst hiding the lies.
How can we not, when -
We poets can disguise a painful lie as a beautiful truth?
Ambika Jois May 2016
I’ve walked on fire and thorns
Forgotten what the ground feels like
Every step I took were upon my wounded soles
How does a caged bird know to fly?

I rattled my gates every day
They were strong, metallic and I wasn’t strong
Every lift off was in vain,
How foolish was I to think, to the sky I belonged?

I, like a mother for her child, wanted more
To see within my veins, my being flourish at the mere tune
Every note was becoming a part of a song
How quick was I to dream of this music as a boon?

I feel that rumble inside me
My hunger, anger and desire upon my own pyre
Every day I wish for that first day again
How can I ingrain my liberty from this quagmire?
Ever felt so guilty about having done something you shouldn’t have done? How do we overcome such guilt? How do we forgive ourselves? Every crack of dawn and every approaching dusk, we fear being reminded of our wrong doings. All we want to do is forget that it ever happened. Sometimes, we live every single day with a constant reminder of such things and feel so lost yet liberated that the truth is out in the open. We feel so caged yet freed from the burden of bearing a hidden confession. We feel so ashamed yet lucky to be given another chance to once again become that person we know we want to be. We feel so neglected, undeserving of trust and at the lowest point of self-esteem yet we feel the power of our prayers would give us another life to live it like we could never again commit such a sin.

This poem emblazons the message underlying in our struggles to surmount our better selves from who we used to be. We know we will conquer our hardships and can see ourselves on the greener side of our own emotional quotient but let’s not forget how many doubts, fears, questions, rejections, isolation and punishments it takes for us to climb in order to stand right at the top. That top spot is very much ours, we very much deserve it, and we have every single step from the quagmire to the sky to credit for our liberation.
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
The book was opened years ago
The story was always a blur
The author’s still unidentified
The plot holds a gift, not a curse

When you’re feeling lonely,
Take a walk and think of me.
Breathe in all that is pretty
As though you’ve little to carry.

My dear, hold your chin up
The sky’s clear at last
The stars are your audience
You’re the hero, the leading cast

You’re never alone
I’ve left the crew behind
The story must go on
You’re the hero till the end

Walking by those trees
Past those walls
Over those roads
Across those fences
Just like we were floatin’

Summer breeze kissing us
Through our hair
On our skin
On our illusive faces
Just like we were imaginin’

All was captured in the walk
We were there through every blink
“Lonely” could never be you
Even after this story ends

You’re never alone
I’ve left the crew behind
The story must go on coz
You’re the hero till the end
Ambika Jois Sep 2016
You can forgive
You cannot forget.
And when you cannot forget,
You rethink, you remind yourself
How it hurt you.
How it betrayed you.
How it made you believe,
That everything was okay now.

Can you really forgive
That which you cannot forget?
That which you do not allow yourself to let go of?
When you say you have forgiven,
Whose conscience are you setting free?
Why do you forgive?
Why did you forgive?
When you are reminded of your own agony
Again and again, with the same person
Walking by everyday,
Spending each day with you
In the name of family, friendship, love, marriage,
How are YOU sure that you have forgiven
So as to not allow a new rise
To that which you have forgiven
And put aside?

What is it that convinces you
That you can forgive
That you have forgiven
That you can move on from?

What is it that assures you
That once you've forgiven,
YOU will be okay,
That you are ready to move forward,
That you know will not affect you anymore?
Ambika Jois Sep 2017
I trusted you.
I trusted that even if I let go of your hand,
you'd never let go of mine.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you would listen to understand,
not listen only to retaliate.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you were my go to person,
not the one who had to walk away from me.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you would argue until it's fixed,
not punish me with silence and distance.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you would stay with me,
not walk out of the house and not come back.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you would come back wanting me,
not back only coz I asked you to return.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you want me even through this,
not just be with me coz you have to.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you love and care for me,
not just said so and still had the courage to walk out.

I trusted you.
or maybe that wasn't trust.

Perhaps...

I assumed you.
I assumed that you'd hold my hand,
even if I'd let go.

I assumed that you listen and understand me,
even if you're only going to retaliate.

I assumed that you were my go to person,
even if you wanted to walk away from me.

I assumed that you would argue until it's fixed,
even if silence and distance were mere threats.

I assumed that you would stay with me,
even if you wanted to walk out and not come back.

I assumed that you would come back wanting me,
even if you would only return coz I'd have asked.

I assumed that you want me even through this,
even if you were only being with me coz you had to.

I assumed that you loved and cared for me,
even if you had the courage to walk out.

I assumed you. And thought I'd trusted you.

Coz isn't that what you do,
when you love and think you really know someone?
Trust them and assume them?

Maybe that's where I went wrong.

I should've trusted you for who you are.
Or assumed differently.

Maybe I should learn the difference between the two.
Maybe I should learn to love better.

Maybe I should...
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
My days get so lonely
And my nights, very noisy.
The darkness brings me thoughts
About my memories, it's crazy.
As the sun rises each day,
I wake up to myself, no one else.
My reasons for every breath,
No one understands, not even myself.
If I don't meet my match someday,
It's okay, I don't mind.
I just want to know there's someone,
For my days and nights to unbind.
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
I feel lonely
I lie to myself that I am not

I want love
I lie to myself that I cannot

I need consideration
I lie to myself I can manage without

I am alone
I lie to myself that I won’t always be

I have hope
I lie to myself I always will

I refuse to try again
I lie to myself with visions of success

I will be lying to myself
Until my lies turn into the truth.
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
What am I
Without my baggage?
Do I have what it takes
To be somebody with courage?

What am I
Without those who cling on?
Do I have it in me
To fly light, being anything but a pawn?

What am I
Without my limits?
Do I have the strength
To fathom my journey through all climates?

What am I
If I’m perfect?
Do I have the power
To change the world that lives to contradict?

What am I
If I’m but a spirit from my own past?
Do I have a future
So I can make this present forever last?
Ambika Jois Jan 2016
When I miss you,
I feel a tingle down my spine
The kind you'd caress with your finger
As you show me you're mine

When I miss you,
I hear the rustle of an autumn leaf
Scraping on the pavements we walked
As you'd started to become my heart thief

When I miss you,
I look into the mirror and see
The pixels of definition the reflection encompasses
As identical and truthful as you = me
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
When I say you changed my life,
What do you understand from it?
Do you think I’ve changed,
You’re a hero or –
– Thanks to you, I’m now a somebody?

When I say I think about you everyday,
How do you see that?
Do you see me gazing at the sky,
You’re my hero or –
Without you, my thoughts are meaningless?

When I say, “Baby, I need you.”,
Where do you see me going with it?
Do you hear my cries for help or –
Am I just too dependent on you?

When I say “Baby, I love you.”,
Why can you just not believe me?
Do you feel my actions don’t speak loud enough or –
I just don’t love you?
Ambika Jois Aug 2018
Who said,
We must love more than once,
To know what love is?

Who said,
We must kiss more than one,
To know it is worth our heart?

Who said,
We have time to experiment,
To know if it'd grow into something better?

Who said,
We can dabble in variety,
To filter out what's best for us?

Who said,
Love isn't love if it's our first,
Or last - who really knows?

Who really knows,
If it's love,
If it's worth my heart,
If it deserves my short life,
If it's best for me,
If it's me first and last,
But me?
I was once given the advice that I must not believe it's love, because it's my first experience of having feelings for someone. I was also advised to test things out for some time and see if there's someone better for me. All this advice, I followed, but I made some stupid mistakes to get to the right place. I regret those mistakes even if they brought me to the right person.

I believe in synchronicity and that everything I've done, led up to the very moment that was written in the stars for us before I even set my foot on the wrong path. So would I not have gotten there somehow when, what I was seeking was also seeking me? Would we not have found each other anyhow? Without regrets, without time wasted, without resentment and without hurt?

What's love today, if all it means is to test each other's boundaries? Does love not mean to care and be there for those who need that in their lives? Is that not all it is? When did love become so conditioned, experimental, mechanical and all about a trend? And what happens to those who've been best friends and loved each other since childhood? Does it actually help to listen to others' advice on love when you know yourself, your heart and your mind the best?

Here's my poem that asks these simple questions, that has made me even more grateful for what time I do have left in this lifetime to spend with my loved one. Thank you, universe, for not complicating it any further than it already has been, and thank you for keeping it this simple. May you have the same priceless love as I do.
Ambika Jois Apr 2016
Why can't I have it?
Why?

Why can't I have that joy,
When I can see her have it?
Why can't I hold my smile firm
The way she is able to dodge the grit?
Why can't I have that resting queen face
When all I can see is that she befits?

The way she holds him close
Like a cute little kitten
A purr in her voice as they rub noses
As he gazes at her looking smitten

The peace in her eyes (called love)
The grace in her smile (called acceptance)
The contour upon her cheekbone (what is she made of?)
His hypnotized gaze on her being, her very existence

Why can't I have it too?
Why?
From a singleton's POV (or if you're in a long distant relationship) and witnessing PDA on public transport / social media / wherever, when that's the last thing you want to see. I'm sure we've all had a dose of this at least once!

For full intro given to this poem, visit - https://ambikajois.wordpress.com/2016/04/19/why-cant-i/
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
Will I be the one
You can see with your eyes closed?
Or will I be the one
You can't see even with your eyes open?

Will I be the one
You will hold in your arms?
Or will I be the one
You will hold in your heart?

Will I be the one
You speak all the truth with?
Or will I be the one
To hear all truth disguised as lies?

Will I be the one
You will choose to share a bench with?
Or will I be the one
You will choose to share a home with?

Will I be the one
You will still write to
When your heart is heavy
When your mind is weak
When your stomach is growling
When your eyes are aching?

Or will I be the one
You will think of writing to
When your heart is occupied
When your mind is strong
When your stomach is stretched with delicacies
When your eyes are freshened as ever?

Will I be the one for you?
Ambika Jois Feb 2016
I said I'm sorry
What more can I do?
What do you want from me?
Give me a clue...

Haunting my dreams,
Tears to my eyes -
- You bring mercilessly,
I'm waiting to smile...

Free me, I'm a butterfly...
A bird with wings...
Anything that can fly...
Put me down and let me walk,
Or throw me up so I can fly

Don't hold me down
I can't give you what you lost
It's gone with the wind of yesterday
Yesterday... yesterday... *yesterday...
You
Ambika Jois Nov 2015
You
You appeared
And made my fears turn into play
Nail mittens and a funny smell
You’re God’s giveaway

I didn’t know you could melt me so easily
I was stone until I held you squeamishly

You’re so shapeless
But I love you already
Your heart’s beating so fast
Faster than mine buddy
You’re just moving
I’m moving along with you
You’re just perfect
An awaited gift, that’s you

That’s you, that’s you, it’s all you, all you…

I want to sleep right next to you
I want to put my arms around you
I’m so tired, I want to close my eyes with you
Close yours first, I want you to know you’re safe 'coz I’m with you

You’ve only been here a short while
If I close my eyes before you shine a sleepy smile
I will miss it, and won’t know what’s next by your style…

I want to learn from you,
I want to sing to you,
Oh, I didn’t know you could melt me so easily
I was stone until I held you squeamishly

You’re so shapeless
But I love you already
Your heart’s beating so fast
Faster than mine buddy
You’re just moving
I’m moving along with you
You’re just perfect
An awaited gift, that’s you

That’s you, that’s you, it’s all you, all you…
Ambika Jois Dec 2015
You're the reason
... I'm smiling today
You're the cause
... for my well-being
You're the purpose
... I wake up to everyday
You're the meaning
... to every song I sing

You're where
... my home is
You're
... my ultimate goal
You're all
... the essence of bliss
You're
... the food for my soul

You're my
voice within
You're the essential
... I cleanse with
You're the inspiration
... for every beginning
You're black and white -
- and all the truth

You're in my mind
You're in my veins
You're in my spirit
You're in my pain

You're in my soul
You're in my pleasure
You're my
everything
You're my heart's
treasure.
For my beloved. Who makes me feel like I was created and put on this planet just to experience life. With him.
Ambika Jois Dec 2015
You break my heart sometimes.
You do.
I'll let you demolish me
Because it's you.

When I've given you my heart
What else do I have left to give?
It pumps to keep me going
You're the reason I now continue to live.

I wake up to life
Not knowing when my time will come
I am here for you, because of you.
I am yours only until my pulse here is done.

— The End —