I’m brave,
I go to that prison
Knowing I’ll get beaten
It’s my decision,
To wake up in the morning
Damp eyes and busted lip
Warning,
Don’t look at my eyes
Deep pain lives there
My disguise,
A smile on my face
Words that spit lies
Just in case,
Take away the meds
Take away the knife
Make sure I get out of bed.

Hold me when the rain pours, not just during sunshine.

Today is a good day
        The air is crisp
           The smell of brewed coffee is in the air
     Autumn brings its new beginnings
Life is starting to finally make sense.

Baby don't cry*
You don't have any worries
You haven't seen the world through my eyes
You haven't ventured out into the crowd of people who will judge you
You haven't yet seen the darkness overtaking the light
You can't hear the cursing and the angry tones down the street or across the room
You haven't yet experienced a broken heart from a cruel boy
You don't have jealous girls spreading lies behind your back
You don't have fake friends that turn on you the second you walk away
You haven't yet known what it's like to hate your body  
You're safe in my arms
You don't have to worry
Baby don't cry
Life isn't hard for you yet
Happiness is all you know
Sometimes I don't want you to grow up
Because in this great big world
There's a lot of messy things
Messier than your face gets when you eat strawberries
Messier than your shoes get at the park
Messier than your hair gets in the morning when I wake you up
Messier than your words get when you try to speak  
Baby don't cry
Momma's got you
Let's take it as it comes  
And deal with the world another day.

By His grace,
            I have lived a life full of contentment.
By His grace,
            I have climbed the steepest mountains.
By His grace,
            I have learned what eternal love is.
I have felt the sun and its warmth,
I have felt the rain and its ice cold pain,
But by His grace,
            I made it through.

You left
It was not subtle
The way a storm accumulates in the distance
It was all at once
The way rain comes unexpectedly on a sunny day
It pours down
Getting caught in the rain

You left and he came
He came swiftly and with purpose
Giving me more love and comfort than you were ever capable of giving
He made me seem worth the time and effort
He gave me hope of better tomorrows and joyful todays
He never let me go to sleep thinking I was a waste of space
You always let me go to sleep
You never tried to make my heart happy
You were always worried about your own needs

You haven’t left me but you left me
You’re still there but you’re not
This lost and distant entity has gone unspoken
Maybe you’ll realize what has happened when I no longer answer your dwindling calls
When I take trips to the beach with my friends without telling you
When I smile in pictures that contain him
Maybe you’ll realize what you’ve lost
Maybe then you’ll know that it’s over
You might try to get me back, but that will be far too late
You may beg me for another chance but by then you will have ran out of them

You left me but then I left you
And that is when you will notice
To you, it will come all at once
Like the way rain comes unexpectedly on a sunny day
It pours down
And this time, you are caught in the rain.

People aren’t perfect
And no matter how hard we try
We cannot make someone into
The person we want them to be.

Let them realize their own flaws
And change will come
Eventually.

In life we'll be forced to do things
          
              things that hurt us
  
        that tear us apart,
                
                                that make us feel empty.

We will be placed in an environment

          where we hate ourselves
  
      where we will be put down,

                                    harassed.

Life doesn't give us lemons
      
                        it gives us hateful words
  
           that we sculpt inside out head
  
                   and spit out onto people like
  
             dirt.

It's true when they say life isn't fair

                it takes us for a nice ride

then while we're sleeping in the backseat,
        
                          not paying attention

it goes over a road bump without warning us

                  and we're jolted out of place

         put out of our space  

               as our world comes crashing down

and you wonder why you were never warned.

Tell me how you can stand there and tease a kid

                                      for wearing glasses

                or liking superman

      or not exactly 'fitting in' with a certain

  group or clic.

In life we will be forced to do things

                like move over in the hallway

because the cool kids take up it's entirety

          or keep our mouth shut about bullies

    because the teachers call it 'child's play'

In life we will all scurry around

                           on hands and knees

          and no one will offer a hand

                   they would much rather tease.

I'm not exaggerating when I say

         this life isn't for me.

they cover my face from forehead to chin
they rest in the most uncomfortable creases
they are red as a rash
and big enough as a bug bite
they stick out, they lie under my skin
they hurt and they sting when I try to scrub them clean
i’ve tried washes, creams, pills,
special oils, face masks, lotions,
the works
i don’t like the mirror because it makes me look at
these things that take up half my face
i don’t like to take pictures when my face isn’t clear
and makeup just makes it worse
i don’t like to go out
because I know others are watching
and wonder how someone could be so ugly
these pimples just don’t go away
no matter what I do
so please, if you meet me
and want to give some advice
i’d much rather you not
because, you see
i’ve already tried it all
and please do not utter that phrase
for I surely will blow up in flames
”oh stop acting like it’s such a big deal”
try living as me for a day
and you will see
that this feeling of dread
about the bumps on your face
never goes away
and you will surely see
that you look like this
and they look like that
and I promise you wouldn’t want to be me

We had commitment
Lacked intimacy and passion
We lost that feeling, that connection
But I guess what happens, happens
I thought we’d be in it for the long run
Thought you were my only one
But sometimes strong love deteriorates
Turning into empty love
We didn’t cheat, only argued
The commitment was there
But we lost that attachment
That closeness
I should have noticed
The detachment
You were absent
I didn’t know it would happen like this
If only I could rewind
But sadly I just sit here and reminisce
Why did I have to be so **** blind
Our love turned into empty love
Our love dwindled and died.

I knew it was over
When I stopped thinking about
Our future
And I started thinking about
Mine

You were my grand final
but the show is already
over

I stay
thinking that you are my destiny

Dear Dais,
Mom and dad aren’t together anymore. I know you won’t believe it because I still don’t. It wasn’t your fault. Dad just did some stupid things. And it wasn’t mom‘s fault, she gave him enough chances. Right now you’re doing okay. You’re 17 now and graduation is right around the corner. It’s taken you three high schools and lots of tears to finish, but you’re going to make it. You’re an aunt now even though you really see your nephew. You’re 2 & 1/2 years clean. That means you no longer do drugs, drink, and stay out too late with boys. You’ve been very very sad at times, sometimes to the point where you would draw on your arms with something sharp. You stopped that. At one point you wouldn’t eat. You got over that. You finally let God into your life. You let boys and fake friends hurt you but now you’re stronger than them. You still get sad sometimes, but you’ve came a long way. I’m proud of you. I’m proud. You might not understand right now, but one day you will. Don’t try so hard to grow up, because I’d give anything just to be a kid for a day. Life is hard, but through everything to come, you will make it through. You will go through a lot, more than you thought. But you won’t give up because you’re much stronger than any superhero there ever was. Stay strong girl.
~ Daisy Rae
11-13-17

maybe it’s my fault.
I should have known you wouldn’t
stay the same forever.
so maybe I’m to blame for
being so naive.

I give myself to guys
            hoping they will give me something
I seem to be missing.

*they give me nothing but purple bruises and drunken kisses no wonder they say I’m all gone

I do not fear falling in love. I am in love with many things. My family, friends, animals, sunsets, the ocean, the sky. I love these things easily and never fear loving them with my whole heart. What I do fear is falling so deeply in love with someone and investing my life into theirs only to discover that they do not feel the same way about me. To me, that is how you die while still breathing. You can never recover from that no matter how hard you try. The scariest part about it is that you’re never going to know if you’re falling for the wrong person. That is what I fear.

It’s difficult to go from being dependent on someone to being independent. It wasn’t gradual, it was sudden. Like the way you are engulfed by fire, all of a sudden you are consumed. There’s nothing gradual, there’s no warning, it just happens and you’re left with nothing except fire and fury.

some people float
they float like boats over the reoccurring waves in the silent ocean
they float like burning paper when it escapes the fire and the wind carries it into the night sky
i love that view
if you’ve downed a few bottles it almost looks like it’s dancing
a fiery flame that whips and dips and twirls
i could follow it until it burned to ash
floating, disappearing

i do not drink to forget
i drink to float
i love the feeling of being lost in a blurry night sky that’s glowing with fire light
the warmth of the heat
the smell of the fire and ***** and nature all mixed into one
the taste of the drinks as they get unrecognizable with each sip
the feeling of being there but also being elsewhere
floating
i need that escape when things become overwhelming
floating
laughing, watching, disappearing
f        l
                    o
                             a
                                        t         i
                                                             n
                                                                      g.

It's a strange feeling to see someone like who you usted to be. You see that forgotten girl in her hollow face. The way her cheekbones dip in a sulking way. It's like a permanent stain of sadness etched into her expression. The bags under her eyes show her sleep deprivation due to stress and anxiety brought on by thoughts created by her own demons inside of her own head. Her hair is very thin because very few locks remain. Her suffering hides in the lining of her collarbone. She feels it as if it is a sculpture, rubbing all of her worries away. She is comforted by her hip bones, the way they bulge out like mountain peaks. Her stomach craves for nutrition, for a taste of happiness. Although her body demands the continents of her kitchen, her mind screams No! You can see the lining of her stomach and wonder if that was really you way back then. The way she struggles to breath as she runs, forcing herself to endure more pain that she already experiences. She can feel her chest burning, little does she know it's acid eating away at her, killing her slowly. Her thighs no longer touch, they breach a gap so wide, you wonder how her legs can withstand such a faulty structure. Her lips are a lavender hue and you wonder if she ate something purple, but no. You know deep down it's the cold that fills her body constantly. Even in the summer she wears long sleeves and jeans because the shivers that go up and down her spine are so strong that she may convulse if she were not protected by her warm clothes. Her fingers are slim and seem to be those of a creature that's non-human. Her body is so frail and so weak. But it's become a safe haven for her. The constant glances in the mirror. Examining her body for any flaws that might have surfaced. The constant fight between body and mind whether to starve or to survive the day. I'm hungry, says the body. You're weak, says the mind. As I look at this stranger I see myself. My forgotten self. That forgotten girl long ago who saw her life dwindling before her eyes. Those broken pieces still surface now and then. And that forgotten girl will never truly be forgotten. Because she used to be a part of me. My best friend, yet my true enemy. My anorexia.

later turned into never

smoke their lungs black

mirrors are just glass

throw themselves off buildings

drink the night away

normality: a paved road

mind bullies your body

"What's holding you back?"

             **   I don't want to give up something
  
       I've worked so hard to hold together...

I remember your kisses
And the feeling of your hand in mine,
Heartbreak is a war inside ourselves
But we must continue to shine.

she's the girl who blushes every time you stare at her a little too long.
she's the girl whose laugh is contagious & whose hair is always a little tangled.
she's the girl with a real smile & freckles that fill her cheeks & nose.
she's the girl who cries at night wondering why her life is so messy.
she's the girl who counts the stars & makes wishes on shooting comets.
she's the girl who loves too much & forgives too easily.
she's the girl who always gets hurt & yet continues on like a soldier.
she's the girl you'll find reading a book until 3 am.
she's the girl whose heart is broken into pieces & stitched up by her own hands.
she's the girl who will leave your clothes smelling sweet.
she's the girl who will love you with every inch of her body.

she's the kind of girl who will give you her heart, so please handle with care.