They say if you don't love yourself
You can't love anyone
So please explain what I feel
For my one and only son...

©2024

Can I unmelt the candle
That's flame was blown out by your passing through
Almost as if too rekindle
What I felt for you but with someone new
I wish my most potent wish
That it was anything close to that simple
But even a man who was taught how to fish
Can get lost and float away on a passing ripple

©2024

I can no longer pretend
Regardless
I'm flexible on when
Just let it be painless

©2025

If I knew then
What I know now
Would every new decision
Lead to the same place somehow?

©2024

Life is a game
You don't choose to play
The choice comes
In continuing to the next day
But is it a choice?
The questions asked knowing full well what they'll say
"No matter what happens,
You have no choice but to stay"

©2024

Everything
Is supposed to mean something
But most of the time
Love means nothing
It's thee
Most deadly
Empty
Word ever muttered by a human being
To another human being
Since before love was a written thing
When you
Had to
Show what you mean
I beg someone
To give it a run
Please change my mind
I'll give you all of eternities time
Because that's how long I've been lost in the reasoning

Drowning,
Panicking
My pain less of a concern than my bleeding
Who cares about a life leaking?
Pointless thinking
Pay no mind to the fracture
Or the seizing
My end welcomed with a greeting
But not by me
My will is depleting,
Hope is retreating,
Am I coming
Or going?
A lack of confidence winning
Because manhood's deflating
And there's no refilling allowed since the beginning

Careless as I know you are,
Heartless can be seen from afar
Like a lighthouse from the sea
So I know you see
My desperate pleading
Muffled by the calamity of deceiving
I mean quote, unquote "living"
Or "believing"
Or fill in the blank with your meaning
Tell me the first meeting
Equals the year 15 evening
Yeah...
Love is beyond fleeting
And I'm partnered with loves nothing
Everything is repeating
From happy to grieving
I feel sorry for who's doing the tallying

©2025

I know one day
The other foot's gonna drop
And I'll be underneath it
In my final resting spot
Do my deeds, both good and bad
Stick with me through the rot?
Will I be chained to the scene
Or get too haunt a plot?
Will I recognize the deity
Deciding if I'm good enough or not
I wonder what happens
To every thought I've thought

©2024

I watch life's ultimate plan to bulldoze
Play out and target any happy settlement,
'Till all that's left are foreclosed burrows
Unwelcoming ghettoes
A real to life Gotham City narrows
Everyone knows
Shiit flows
Down stream and my life's the delta where it all goes
And it shows
As it never slows
Better days?
I'm out of those...
I don't suppose
You have one you could spare
All I have to offer
Is heartache and woes

©2024

I've lost the plot
Or maybe it was in a memo i never got
Like it or not
It happens a lot
One after another,
After another,
After another
Just another blunder
Or another missed shot?
What where you taught?
What have you had to try to unknot?
I wonder who's fought
The same demons I've fought?
Struggling with a foundation of dry rot
Every lesson has been forgotten
Might as well be the mascot
Of a bumbling idiot
Stumbling in the darkness being heartless brought
In and out of a rock bottom that is always finding a new, deeper spot

©2025

Deathly allergic to life itself oddly
Takes roughly 90 years to die from it if you're lucky
But you see, luck doesn't know me
So we'll see how far I get past 40

©2024

We live in a time far beyond parody
"One nation, under god..." heresy
Belief with an astrix *hypocrisy
Brain rot the byproduct of conspiracy
Write a holy book to weaponize theocracy
Cherry picking for convenience should be piracy
Do as I say not as I do type diplomacy
A sketchy love thy neighbor as thy self theory
"Except for that guy a different shade from me" apparently
I'm just the mirror being held for all to see
If this raises questions bring out up to "the almighty"
If there is a creator, we are it's atrocity
A dark comedy
A beautiful tragedy

©2025

You didn't break my heart
Only snuffed out what was left
Soul crushing becoming an art
Love must have been mentioned in jest
Another gruesome end finding it's start
I fear to even hear your next quest
I beg for a hand as my edge crumbles apart
Why one is never extended is anyone's guess

©2025

I'd like to have a single today
Without the thoughts of a yesterday
And one nights worth of restless sleep
With no looming doom of a tomorrow that has a promise to keep

©2025

Love me or hate me
Both have shaped me
I'm nothing more
I'm nothing less
Than what you see directly
With all honesty,
It's more than a philosophy
When I say "no matter what is tossed at me,
The good, the bad, the ugly,
It all now rolls right off of me"

©2024

What is that doing here?
It reminds me to remember a particular fear
How peculiarly sincere
But I have enough of that
So take it all the way back
It never fails to stick if and when I wander near

I've said it before
Both coming in and walking out the door
My vocal cords ring sore
You feed me Okay's
Say, "to hell with past days"
No more tears moped up off a shared floor

I've heard many things
So many things said many ways by many human beings
It's gone beyond repeating
Lost my sense of real
What's a partnerships appeal?
Even good beginnings befall painful endings

Keep the goodby
Trade it for another "never again" lie
And a slice of American pie
Words hold little truth
Slippery, not unlike a noose
That no one this time will be able to untie

©2025

You don't care enough to care
i wish a feeling this raw was rare
Fields of dreams are bleak and bare
Turned a darkened back of the mind nightmare

A thousand yard stare
Thoughts going everywhere yet nowhere
This is where i think i want to be
But i'm always off by just a hair

You say over and over,
"When I'm here I'm here"
Yeah, and when you're there you're there
Well, i don't want to share

Still i trusted you enough to share
my inner darkness from prior despair
You crushed my spirit while fully aware
Left with barely an ounce to spare

In love and war all is fair but life's not fair
i'm trying to fight to ignite what's not there
Though i know i should not dare
That's my cross to bare

©2025

I open my mouth to say
"I haven't felt wanted since..."
A soul crushing pause lingers to this day
Never do I find a when
That's where that statement has to end

©2025

An abusive psyche
No might be
Cradle to the grave most likely
The lengthy reminder's set for nightly
However not by me
I have no say apparently

©2024

I finally got my ducks in a row
Unknowingly setting up the spectacle
Of lifes trick shot variety show,
Taking them all out with a single arrow
Didn't even need to use a bow
And I land at another new low

©2024

You ever want to write
Something different
Than what you seem to be able to write?
Not some profound insight
Just something lite?
Lord knows I more than might,
Like,
Let's say you wake up in the dead of the night
In the stillness of the moonlight
The room is dark
But the clock is bright
Enough for sight
What you want never feels right
You want to produce light
But your muse is always ready to put up a fight
And you swear there's more to you than hurt and pain
And you know you have this talent
But when you try to use it,
It's not the same
Is it all in vain?
The thoughts that creep in
Start to feel insane
600 plus poems should be enough to drain
Each and every issues main vain
Can someone please explain?
Standing on a beach while the good in you feels like a single grain
Maybe the good in you is there but tied to the tracks of life's train
What's there to gain?
What changes if you complain?
What I've found
Is standing your ground
Will only leave you maimed

©2024

Can't take another
New beginning
Of the end
Of the last
New beginnings
Dead end

©2024

Loving me
Is some kind of chore apparently
From what I see
It seems to be done begrudgingly
It is mostly
Basic surface level pageantry
So there is a "we"
But my end can be changed out if need be
The worst part has to be
That I can't help but give completely
And organically
Which always finds it's way around to biting me in the *****

©2024

It doesn't matter how much unconditional love I give
I'll never get it back
I'll never know that feeling
But it still doesn't stop me from giving it

©2024

Tonight is not a night
Where we will find sleep
Tonight is the night
That we find something more everlasting

©2024

If I where to ever get around to it,
There will be very few who would care
Okay, maybe a little bit
But they will roll their eyes
There will be scoffs and sighs
They will try to disguise the smirk
That comes with the pride of being right with no surprise
Because "todays the day"
They will finally be able to say
"I told you so"
"I told you he was a monster"
"I told you he didn't care"
"What did I tell ya, huh? He didn't want to be here"
Nope, not true
But what do they care?
Had they ever?
Whatever
What's true is I will no longer be there
To wave like hell to clear the air
And attempt in vain to clear my name
I will have proven them right once again
By not being able to prove them wrong
Just another loser's dance and song

©2024

There's a pleading tone to this question I battle before and after I ask
A not so simple, "why can't I just let the past be the past?"
I know at first glance,
I'm nothing more than moth in a trance
Pinging off the same piece of backlit display glass
An abused mind easily transfixed, statue still and steadfast
While running summer Olympic qualifying fast, all gass
Feet growing roots, interlocking with blades of grass
A introspective narrative of an internal impasse

©2024

The monsters quickly collect under the bed
Graduating faster to free range demons roaming the head
Diabolical shadows lurking on the perimeter of the peripheral
Becoming a something far to real to think it still impossible
Unlike fear and loathing, fear and logic are seldomly seen traversing side by side
The unnatural occurrence of an unnecessary ride

By the time an oblivious mind realizes the kamikaze danger
The digits it controls are busy pulling out each heartbreak dagger
Those select few that came through the front from the  back
Create tallies in scar form that are starting to overlap as they stack
Teetering on life's edge as it dares me to take that final step over
Finding it impossible not to follow the devil when there's one on each shoulder

Life is the tragedy
That balances the more accepted comedy

©2025

How does one live
Without a heart in his chest,
No positive thought in his head,
The worst presenting as his best?

A hopeless romantic
If it's not perfect, it's panic
Why is the worse case automatic?
I think it's called...manic

There's suppose to be no need
No one should be expected to try
What if I'm wrong?
Or what if I'm right and people lie

I just want you
To want to want what I want too
And maybe help put a few insecurities to bed
And pretend for a fleeting second true love's true

©2025

Do it,
Love me
Do it,
Hate me
Do it
Now
Do it
Latter
Or don't
It doesn't matter

©2024

Have you ever said,
Even internally,
"I AM FUUCKING DYING!"
Wanting it to be true but it never comes
So you find that you're innocently lying
What it this?
Deaths missed kiss?
Life mocking my last wish?
Am I not allowed some kind of bliss?
Common questions
That have passed through many a mind and uncountable lips
But ask for the answer
And find emotion rear an ugly head creating an eclipse

©2025

Kindness didn't always come easy
I spent far to many years angry
I thought there was no choice,
"That's how the world made me"
But that's not what comes naturally
It's simply not me

©2024

The grass isn't always bluer
On the other side
But tomorrow WILL bring with it
Greener skies
mmmmhmm

©2024

What's gotten into me?
Well, it's spite silly
Despite a lack of a vacancy
Much needed for what's actually important to me

©2024

I don't mean to tile a question
But that's where I'm at
...
I don't know any further than that

©2025

A flicker of hope
Can light up a room
Or light the abused fuse
Of the next round of doom
Nothing's off limits here,
Seemingly not now,
Though known to many yesteryear
"I don't want to assume,
So what won't it consume?
The people
And nature,
The planet,
The moon?"
It's all going to shiit
It's confusing now
But can't talk about it...
...it's always too soon
So I sit in despair
For death I dare swoon
What I want
And what I want
Threaten to draw at high noon
Center stage of a one man show
Left to dance the art of war alone
Under the light of a pale moon
As both lover and goon
Hoping it'll all be done soon

©2025

Don't do this
Don't be that
Basically
Don't exist
Unless
You can do this
And you can be that

©2014

The tiny tears dry
But every
Miniscule memory
No bigger than a single,
Thoughtful penny
Resides in the residual
The old me?
A buried time capsule
It gets so heavy
As the new visual
Builds up quickly
Until you
Don't recognize who you
See looking back at you
In the rearview
You're not too
Be looking at anyway
All you see
Is all you've gone through
And it's not visual trickery
You know it to be true
You feel the change inside too
Within the replaced imagery
You can no longer find you

©2024

I've given real life
Forty plus years of my time
I'd rather just exist
In an altered state of mind

©2024

I sit and rot
Wishing I could turn back the clock
A thief in a thought
With a litany of failures to mock

©2025

I'd rather be alone
Than to be this lonely
With someone beside me
I'd much rather be
Just me only
Till it's just me and my headstone

©2024

I put the pasta in the water
And watched the burner get hotter and hotter
But the water refused to boil
Sitting on the red hot coil
Then the instant I walked away it boiled over

©2025

No one will be there
To witness me leaping
But they'll line up in droves
To judge me and my chosen ending

©2024

A civil war rages internally
My insecurities grab the wheel violently
In a constant state of calamity
Regardless of what side claims victory
I'm destin too lose a part of me
That is, of course,
If it doesn't consume me completely

©2024

I'm not going to lie
It felt good
I felt justified
Pouring the gas
Striking the match
And letting it fly
I even stood back
And watched the whole thing burn
Imagining the reflection of the engulfed bridge dead center of my eye
But I was young
I was hurt
I was beyond just a simple angry guy
And now so much time has passed
I find myself
Back at the charred remains
With a solitary tear forming in my eye
And you no longer on the other side
But one by one I still replace
Each piece of chard lumber
With iron and steel just in case
You too one day
Find yourself back at the same place

©2024

You can only add to your pain
Nothing takes it away
I know, I know
What a thing to say
But I'm 40 years into this train wreck
And, to my dismay,
It's looking that way
I pray to be wrong,
I swear I do
Every single moment,
Of every single day

©2024

Why are hearts
That feel so much
So easily broken?
I haven't misspoken
When I beg to not care
Beg to have nothing to clutch
Beg to take my last breath
Or have taken from me
My ability
To love and care so much
I plead "how is this fare?"
"Why can no one show me they care?"
"What is wrong with me?"
"Is there something I'm the air?"
"Why am I kept
So far away
From loves touch?"
The nothing's becoming
Far too much

©2024

Of course I went and messed up again
That's how everything for me comes to an end
What did I think was truly going to happen?
Especially when
My shoulder demon is my only friend
I can not even comprehend how it all began
Was I destined to be a heathen?
If we have to go back to the beginin'
Just leave it there and not mess with poison
I've been here before again and again
It's a trend that might hypothetically completely break me
Regardless of how well I can bend
They can't break the broken

©2024