Black
Little
Anomalies
Now
Known

Can't
Understand
This

Gal?
Pal?
Wait, what now?
How?

Bound to get some questions from this, some hate; a backlash. The funny side of this is my middle name can basically be a backslash.

Some will say I don't have to mention.
Others will say I'm doing it for attention.

I'm doing it because I don't know.
I'm putting my confusion fully on show.
Whoohoo! Yippie! Let's go!

I don't have to be shy.
So what? Sometimes, I feel pretty much, like a guy
Perhaps, the majority will stigmatise.
For you see, my gender does not fit into a pretty little box, at least not in society’s eyes

Feelings: I have none.
A thought; only one.
If only I had a gun.

Fragile
And
Delicate
End

Don't let silence be your foe.
Let it in, think, ponder. allow your imagination to wander because you never know

Hush don't wake her, leave her in the quiet.
Hush don't wake her, it's the nightmares. Let her battle the internal riot.

Hush don't wake her, there is no longer any need.
Hush don't wake her, now she must take the lead.
Hush don't wake her, yes we have shown her this ledge.
Hush don't wake her, but, you see, she must be the one to walk over the edge.

Oi
Look
Listen
You

Forgive my tone, I'm not trying to smart, rude or clever.
Gender shouldn't not be tender. Hopefully sooner or later it'll become like: Meh..Yeah whatever."

Strong
Hearted
And
Unique
Nerd
...Essentially

Freedom is the trophy that many attempt to acquire.

The biggest quest along their lives' path.
Along the way, they give in to temptation, sin and desire.

They must face The Devils' wrath.
"Ye shall dance in my fire!"

She

Loves

Us,

Together

Floating, my lens is set to soft-focus. Just a sense, an outline.
Held so close. But from the grounders, safely, I am out of reach.
To finally be able to feel secure is sublime.



My freedom, they shall no longer impeach .
Intentions pure .
Settled, I am finally at peace. Lightness I now know.
I have risen and found my cure

Echoes first quiet, a pitch that hounds can barely hear.

Gently coaxing her. "Come now, no one has to know, just give in dear."


Blues and reds spinning. Sirens scream.

 So much better and yet so much worse.



Trying to beg. But no, they're tuned out.

I don't know any other route,
I still can't tell, no voice to shout.


They're all deaf! Please God, open just one ear.

Heartbeat and breathing erratic.

Mindset; frazzled, like static.



There is never a rhyme or reason. 
My life is just an ever-changing season.


Looping yet broken. Like a record that is scratched.
In my head, the devils plan, will it be hatched?

Or will I be intercepted beforehand. My only warning sign could be the lights and/or sirens, when the men in white coats are dispatched

Often, it has been said that I am prone to over emphasize.
Today, they will not hurt me with such childish criticism, the importance of today they shall not minimize.

On this day, awhile ago.
The universe was randomly kind.
It wasn't until sometime later that I realized the enormity of how though.
Maybe the stars were aligned.

The fact that she cares.
Unconditionally so, while everyone else looks for an easy way out.
Splitting hairs.
Sam is there, ringside.
During each bout.
My goal isn't to win. I just want to make this woman glow with pride.

Pop a vein. Let it spill
. Just breathe....Slash!
 Angels and demons, battle and clash.
It's just a matter of time until....

All I want is to sit in a dark corner and cry.
But I have no tears my ducts have run dry.

I've had this feeling for months and months. I can't lose him, my devil still hunts.
Voices in my head trying to put me under his spell. I know one thing, I do not want to carry out their instruction, and perform there near-death stunts.

But you see, my resolve is week so it begins, through flesh I will saw.
With this there is no big mystery, there is only one conclusion one must draw....

This girl simply wishes to hurt no more.
"Please don't revive me!" She would implore.
From her final resting place; the bathroom floor

My hand hovering above him, I hesitate.
There is a glint in his eye. 
Slowly I pick him up, just feel the weight.
We always meet when I feel hopeless, he promises so much, absolution, complete freedom and yet, I cannot seem to fully accept. I refuse him; deny.

 He somewhat quells my despair.
Roaming up and down my skin.
Tending to me when I can't let anyone else in.
Arms, legs, chest stomach, especially a thigh.
To me, he feels at home there.
 Never does he question; ask why.
He's always ready; on standby.

Deception mistaken for protection.
 Oh so naive.
Unwittingly taking fiction as gospel, wholeheartedly, they believe.
The art of lying, simply unable to conceive.

In these formative years, all the elders did was sugarcoat.
 Upon uncovering the truth.
They realize all that they've been fed is poison, slowly, it has been secreted.
 Down their throat.
 Cruelly cheated.
The innocence of youth.

The darkened sky has 1 million eyes.
 It knows the whats, the hows the whens, and the whys.

Down beneath, cruel deceit and lies.
 So remember to rise above, the truth never dies.

Sleep is the devil, sleep is such a tease. Dreams a plenty. Some leave me full of hope. The others leave me empty. 
Happy endings, fun and silliness, these little shorts of pure joy, thrilling us, we are fooled by a false sense of security. Like our emotions are a toy. With every one nightmares are close by. No! Please! So now, whenever I go to bed I only shut a single eye.

I've been driving myself mad for years. Hearing these voices burns me with pure a panic, it sears.

I scream until I can't anymore
My unanswered pleas coming out broken and raw.

From my polluted mind I yearn to run.
I'm so very close to swallowing the barrel of my metaphorical gun.

Don't
Overthink
Uniqueness,
Be
True.

Pain I know well.
With pain I can deal.
As the heat does radiate and the soreness does swell.
I finally begin to feel.
Yes, it has the power to bring me back but it can also make me crash and derail.
This sweet hurt will forever have me chasing my tail.
Oh such heavenly hell.

Looking for another girl to be underneath.
A frenzy of tongues and teeth.
Because I've no more self respect left to lose.
So? Care to accompany me on my **** cruise?

Frostbite you must face.
The icy cold you'll just have to embrace.

The truth hurts honey, It's cold and hard.
But you made your decision, you played your last card.
You can't just start crying now that your heart is scarred.

You're not the only one, **** it up and grow yourself a backbone.
You must now start paying for your past, for your sins you must atone.

I just allow the ink to leak.
Do you comprehend how loud silence can speak?

Let readers think and digest.
None shall win, nor will they lose.
Everyone will wear their own bruise.
This isn't a competition, herein there's no contest.
They must listen to their internal beat.
Let their conscience changed the direction of their feet.

The path is theirs to stroll.
It is only when one is at peace that they can seize control.
But until that day their demons will continue to scream and patrol.

We can never completely wipe the slate. There will always be things that are left to fester and stagnate.

All we can do is turn to the next page while waiting for our memories to degrade as we inevitably progress further into old age.

Some believe we’re placed, brought.
Yes, but for what? To leave our mark?
Nah, my ever hopeful brethren, we’ve all just been assigned a sinister character arc.
You see, this isn’t your story, not a brave journey upon which you must embark.
You have no control, it's simply a sadistically cruel lark.
To see how long it takes each one of us to reach our last resort.

What gives you the right to emotionally abuse?
To deliberately mislead and confuse?

You purposely belittle and outwit!
You draw them in. Then when you've had your fill. Callously, out you spit!
Sharp words paired with throwaway looks, a simple but effective weapons kit.

Firing at will.
Oblivious to the fact you are the final straw. Leading them to take the blue pill.

Nearly
Emotionally
Empty;
Drained

You think that I am a attention seeker.
The reality is far, far bleaker.
You don't believe.
You think it untrue.
The horror you cannot conceive.
Well congratulations, lucky you.

Writing, for me isn't often a happy affair.
For you see, there is a lot of darkness up there.

I do not want to equal the sum of my mistakes.
To step back from the edge. Do you realize how much strength that takes?

Your psyche breaks.
Into minute fragments and flakes.
One can cut themselves on these spiky shards.
So don't give me an inch, if you do I'll take far more than a yard.

This one's for she who wears the glow in the dark specs.
The one nobody disrespects!

The one who always has the biggest smile on her face.
The one who constantly conducts herself with impeccable grace.

The one who isn't a afraid  to be different, to stand out and defy the norms.
The one who's light still shines, so bright, even after weathering the harshest of storms.

The one who sees nothing but goodness inside.
The one who makes me feel as if I I am airborne, I can simply spread my wings out and glide.
I have been afforded the greatest honour by her, she considers me her sibling, that alone gives me the biggest sense of pride.

Some say: "Money buys you happiness."
I will not argue, that could be true.
But couldn't the same be said about love too?

Tear me down.
Push me low and watch me drown.  

Amusement as you watch me struggle and gasp.
Your enjoyment is on full display, topped off with your evil rasp.

Once all is done and your ownership is re-certified. You kiss me softly, your gestures now tender.
Each time I'm still terrified but, hearing those two words is reason enough to surrender.

I have very little desire to live.
I cannot sustain my grip.
It seems that my life is slipping away from me. As easily as water pouring through a sieve.
Drip, drip, drip.

Sip after sip, they all take their drink.
Does it quench their thirst?
Seeing me at my worst?
Watching my self-esteem shrink?

Will my misery entertain?
Will he salivate at the prospects and their resulting effects?
Joy, he wouldn't contain.

"Oh girl, the things I could do." He did almost coo.
"I want you to remember this encounter long after I'm through."

"With fire, you chose to play. Such a childish fool, one only gets burnt that way."

Why does my creativity choose to bloom?
Why does it grow as I contemplate delving into the darkness, pitching my tent in the blackness, amongst all of the doom and gloom?
Will my soul be efficiently sort out and collected for The Man In Red to consume?

Living
In
Fear
Every day.
___________________­

Continually, my heart does stutter.
My head is full of all this painful clutter.
I wish that I could draw the blinds or pull down a lockable shutter.

I know that they are waiting, in the shadows. Waiting to pounce.
What they're not aware of is that my wish is their wish too.
The doctor may look at his watch, a time he will announce. My dream will become a reality and their wish will become true.

Muted.
Tongue tied.
That was a clear fact, couldn't be disputed.
To make her voice heard. Countless times she'd tried.
So from now on, a new tactic she has applied.
Head hung low, as she walks in silent stride.
Emotional shutdown: access denied.

The last time we were able to properly communicate was as far back as September.
She sent me a silly photo, I remember.

I miss her, I hope she knows.
More and more, as by time so swiftly goes.
When each day draws to a darker close.

I'm not irritated, angry or annoyed.
These circumstances we just could not foresee.
With this fact, I'm sure, she would agree.
It's completely impossible to avoid.

It can't be helped. With the situation, I will never complain.
Sadly, this has made me abundantly aware of the shadows as daylight begins to fade.
The clouds and the rain.
My world is void of all color, leaving me with nothing but shade.

I know not.
Reasons why, long since forgot.
Let myself fester: rot.

Self-medicate.
I am full to the brim.
Hate.
When shall I draw my last breath? That's the debate.
My chances of receiving an answer? Very slim.

Too cowardly to end it at a time of my own choosing; on a whim.

Often it's a fine line. Elements of the two will overlap and intertwine.

Lust coupled with a prominent *******.

Longing, faith and need, founded upon an unexplainably true connection.

Regret.
The last words uttered were ones of hatred and disgust.
Our once solid foundation rotted with lies and mistrust.
Oh, the things I would have said to you, if only I could have foreseen that last nights' was to be your last sunset.

We had a wild ride.
With a few stumbles as we went.
Mostly due to my strong opinions and your pride.
I'll always remember you by one single line: "You're right, rules aren't meant to be broken, just bent."

Sleep tight.
As I gaze up at the sky tonight.
Let your star glow bright.

One sniff, flying.
With every other dying.
To abstain I am no longer trying.

I am once again a slave.
I have to simple goal, to feed my addiction.
With my family this fact constantly causes friction.
It was never my intention to cave.
And now with each score I'm edging closer to a premature grave.

My oh my.
Doesn't time fly.
You blink and whoosh! Another year rushes by.

Today is the anniversary of your birth.
The day that the angels decided to pluck you from the clouds and send you to earth.

Delivered to your parents by the stalk.
The winding roads of life you now walk.

I wonder what you'll do with your next 365.
Whatever happens, stay strong.
Endure and survive.
Keep holding on. If you do that then you'll never put a single foot wrong.
I love seeing you grow and thrive.

They can be found. They can be lost.
They can be warm and tender. They can be icy, like frost.

So beware. Handle with care.
You can never take them back once they're out there.

Her voice is soft: "Sweetheart, come.
You look like you're in need of some company."
She takes my hand, stroking it gently with her thumb.

Slow steps, I walk in a disjointed pattern. Two, two, one, three.
She does not hurry me.
Around my waist snakes an arm.
With my sharp intake of breath, a note of alarm.
"Aww petal, it's okay. I mean you no harm."

"You're alright now, your fight is over."
She says taking my bloodied revolver.
Exchanging it for a torn and red stained four leaf clover.

Two teens, truly smitten.
Within minutes of realizing that they did indeed harbour mutual feeling. So cruelly bitten.
We're both goners! They did assume.
Two futures predetermined, written.

At the time neither knew that Ellie was immune.
In forty-eight hours, Riley's body the virus would fully consume.

I shouldn't still feel this way. Too much time has passed but my emotions do not lie.
People have said: "Forget her."
It's repeated time after time.
But she remains and I can't understand why.

I just can't seem to say: "Goodbye."