The walls surround me.
I am trapped.
It's almost as if the ability to breathe has been stolen from me.
I can't see anything but the pale flesh encasing my hands.
I see the door,
I see the way out.
But for the life of me, I can't take it.
The fear is too strong, too encompassing.
I want to cry,
I want to scream;
WHY CAN'T I BE STRONG?
Why oh why for the life of me,
Can't I break free?
I try to fight the panic down,
I really do.
But every time the words are on the edge of my tongue,
They never come out.
Everything remaining unspoken threatening to choke me.
I start to tumble down.
I can't find my footing,
people now know.
My perfectly perfected facade is crumbling down.
The ground is unsteady,
I am sobbing now.
Everyone knows so I have to bury it all underground.
But this is what I wanted,
To have people know.
To finally not be alone in the dark.
To have the words that have laid unspoken,
Finally, come rushing out.
I'm still not ready,
I don't know what I am.
I don't know who I should be.
I didn't choose this time.
I didn't choose this life.
And yet, cruel fate has chosen it for me.
So many people are so free.
Their walls are gone, and they can breathe.
I want to feel that, I do, but I don't think I can.
At least not right now.
I will choose when I break free,
I will choose when I get to breathe.
For now, I will return to my own hell.
Where I hope I break free before the choking fear threatens to break me.