there's nowhere to go for me
the air becomes dense
I can't
breathe
my heart weeps with each beat and
My mind is screaming
breathe
She yells at me
She tells me it won’t get better until I bleed

Take a deep breath
Maybe you just need to rest

My chest feels tight
You cannot see through my eyes

Okay just breathe
You need to be normal

How do you define normal in this world?

You need help
breathe

No please

Trust me, you'll be safe in this place

but
What is safety
when I made a home in every name of the people I believed would not break me

Breathe

I'm not crazy, sorry I'm not a saint
Maybe I should listen to the voices in my brain
All they say is breath
Count to three
someone once told me it won't get better until I bleed
Red silk streams down my body and I start to feel free

911 what is your emergency
m.d

Oh my dearest enemy
It was my fate that you would
Put an end to me
In wars of
Love and Loss
I remain undefeated
But my dear enemy
You knew my sensitivity
Where I am most vulnerable
I suppose fate is meant to take it's toll
In one last war
You took your shot
There it goes, the only place
And fate becomes fate
My dearest enemy
You shot at my heart
And my biggest fear became real
You shot me dead
You found my Achilles heel

M. D

‪I am the flower that is being drown by rain today and‬
‪I wonder if I will breathe again‬
I am fragile and I shake w each roll of thunder

‪The night retires and my petals are drenched ‬
‪heavy from the weight of the water and ‬
‪the ground I stand in is not firm‬

‪the sun has come out ‬
‪I am new and nourished ‬
‪I have soaked up the storm and‬
‪I am a stronger form than I was ‬
‪The day before‬

‪- a flower that feels like she's drowning every time it rains‬
m.d

Today my heart shattered again
A million pieces and one...two..
I am losing count
I'm losing you
Please crave me the way
I crave you
Your heart beat was mine and
You took that too
See my heart only beats for you but
You have a different view
Look on my arm
I bleed for you
Please love me
As much as you want her to love you
M.d

If things would get bad
“Push it to the pack of your head”
But I will never forget
Bad memories, Bad karma, Bad friends
But I will never regret
Bad things, bad dreams
It's bad in my head
Repeat something over and over
And we forget what it means
This time around
when they said you were bad for me
A bell did not ring
He hit me once
Twice
Ding ding ding
He is bad
But it means nothing to me
M.D

I want you to know there is glitter inside my bones
And sunshine inside my soul
So if you ever feel cold
You must consider that
It did not come from me
You have debris and cloud
And you’re buried underneath
I have been polished like a diamond wedding ring that I wished for upon dandelions and I hoped the seed would settle in your chest
But your eyes were dark brown and you were never the calm before the storm you were the storm and the mud that left tracks in my house where I would clean up your mess because your mess has always been mine and when I drank coffee you drank whiskey bc your eyes were dark brown and they burned down the town and we drove through the streets screaming this is our city and while your bones were hollow I kept telling you there was glitter in mine and the cloud that hunger over your head refused to let you see sunshine
I am not the reason you are cold
I have tried to plant sunshine in your soul

Here I go
I will give you everything that I am
Here I stand
Hoping I would be enough to
Give you warmth
My heart in my hand
You accepted what I had to give but
My body felt the cold front move in
I knew because I felt it before
As if my heart had dropped on the floor
Here I am
Chilled to the bone
My chest is empty
I never knew you could be so cold
Your last kiss left me froze
I wasn't the one that you chose but
There you go
You took my heart w you because
You knew it was made of pure gold
M.D

All of the colors in the world but
His eyes shook my core
I fell in love with the color brown
When I gazed into them
I begin to drown

I made a house in those eyes
From the ground up
I started to build
Oh I loved you
I'd put him in my will

Home
Wood floors
Memories of footsteps
Love was knocking at my door

For my garden
Only soil as close to the color of those
Dark brown eyes
I planted a life in his soul
Our walls made of solid gold

Dark brown eyes
I could feel him watch me
My favorite color, just like coffee
A cup of you each morning
His touch left my skin scorning

My boy with dark brown eyes
Why would you destroy
The greatest home of your life
M.d

If I ever look tired
Well sometimes I can't sleep
Even when I do
You drive me crazy in my dreams

This mess is your masterpiece
So I dedicate these dark circles to my love that is true
I hope you see them as beautiful

Because even when I'm sleeping
All I think about is you
m.d

You got it from your father
I know you did
The way you treat women
As if we are just objects
You are a hunter
I am the pray
You got it from your father
He made you believe it was okay
To keep hunting until you got your ****
I know it’s hard but swallow this pill
As a human you are a disgrace
To touch me in each and every place
When I was younger
You felt nothing but hunger
A hunter hunts
You got it from your father
Who let you believe
Women are just like a piece of meat
You took my purity
You haunt my sleep
I hope as your son grows old
Your father will not stay in memories

Forgive me
For i have sinned
I told my daddy to wait
Im gonna make it
But when?
I cross my heart and i hope to die
This life i live
Its all a lie
Look at my face
A happy smile right? or
Look in my eyes
Dont be scared
This is wheremy demons lie
Foegive me
For i have i have sinned
I haven't been myself
I pray for help
I want you to trade me shoes
See if you could walk a mile
Without wanting to die

I try not to cry
Father god this life i live
Im sorry i lied
I'm on my knees
Please forgive me
I ask for the thousandth time
Did you hear me?

He has always been there
Throughout each year
Every struggle
Every falling tear
every car ride
The sparkle in his eyes
Always kept me alive
He is precious
He belongs to me and
He is my rock
**** men but
This poem goes out to mans best friend
I love my dog
M.D

Fire, Water and Air the main elements of earth
I told him that he is my world
He is the soil where I planted my love and
I hoped he would Water the garden I made for him
He is the Fire that keeps me warm to the core and
It only got warmer when he touched me
I prayed to the Lord to never take my love for then
The Air that I breathe would be taken away from me

This time last year
It was you
who filled me with Christmas cheer
even though loving you isolated me like
Rudolf the rednose reindeer
Slipping on ice
I only saw you but
Isn't it ironic
How love is so blind
Never once did I see that
You would be my demise
Your love was like a drug
Increasing my dose
Never afraid of getting too close
This Christmas
my heart is empty and
the weather is still cold
I prayed for you last night but the devil grabbed my soul
The love that we had
turned to coal
Snow settled in my heart
In the spot you used to hold
The holidays are so full of cheer
This year
I opened a box of our memories
No love lies here
M. D.

I know who I am
My moral's
Things that cannot shake me
But I'm drowning in my sorrow's
All of the things that continue to break me
I have let the bad things shape me
Mold me into a form I do not recognize
I know who I am
She is very hard to find
Under the debris and
The dark night's I can still see
My moral's
the things that cannot shake me
But I let the bad things break me
I dig and I dig through the mess
I’m depressed
My moral's may be something
I silently put to rest

I wanted to be more perfect than the moon-

How they admired her
Underneath her, the things they would do
She died every day to let the sun live and
This I would do for you

In the midst of each night, I would catch your eye
Is that a kaleidoscope
Gaze into me, have you lost sight?
The telescope
Did you see things
You hoped you wouldn't find, the craters and the grey areas
Did you forget I provided you with the light you needed when it was dark
Have you gone blind
I promise I'm not far
Reach for me and
Position your hand just right

Come back to life
You are simply a comet in flight and
When you land everything around you is crushed
Like me at the mercy of your hands

We were a whirlwind of things
We were passion and fire
but we didn't mind getting burnt
Knowing that kind of love
Knowing what it's worth

We were the nightlife and the fast car that would ride forever
We were the crash and the crushed bones that never seemed to heal right but
We wouldn't mind all of the wounds
They would heal
Knowing that kind of love was worth it
You’d assume
love is always worth it.
Right?
You were my wildest fight
m.d.

No means no
It does not mean convince me
No
I do not want to get in the passenger seat
As a child
Throughout my teens
Harassment is engraved deep into my memories

Nap time
A touch over my jeans
The teacher did not mind
We were just kids, right?


No became a new word
with a new meaning
Flashbacks to heavy breathing
Your sweat dripping onto me
Singing my skin

At the age of six
When most kids are playing games and learning cool tricks
You harassed me with
Words i could not repeat
No means no!
Stupid boy get this through your head
Give it a rest
Silly girl, you're playing games
And this is chess
Make a move, what’s new
I’m always next
I think now, you must have been obsessed

No means no but
in your head it meant ***
No, please don’t leave us alone
I knew where this would go
Flashback to the sound of doors being locked
Give up
Your pants are already off

No does not mean convince me
But it didn’t prevent you from stealing my virginity
Engraved into my brain
A cookie wrapper
Just to be safe
I screamed no but
Silently
It was ****

Hi
It's me again.
The girl who plays games With
boys and plays House
For pretend
A happy life
A picket fence
A dog and 3 make belief children!!
Hi
It's me again
The girl who you will play games with
I will make a House in your heart
In my head I love to pretend
A home
A singular light
A heart that I sit and listen for every beat
It's all apart of my memory
But you abandoned me
so I find
A new game to play
A new house
A new place for my heart to swing
Hi
It's me again and
I'm the girl who
Is addicted to playing pretend
M.D

I wrote fantasies and I wrote about sleep
I wrote about demons and
how they danced around a fire in my dreams
I wrote about skeletons in my closet that suffocated me
I wrote about monsters that I rolled around with
In my sheets and when “I love you”
Used to sound sweet
I wrote until my brain stopped flooding and my fingertips began to bleed

Poetry
       i wrote until it
              Finally
          Became easier to
Breathe
m.d

I loved him so
He told me to be his Bonnie
And our love would never die

I'd help you **** an innocent human
We'll cover it up
I'll help you lie

Blood is on your hands and
In front of you a tomb
Here lies the dead
Her death was by you

Around my grave
So many flowers grew
Red roses with thorns
Don't touch or
You'll have blood on your hands too

"why are you so insecure?" repeat. repeat. repeat.
why wouldn't I be?
do you know the ache of being me?
I never learned how to love myself, and I've never really seen anything to love
It is only me. it's impossible to feel confident when you hate every inch of your body
to be trapped in my mind, is like being publicly criticized just like
Your worst dream, but every night
my disgusting body, the life I keep trying to find
and then ask again.
why are you so insecure?
This is no disguise
Try and see through these aching eyes

she tried so hard to fight loneliness
she dedicated her life to finding companionship
and when she had no more life to give, they rewarded her dedication with a casket fit for one

I miss the way your kiss felt electric and
Your laughter got me high
I miss the way that we made lightening between my thighs and baby, baby, baby….. blue eyes
Summer skies
Sun kissed skin and you
Are my favorite sin.

I saw that you were drawing up stories of you and I so
I reached out and you reached for an eraser and I wondered what it would take for you to drop it and pick me up instead
but you held it so tightly determined to rid yourself of the past, present or future
But there's always a trace of the past on the next page
where your pencil left traces
You flip through books and rip out your favorite pages
but write about the skeletons that you have trapped in those cages and
I wondered if i had the right key
would you open your box of bones for me
so that I could prove to you that I will never leave before you awake
That I pray the lord to take my soul  way before
he would ever take yours
because I could never face it
to live without you
Because my heart still beats every time that you draw me up and erase it
Because I loved you but I rotted away
Waiting for placement

I wish that I would've fallen in love with someone
who loved me as hopelessly as I loved you
so I could have experienced what it's like to be someone's world in the palm of their hands
so I could know what it's like to see someones world stop
and not just feel it

In my imagination
Without me, he couldn’t stand to be alive
By my side
hand in hand
and if he dropped me, his world stops turning
Yearning to keep me

Put me in your  hands
hold me as if i were the most fragile piece of your own soul
I am the world
I’ll keep you whole
Don’t forget
The world is in the palm of your hands
Drop me and
Your life turns to sand

On the clock
The hands stand still
As you drop me
Against my will
Only had you loved me as hopelessly as i loved you
Maybe you’d understand my obsession
You caused my depression

In my dreams
You held me and told me
I am more perfect than the moon
Had you loved me in the slightest measure that i loved you
I would not envy the sky because in his eyes
I was the stars and the comets in which
We wished for infinity lives

I wish I would have fallen in love with someone who loved me
Til the world stops
I want to be sky that you admired
never take your eyes off

Jealous of the open sky
The satin sunset we gazed into
Was always prettier than me
He held me in our satin sheets
I prayed he saw the universe in my eyes
Silence

He dropped me
His world did not stop turning
The ache in my heart
It’s burning
The hands on the clock
Stand still at the time of my demise
When my heart was shot
I still visit the scene of the crime

Today my heart aches
For my family
My friends
The times i could not
Make amends
The ache is so deep
It hurts to breathe
I can feel it in my bones
I pray my loved ones names
Will not be read on a tombstone
For my people
I wish that i could take away the pain
Like a drug
I'll be the needle
Anything to feel sane
Today my heart breaks and brakes
Screeching and screaming
It doesn't stop
I pray that my loved ones
Will not be lost
M.D

Throughout the night
You ripped the comforter from me
Your memories tore me away from sleep

While I sleep
I remember how you pulled me
by my ankles as I kick and scream
The look on your face is
Something I will never unsee

I awake breathing heavily
I could have sworn you were here
He grabs my hand
“You were just having a nightmare”