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Julie Langlais Feb 2016
Man from the couch
Looking for me
Shrinking my presence
Wishing I could flee

No place to hide
Hearing his footsteps
Looking for pleasure
In the form of ***

There’s a horrible monster
Outside my door
Always circling
Coming back for more

A haunting game
Of procrastination
Every slight noise probes
My ears with vibration

Peeking out the
Side of my eye
As the doorknob turns slowly
Inching open - I die

His mouth opens wider
Releasing shadows of fear
Dripping his venom
Whispers I barely hear

My littlest brother asleep
On the top bunk.
This man has no shame
As he shows me his junk.

I inquire after my mother
He's roaming towards me.
He murmurs his shhh!
"We can not wake her."

My head is spinning
As he denies my plea
He's just come to expect
He can steal this from me

The smell of burnt plastic
Wanders around him
I'm feeling cryptic
As my light starts to dim

He lies heavy on top
Of my tiny frame
It's become automatic
Like writing my name

Clumps in my throat
Prevent me from gulping
I can’t seem to inhale
His body hammering

I close my eyes so I can sail
Back to my unconscious
Disconnecting this moment
In my black empty space

© Jl 2016
© Pixievic 2016
A collaboration with Pixievic. United in our shared memories & parallel experiences using words to heal.
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
After so many years, It’s time I hold you accountable.

You were never a mother to me
That's why I never referred to you as one
I called you Helen
You were an adult who lived in the same house as me
That's how I saw you
I was numb to you
No feelings
Nothing but terror

I was scared of you
You hated my face
And I feared yours

I don't think I ever loved you  
I never felt warm when I saw you
I felt hostility
I tried to stay out of your way
Dodging your shadow

You never hugged me
You never kissed my boo boos
I never wanted you to

What type of messed up mother-daughter relationship did we have?
You defined our detachment
You made us this way
I obeyed your deranged relationship rules  
You never once told me you loved me
I never knew that word existed until I was older

You *****!
You never played with me
I'm still furious
You were never there
When I needed you
You did nothing a mom was supposed to do
You did not protect me
You did not give me a safe place to live
You beat me
You rejoiced in torture games
You varnished my body
To the ground you stood on
Making me feel less than human
Your mouth detonated bombs inside my ears
Exploding in isolation
I'm still cleaning up the debris it left behind
You neglected me every day
All you cared about was your drugs
Oh, and your men..

I remember you shoving me into the wall
Making an imprint of my body
I looked down to see
Your fingers tightly grasped around my collar
As I stared at your hands
I sadly watched you let go
You let me fall into the hole in the wall
Made by my body
And walked away
Never looking back
So I had to crawl myself out
And sweep the chalky dust off
A ghost lost in existence

I hate that I am angry right now
My heart is racing
Not hurting, just racing
I am closing my eyes in disgust
That’s what I feel for you
You left me for dead so many times
Begging for the ****
To end my suffering
But I always woke up
Fighting for my life in your hell

You were filled with poison and illness
I hate that I come from evil
I hate that you gave birth to me
I hate that I was dependent on you
I hate everything about you

I was just a kid
Small and scared...
Did you ever truly look into my scared eyes?
Eyes begging for your love
Did you ever stop to think?
What you were doing to me
Why didn’t you stop?
Why were you so twisted?

Guilt haunts me...
Where the **** was your guilt
If I come from you
Why am I so sensitive?
Guilt ridden?
Aware of basic principles ~ right and wrong
Where were your principles?
I don’t know....................

How did you get away with it for so many years?
I was left to fend for myself
I was starving
The pain in my stomach
The embarrassment of being so small
Broken bones...
Shattered heart
Why didn't you hold me?
Just once

You always told me I was your least favorite
The ugliest
I believed you
I couldn't look in the mirror without hating my flaws
Even when I was older
I didn’t look for my reflection
Especially if someone else was looking in the same mirror
I would notice all their beautiful features
Heightening the ugliness in my face
I would compare their faces to my hideous one
You manipulated me
Mind-****** me into seeing a beastly image
I still sometimes struggle with this
Despite how beautiful people say I am
I make an effort to believe them
But I do wonder and question it

You hid in your room
Only came out to hurt me
You tortured me like a prisoner of war
Knocking me out
Left me in a puddle of blood
Asked me to clean my mess
When I woke up confused
Blood lingered in my mouth
Swallowing  
Instead of rejecting
It happened so often
I got used to *drinking it

Grew to like the taste
Biting and chewing on the insides of my mouth
Until I tasted blood
Became my daily routine

You kicked in my ribs
Kept me up for nights
You threw me around like a rag doll
But I wasn’t your only target
I watched you assault my little sister
Trying to defend her
Getting your anger directed towards me
Sometimes it worked
But sometimes…
I had to helplessly squint in pain
As you beat the **** of her

Why were you filled with such anger?  
Hatred in your soul-less eyes
Smiling in my suffering
The satisfaction you had every time you hit me

You thought my boyfriend was cute
So you decided to take him
You wanted to make sure I had nothing
You never got me a birthday cake
Or even acknowledged my birthday
I had to sneak into your wallet
To find my Medicare card
To know when my birthday was

You never did anything nice for me
Except once
One pathetic time
I have one nice memory of you
That’s on you

Sometimes…
I think of an alternate ending for you
I wonder how life would be for you and me
If you were still alive
Would you have cleaned up your act?
Made an effort to be a mother?
Would I forgive you
If you changed into a kinder, caring person
I’m still not sure
A part of me hopes I would
While another part of me hopes
I would have disowned you
I didn’t forgive my father
I am happy he isn’t in my life
So I most likely would have done the same to you

I escaped you at the age of fourteen
You died when I was sixteen
You were ***** and beaten to death
How brutal is that
Was that karma?
No way!
No one deserves to die that way
I hate that you died that way
I went to your funeral
It was surreal.
My momster was gone
Forever

I guess I should say thank you
For teaching me four important life lessons

You taught me how be to independent
Which helped in my success  

You taught me about the destructive pitiful life of drugs
Which helped me stay away in my weakest moments

You taught me to hate a life of poverty
Which helped me pursue an education

You taught me about the effects of child abuse and neglect
Which helped me gain empathy for others

You always told me I was nothing....
Ask anyone in my life today
They will tell you the exact opposite
I AM your perfect contrast
You were nothing!!!!
Not me
I made something of myself
Trying to prove you wrong
Your belief that I was a loser
A nobody
A worthless dumb-***
The right push
I needed to rise above your abuse
Driving me to succeed

Thank you for never believing in me
Turns out
I didn't need you after all
You did not raise me
I raised myself
I taught myself
You didn't break me
You made me stronger

© Jl 2016
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
Allergic to her countless lovers
Coming and going
Assorted faces
Strangely similar
Always the musician
Infested in drugs
Touching her
Kissing her
Grabbing her  
Pushing her  
Treating her like a desperate animal
Exposing their mating calls
In my panorama
My young troubled eyes
Shot in permanents
An exhibit to suppress

She begs their affection
While rejecting my attention

© Jl 2016
Words taken from my teens
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
Hiding in my spot
Where no one can find me
Glazing over
To stare into dead space
Emptying the trash living in my head
Sitting here
In a ball
Holding my knees
Hoping...
Just maybe
I can cradle my own heart
A place reserved for me
Without thought
Appearing like a robot
Getting lost in my shut down
Exploring oblivion in my insanity
Amnesia is a better alternate reality
While I reboot in my corner

(C) Jl 2016
Words taken from my teen years
Julie Langlais Jan 2016
Desperate for a baby.
Ultimate sacrifices to make one.
One pregnancy test!
Years of waiting.
In that moment, our dreams came true.
I cried joyous tears; I was going to be a mother.
Most importantly, your mom.
The love grew instantly.
I saw your heart beating and heard the wonderful little thumps.
Striking my senses in amazement.
An intimate sight.
Watching you grow at each ultrasound, as I grew closer to you.
Impatiently waiting to feel you, your first kick.
That anticipated day finally came.
We shared our first moment together.
You never disappointed me.
You gave me everything.
I carried you and loved having you in my belly.
I did everything to protect you.
I had many dreams for you.
I imagined your first smile, your first word, your first step.
I read to you, played with you, hugged you, and kissed you.
I carried you for 31 weeks, that makes me your mother.
I always wanted to be a mother, the best I could be.
I never realized I would be faced with losing my child.
I never expected a mother could be childless.
I don’t understand why life can be horrifying;
You were little, treasured, and perfect.
My world doesn’t make sense without you in it.
A few memories of you is all I have.
Your delicate face, you looked just like your father.
I stared at you, while you never looked back.
You seemed peaceful in my arms.
I wished you could have seen me, your mother who loved you so.
I hoped your muted eyes would sparkle, yet they remained shut.
A couple of hours with you, hours that I would cherish forever.
I embraced and cradled your chilled motionless body.
I gently kissed your soft tiny nose, as a tear fell onto your face.
Pleading to hear you cry,
only you never cried.
The cries ringing in my ears were not yours.

It was time to give you to the nurse.
The hardest part was letting you go.
Conceiving ways of escaping and bringing you home.
A plot remained untouched.
Your father and I left the hospital with a box,
as we watched new parents leaving with their babies.
Why did this happen to us? We nourished you with endless love.
A senseless tragedy I can’t wrap my mind around.
Convinced this is a miserable dream,
still I wake up without you.
Inconsolable and heartbroken
Wishing to be occupied and busy.
An instinctive desire for sleepless late night feeds.
My reality of days drowned by sadness.  
As the tears generate a stream in my house.
This lifeless belly; I ache for your little kicks.
Empty and disoriented without you, will this suffering ever stop?
I wanted a baby.
My dream came true, I had you. .
Goodbye Alex, my son, my love, my angel.

© Jl 2010
Julie Langlais Jan 2016
My mind muffled,
in my twilight searching for an echo.

© Jl 2016
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
Unkind words don't reflect the person in their current.
They reveal a mirrored truth from the one who casts them.

© Jl 2016
People will always tell us we can't, or we are falling short which is generally a reflection of themselves not yours.
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
Her soft silhouette
Etched in the dark sky
Shining bright
She hangs alone
In her paradise
Her Curved profile
Brushed by
A peaceful halo
She watches over
Her sleeping children
Snapshots of stillness
Without Worry
Pulling her down
From her peace

Dreamy eyes all on her
Modest she remains
As she hopes to transcend
Her beauty
To her lost children
The lonely souls
Who lie in bed
Awake
Fixated on her empire
Our queen of the night

Jl 2016
Julie Langlais Jan 2016
Spending time with you is brief.
Time never slows down when reunited.
Seems unfair.
Wishing I could be by your side always.
Watching you grow from a phone seems disconnected.  
How I am supposed to talk to someone I wished was in the same room.
Time has come to part, yet again.
Immediately pain strikes as I look at your sad eyes.
Eyes naturally packed with happiness and beauty.
A hurried visit never satisfies the distance that separates us.
Hoping one day you will move back home,
knowing it's wishful thinking.
Your home has changed places.  
Pondering on the days you lived just down the street.
The ease to see each other whenever we wanted.
Moments that were taken for granted.
Feeling wounded as I ride this plane back home.
The hurt becomes more profound as we grow closer with each visit.    
Love, a powerful beautiful quality that fulfills hearts and nourishes souls.  
Until the next time is see you,
I will be missing you from a distance.

© Jl 2015
Wrote this for my sister from another mother, who lives across the country.
Julie Langlais Jan 2016
"Why surrender for less, when you have the potential to pursue more."

                                           © Jl 2005
McGill University days
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
Only fools replace priceless souls.

© Jl 2016
For everyone out there who has broken hearts, and left confused about what happened. Please know that only fools replace priceless souls.
Julie Langlais Jan 2016
Hardship is what drives you to determination.
Success is the product of determination.
Dedication awards you pride & self-worth.
Self-worth permits access to happiness.
Happiness allows the heart to love.
Love provides for meaning.
Meaning is desired for purpose.
Purpose is what leads one to the enjoyment of living.

You determine your own success.
What you conclude for your life is in your hands.
No one can give you determination
You need to strive for it to use it.
Once you have it, it is yours forever.
Thus without hardship,
One cannot fully appreciate the sacrifice of their own success.

© Jl 2003
I wrote this in my early 20s, when I wanted to quit university. I posted it on my fridge, and read it every morning for motivation to finish my degree.
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
A compliment gives
confidence to dance
in the rain
of hope.

© Jl 2016
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
My need to belong
To finally trust
With my dark secrets
I'm Assured

My armor starts peeling
Layer by layer
Thick armored skin
Weeks into months
Time passes by
She cradles my soul
Metal ashes fall
Still protection remains
To her dissatisfaction
She carefully skins
My final coat
Reluctantly
I concede to her
A first in my lifetime

My naive vulnerability
Fully EXPOSED
I finally silence
My overwhelming past
She can't see me purely
Simply glimpses
Of my essence
TOXIC I am not
She must be delirious

Appearing to wrap
Her loving arms around
With her hollowed pillows
And paper blankets
Blind-folded as I allow her in
Not seeing her game
She covers me up
In a plastic bag
I open my eyes
Little too late

She confiscates my armour
Keeps it for herself
She squeezes and suffocates
Leaving me in
REJECTION

Out by the street
Stuck inside this sack
Months go by,
Isolated and CONFUSED

Until I smell her approach
She opens the bag
With pensive eyes
She puts her hand out
I reach up
Immediately freezes
In a blank stare
Her hand lets go

In crushing shame
Seals me up
Using CRAZY glue
I can't escape
LEAVING ME
On the side of the curb
Wondering what I did wrong

I can't help but notice
Down this street
I'm not the only debris
She threw away
Useless NONEXSISTENT
To her we still remain

© Jl 2015
This is for the friend who managed to get into my soul, to simply destroy the glued pieces holding it together.
I wish I could send this to her, but I simply won't :(
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
As night falls, sickness rises

© Jl 2016
It all hits me at night
Funny thing is my son has a cold, and his fever rises at night.
Interesting
Julie Langlais Jan 2016
Existing in this infinite stream.
Observing the towering waterfall above me.
Seeking a peaceful habitat,
liberation and re-birth anywhere except here.
This excessive baggage I bear,
fighting against the current.
Wondering why I started at the bottom of this waterfall,
while others, at the top.
Detained by unrelenting forceful water,
drowning me to the shadowed ground.
Rubble marking and defacing my skin.
Hiding and scared from the revolving threats.
Burdened by understanding my surroundings.
Currents throwing me around with availability.
Examining the colors of life sparkling through the reflection of my water.
Trapped in chaos,
Starved for happiness,
Losing hope in this dark stream.
One day I will see the calm sunlit waters,
I will swim past this abuse.

© Jl 2015
Julie Langlais Feb 2018
I coloured your heart red
while you shaded mine blue

Jl 2016
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
A small applause has
enough potential to
shoot a star upon the
moon of creative inspiration.

© Jl 2016
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
I gaze upon your rest
I take the time
To examine your beauty
Your kindness
The sweetness you hold
And I,
Smile in love

I stroll my eyes
to your little hands
An imprint  
Hanging  
On the walls
Inside my head
And I,
Smile in love

I see your face
And remember
Memorizing in awe
Precious late night feeds
Following your growth
From that infant
You once were
And I,
Smile in love

I am thankful
Each night
I can find
Comfortable peace
Fixing my broken
As I watch
You,
Smile in bliss
In my sundown

Jl 2016
This poem was inspired by waching my kids sleep. As I watched my daughter, I noticed a smile while she dreamed something pleasant, I imagine. Made me at peace to see her happiness. I must be doing something right, if she smiles in her sleep :)
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
Soul mates are branches that stem from our timber
They are necessary for our survival
Focusing on one specific attachment can be lonely
We have several extensions of varied types

Lovers are everyone's favorite
High atop
The most charming branch
Providing us with
Decadent nourishment

Friends chosen to bud from our essence
Hanging out in the middle
Providing the perfect view
Of our reality

Family often taken for granted
Sometimes forgotten at the bottom
They are closest to our roots

Souls never get lost
Some naturally slant without blooming
Simply a glimpse
A memory perhaps
Some choose to break free
From our beauty
Sometimes certain souls
Are just not meant to be
While other branches
Remain timeless
Don't lose hope
Some connections
Have yet to be discovered :)

© Jl 2016
I believe soul mates aren't  just reserved for lovers. I believe we have all different kinds of soul mates. People you click with and get you :)
Julie Langlais Mar 2017
Kissing you is place where our souls dance to the lyrics of love

Jl 2017
Julie Langlais Jan 2016
"That sparkle in your soul is there for a reason, it’s telling you to be a star and shine through the skies of life."
                                         
 © Jl 2003
I wrote this quote in my early 20s.
Julie Langlais Jan 2016
Park the car.
Loosen the grip.
The free road was not for me.
Walking through the beauties of nature.
Swallowing it whole.
Fresh stream, my element.
Plunge!
Swimming to where my journey began.
I was never meant to swim away and leave.
I needed to remain.
Rooted here in this stream.
My nook.
Marinating in the rays
Soaring with ease.
Sunken armor
Free at last
I’m finally back home.

© Jl 2015
Realizing I was running away from my problems.
Julie Langlais Apr 2016
The moon is out
At her usual time
Only the sky is bright
Blended in white clouds
A blue background
Kissed by the sun's rays
on the other side
As the moon enjoys
Her unexplored view
She is blown away
By all the natural colors
Vibrant and alive

I am,
Fascinated by this image
The sun and moon
Share the sky
In the spring
The love that radiates
In contrast
As they beam in unison
In circular beauty
A moment in the universe
That proves us
We are all connected
In some way
Our very own
yin-yang
On display to teach us
Significance of our existence

Jl 2016
I noticed this beautiful image on my run. I felt overjoyed and excited to write about it :)
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
This temper that lives inside
Storms out unexpectedly
Like a monster unleashed
Ignited by stress

Spilling Anger
Yelling in irritation
Sensing my mother
Lurking in my shadow
A vile aftertaste still lingers
Forced fed by her poisonous venom

Until I realize
I'm roaring
Splashing my screams onto
My loved ones
Making them cry

The beast has taken over
From the depths
Where my momster
Lay her eggs  
Waiting for them to hatch
And be released
In shame and guilt

The last thing I want
Is the mirage of that
Ghost haunting
My babies

The creature that resides
Hidden from the world
To protect against  
The carnivores who feasted
On my innocence

Now breathing to exhale my scare
Away from my young's oxygen
One breath at a time until
The monster's ghost
Has settled back
Deep inside my oppressed soul

© Jl 2016
My kids were really testing my patience one evening, as they pressed on my last nerve, I fell over the edge. I yelled at them, sent them in time out, and then sat in guilt while I heard their cries. I'm usually a very laid back quiet mom, but loses it sometimes. That time I yelled louder than ever before, and felt horrible after. I wrote this in that moment.
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
Inspiring community, my support group
Admiring the art displayed
Thank you for renewing me

© Jl 2016
Thank you HP <3
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
On the sidelines here I stand
cheering you on,
your number one fan
Watching you, I inspire
While you play this game, I so admire

© Jl 2016
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
On his lonely boat
In an ocean filled with broken fish
Swimming
Surviving at the depths
Waiting to be rescued

The fisherman waits
Patiently
Examining the fish below
Waiting for his time
To use words of kindness and care
In the form of a hidden agenda

These lost fish
Desperate to find light in their darkness
They spot a sparkle at the end of his line
They observe the beauty and go to that glimmer
The goodness the fisherman is showing
They bite into his masked perception
And realize they are getting reeled
In disbelief as they get hooked closer
He snaps!
The bait out of their mouth
This kind fisherman now owns them
As they live in his bucket
Among other young fish
Controlled by him
He, who loves to play games with their fragile minds
To feel powerful and whole
As he feeds them weakness
Deviously devouring their soul
Piece by piece
Until only their skeleton remains.
One managed to escape his asylum.  

As he casted his line
Back in the blue of hope
She watched his lines
Filled with glitter
Nearing another
How does she warn the lost fish in her sea?

© Jl 2016
Spreading awareness on all types of abuse.
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
A needed car ride
Don't fear
You are the driver
Taking her on your road
Through the winding bends of your head
As she sits next to you in the passenger seat
Following your navigation
Keeping you from driving off the cliffs

© Jl 2016
I have a therapist, but HP is definitely my immediate therapy :)
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
Someone exploiting their position of power is viewed as insecure and ignorant, for thinking that's how you lead a successful team.
People don't respect a useless leader.

Jl 2016
Good leaders  are respected and followed out of trust and respect. If you force people to follow you, most of them will not perform to their best abilities.
That's just my opinion.
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
I am a mother, a wife
A friend, a teacher
I seek happiness
I love deep
Only souls not faces
Always loyal
I don't judge  
I love to help
I see good in everyone
Which makes me naive at times
I am open to all
Hoping for a world
Where everyone fits
Labels don't exist

I latch to rules
Anxiety demands
I suffer from OCD
Always chasing order
Shackled by disinfection  
I am comfortable in control
Leading the way
I seek to inspire
I believe in others
I am honest with my feelings
I value experience
And learn from them
I reflect on my day
Always trying to improve
I search for meaning in conversations
Enjoy learning new things daily

I play sports
Love music  
Enjoy Art
Express myself in writes
Fascinated by abstracts
Reading words to gain insight
The grace in movement  
The beauty in visual artistry

I love to re-discover nature
The acoustics of birds
Waterfalls and rain
Kissing falling snow
Connecting with our majestic sky
I love the stillness
Each morning brings
The dew sleeping in the emerald
The lacquered canvas
Of quiet lakes
Motionless  
In something so vast

Yoga is my philosophy
A healthy
Body
Mind
And spirit
My destination is
The pursuit of enlightenment  
In my life's pain
I am coming out of the spiral
Enjoying my journey
Seeing straight
Swimming the unalome
I feed my soul
Hoping IT can lead me
Leaving my ego in my wake

I remain unfinished
I continue to wear masks
Sometimes to hide
As I fear rejection
Still..
As happy as I seem
As lovely as I am
My soul has a shadow
Hidden inside
My essence traced
By shaded light
I am a survivor
Broken in places
Finally accepting my true self


Jl 2016
My first "this is me" poem was from my skewed perception of my teenage self.
I like this one more :) it's more optimistic ;)
Julie Langlais May 2016
Like two scorpions in a bottle,
The two wolves continue to fight.
One holds never-ending dominance
Relentlessly mocking and scolding.
The slanderous one, better known as the chief
The master, better known as my back bone.

The other wolf; the sufferer,
Facing the horror of the fire.
Like luscious, vibrant air filled with beauty and self-worth
With the intensity and beauty of a glowing golden sun,
Glittering as it beams among the surface of the waters.
The lustrous one, better known as my daydreams
The lovely one, better known as my pure naked self.

Like two scorpions in a bottle,
There was a fight between evil and good.
The winner; the one the operator chooses to feed,
The winner; a display of my blindness.
Blindness, lacking the sense of sight; sightless.
Blind to the naked beauty and worth of the lovely wolf,
The starving wolf.

Like two scorpions in a bottle,
The two wolves continued to fight inside of me.
The delightful became liquified into dark raw evil,
Leaving me drowning, gasping
Gasping the slightest bit of that air of self-worth.

(C) Emily Mckusker 2016
This was written from one of my grade 11 students, who struggles with anorexia.
Her poem touched me; I had to share it with my HP friends.
She has given me permission to post it publicly.
Julie Langlais Mar 2018
As a kid, I felt lost
Unsure of the whys of my life
Unsure of my journey
I was a salmon swimming against the currents
Trying to fight life with the strength I was given
This was my flow
until I reached stillness and happiness
I was now a young adult floating in peace
Far from where I started
I felt accomplished

The quiet lake became an ocean before I could even glance at the wonder
Unfamiliar and vast
I found myself lost once again
Breaking through the waves of life
Unsure of the whys
But believing in the journey

Until one day, the deep urge to go home
To that stream where the currents were strong and familiar
For the first time in my life
I stopped swimming,
I had to go back to the mud
where my roots remained untouched

Now here I am
In nature’s water
I understand that home is not a place
Home is the current that leads me
I now swim with the tide not against it.
I stopped asking why
And started looking up
Where I can enjoy the sky
Basking in the beauty of this moment
I am trusting my path
Exploring moments without destinations

Jl 2018
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
Time to think
Of what is happening
Ambushed in my own head
The worst kind
Of planned pain

I'm deflated to the floor
Fixated down
Each whip
Hammering at my back
Tasting the wood
I start to count
Adding up the licks
Like electric shocks
Forming patterns in my head
Finding logic in numbers
When she will tire?
This session's termination
Seeking a hint of hope
In her shortness of breath
Whipping the same mark in consistency
Until my skin is tarnished
An obvious sequenced rule
Once my skin becomes raw
The sting takes a turn
To a sharpening burn
numbing quiets the scald
Pain I bare
Until I hear my
Little brother's screams
Punishing my core

My heart beats out
Through my shoulder blades
Begging for my mother to hear it
Our rhythm once connected
Now detached
Unable to hear it's plea

Captured by this creature
Who lives in solitude
Her rotten soul  
Living in her own reclkless world
Where no one belongs

It's over finally
As she wanders away
Ordering us to remove our mess
A collection of carnage
And sweaty weeps
Dehydrated in my cloth of depression
Erasing the abuse
Where I retreat
To my bed
And expel cries
For my ears alone
Protesting against my weakness
Refusing to show her
How much she hurts me

© Jl 2016
Words from my teen years
Julie Langlais Jan 2016
Fascinating how people swim in our steam.
A beautiful soul recently grooved into mine.
Before you swam along,
I was eager to confide.
Someone to recognize why I am the way I am.
Surviving a parallel pain.
A victorious warrior princess.
Someone like me.
Deciding to re-direct my flow.
Putting my words out in the world.
I stumble upon your poem called “waiting to happen”
Powerful words matching my thinking.
I comment… You reply.
Words united, feeling liberated.
Trusting a stranger, clashing off beat.
An unlikely friendship immediately cultivated.
Admiring your strength and journey.
3000 miles apart, still like-minded harmony.
A sweetheart, I chirp to with indulgence.
You are an unexpected gift in my life.

© Jl 2016
This one is for you Pixievic
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
your heart moved in
made a cozy home  
nestling next to mine
enjoying the company,  
thrived as it pulsed with yours

now, it beats alone
only an imprint of your heart remains
time to heal the vacant corner
where your heart lived for so long

© Jl 2016
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
Kindness grants a purer water of life

© Jl 2016
Julie Langlais Dec 2016
the sun heats your passion
dreaming of birds flying

trees tell my story
the ocean holds your heart
earth is your soul
 
You are the universe. 


Jl 2017
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
Follows my inhale
Embraces my exhale

Sleeps my thoughts
Restores my mind

Honours my body
Heals my heart

Balances my nature
Shines my light

Welcomes my warmth
Accepts my spirit

Cleanses my essence
Respects my soul

© Jl 2016
Yoga saves my life each time I step on my mat

— The End —