There is no rain to bring relief to our sweating bodies...
only the reign of arrows... and their offering of stabbing pain

There are no stars to put on a display of dances and twinkles...
only the rotating show of the thrown daggers

There is not a river to reflect the beauty of life...
Only the blade of the sword... that reflects my possible death

There are no clouds in the sky to soften my spirit
only the low cumulus smoke of gunpowder and ash

There is no sun to shed its bright flame upon us
On the flickers and flashes of light of ignited bullets

There is no difference between night and day... they are the same...
Only the difference is who the enemy is.. and who is the Savior...

The grass no longer grows full and abundant in luxurious green
It is constantly trampled and stepped on... leaving it withered and tan...

There is no snow...no soft white snowflakes to give us a cold kiss
Only the bites of thrown, bitter, cold shattered pieces of glass

There are no vast variety of colors to adore... only two hues
Light and Darkness... So we can tell who is for us... and who is against us

    *

The weather... and landscape wasn't always this way...
It wasn't the Lord's intentions to have such a horrific display...

What? What did you ask? What is it like on the battlefield?
Well...sit down dear child... and I will tell you...

I have tally marks slice all up my wrist
My arm, and my legs, a lined up list

Each ****** carving is a count
For every heart stabbing doubt

Short cuts arent always the answer
But neither are banaged broke bridges

I have counted how many times I've be slaughtered
I've kept track, the scars should prove it

Hiding the ****** count is as difficult as hiding a murdered body

We cover it with long sleeves and jeans...
And even when people see them, 99% of them dont give a dang

....Very few have said anything
...and those who have...
I know truly love .e til the very day I die....

It's time to stop counting...
And time to start looking up a d walking forward

And let the scars show
Yes they are a reminder of the pain
But also a reminder of
WHAT I AM FIGHTI F AGAINST TO BE!!!!

Define for me the length of waiting

How long are you willing to wait for a person who is deeply fading?

What to you is too short? What to you is too long?

Do you fear your individual is too far gone?

Waiting is like a jail cell, where your mind is imprisoned

Time has the key, deciding how long you will stay with the life-line you were given

For 10 years I've been slamming my cold weak fist against the prison cell, praying that you would hear it

But still your back remains towards us, it would be cruel for me to throw a fit.

How can you hear us? When the lies of your authorities have deafen you?

I've been in here for 10 years, I know I may be for a little while longer

I may not ever come out at all. Still wait? Why bother?

Am I such a fool to still remain faithful to the bond that was created?

Or a wise young person to believe that the relationship never faded?

I could starve and yet survive this prison without a word from you

Because I still have the audacity to remain in hope,  the hope that someday you will come through...

A lover you are not, but a brother you forever are

Your weeping soul is lost in the dark, behind cold bars

They swore with their life that they spoke of no lies

But we were blinded, the truth was always in your eyes

Where are you now? Do you even consider us as your family still?

You can try to hide your crystal clear emotions, but the silence can ****

They believe they ended us, but we refused to quit

The heart is deceitful above all else, who can understand it?

Though you sadly think the charms will forever be apart

We refuse to break the chain of the two hearts

Though the fire of blame may be on you

We beg you to put it out. Our voice of forgiveness is true

Yes, their hearts are full of lies

But the troubles you may be going through could be....

*Mercies in Disguise...

Dear Bed Time Ceiling,

                    Why is it that whenever I go to end the existence of my body, I happen to stare at you?

I lay down myself to evaporate my troubles, but like the rain it comes back down again....

Why can't I turn my body to the side and glare at a blank wall?

Your tiny hill and hole like outlines make up designs that drowns my heart right into Hell's thunder.

You’re dead, not even alive, but you every night you bring me to the closed in field of regret.

Why must you remind me? You ceiling that has a heart of stone

The time that I used and abused my actions for the pleasure of myself?

No one can see me now, but how can you?

I want to make an apology, but the signal won't go through...

Only fools and dead men don't change their minds.
Fools won't...
and dead men can't...

I never said was going to be easy to become...
Nor did I say it would be a pretty process

You obviously had no time to give

I was dropped...
And now thought to be broken

But I'm still in one piece
However, now dented

But even broken and dented things can be fixed a mended

The name that was once smoothing and sweet has now become bitter to some in my family

But in my head I scream and yell it out, this happens normally

"SHE WILL NEVER EXIST!!! GET THAT THOUGHT OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!!"

My claws silenced Your voice, to prove that I can pretend

You and Him were the ones that thought of her, and she is here to stay

Though you have tried to disintegrate my dream to see her live one day

My Conscious has been set, My Droplet is Here

She may not be human, only thinner then air

You planed for a future together, but now it's been slain!

But the daughter you two thought of, is my Beloved Niece *Rain

It's incredible, if not amazing...
How you can feel so surrounded by the people that enclose you
But still feel empty and alone...

Its because of who you are
Nor because the choice heart

Its not because of what you have done
Nor the actions you've chosen

Its because of who you are to me
And it makes my memory decease

Its because of the emotions I contain
That creates this heart to go insane

I would be close if health allowed
But for now... I must stand down...

It's easy to look at something...anything... and think it has reached  the standard of perfection...

But nothing of this Earth is perfect, so our standard is nothing more then a hope or a lie

We are blinded by the flawful world we live in... we have forgot what perfection truly and only is

Perfection is Holy, Perfect, Sinless, and Blameless, and Eternal...Something we will never grasp or understand on Earth...

Never underestimate or misuse that perfect word... perfect.. for there is a far more greater meaning to it, then we will ever understand...

I've been fighting with the monsters and demons that were hiding under my bed

•☆• What? Rest now?•☆•

OF COURSE NOT! Because I know they will only return if I do...

I hear you, knocking on my door
...
But I don't want you to see the ****** mess on the floor


I hear you knocking, again, on my door
...
But I don't want to expose my black stained face anymore


I hear you pounding on my door
...
But I don't want to release this ink dipped demon's core


I hear you screaming through the door
...
But I don't want you to help heal these cuts, stabs, and sores


I now hear you pleading and crying on the other side of the door
...
But I don't want you to feel the trembling insecurity of this gore

I can feel your body trying to break down my door
...
But I still refuse to open it... For my emotions have become a storm


The wood is giving in, you are destroying my door
...
But I don't want you to feel the frostbiting coverage I've worn


The light has broken in, and there I am staring at you... there's no more door
...
My scars, wounds, monsters, demons, past, sins rages out like a roar


"I didn't want you to see me..." I cried "I locked it to protect you... That's why there was a door..."
...
Shaking your head you kneel down and hug me, ignoring the dead corps


"Then how am I to protect, help, and guide if we are separate by a door?"
...
"I am here, and I will do what I can to make you darker no more..."


...I didn't want you to see me...
but I needed to see you...

When they call me a brat...
They ignore the fact...
That to me...
Being a brat means that I'm trying to be someone who is...

B - Building
R - Righteously
A - Although
T - Terrorized and
T - Terrified

Forgive for what I am about to say
But sometimes it is the only thing that won't fade
So because of all I'm going through,
I'm going to say.....
























FORGET YOU!!!!!

I look up and I'm swept gently away
I look down and I'm drown with truth always
I look from a distance, and I feel burning dry
I stand close, and I feel free in the ocean's grasp and side
I'm Ocean Bound

The Determination To Retake Control Of What Was Once Apart of
**You

When your so dumb founded and you can not write
When your mistakes are haunting you at the darkness of night

The regrets you have piled like books on a shelf
Trying to pick up the broke pieces as I deny myself

I can't write anymore.. I cant bring my self to do it
Forgive me God I'm trying to get right through this

But this Cat feels as if she's lost all nine lives
It's been so difficult to get by

I can't write... I've tried.. not without speaking what I wish I could've done
But they say apologizing makes it worse... but that's all I've done!

You dont know how horrible this feels. I am fighting to move on
Abandoning my poetry is the first step. As I am trying to keep calm

Forgetting that poetry exist for now is where I have to start
As I ask God to mend the pieces of this broken heart

The Pain of Waiting for Someone
is simply
*the waiting

Then read my poetry!!!.....

*because it will tell you more about me than I could ever tell you face to face...

Drinking....
Sweet to the Mouth,
but Bitter to the Body

As a friend of you
I dare to watch every move
For if you're in high superiority
Then your lips should be under your authority
People look up to you as an example to follow
But your heart is lifeless, damp, and hallow
For you dare use your words to threaten me to the ground
But I would rather die then to apologies for my truthful sounds
You use your sentences to stab me like a sharpen blade
Seep your knife into my flesh as many times as you want! My God is my aid!
You may slice me until I am nothing more then a pool of blood and a blanket of skin
You say I am weak, and that my faith is incredibly thin.
Many of those I thought to be my friends backed away in fear
To scared to back me up and stand with me. To nervous to come near
Do I dare to give up? NO! For what a fool I would be!
For my Lord is over her, and His eternity is free!
Weak and Limb and barely able to feel
I stood in front of her with an iron fist, my lips unsealed
"I refuse to sit on the side lines and watch you play your game"
"For your sinful actions, you look to someone else to blame!"
"If you think your words are going to move my mountain"
"Then be prepared to watch my avalanche fall like water from a fountain. "
"You proclaim to be Holy, but what have you done?"
"You have sliced me with your words, and try to persuade that it was all for fun!?"
She shoved me aside, everyone moving out of her way
What fools they are... to fear one of Life's slaves
So now here I am bleeeding, feeling broken and alone
For now I am a blood mess of emotions....for the place I thought was home....

*I am a Blood Mess...

♦Moments♦
♦
♦In♦
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♦Sin♦
♦
♦That♦
♦
♦Affects♦
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♦Knowledge♦
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♦En­tirely♦
♦
in
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♦Sorrow♦
♦

Look! There it goes!
A thought inside my mind

It wasn't something I was looking for
Not something I would find

"I thought I buried you!
Down in the grave!" LIES!

In a deep sleep it was spelled.
It never really died

When it awakens, it wakes me up with it
Like a cancer, it grows rapidly in my brain

Like a file, or an email, a memory can be deleted, but also recovered. I hate this mind game.

I hate it how you force my mind to stay awake
I HATE YOU FOR WRESTLING WITH THE CRIES INSIDE

YOU DO THIS TO DRAG MY SOUL TO THE PAST
YOU DO IT TO ENSLAVE ME! DO NOT DENY!

STOP MESSING WITH MY HOURS!
STOP MESSING WITH MY REST!!!

I KNOW THE MESS AND THE DAMAGE I HAVE INDEED CAUSED!
I BLAME NO ONE ELSE BUT THIS MESS!!!

Like a living nightmare, you haunt and torture this poor tired heart
You want to see my shattered... but it's amazing to say

I have great beloved friends who know this pain..
And will not abandon me nor lead my astray

Yes... you keep me up at night... and try to **** my thoughts
But the day will come! I will see the light

It will not last for much longer and that is a fact
I do not suffer this journey alone, together, we will all be alright

What is fear?
Is it a distressing emotion caused by danger?
Or is it respect and reverence to someone stronger?

What do you fear?
Do you fear the end of your selfish pleasure?
Or do you fear the holy wrath of eternal measure?

Why do you fear?
Do you fear because of the threats that surround you?
Or do you fear because heavenly number is few?

Where do you fear?
Do you fear where guns are out to play?
Or do you fear where the Lord is on display?

When do you fear?
Do you fear when your end as at the tip of a knife?
Or do you fear when you give the creator your life?

Who do you fear?*
Do you fear the higher authority who has you under control?
Or do you fear the Holy One, who can save your soul?