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Oct 2018 · 280
Bloom
Alice Lovey Oct 2018
Bloom, these flowers in my heart.
From ash come hither no rot,
But arms spread open--
Embrace the traces of life still within,
I rise.
No longer sing songs of demise.
I rise for a crown that yearns as mine.

And so it is, and so I will be.
I took a long break from writing due to personal reasons. I hope to be writing more. It's been a very hard year or two for me. I feel now that I can regain my confidence and accomplish anything. As if I have finally seen some light of... "It's okay to be lost, because you will always find your way again."

So don't give up. If I can figure out what I want, so can you.
Aug 2018 · 219
Marry me
Alice Lovey Aug 2018
Piddling drip drops lightly on the dew drops,
Never ceasing, never stops.
A love that never rots.
Love you now, loved you then,
Thanks for being my inspiration when
Nothing else takes the place of you.

If I had it my way, I’d spend my life with you.

If I had it my way, I’d marry you.
But to everyone, it’s “too soon.”

Guess I’ll be a lonely sick loon.
Drink away the hours in a rainy warm room.
Trash. Will probably be deleted later.
Jul 2018 · 1.7k
c l e a n;
Alice Lovey Jul 2018
Step out of the room and into the rain.
The sky is no longer gray,
But the cool drizzle washes me clean.
My skin is peeled away, like a snake;
Someone new,
Yet
Someone who is me, the one who's always been.
I had abandoned her.

Addiction
To what was never real.
Addiction.

I can see I lied to her, myself,
I can admit to my own illusions I was deluded to believe:

    I
       Do not need you.
                 I
                    Cannot save you.

The truth does not make me heartless.
Wash me clean and away the darkness.
I am compassion.
I am nurture.
I can be your friend,
Care from a distance while I mend,

Because I do not need you.
               We are not meant to be.

Now you'll have to save yourself.
Now I must love me.
Alice Lovey Jul 2018
The thought of your kiss.
How every day I miss
you and your stupid **** that ******
me off and I remember I
have to stop loving you so I
can stop hurting so bad, but why
can't I get you off my mind
and just spend one ******* evening not feeling left behind?
I feel like I'd,
just to be with you again, die.
Just to see you once I'd
rearrange a sky so I
could sleep soundly without having to cry
myself there. Personify
my optimism, turn a blind eye
and satisfy my tongue-tied
thoughts that just want to find
some peace of ******* mind
away from the "goodbye"
that repeats like a broken record inside.

Love on standby.
Love gone awry.
Alice Lovey Jul 2018
The quieter nights of "together,"
Loudly with personality
Or not saying anything at all.
Breathing,
Natural breath
In rhythm to pulsing heartbeats.
Stifled laughs.
       You don't have to do a thing.
       You don't have to prove a thing.
We're in the dark,
We're called the "lost,"
But I find something in you...
Find your place too,
At least for the night.

Arms in knots 'round each other, feeling like bursting.
A chin at the crown of my hair.
       You don't have to do a thing.
       You don't have to prove a thing.
The discomfort of bone on bone I ignore.
Please, hold me till I'm not lonely anymore.
Inspired by The Midnight's new song "Lost Boy."
Jul 2018 · 2.2k
Who were you?
Alice Lovey Jul 2018
Infectious laugh,
Untamable anger,
Excitable stories,
Well-hidden anxiety.

Misdirected blame,
Unwarranted shame.

Blue eyes.

Brown hair, red hints; I wish I could have seen it with sun tints.

Smiling...

After work.
In the middle of the night.
In the mornings.
Saturday afternoons.

Rushed calls or
A day’s worth of together.

Nightmares as dreams,
Nights without sleep.
Coffee, drugs, caffeine.
Scars.

Hopelessness.
Grief.

Aspirations.
Full of life.

Childlike heart. Easily torn, but never taken apart.
An eye for nature’s beauty.
An eye for art.
One for me, occasionally.

Insecurity. Arrogance.
Compassion. Detachment.
Weak yet enduring.
Unmoving yet learning.

Intoxicating.
Aggravating.
A liar struggling to lie.
A suicide debating to die.

Lustful gaze.
Manipulative ways.

Who were you
And why couldn’t you stay?
Vague, memories.
Jul 2018 · 694
Why can’t I love?
Alice Lovey Jul 2018
Stricken with, like fate.
Idolizing. Idealizing.
What makes it so?
Curiosity to obsession.

Obsession to love?

What is love?

Sought after, like gold.
Idolizing me.
Yet none to succeed but for a fleeting moment.
I envy those with their beloveds.

Even those whom have suffered loss, but still love.

Emptiness.
Craving the “good” feelings.
Like fantasies. Wanting someone who isn’t real.
Never to give wounds time to heal.

To invalidate, or embrace?
If I don’t know what is real
And if I don’t know who I am,
Do I follow my heart?
Or is naivety my wander?

What I seek is never mine to keep.
All stories are read, not written.
Not written by me.
Spur of the moment feelings of brokenness.
Jul 2018 · 472
ill
Alice Lovey Jul 2018
ill
Like children,
Stamped out the flame.
Everything was thrown away.
Every day
Keeping you from yourself.
Every day
Dusting off your shelf.
Worry,
Physically ill.
Living still?
Bored of waiting,
Worn of debating
With rage
And smiles you gave me,
Drowned--
Tears that made a greater sea.
Like Alice out sipping tea.

                      Anger,
                      Anger,
 ­                     Arrogant sneer.
                      Regret,
                      Regret­,
                      Realized fear.

Have a drink.
It's finally over.
Bleed from myself till I'm sober.
Feels like dying.
Mental illness vying
With the little voices
For the better choices.

We lose.
"Failed relationships" and the utter despair following.
Jul 2018 · 218
Lies; Your Cruelty
Alice Lovey Jul 2018
The beast comes clawing to sabotage anything near;
Despite what it loves, despite what it holds dear.
I've no hunting rifle, only my rightful fear
That I do not know what to believe...
That there's no longer more than what appears.

Lies nearly spin themselves, like spiders in your teeth.
Suddenly we find myself beneath
You.
Revisit to what you've put me through.
Revisit to the dishonesty you swear to.
Distortions. Deceptions.
Even you don't know what's true.
Who are you?
*******.
Alice Lovey Jul 2018
I'm blunt and outspoken,
But easily heartbroken.
So truthfully, it’s best to lie.
Or perhaps I  should say, “hide.”
It’s best to hide hesitance than to let it reside
In every day conversational tides—
Pushing and pulling erratically, yet expectedly
Like my tug-of-war thoughts
The ones that route me to rot
Like my wrought iron that rusts
Until the build up coerces me to combust
At the worst possible times.  
It’s best to delude that I’m fine,
Or should I allude it’s easier to whine
Online to anonymous shrines
Like this one?
It’s easier to remind myself
What’s “for the best.” “Each obstacle is a test.”
What I should do. What I shouldn’t.
What I’d give and what you wouldn’t, couldn’t and that I needn’t care.
“It’s best now to carry on,”
To claim I don’t want what I want and
That what I do want is wrong.

Is it wrong to pursue our desires?
Wasn't a forward girl required?
Or are we simply left reticent liars?
It's always the stagnancy of which I tire.
Alice Lovey Jul 2018
Or do I already know?
I naively nourish these fervid feelings I hold.
Moving slowly, in rhythm, matching your sway,
Questionless is my admiration in every way.
Ardently I coast on the energy waves
Of your passions
And dispassionate despondency.
Waste the day together watching good TV;
It's not wasted if it's with you.
The never-ending riddle of learning how to love,
And learning how to love the one you love,
The one you think most of.
The unfaltering encouragement of success,
Filling in the blanks so the other won't stress.
I'll sweep the floors when you can't anymore,
Get us through the boring chores
Of every day life.
Those mundane motions for the future--
So much more to look forward to
With the addition of you.
Voices soften with the intimacy of quieter talk...
And the sensuality of our skin.
The carelessness and the giving in.
The tears shed, yours and mine,
Shared as "tiny dots on an endless timeline."
The subtleties of selflessness,
The subtleties of trying to change.
The obsession over mistakes,
Anxiety that keeps me awake.
Heated fights and
The addictive rush when we make up.
The selfishness, greed and possessiveness build up.
I am broken,
Or I act as if I am so.
I am broken, but there are sunflowers I wish to grow
In the broken *** within you
So that you may feel a little less broken too.
If this is love, I wish someone could tell me.
If this is love, why must it be so delicate,
Yet so assiduously enduring?
Continuous forgiveness
And the things we let each other get away with;
The "knowing better"s.
All those firsts, all those places that were meant to be with you.
Everything I would do
To make you smile.
How naturally I could laugh and feel at ease,
How naturally you brightened a smile on me.
How naturally, despite, we could become so miserable.
How naturally, despite, I could love so unconditional.
The wanting to just feel you there
Till we were unaware of our despair.
The frankness and the fall of our walls.

The letting go.
The folding up my heart and putting it away
When I can accept
It's not yet
To be worn by you.
"Shared dots on an endless timeline" borrowed from a song by La Dispute, called "Woman (in mirror)"

“White”

Letting myself feel, at least for today.
Alice Lovey Jul 2018
A touch,
A subtle understanding.
Never commanding,
Yet body language demanding
For the attention. For the affection.
An awkward gift; the thought that counts,
Wishing for your smile upon every ounce
Of effort their hearts pronounced.
The “I’m here for you”s, the “I’ve been there too”s.
They hold you when you cry—
Perhaps it’s because I was never held as a child
That I do it so easily.
They see me, for all that I am;
I was once an innocent sham.
****. I blurted out my thoughts in the moment.
They don’t scare.
Mirrored stare
Back ...at... me.

I always associated “friends” with “ends.”
A touch, a subtle gesture of reciprocated love
From friends.
I find myself, not alone, with the safehood of vulnerability.

Please don’t go. I need you.
I’m sorry for the way I am. You always make me feel enough, even when it’s not your responsibility. I’ve never felt friendship from the deepest part of myself like I do now. I’m so grateful.

Everyone is still asleep right now, so I’ve spent the last few hours drifting in my thoughts and felt the emotion carrying me towards writing. I love them so ******* much.

“White”
Jul 2018 · 296
Drift
Alice Lovey Jul 2018
Even if I waited, as I would,
On the harbor of the sea from which you've drifted,
You are the Captain of your driftwood.
I am a Lighthouse.
Standing on its own, but beckoning a safe return.
Jul 2018 · 172
The Darkest Room
Alice Lovey Jul 2018
Red moon, red moon,
Don't come so soon.
It's not an eager tomb,
It's just the darkest room.
At the window, looking in, looking in
There's a heart bleat, unsweet,
Bruised and beat.
d i s c r e e t
d e f e a t
At the window, looking in, looking in
Red dew on blades of glass within.
Silhouettes of mind and time
Beckon a Blood Moon.
Don't come so soon;
This isn't the only room.
Red moon, meaning Blood Moon, which is thought to be "the end," or in modern context, to make a final decision on something. Not written for me.
Alice Lovey Jun 2018
Meet me where the stars bloom like flowers,
Where the sunflower caresses us with its golden grace,
Only preceded by the moonflower that bathed us in serene the night before.
Meet me where the garden gleams, flourished from the lifeblood of our togetherness.
I'll arrange an accretion of roses around your eyes that pull me in.
The galaxy is our bouquet.
Lie with me, turned from the weeds we willed away.
The stars bloom like flowers in my heart;
I pick one and it illuminates the infinite dark,
Just as your laughter.
blah blah, another flower metaphor, yadda yadda another space analogy.
I tried to keep it simple and sweet, apart from my usual longer narrative-styled poems.
Jun 2018 · 470
It has to be this way
Alice Lovey Jun 2018
My once black bodice became a summer sundress.
As we spilled the blood of each other, the putrid milk of our patience,
As we made our mess, you'd undress me.
I couldn't express how the stress grew like an abscess--
But it didn't matter.
Vicious words spitefully scattered,
Then our voices flowered with charming chatter.
Even if my brain was battered,
You had me, entranced and captured.
To me, you mattered.
You had me--forever,
When you went on about whatever,
Losing track of time,
Losing track of thought whatsoever.
Giddy grins when you acted clever,
Even when you weren't.
Uneasy eyes averted, you'd bite your nails.
Trembling hands, bouncing knees.
I found comfort in your anxiety;
It meant it wasn't only me.
Long hours, lone nights, lousy days;
Solemn soliloquies, paranoid plays
In my mind when we wouldn't speak.
Something I did, something you said.
If only your mind had pages intended to be read
Like the stories, what stories lead us to tread life as if we're dead.
Then again... Maybe I'm just getting ahead,
Like I always do,
Predictably missing the pleasure of you.
My sweet icing's soured by your intent to ****, ooh
I know you do.
As if this is for the best...
Had you been impressed by my unrest to invest?
I've confessed...
I must go on.
This time you don't shy over my shoulder.
Gone like a ghost;
I wonder if anyone would ever believe you were real.

Alliteration play and toying around with transitioning rhymes. Critique very much appreciated.
Jun 2018 · 452
Won't you sit with me?
Alice Lovey Jun 2018
I crave for things unknown;
Tell me your story, I see your soul.
Once upon your tragedy or possibly your dreams,
Find me gazing intently at your given everything.
The intimacy of conversation;
Exchange these words with me.
Sit beside my person as we explore the galaxy.
Perhaps then I could learn from you,
Perhaps then teach you being new.
Would you mind getting lost with me
Where our hearts connected too?

I've lived forever in eternity,
I wish to know all to be known,
Time begets sincerity,
Sate my curiosity so.
Emotional connectedness and bonding over sharing souls with another human, though perhaps also a bit of loneliness.
Jun 2018 · 345
Write a poem for me
Alice Lovey Jun 2018
Write a poem for me.
I do not want your gifts.
I only want extension of
Your scheming willful wit.
So,
Write a poem for me.
Be it sweet or ****.
I'd like to hear expression of
Your beating, fumbling heart.
What could be inside you?
Would you let me see?
Sanguine sanctuary,
Maybe ****** mystery?
How then pure love,
Familiar as red roses?
Else I could suppose is
The bleakness of despair?

Well,
Write a poem for me.
Please, save your banality;
I'm charmed by whimsicality,
And sorely unimpressed with
Predictable normality.
I've never been interested in commonality, especially when it comes to things like romance. I feel pouring yourself into something you've created reveals more than what you could share in small talk.
Alice Lovey Jun 2018
The love he displays is like a gentle spring rain,
Drizzling old despondent dandelion dreams.
Never within my reach;
So madly mesmerized, I gazed
As he recited.
So badly bruised, I wished
Until my wishes became possessiveness.
I was envious.

My train of thought comes crashing without any breaks.
Too late to be tepid now it's tarnished.
I never learned how to let go;
Still fighting fire, I cried
At night.
Still finding faith, I smiled
And rested in the comfort of his presence.
I was hopeless.

Ever unrequited, I still dreamed of him.
I wished for every ounce of what once was with you;
I'd come to resent you for the state you've left him in.
You, who did nothing to me, and who was innocent.
You, who lives on in sincere stories.
I wonder if we would have been friends.
As I watch from afar, I see how truly beautiful you are
Or... Would have been.
You never deserved this either.
Alice Lovey Jun 2018
I spoke with you this morning.
You rolled off my skin and told me things were different.
I listened to you as you moved my hair.
You are gone now--
My solaces I surrendered to, or
Is this a sign that all things will continue to change?
I miss you, my gloomy comforter.
You were not gloomy to me.
Take away the sun that suffocates me so
Sadistically. Hydrating resuscitation.
It's silly that I still check for you outside my window.
I hear the ghosts of your afterthought.
When will you be back again?
I feel as if we could travel anywhere and be anything;
You veiled me in a misty blanket of intuition.
No one can speak our language but us.
My disappointment to see the storm had moved away, right after I wrote a poem about it. I sort of like writing vaguely.
Anyway, life is all about constant change and taking the good and the lessons from every chapter. But I am forever optimistic.
Alice Lovey Jun 2018
I live here within the lives that do not belong to me.
Here is where I turn a page and find all your mysteries.
You share with us your poetry;
We raft on treasured wordy seas.

I speak with water,
Because I'd seen it so.
I'm soaking wet with wonderment,
Caught up in rhythmic flow.

We profess our admiration,
We counsel our critique,
We remember the lines you crafted,
As we get ourselves through the week.

Please, give us your inspiration;
We strive on borrowed phrases.
Please, continue writing.
We leave you with our praises.
I am trying to experiment more and more with different poem structures and themes. I felt compelled to write this after scrolling through the front page.

I don't know if anyone else really feels this way, but I love reading through profiles/the front page and getting inspired of lines, themes or phrases they use.
Alice Lovey Jun 2018
It's rained every day this week.
I don't have what I did the last,
I'm not the same.
I think this may be another world;
It enveloped me, incautiously.
I did not see it coming--
Cool arms blurred my view and embraced me.
I opened.
My reflections are silvery, but I am not.
Everything is gray.
I don't hate it.
The sky's breath is cold
And I feel it soak through my clothes.
I set my umbrella down today and
I stood there. I closed my eyes.
I don't know who I am in this place,
But I feel okay.
I've lost, am lost, but little has changed.
I have not washed away.
Like storm clouds, I hold onto what's gathered around me.
I want to feel this ambivalent nothingness.

The rain brings new beginnings,
But now I must play the storyteller.
Please read along with this piece:
https://open.spotify.com/track/1kZvOyo7g6k01Au6DuXY4Y
Jun 2018 · 220
To my future lovers,
Alice Lovey Jun 2018
Touch the flowers on my sundress as if you pick them from a field;
The field is my vast season-changing heart, and your hands are my ever-changing sun.
Pick apart the petals and touch my budding breast, I turn to ash.
Plant new, I burst into many colors that may not be my own.
But never try to harvest, never force my change.
You can love a potted flower, but I will never be yours.
The innocence of a white sundress, the dirt upon you when you rip my roots.
You may water me, I need you so...
But please know when my stem is weak,
And when my mind is through.
A flower does not know it's beautiful,
It never asked to be told so.
Keep your hands gentle, help me grow.
I only want to grow and bring golden sunflowers to your life.
I learned how much I really enjoy using flowers in my poetry. It seems I am a collection of cliches, but I'm fine with what makes me happy. I experimented a bit with coming away from my usual rhyme scheme. Again, it feels a little awkward, but I feel I got what I needed to say down and in a poetic way, so I suppose that's poetry then.
Jun 2018 · 329
Two little black birds
Alice Lovey Jun 2018
You find humor in the darkest things,
But I can tell when you don't want me to see.
We are two little black birds, and you are so much larger than me.
You think your black hole has swallowed you whole,
You can't escape your role, you are part of my soul.

You teach me to keep flying,
Show me where the easiest path may be.
We have fallen to Hell--
Ah, no, actually... We are the Q U E E N S.

You've watched me all these years
And within those years never forgot me.
You've seemed so unchanging,
So strong, yeah, like black tea.
You give me a sturdy branch in which to always land.
You tell me there is nothing impossible,
If you'd be my sister... That'd be grand.

We are two little black birds trying to fly.
Life can be so unfair,
But you've taught me there's no law in the sky.
You fill me with everything I needed in a friend...
But still you know my worries that tell me it will end.
You take me to the top of a highest tree
And tell me candidly that I can just... Be.
Written for my very dear best friend who has supported me through so much these last couple months. I've known her for so long, but I am only just realizing how much I needed a friend like her over the years, but was never ready for it until now. Let's never drift apart again... Forgive me and stay with me forever? ♥
Jun 2018 · 9.9k
I get a little jealous.
Alice Lovey Jun 2018
I know we've never been "together."
I know you said to move on.
I tried to be fine with wading this weather,
But the love in my heart still tells me it's wrong.

Now, I'm not saying I'm resentful,
But you did treat me like I was special.
Lately has been so uneventful.
And I'm starting to think this isn't a game...

I get a little jealous when you look at other girls.
I know we're not together, but... You are my whole world.
I get a little jealous when you talk about them too.
It's because we're not together, but...
You told me that you liked me... You told me that you do.

Now, I'm not trying to be weird, but call me, I'd give you my time.
Actually, I'd give you everything, cuz I just want you to be mine.
When I got too lonely, I'd just stare at your photos--
Soundless replacements for you, who knows.

You said I'm obsessive—come on now, don't play.
You like it when I'm open, you preferred me this way.
You said we'd be great together, don't think I forgot.
I cherish every sweet thing you said, so my heart doesn't rot.

Now I've deleted all of your things, cuz I can't bear to see your face.
My prized possessions... I should've given you space.
Why wouldn't you make me yours, like you wanted to?
Now we're apart, now we'll both just be blue.
And now I regret this—now I really do.
True, I'm a little weird, but we're both crazy.
I know what you're afraid of; I know it isn't me.
Alice Lovey Jun 2018
You say you hate everything about yourself,
But I find myself lost in you.
Even if I'm nowhere near,
I always rush to pick up when your call comes through.
I only want to write about your voice right now.
Because when I'm flooded in the dark,
When I'm weighed down by the toxins in my heart,
I forget everything the moment you start talking.
It's not really how it sounds, or what you say...
I can't describe it,

It just makes me feel this way.

Comforted. Soothed. At home.

I could listen to you go on all day.

I could name all the things I love about you;
Your eyes. Your smile. Your wit.
The way you always feel things so intensely.
The way you don't know when to quit.
But right now...I only want to think about your voice.

It's the only part of you I can have.
May 2018 · 1.1k
I write for me
Alice Lovey May 2018
There was a time...
The first rhyme
You ever read to me
That time when I,
Once unappreciative,
But that night...
Fell in love with it.
You recited your hurt like art,
A delicate voice,
But with trembling heart.

During those early days of early love.
I always wanted to read along as you read aloud.

And I would've died to be the page you'd slaved upon.
Tears, blood, passion unrivaled like a daring dawn
That fights the night till the day is gone.
Perhaps it was to feel connected to you,
But I began to write my stories too.
I threaded them together painstakingly,
Usually in the lonesome limbos I felt achingly,
Anxiously,
And it took so long to share myself with you.

Did you know you were the first to ever see them?
You always thought I was beautiful.

Once again, you encouraged the fire free.
And this isn't the only sea
You've taught me to sail.
Now I place my work here
With the sheer raw emotion I so dearly make clear.
It is one of the few things I've made mine.
I never said I had talent, but at least I can rhyme!
And now?

Now I write for me.
One of the most wonderful and wondrous things I admire in life is the ability to inspire and be inspired by the passion and love of those around you. If I hadn't met you, would I have such a great outlet for my thoughts and feelings? Thank you for teaching me to appreciate poetry.
May 2018 · 486
A life without you
Alice Lovey May 2018
I don't remember the last time of real heartbreak.
I remember losing loyalty, losing interest.
Things don't always work, or resentment's mistake.
But I can't remember when I ever felt shattered
From the mere idea of living without someone.
Like my entire being tattered, pieces in the wind scattered.
Like some whole void of emptiness;
Everything gouged out of me like it never even mattered.
I remember being abandoned.
I remember being alone.
But I can't remember feeling like my life left too,
Like it was never even my own.
I guess I wanted it to be ours instead.
I guess I wanted too much.
I guess there was no "destiny's red thread."
I wish I didn't still yearn for your touch.
I don't know what to do with a life without you.
I was told I had so much ahead,
But from where I am, I can hardly move.
How long would it take to forget?
Is that even something on which I can bet?
I don't think I've ever felt real love for someone
So selflessly, so hopefully,
Like I did this less year.
How long will it take to live a life without you
When I'm surrounded by distraught and fear?
You were the water to my flowers,
You were the northern star in my nights,
You were the fire in my engine.
But now it's dark and you're nowhere in sight.
What is a life worth if not for love?
In which direction do I go?
This fever wears me, my mourning dove.
But I will make it through the night,
If only to anticipate
A notification's gentle light.
Hastily written, but what does it matter anymore.
Alice Lovey May 2018
As I wake in my sheets,
Aggravated anxiety.
Blue light peeks, reminding me of my impropriety
Of the night before.
Like the melted ice throne in the last layer of fire,
My thoughts agonize.
I became the prosecutor when I was the prosecuted liar.
These ordinary overcast mornings
Are my favorite to step in to.
The city smells ripe,
And I think of it with you.
But I will go to trace my patterns
Worn into my body.
Another weekday in which I tread.
Reading messages unread,
Apprehending what’s next.
Life doesn’t need explanation,
Only bread.
But I will stop to worry those worries
Worn into my body
And only hope there may come a palm to press into my spine
With a touch so fine to entwine
A belonging, a needing, into my mind.
It’s always hardest to wake up alone and remember.
May 2018 · 237
They don't light anymore
Alice Lovey May 2018
The wicks have disappeared under the wax.
The strings only groan untuned noise.
The color has drained to desaturated blacks.
What is a flower with rotted petals if not a ****?
Nothing grows here, not a single seed.
Leave the wasted garden, place the candles in the drawer.
The piano's more desirable when it's not touched anymore.
The deepest pits of despair.
Apr 2018 · 205
To be understood:
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
To not have to ask.
To not have to reach.
To not have to look.
To not have to be
Wanting.
Apr 2018 · 295
Please don't read this.
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
Every day I give up a little bit more.
I see the end so certainly.
There's nothing else to really live for.
It becomes easier to let go,
As I sit here alone
Writing about what I've wanted
And being worn of wanting more.
                                                           ­           Every day it gets a little easier
                                                          ­             To take another step forward.
                                                  Whethe­r or not I fall apart the later night,
                                                          ­           I still got through another day.
                                                            ­        I walk into a direction in which
                                                           ­                                 I can be proud of.
                                                             ­                 I have so much to live for.
                                                                   I've to keep opening new doors.
But I can't go without;
I can't lose it all again.
The pain is too much and it feels as if
I'd rather have nothing at all,
But the silence of death.
I would die where no one could see;
No one could know.
                                                  Every day I find love for the littler things.
                                            I appreciate so much more than I had before.
                                                         ­              I find brilliance in your smile.
                                                          ­   And I find motivation in your fight.
                                                          ­                 And inspiration in my soul,
                                                           ­                      So I keep taking control
                                                                ­            Of what I know I could be.
The world grows blacker every day.
People feel further and further away.
I used to belong--
I thought I did, anyway.
I never did though, and I know this the most.
I just wish I had chosen a better path so, so long ago.
Because people will not choose for you,
And it's okay if I go it alone.
                                                          ­       The sunrise still wakes me gently
                                                         And the small sound of your tugging.
                                                        ­                   I raise to a voice calling me.
                                                             ­                   When I go to it, I belong.
                                                         ­ Then I see the people around me too.
                                                         They've been waving this whole time.
                                                           ­         I didn't think it'd be so easy for
                                                                ­ The sleep to break from my eyes.
But the nights are the blackest of all.
I hear nothing but my thoughts.
They shake my shoulders violently.
They tell me, "Nothing is true
Nothing is sacred
Nothing is here for you."
And I am not here for anything.
The nightmares follow just the same.
                                                           ­              The morning still follows;
                                                        ­                      The sun will still come.
There is no love in those mornings,
But I am still here.
                                                           ­              The morning still follows.
But it does not matter anymore.
I can't be anything than what I am.
I cannot try anymore.
                                                        ­             But the morning still follows...
                                                      ­                                  And I am still here.
I might come back to edit this to make it more rhythmic and poetic, but I can't find the motivation right now.
Apr 2018 · 382
Alight Me
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
Alight my candles within;
I am a dark old church with an old *****.
Peeling splinters of old wood,
Echoing haunts where old stood.
Can you hear a monotonous symphony?
No, listen closely, I’m resonating polyphony
That I could and can still play.

When you alight my candles within
The chamber illuminates and warms your skin.
The once faded paintings dance colorfully
And I recite for you my heart.
Because when I am aglow,
Brightened with the love I need to start,
Nothing could quiet my song
But being alone once more in the dark.
I don’t know why my usual imagery for these things are dark empty rooms with musical instruments, but at least it’s a bit more light (get it) and positive than the last.
Apr 2018 · 368
This Old House Is Ours
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
The broom sweeps left,
The broom sweeps right.
But before we sweep,
We must dust the corners tonight.
Dust away the dirt defining your hurt.
Yes, you can reach them, with your height.
Let's take the mop now,
Soak up the floors.
They become water-damaged
With those muffled tears of yours.
And mine.

This old house is ours.
We must keep it tidy.
We waste away the hours
Tearing it apart.

I'll replace the old rags;
They pointlessly push the mess about.
Stains and rings of previous mistakes--
I scrub, but they never seem to come out.
The tape holds them together,
These furniture breaks,
But still they seem to cause
This rotted wood to ache.
We're almost done for the evening.
Follow my lead, love.
Tie up those rags in the bags of
What we needn't worry about for now.
Place away the supplies
In the closet next to the light
So we can rest our eyes
And attempt to sleep tight.

This old house is ours.
So we must keep it tidy.
We waste away the hours
Tearing it apart,
But a clutter is much more workable
When two will take part.
Handling a mess feels much better when someone can hold the dustpan while you sweep.
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
I want to write of nature.
I want to write of mountains.
I want the white waters of the rivers
To engulf me,
Coldly calming my swollen heart.
But I am only in an office park devoid of green.
These towers are like trees,
But lifeless and alone am I
Even in the crowd around me.
I want the smell of the soil.
I want the fractals of sun through the leaves.
Take my hand tightly and guide me
'Cross the slippery stones along this path.
My favorite things are those photogenic flowers...
The ones here don't grow quite the same,
Trapped in a small patch of dying dirt.
I look at that concrete cage and think of me.
I want to write of nature, but there are only mirrors
Of the glass miles high that show me exactly where I was never meant to be.
The city slowly becomes less of my favorite thing... I wish I had a travel partner.
Apr 2018 · 379
Don’t Leave Me
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
Don't leave me, as you know they have before.
These seasons have weathered me—
I no longer open my door, nor come fervently knocking on yours.
Hide away the things I wish to forget
As I live within the life you’ve no heart to quit.
I place myself in sweet words that were never mine to keep,
Though you still lift the blanket back onto my shoulder
If I begin to weep.
I’ve shown you my thin skin and bruises
Though it's easy for you to turn blind.
Clasped hands 'round yours unraveling threads,
I smile, "Let's leave our pasts behind."
Because Poetry is Honesty
And I’m different from them:
I’m still here
To see through the lies
And face all of our weaknesses and fear.
Though I am no Wonder Woman,
I  try ne’er falling to despair,
I hold close this budding bond
Dust-encrusted
And so rare,
Then remember the times we'd said "together."
It resonates mildly in my marrow.
Penetrate me deeply with Achilles' arrow.
Fighting battles that are not mine, I had joined your side.
Reluctance and resignation only when you say
"Goodbye."
Still I promise “Never,” "Forever"
And still I don't let go...
Though which of us hangs off this cliffside?
What end must lie below?
The emptiest I ever felt were my dusks without you.
Still, our minds so exhausted,
You were not perfect, and I knew.
I welcomed it, every bit,
Uncertain only by my own flaw
And in those poems you didn't write for me,
And in the nightmares that I saw.
Apr 2018 · 3.0k
I Want to Possess You
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
I want to possess you.

I want the quivering of your throne,
The trembling of your bones underneath me.
I want beautiful blood to bleed for me.
Reach for me from your place beneath me.

Between my fingers
I want to feel the struggling breaths of your heart,
Pinched veins in your throat,
And your whimper like a sweet ****.
In the dark...the dark.

The dark in my selfish eyes match the night.
The coo in my voice tells you it's fine...
Bruises ruin ruined skin,
I make you mine.

Thin nails along your jaw,
Devil's claw.
Say it now, say it raw:
You are mine.

Never let another come near,
Nor touch you, taste you.
Raging jealousy, I fear.
You are my pet who speaks when I say, my dear.

On the scent of musk, a predator's lust;
I must admit unsettling crime:
I'm tired of watching...
I'll make you mine.

Now beg for me.
Rope 'round your wrists,
Under my control.
You are darling like this.

Teeth leave starved greedy marks,
Labored torn lips and fingertips
Where the sweat pools in the dark...
The dark.
Self-explanatory, but I wanted to go for something a little more adult and violent. May edit this more later; for now, I am exhausted.
Apr 2018 · 266
You let love in
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
Oh, gentle spring rain...
Softens what bitter winter pain.
Then summer again...
Tears tittered as anxiety falls 'way
But strikes freely as you recall the day
These cries weren’t like a gentle rain—but when you used to play
Alone
That lonely autumn roam on the playground with no home
In which to return.
On yourself you were so stern...
"Never let them in,"
Ascertained, “Love never will begin.”
But here it has begun, and your heart’s song once unsung,
So unsung,
Plays on the brittle harp among this young
Love to whom you’ve now arrived...
They’ve intruded through what fortress fortifies the lies
‘Round the eyes like skies
Once full of birds but now emptier than the glass you leave in the quiet nights.
Safe no more are you in the barbed wire wrapped right wrong over your ribs.
Place down that nimble nib so eloquent with the fib
Of that which you feed yourself in this wintry crib...
The gentle spring rain is the shedding of your skin.
You let love in,
Afraid your bones will break at the first touch,
Wondering which is the last such...

You let love in and your weeps weaken to whimpers
Because you are so tired...your soul is so tired.
And finally you let love in...and you surrender.
To the touch that is so, so tender.
And everything
Is okay.
Listen to Bach’s “Air on the G String” performed by The Voices of Music. It was the perfect feel I needed to write this. Hopefully my point got across but I realize I can be a bit cryptic.

This was very enjoyable to write. I borrowed the "Gentle spring rain" from another, immediately inspired to compare it to the shedding of tears when you are so relieved, yet afraid, as you fall in love.
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
Pure white,
A flash of gold.
An angel truly fallen.
She found me.
I twist my head, hair tossing.
I glimpse the saddest scene.
Her majesty.
Her purity
Enveloped in a grayscale.
I see your broken wing, love,
But it never kept you from loving.
Your compassion inspires me.
Are you here to guide me?
A blood red that stains porcelain skin,
Deepest scars that tear apart the heart.
Yet she found me,
Asiding her tragedy,
To show me the light.
A flash of gold,
And the purest white
I've ever seen.
Written about an online friend who needed me when I needed her. I haven't seen her in a long time; I really fear she's not around at all anymore. How do you truly convince someone to live when the life is not yours?
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
"What's mine is yours,"

I wish I could fulfill your life with mine.
The feeling of two as one, nothing left undone,
Touch my things and leave oily prints.
Move them around; I'll find them again.
Or do you remember where you set it? I think you said you used it by the phone.

"My days are yours,"

The same sunrise glossing over slitted eyes.
They pull me in even when you've seen the worst in the night.
The shouting right beside me, or from the other room
As we go about routines, disturbing but not disrupting
It's okay with me, if it's okay with you?
Living together with someone--that comfort of being in a home and sharing your things. Even when they misplace them and it irritates you, the little things aren't a bother when you can unroll your skin around them.
Apr 2018 · 373
Playwright
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
I don't want to lose you to those dark nights
When the light
is just right
to begin your performance of just you

I know how it feels, it's happened to me too
No value
In rendezvous
It's a curtain call, I say my "adieu"

Yeah, you hurt me pretty badly
But I knew, we agreed,
This would never be easy
And it kills you,
It tears you apart
To know you've caused this damage
Right from the start

And it never goes
It never goes

Those bright days,
Sunshine rays
And neon shades
With me, with you,
One truth:
It's possible to feel this good again.

Those paling scars,
Both of ours,
Newborn bright stars
With me, with you,
One truth:
It's possible to have this gone again.

And it never goes
It never goes

I don't want to lose you to those dark nights
Black, once white
In the moonlight
Because there was never a stage, yet you wrote playwright

And it never goes
It never goes

A scene with me, a scene with you,
One truth:
It's possible to never know.
Suicidal loved ones.
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
The keys have never lied to me;
They really only sing
Echoed notes to my favor:
Utmost passion, pain, pining.
Four worn walls of floral
Patterns once were vibrant.
Torn and tattered blossoms of
Pastels in alignment.

There is a view of the terrace,
But my song cannot be free.
The sill is chipped and window locked,
Sun’s outline halos, mockery.
My hands don’t shake across my board
Nor tremble ruined red lacquered.
Composing now my newest start
Arranging how I want to feel and
Fill my place with hopeless heart.

Serenade my soul, please,
Even with my mistruck keys.
The shadows grow so long here,
Dear, they always frighten me.
Dark hair turned amber gold,
Iridescent,
So I’m told.
But I’ve only love for which I cannot hold.

I do not play with another,
Lest they feel the need.
No one else can play the same;
My jumbled notes? Your misread.
Regardless of me all,
The dust collects around.
Yet shimmering like diamonds
As they catch the sunlit crown.
But silently they fall away,
Hiding faded footsteps where no one stayed.
And so I no longer wait for them;
Press the pedal yet again.
Find their portraits on the porch—
Mourning sound my keys had then.

I see you’ve gotten the old brass doorknob to finally let you in,
But you’ve disturbed the patterns on the water-damage within.
Come and sit beside me now on this wooden bench
Creaking gently through my chamber with no chance for French
Exit as you’ve entered now.
The warm light
Cascades on my
Ivory.
Touch on me your melody.
It may not ring as it once did,
But I shall share it as we wish.
This started as a non-rhyming poem, but I’m too beginner to feel comfortable without a rhyme scheme. I imagined a French style room almost bare, with an old piano.
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
The strangest melody came
'Cross the trees.
Into those dark woods,
Where the Raven hung in green.
Drifting on that tune,
The Raven found the blue
Of the sole Bluejay
Aloft and lonely too.
But not for long, really--
A violet Starling fell into.
And this began a harmony,
Unknown purity that grew and grew.
Beholden of the heavenly,
The black Raven watched afar,
Wishing for eternity, which dreams...seldom are.
Soon the Starling flew away,
And the Bluejay
Recited once again the next day,
Till quieted, and no more.
Sat back still, the Raven saw,
Then searched for the brightest purple feathers.
Plucked out its own to replicate;
It loved that color anyway.
But the Bluejay would never sing
The song it did with that Starling.
And the Raven could only caw,
While its black feathers wore away.
But to the Raven's canopy
Had come
The Bluejay.
I tried to use more imagery and analogy lately. The “short story” format’s narrative is pretty obvious. It was fun to write.
Apr 2018 · 814
HESITATE
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
Reach for you, you do not wake.
Crying wait,
Hesitate.
You will stir when I flake,
Call me fake,
Hesitate.
Scream too late and watch me sate.
You debate,
Hesitate.
Loving you, "my" soulmate.
Aggravate,
Hesitate.
Playing games you'll dominate,
First-rate.
Hesitate.

...hesitate...

DEVASTATE

Hesit­ate.
s u ff o c a t e
SUFFOCATE
Reach for you, and you now wake.
Soulmate.
Suffocate.
Miscommunication and hesitation with an edge of psychosis.
Apr 2018 · 282
Protection
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
Keep me in your thoughts tonight;
It's all I've got to keep me tight.
I see a face that is not yours,
My eyes have swept along the floors.

I cannot find a single thing--
A familiar place or welcoming.
Untouched touch upon my skin
That never fails to drive me thin.

Keep me in your thoughts tonight;
You'll never know if I'm alright.
I'll think of you, dreaming too,
To make all nightmares be untrue.
Sometimes you want so badly for someone to take the place of your past pain.
Apr 2018 · 251
There is only history
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
I miss the days
Of innocence
Of confidence
Before the realization I ever needed anyone.
Or maybe I never did,
But you stole it all away.
And you.
And you.

There's nothing to "go back to."
I've only got to starve on this meal plan of
Self-love, self-healing, greening and green.

I miss the days
Where I was something
Felt something.
I was so young.
Do we all die,
Or was it just you?
And you?
And you?
Apr 2018 · 376
Obsession
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
I've never been good with words
Each thought is from lyrics heard
Losing myself in every piece
Till they all become a part of me
Or am I these things I've never written?
Only ideas that stir from somewhere hidden


Inside my own head, trapped, as my mouth works silently
Trying to speak, violently


I wonder what it's like to be somebody else
How hard is it to think for one's self?
I'm back at this familiar place
Yet nothing ever feels the same
Nothing ever feels the same


Have I just become you?
I've idolized everything you do
Every syllable you sing,
From the sound of your voice to your eyes shining.
My obsession is me
My obsession is me

And I must say,
It feels so good to be so lost.
Apr 2018 · 722
Dichotomies
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
How is it possible
To feel two things at once?
    "Dichotomies."
        Atrocities
That sheer the mind like paper.
"I hate you,
                     I love you,"
Spoken so close together.
Every time,
Each some crime.
I'm b roKen then TRANSFORMED.


A swelling heart,
                              A burning rage.
Back     and     forth.
Don't turn the page.
Not again,
Not like this.
Please don't stop this thrilling chase.


"Stay with me,"
                           "Leave me be,"
If you know what's best for you.
I'm good for you,
I promise you.
"Don't look at me,"
                                  "Who is she?"


I'll isolate
Everything.



There is none,
I'm the one.


I am nothing,
This time it's final.
I'm sick of you,
So don't come back.
                                   Where are you going?
                                   Why am I sewing
                                   This new patch?

                                    Let me f
                                                   a
                                                     d
                                                         e
                                                            i n  t  o    b   l    a     c     k . . .
I played around a bit with structuring here. It was fun! This is meant to be read with different paces in each section. Starting off slow, then picking up, slowling to desperation... until the calm hopeless emptiness of isolation, to anger again and once more back through  a slow drop into giving up.
Apr 2018 · 766
Influence
Alice Lovey Apr 2018
"Yes or no?"
I always say "yes,"
The time comes,
But I'm a mess.
Why did I say yes?
Who was I that day?
Or was it all a play,
Impulsive,
At my own sway?
And anyway,
Who am I today?
Confidence?
Misery?
Beloved or
Anxiety?
Can you help me?
Can you see me?
I want to be...

Whole.
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