I think I'm depressed
Maybe I'm just being dramatic
But how am I to tell if depression is this feeling of constant static?
Is this what's got a hold on me?
A grasp on me?
Trying to suffocate the life out of me?!
But just because right now, I can't breathe
Doesn’t mean
Depression is the thing choking me

I might be depressed
But I'm fighting hard to keep it suppressed
What does it feel like?
It feels like pain
It sounds like agony
And it looks like strain
It tastes like my emotions being flushed down the drain
It smells like there’s something rotting inside my brain
A noose around my hope
Locked up with a chain
The throbbing in my head
Is not just a migraine

I think I'm depressed
But what if this is normal?
What if I'm just calling for attention?
An honorable mention
In the mental illness section
Overthinking
What's honestly just sadness
The cause of this madness
So I'm sinking
Drinking in this lie
In a debate against my own mind
Trying to find
The source of this
Should I tell someone?
Or let it be dismissed?
But if I let it go
Will I keep drowning in this abyss?
How will I know
If I can get over this?
Without medication?
Or a therapy session?
Building up my frustration
So tell me this:
Have I lost my foundation?
Is my mind splitting apart?!
Is this just the start?!
Would keeping my mouth shut really be smart?!

I might be depressed
Depression is defined as severe dejection
But what type of severe would put me in that section?
I want to be saved
But my fear is too great
Am I making this up?
Am I sealing this fate?
All these questions seem to be worsening my headache

The thoughts in my mind are a mess
This suffering isn't easy to digest
It feels like there's a weight on my chest
What to do now, I don't know what's best
I'm reluctant to address the rest
The ending now, you could have guessed
I have no words best to express
But I think that I might be depressed.

You left your little pink *******
On the floor of his bedroom
And I'm positive that they're yours
Because they smell of your perfume

I watched him return them to you
With a smile and a kiss
Letting you know
That your body would be missed

So you hold your ******* tight
In the palm of your hand
And whisper, "Tonight,
I'll crawl through the window again"

But when I watch you with him
Doing all the things that you do
I can't help but wish
That you found girls attractive too.

Silent lunch alone in a room full of people
Stringy spaghetti
Quiet lunch with a cute boy across the table
Bubbling Raman noodles
School meal next to the cute boy
Toasted bagel
Cafeteria date with the boy
Steaming bean soup
Dinner date with a new boyfriend
Gourmet pizza
Perfect picnic on spring hills
Juicy strawberries
One year anniversary celebration
Succulent chocolates
Meeting with his parents alone for the first time
Slimy spaghetti
Breakfast in bed after passionate nights
Sugary waffles
Late night movies together
Buttery popcorn
Two year anniversary family gathering
Barbeque ribs
Romantic dinner for a marriage proposal
Roasted oysters
Nights alone after he says no
Greasy pizza
Following him wherever he goes
Rotten strawberries
After receiving a restraining order from the police
Molded chocolates
Sleepless nights staring at his picture
Stale popcorn
Insane asylums daily lunch servings
Undercooked Raman noodles
Mental institutes only breakfast special
Disintegrating waffles
First meal after faculty release
Boiling bean soup
Plotting revenge for a broken heart
Crumbling bagel
Violent lunch with a cute boy ******* across from me
Burnt oysters
A picnic over his chopped up body
…
****** ribs.

Maintain a distance
Of at least three feet
Cuz a close encounter
Is more bitter than sweet

Just one step too close
And she's inside your head
Just one step too close
And soon you'll be dead

She'll make you believe
That she can help you
That whatever you want
Is what she wants too

But once she's inside
Her wicked voice rings
By then, you're enslaved
To do her bidding

Her thoughts are inhuman
She doesn't feel pain
She's clearly unmatched
When it comes to the brain

But please don't be tricked
By her dark mind games
What she's trying to do
Is drive you insane

Who is she, you ask?
She's the east wind that blows
Well haven't you guessed?
Her name is Eurus.

The scrawlings of a madman
Stuck in my head
They aren't meant to be seen
And certainly not read
Insanity through carvings
The life that I led
For the period of time
That I lived my life dead
Black rivers of nonsense
Like the blood that I shed
The words on the paper
Hang by a thread

The scrawlings of a madman
Slain in my bed
Poisonous ink
My appetite fed
Just ****** and repeated
My limp body spread
Crystal white sheets
Now dripping with red
Ripped open too wide
From the places I bled
The logical lunacy
Fills me with dread

The scrawlings of a madman
All wisdom has fled
Turn the next page
And forget what I said
It seems I forgot
The demons I wed
The scrawlings of a madman
Came from my head.

I can taste blood when I kiss you
Falling victim
To the sweet, salacious lies
Hidden under your tongue
Tantalizing my ***
And ******* with my emotions

The crimson drops from your mouth
Seeping into mine
Dripping from my chin
And covering my body
Until my skin is no longer visible

A longing for more
But the begging to pause
Drinking in the alcohol
The sultry nicotine
That is your breath
Your lips

Painting the truth ruby red
From locked tongues
Choked words
And silenced honesty

A blur of desire
Curtaining the actuality
Drowning in the blood
Spilled
From your lips.

I have always been
too aware of the moon

Weeping because we will never
be closer together
Worshipping the ground
her light walks on
Worrying that her crescent’s point
will stab me in the back

I have never been
good with relationships.

I gave you my love
My soul - my heart
But the words you speak
Seem to tear me apart.

I can't tell if you're talented at this
Or if I'm just
Easy like that
Because every move you make
Drives me crazier
Than the last.

"The
sky's      
the               
limit"               

That's what people say                  
When they're                          
too afraid                           

To                        
reach                
for            
the        
stars.

Poetry is my word *****

It stirs in the pit of my stomach

So I puke up the letters

Just to try and feel better

But it turns out, I'll always be sick

I'd rather you show me your love

Than say it

Brick by brick
Stone by stone
Screaming out
Shattered tones

Fleeting life
Wanting death
****** up dirt
Shooting ****

Vacant hole
Ill spirit
Emptiness
Puking ****

Crumbling veins
Spilling red
Broken blood
Damning dead

Darkest day
Blackest night
Drowning black
Losing light

Tempting fate
Inner itch
Hearts will freeze
Blood will twitch

Bruising cracks
Inside bones
Brick by brick
Stone by stone.