Well... maybe that's too deep for you
Too dramatic
But you liked the drama
Just not in my words
So I can't help but wonder
If my body was your chew toy
Simply because your other ******* were unavailable to play
Or wonder if you really meant to leave me alone with the responsibility of cleaning up the mess that we made together
Or wonder if you ever truly believed that we could bottle our sparks
Yet, no matter how much I want to hate you
I can't remember how
You taught me how to love
So I did
I loved every moment of us
Of you
But then again
I guess everyone loves the fireworks before they unexpectedly burst into uncontrollable flames

And maybe this was your goal
To twist my emotions around your relentless fingers
To toy with me
To get in my head
Or maybe getting in my pants was good enough for you
And you couldn't give a **** about my thoughts

So that shooting star I wished on
Disappears into the infinite collection of dim flickers in the night sky
And I'm just another diminished
*****-less trophy
For you to stack against your wall with pride
Just another addition to your demonized collection

Well, no.
I still can't remember why I wanted to write about you
But I write about sad things
So maybe that's why
And no
It's not sad because of the way you used me
It's sad
Because I know if I were to see you tonight
I'd run to you
And let you run your hands through my hair again
To feel that shallow wind again
As if I wasn't already burned enough
As if we didn't start a wildfire together.

I want to be wild
I want to be tame
I want to break something, without taking the blame

I want to stay in my room
I want to be less alone
I want to go travel, without leaving home

I want to play by the rules
I want to start cheating
I want to get rest, without ever sleeping

I want to be drunk
I want to be sober
I want to grow up, without getting older

I want to keep it together
I want to keep crying
I want to be obedient, without really complying

I want to stay silent
I want to be heard
I want someone to talk to, without speaking a word

I want to starve myself
I want to keep eating
I want to be acquainted, without ever meeting

I want to stay single
I want to be married
I want to be in the ground, without being buried

I want to be feared
I want to be loved
I want to cut myself, without cleaning up blood

I want to get better
I want to stay ill
I want to stop hurting, without taking the pills

I want to be noticed
I want to be see-through
I want to want life, I don’t want to need to

I want to keep living
I want to just die
I want to say “hello”, without saying “goodbye”.

I love to feel you
Coil around me
On rainy afternoons
The thunderous clouds rolling in
Put you in a certain mood

The soft
              pitter
                      patter
on the ground
Echoing your dark ****** sounds

Whispering to me
That sweet, demented kind of pain
All evening in bed
Leaving me wetter than the rain.

The melodic hum of Nothing
        sits atop the air,
droning on and over,
untethered to terrain or horizon;
It drools unceasingly-
         a chronic, abject symphony,
Ignored by the bustle of birth-
though subservient
               all the same
        To the unabated, morose consonance

The world will not wait for me.

"If                                        strap"
     you                               the
          get                       wear
              on                I'll
                  a­ll         ...
                      *fours

...        
           heart             many
     has         My / Too       times
           been                      to
                 bro-          cou-
                      ken / nt.

Our bodies are puzzle pieces:

You fit perfectly
Inside me.

I had a dream that I shot myself in the head
I collapsed in the driveway
And stared straight ahead
With tangible astonishment
Or palpable dread
Is this what it’s like to be dead?
I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead
Why am I still thinking? I’m dead.

I imagined everyone before me who’s died
And questioned if their brains
Also raced beyond the grave
If being buried dead was no different
Than being buried alive
But before I made up my mind
I awoke in a hospital bed
Breathing and thinking -- not at all dead

I reached up and touched the hole in my head
Rethinking the seconds I thought I had died
I cried, I cried, I cried
“Why did this happen to me?” I cried.
Not because of my actions
But because I had survived.

I would tell you to stop
But baby, I want you tonight
I would tell you it's wrong
But *******, it feels so right

I would tell you no
But baby, all I whimper is yes
I would say I don't want it
But my legs grant you access

I would push you away
But baby, I won't put up a fight
I would tell you to be gentle
But I want you to **** me tonight.

If I fell in love with you
                         would I show it?
If I handed you my heart
                         would you throw it?
If I had a chance with you
                         would I blow it?
If this was true love
                         would I know it?

If I gave you the world
                         could I top it?
If you snatched my heart
                         would you drop it?
If my love swelled up
                         would you pop it?
If I had these feelings
                         could I stop it?

If you felt the same
                         would you reveal it?
If you stole my heart
                         could you un-steal it?
If you loved me back
                         did you conceal it?
Now that I've felt it
                         can I un-feel it?

I have a friend
His name is Depression
He used to come and go frequently
But now I think he's here to stay

I used to have a friend
Her name was Joy
She came and went frequently too
But now I think she's gone for good

Depression and Joy don't get along
When one comes, the other goes
They're never together
And they never will be

They used to be evenly matched
But Depression grows much faster than Joy
He's much bigger now
He's much stronger

So now, when they fight
Over who will stay with me
Depression wins
He wins nearly every time

He beats her
He beats her badly
Leaving her scarred and bruised
Leaving her black and blue

I used to care
I used to try and stop him
I used to try and protect her
But I don't anymore

Depression is stronger than Joy
He's stronger than me now, too
So I simply watch
As he scares her away

I used to run after her
But I don't now
Joy used to be my friend
But not anymore

I can't trust her
She leaves when I need her the most
But Depression always comes back for me
He always comes back

Joy has been away a long time now
Longer than she ever has
I'm not sure if I'll ever see her again
I'm not sure if I want too

Because now, I have Depression
My true savior
My true protector
My true friend

He sits with me
He sleeps with me
He walks with me
He talks with me
He follows me
He stays with me
He holds onto me
He won't let me go

Now that I have Depression
I don't have to wait for Joy
For her to come home to me
Not anymore.

There's a broken compass
On the dashboard of your car
Wired to a lack of common direction
Bonded to utter uncertainty
Telling us to **** the cement roads
And make love to our own beaten path
Wrestled through the dirt
Maybe we should turn around
But baby
Getting lost with you
Is my second favorite thing in the galaxy

Stop.
Let's park the car
Get out and stroll under the moonlight
We're seventeen now
We don't have to keep this journey PG-13 anymore
So lay me down in the grass
With only insects as our audience
I know I don't have to be nervous
Because you won't bite as hard as them

Baby
Getting lost in you
Is my favorite thing in the universe
Make me see stars
Even when my eyes are closed
Let's create music
Over the sound of the fireflies
That occupy the same love-nest as us

Throw the map out the window
It's not like your body came with directions anyway
Besides, I prefer to explore on my own
It was you who taught me
That not all who wander, are lost
So let me wander in you

Free from restrictions
Unbound by maps

Following a broken compass together.

“Oh, cry me a river.”
Were the last words
You spoke to me

So I did.

I cried a river of tears for you
Tears you used to kiss from my cheeks
And wipe with your thumbs
With a smile
Holding my glass eyes
In the palm of your hands

I did.

I cried a river of blood for you
Blood that spilled from my cracked heart
That you stepped on
When you walked out the door
Leaving a trail of crimson footsteps
Where you walked

I did.

I cried a river of acid for you
Acid that left burn marks over our love
And tore it's way through my brain
Disintegrating every ounce of affection
To leave behind
A blazing inferno

I did.

I cried a river of poison for you
Poison that shredded though my heartache
And left me cold and motionless
Dead inside and out
A shred of hope
That I'd cry enough poison for you too

So I cried you a river

Maybe before
I'd try and use my river to swim back to you
But now
I'd rather jump in and drown
Praying
That you'll fall in and drown with me.

Friendship
          is the love of personality.

Attraction
          is the love of body.

Love
          is when Friendship meets Attraction

My entertainment
Is a notebook
A pencil
And pure imagination.

Ignorance is bliss
A shoot and a miss
Stuck in the abyss
The pain caused by this
To forget our last kiss

Needle in my skin
Put the chemical in
To forget where I've been
And let it begin
Making memories thin

It burns in my veins
But it's worth the pain
To forget your name
Stained in my brain
And stop the self-blame

Agony is dead
You're not in my head
To fill me with dread
Forget what you said
When you slept in my bed

Feeling the new high
And forgetting why
I wanted to die
Or bothered to cry
Or said my good-byes

I shoot but don't miss
Not in the abyss
No pain caused by this
Forgotten last kiss
Ignorance is bliss.

I want the love that breaks expectations...
...
and bed posts.

When I start bleeding
Through my shirt
They ask:

"What happened?!"
"Did you cut yourself?"

I know they mean:
"Did you cut yourself ON ACCIDENT?"

But I just say
"Yes" anyway

And don't bother explaining
That it wasn't an accident.

I need your help
To solve a problem
There's something you must do
I need you to hurt me
Break me down
So I'll fall out of love with you

               Don't be gentle
And don't be kind
Please go against your natural will
Hold back your warmth
And become cold
Force my pounding heart to still

               Rip my soul
Stomp on the pieces
Change my love songs to crying
Fill my nights
With endless sobs
Make me feel like I'm dying

               I need this fast
To come to an end
All for the long run’s sake
For the unhealthy love
I'm feeling now
I need my heart to break

               So hold my heart
In the palm of your hands
Now quickly tear it in two
Don't hold back
Bring on the pain
So I'll fall out of love with you.

Loving her
Is loving the moon
Distant from my existence
Too elevated to recognize
That stationed below
A speck of dust
Is screaming for her attention
Because honestly
She couldn't see me
Even if she tried.

The
       cost
           of
                 love
                        is
                          infinite.

­                            But
            heartbreak
        is
free.

My neck feels naked

When your hands aren't around it.

I
       b
          u
             r
                y
My sorrows
In
Out-of-date
                Prescription
                Pills.

(Not exactly a 10w)

Just because it's someone's "big day"

Doesn't mean we should stop caring about other people....