Is to observe the world
in all its intricate detail
To hear all the
unspoken words
To be a watcher at every moment
but never to be watched

From all the dark corners
where the whispers reach
is a fly, soundless, immobile
seeing all
yet seen by none

I’m bored now.
I don’t want the calm before the storm
I want the storm,
right now.

break me,
burn me,
do whatever,
I’m ready.

The colours of the world once danced for me,
But now they stand, all grey, though if they moved I’d barely see
Music painted dreams that nourished my soul,
But now it drowns the turmoil I can't control

The world lies serene from up here,
bright blinding lights
seem dim,
people like insects, crawling
insects like dust, clinging
and scuttling to their dark corners.
A place above all
where I can forget.
As I watch my feet swing
over the edge,
I'm not scared nor sad,
not thrilled either,
Just am.

Does it though?
because friends
have never
belittled or
cut me down
quite like you have.

Nobody has ever made me
want to jump off the edge
from pain and hurt,
yet still scream words of gratitude,
because I know
how much
you sacrificed
for me.

You may not have been perfect,
but it’s everybody’s first time
at life
and I know
even if everybody
leaves my side
you’ll still be there
because blood
runs thicker
than water.

The most beautiful humans
struck by young fame
graced and haunted
by societies expectations.

Not too fat,
but not too skinny,
Not so flat
and always pretty.

Are they
mannequins in motion?
or people—
the industry doesn’t know

They throw
sticks and stones
turning them
to skin and bones

Their tears
could drown cities—
full of hunger
and pain—
but they stay silent.

Because they must.
“You must be seen,
and not heard.”
Just walk now,
and look pretty.

Goddesses bound by heels
bleeding behind blush ..
They are told to glow now
but one day they’ll burn

The Hunger,
inescapable,
rumbled throughout
your celestial body.
Temptation whispered in your ear
of more—
Greed and Sin
beckoned you,
too close to the sun.
But you, in a haze,
blindly complied.

Against Him.

Your wings burnt
in the scorching heat.
I saw the tendrils of deceit
encapsulate you
as your wings grotesquely contorted.
Flecks of burning faith crumbled
to nothingness.

A wordless scream
left your lips.
Almost instantaneously,
you, writhing,
catapulted—
a freefall of fate—
until you hit
the gritty ash
of betrayal
below.

You betrayed Him,
and so you became
eternally ******,
scattered in the winds
of Hell,
my fallen angel.

Frozen beauty
breathtakingly
preserved in his
running watercolour,
rough charcoal,
faded photograph film,
A beauty forevermore-
stilled yet alive.

they say don’t judge a book by its cover
but sometimes
you start reading
and the words just
won’t resonate with you
they won't
make you think
or feel

but remember
you don’t have to
force yourself
to finish
a bad book

Your laugh,
my sigh,
melt away
in the citrus and heat.
The sun beats down
on my back
in undulating waves.
I drink it in,
but it leaves an aftertaste—
unnervingly inevitable.
Soon it’ll be over.
It won’t last…
I know.

But before I leave,
I want to waste
my last days
getting lost
in the haze
of your sun-kissed
summer face

Tonight I will have my last dance
for this is my last chance
before I bid this whole world farewell
I wish for one last dance under your spell

When I first saw you it was as if hummingbirds sung
a familiar rhythm, always on the tip of my tongue.
It was like a pull of my soul
So now I wish for you to make me whole,

I wish again to hear the soft chimes of your laugh,
fleeting yet haunting like wind through glass
all whilst my heart pounds like a shaman’s beating staff.
I wish for the silky fabric of that midnight blue dress
to once again be under my hand’s caress.

A message for my lady in blue
Tonight, I wish to see you,
and if you will grant me entry into your trance
Let me be your last, your final parting dance.

Eight years experience,
I’ll have you know,
Been working since seven
Kinda tired of it now.
No rest for the wicked,
so I’ve been told.
“Choose, him or me girls?”
“You evil *****”
“Leave, before I call the police”
“Get out the way”
“You can take the kids with you”
He doesn’t want us.
Please, girls
Daddy doesn’t want to do this.
I can smell the lies,
they flow like water now.
She looks at me,
make him leave,
don’t worry mama,
I will.
But then I look to my right
my sisters eyes
full of unshed tears.
No, I look away,
it’s my job.

Y’know,
the world is flying
right past you now
the water is dark and thrashing
approaching quickly
to flood your lungs
but not before
time floods your mind
with everything
you’re about to lose.

Never again, will you
elbow her in the backseat
dying of laughter
over something
no one else would get
Never see her cap and gown
and smile awkwardly
for a quick family pic
Never hold shaking hands
down the aisle.
The only church you’ll share now—
she’ll be in black,
you’ll be in a box.

Never again, will you feel
the leash tug
after some sly squirrel
Never again hear
a sudden bark
break a silent morning
and never again be greeted
by kisses and tail wags —
not now.
Instead he’ll sit
wondering where you went,
when you’re coming back

Never again, will you
love till your heart hurts
laugh till your ribs ache
cry till your throat’s sore
lie awake contemplating life
feel the familiar burn of the sun.
scream to the sky
just because
Never, experience
the extraordinary mess
that we call life —
ever again

And even if you wanted to—
even if you begged—
it’s too late now.
you’re already
going down.

Sleepless summer nights,
salty golden curls,
green swim shorts,
charming, star-speckled smiles.
Soft-spoken words,
guileless promises,
chilled beach air,
lapping waves,
crickets chirping,
cans cracking,
laughter echoing through darkness—
bonfires illuminating faces.
Lost in the labyrinth of bare love,
mistakes made,
heartbreak— inevitable.
Sunburnt hearts.

Does it hurt when she treats you like a shadow of the millions,
because she’s the light.
Does it hurt, when you realise you only believed you had a chance
while you were just playing into her elaborate dance.

Even if it does,
you keep living
in all the things you never said
hoping that somewhere, somehow
it wasn’t just all in your head.

I know that it stings to know
she knows exactly how to reach you,
she just never does.
But for some reason, the thought of her
still makes my tormented heart stir.

So why the sadness that you’re over
when you never even really began?
Why do I mourn the life we could of had,
when it was never more than a daydream,
now a source of pain.

It hurts me that you didn’t stay,
I feel it everyday,
But I guess what I really want to know is,
Does it hurt you like it hurts me?

Once upon a time we played pretend
Once upon a time, the game had to end
Once upon a time, I lost a friend.
Once upon a time, I reached my end.

Carefree was I, and carefree was she
In a world of our own we were free.
Safe and sound in our beautiful little dollhouse
Before it crept upon us, silent as a louse.

It came suddenly and took everything we had
The windows of our house grew cracked
The glass became cloudy, we could no longer discern what exactly we were.

Our house was empty
and so were we.
Darkness took over her and me -
Perhaps something they could foresee
But of course they never told me.

Now I have no shoes; my feet are bare.
I am bare.
I stand paper-thin, about to tear.
The cold wind stings, and the rain mats my hair.
The sun burns my skin— but I cannot care.

Was it the stars that doomed me?
Or your seraphic seeming face,
doe eyed with
soft rosy lips,
and a devilish grin-
Enough to make a man
forget about sin...

It was you who doomed me.
Falling can feel like flight
if your eyes are closed,
Were mine?

Our love felt
like a flame in the wind-
fierce yet fleeting,
doomed for destruction.

But my rose coloured glasses
soon broke,
and made me realise:
I was star crossed,
with a devil in disguise.

The countdown begins
Three whole weeks,
then one week,
now four days,
it’s tomorrow-
in three hours.

Until the dreaded hour comes and goes.
But it doesn’t end there.
It’s only the start
of my two weeks of hell.

My hands sweat and shake
as I frantically flip through pages,
what have I been revising for?
weeks of effort-
but the words blur into one
and… time.
Pens down.
I’ve messed it up.
Again.

Then comes results day,
Suddenly, sitting the exams seemed like heaven
compared to this day of hell
because I already know-
before I even open that little sheet-
my work probably hasn’t paid off

And…
I’ve messed it up.
Again.

Now I sit in front of my parents
and they ask
if I even tried,
but I did try
I tried for four weeks.
Eight hours a day.
Up to the very last minute.
I tried.

But they’ll never know,
because all they see is
that little white sheet
with the little black numbers.

all my hard work-
reduced to nothing
they can’t see past the percentages
to see me,
crumbling
before their eyes.

So I stand and sigh,
which nobody sees or hears,
pull out my textbooks of torture,
and let the current of words
and equations
and lists
pull me under…

Oh, my sweet
summer child,
with your golden smile
and that glimmer in your eyes.

I admire you,
maybe even envy
your blinding sun,
that hurts my tired eyes.

Your sun-kissed
picture frame face
exudes such joviality
but at a pace

With undulating curls
that unfurl around
your shimmering face,
yet still hold place.

How does it feel
to be God’s favorite?
I wonder,
how you smile with such grace.

To My First Love,

I was like wildfire,
and you were rain.
You steadied me,
and without even meaning to,
I fell for you.

You brought out the best in me-
lit me up with a different flame,
less angry, more passionate-
in a good way.
But maybe, that stifled your flame.

We were young and scared,
I wanted to run off,
follow the wind
and our too-big dreams,
but you couldn't.

Couldn’t just leave everything
for an uncertain dream.
Roots held you down
and I wasn’t strong enough,
to pull you free.

But maybe in another life,
Where we’d have more
than empty gum wrappers
and a crumpled dollar in our pocket,
We could be.

But you did good for yourself,
found something true,
someone who made you anew,
something I could never
have given
to you.

Faster.
Hurry.
We’re gonna miss it.
Leave me alone.

Your laugh—
like wind chimes—
gives me chills,
a feeling I never
want to forget.

One day,
I may sit by myself
and not remember
my loved ones.
I may struggle to walk.
I’ll be done
chasing dreams.

But right now—
slow down.
Stop running.

Let me look at you
a little longer.
Let me absorb your face—
because even if,
someday,
you seem like a girl
from a fever dream,
allow me now
to memorise every bit of you
while you’re still
tangible to me.

Because time
is something
you and I
cannot run from.

I feel like those old abandoned factories-

My heart, a shattered window
My legs, crumbling bricks
My thoughts, muddled graffiti
My whole body, rusted and broken down

But I still stand.
Like that dilapidated factory,
through suffering, it also stands
even in its ruined state.

But then, suddenly,
shards of light
cast a spectral play
through fractured panes,
an almost ethereal experience
it is so rare.

Still, hope glimmers,
and after a while,
wildflowers bloom,
stretching across the span,
reclaiming the ruins,
growing over the brokenness,
not in spite of it
but because of it.

Have you ever felt a love so strong
that your chest physically hurts,
because you long for it,
with the entirety of your being.

A love so intense
it scares you,
breaks you like glass,
bring you to the edge of destruction,

But you don't fall over the edge,
and you won’t,
because they’ve got you,
tight in their grasp
forevermore.

Once he’d adored her,
‘daddy’s little girl’
he had said
while he swung her around
then she perched on his shoulders.
He’d tell everybody
about his angel.

Until she hit thirteen,
the devil she became.
His grip tightened,
knuckles now white
‘Just like your mother’
‘Don’t you dare talk back’
He’d taught her how to flinch

Shown her
the cost of silence.
and whilst
Mothers forgive,
Wives excuse,
daughters remember-
because he always remembered

He raised a daddy’s girl
who won’t bow now
a girl unfettered she became
whilst he, fettered by his past
mistook fear for power
but now that’s gone
and so is he

I hear things
that I can never quite discern.
I know there is a life beyond this
but is it better,
or worse?

What is that life like?
I wonder and marvel
at the things
my forming mind
conjures up.

I know I will see her face,
she has already told them about me.
I think she loves him-
but sometimes, late at night
I feel her tremble and sob…

I don’t know why
she does everything she does-
but she will be wonderful
because she is mine.
Although she cannot protect me from all.

So still I fear,
the coldness of the world
she shivers within-
that I know I shall fear,
so I lie still
and count my days.

Of all the things I never said,
I wish I’d told her
“I love you”
before he did.

Her eyes were
the most exquisite shade
of cerulean blue.
Her daughter’s are too—

I remember
the day she arrived,
the day you slipped away, too.

Lost on October third,
two thousand twenty-two...
Could you have stayed
if I’d told you?

Every day then—
and now—
I wish I’d gone
to see you.

Fingers stained blue
from your favourite
fountain pen,
a smudge
on your arm
encircled by gold bangles
that clink,
like an introduction:
clink
clink
‘she’s here.’

Dark wisps hide,
your watercolour eyes
darkened by kohl,
wrinkled with your
crooked sunrise smile,
soon it becomes a laugh
that sounds like
summer—
all cartwheels across fresh grass,
sticky lollipop smiles,
a wrinkled shirt
creased with time.
Even effortless
looks beautiful
on you.

I love
every ink stain
and clink,
every wandering comment,
and every laugh
that’s a bit too loud—
you couldn’t even
begin to fathom
all the love I hold
for you.

what if I’m waiting
for something that will never come,
what if I was not who I am,
what if I never questioned

what if I don’t want to look on prospects drear
what if I want to be the mouse, not man-
who only lets the present toucheth thee,
to not be a human
that guesses an’ fears.
What if I accept that
even the best laid schemes
gang aft agley,
that often my whimsical dreams
are to keep my actions at bay
tucked under my hat,
kept from leading me astray
because after all Burns said,
in proving foresight might be vain.

And maybe a humans life is what I was destined to get,
but I will not be stopped yet,
though plans may falter and not be met
I will keep here set
In my human form of pain and regret.

Brand new,
Shiny and promising -
hope met with disappointment.

Collapses on impact.
Dangerous in appearance,
Hollow within. A fraud.

We’re two different people
from two inexplicably different worlds,
who can never truly
see things through the same eyes.

While I see,
a sky painted with beautiful and wild brushstrokes,
You see,
dilapidated high rises blurred by grey clouds.

I see,
a bubbling, bustling city of culture and people
While you see,
an overcrowded, noise polluted town.

I see,
the road to an unknown journey
You see,
cracked tarmac littered with potholes.

Because, while I like to daydream,
you like to plan
While I loved like a storm
you loved like a drought,

I lived in the little things - like inside jokes and playing the guitar
while you dreamt of more, like weddings and a fancy car.

you and I are from two different worlds
that can never be combined,
So with that I leave behind
something that could never quite be defined.

A musician strums a sorrowful song
chords ringing loud enough
for his little girl,
who sleeps in the earths embrace,
six feet deep.

A woman files paperwork,
answers relentless emails,
and even stacks her grief in neat piles,
but it’s only her distraction
from nine to five…

A girl avoids mirrors
because it hurts to see
how she traced pain
along forearms and thighs
‘damaged’ ‘ugly’ ‘ruined’, she thinks,

A mother screams
about clothes on the floor
and unwashed dishes
because the silence of her broken home
scares her more than feigned anger.

A writer spends endless nights
scrawling lovesick thoughts,
and morose notes
on scrappy, tear stained paper
no one will ever see.

A teenage boy, never at home
swallows pills like promises
whilst he loses himself
in the haze
of a swirling smoke room

An old man looks out the window
of his care home
and names clouds after the ones he loved
while he waits for someone
who will never come.

If you look close enough-
Everyone is in pain.
And that’s the truth,
the real, visceral truth,
but we carry on.

A friend to many
all of whom
were too lost
to remember her

But a foe to most
who remember
her thievery

Is it better to have loved and lost

than to have never loved at all?

Well—you tell me.

Every time I see that face,

I wish I could turn you back into a stranger—
so the sting in my chest could fade

back into ignorant bliss,

unbeknownst to the pain of love.

When I look at you I see
the boy I told,

“I could never be loved,”

who smiled and swore
he could see the love that exudes
from the cracks of my soul
,
What beautiful words

that once lit up my heart,
now make it scorch,

and burn.

But even through all that...

I still miss you.

And I miss you that little bit more

when our song plays on the radio,

and when I watch our favourite movie—

again and again.

It’s the third time this month
that I’m listening to your voice note
you know, the one before our first date
I mouth the last words with a sting in my eyes
‘see you tomorrow my love.’

I say,
I hate you.

So why do I still feel sad

it’s over?

So please tell me,
because I still don’t know
is it better to have loved and lost
than to have never loved at all?

Princess,
I have no crown to offer,
but still—I vow to be your protector.
you gifted me this rose,
which lies silent on my bedside,
so that you’d remain in my heart, forevermore
but you never needed to,
for you scorched my heart,
with a fire that never ceases.
But I, a knight,
may love and lose—
yet am ever bound to solitude.

And my princess,
she already had her prince.
I was just a shadowed knight
for any damsel in need,
But she, no longer in distress—
and I, never to ride into the light
Our paths forever parallel,
but never to unite,
because ‘twas always thus.
And always thus
will be.

Bright stage lights,
adrenaline rush,
ear-splitting screams
for my little rocker—
not so little now.

I see her on the big screen,
but I remember
when she cried—
stinging fingertips,
frustrated fretboard fights—
couldn’t get the chords quite right.

Then she learned her first riff,
played it on repeat
seven days a week.

I watched you
take down the posters in your room,
pack your amp in a beat-up case.
I stood in the driveway,
watched the cab pull away—
rain streaming down the windows,
deep breath, hands shaking.
You didn’t look back—
and I hope you never do.
You had bigger places to be.

A buzz,
and a roar—
the first chord rings out,
wild screams echo,
and I’m just one in the crowd.
You don’t see me anymore,
but through all the noise,
I was your first fan.

Hate swirls deep within my gut.
Hands covered in blood.
Muffled shouts—
I can't decipher
over the raging whirlpool
that is my mind.
I wipe the blood away,
but it comes back.
I don’t know how to hide it.
Everyone is looking now—
a thousand sets of beady eyes,
loudly judging in silence.
Murderer.
Traitor.
I hear their screeching now.
My ears bleed.
Guilty, GUILTY!
NO - I swallow the glass shards
with an unearthly growl
It hurts so much so
I run, far away.
Deep into the woods.
My lungs burn red too.
black smoke emerges from my ribcage
A trail I must follow
A one-track mind
follows the one-track path.
I run and I run—
faster, more desperate.
Footsteps thunder behind me
Are they His or mine?
I can see it now:
salvation.
I walk
to the glittering door
in the sky
straight off the edge
of a cliff.

Being an empath
is both a blessing
and a curse

First place
gold medal shine
this moment is mine
smiling ear to ear
but then I see her,
Second place,
quickly wipes her face
her parents think
she’s a disgrace
Did I destroy her dream?
We’re always the villain
in someone’s scene.

Sometimes I hate to feel
every dream
I steal

I thought you left me.
Probably thinking I was
too much of a hassle.
You say you left a note,
didn’t see it.

Don’t look at me like that.
Like I’m not me,
like I’m a stranger
wearing my own skin.

You say we’ve had this conversation
three times today.
Well, I guess I just don’t remember.
Doesn’t mean i’m not trying to.

You say I left the stove on.
I say I didn’t.
We both believe we’re right,
but only one of us is losing their mind.

Sometimes I call you by the wrong name—
or ask where Mom is,
and you go quiet,
because we buried her last fall—
please forgive me..

This cruel disease
doesn’t just erase memories.
It erodes trust,
ruins families,
breaks everything…

I never know
the right thing to say, or do
but you don’t either
so it’s okay.

Maybe I talk too much sometimes,
and I freeze
when you look at me,
like that.

We’re not like a movie couple,
our love is raw and messy,
but it’s true
and that’s what counts.

And maybe one day
we’ll go our separate ways—
but what we have now
is something.
And I’ll always,
love you.

‘It’s not fair’
A petulant cry
Familiar echoes
of hopelessness

“Life’s not fair, Lex.
but I didn’t birth a failure.
You’re gonna win.
No. matter. what.”

Some start ahead —
born on better tracks —
but that doesn’t mean
you can’t outrun them.

You just gotta try a little harder
and you’ll get there…
‘Faster, yes, faster’
‘Nearly-‘

You might have to step
on a few toes
to pass the others
but one day, I know,
you’ll reach them,
The People
at the top.

“But I don’t wanna hurt others Mama”
“Sometimes baby, that’s
what winning takes”
“I’m sorry Lex”

Our start lines
aren’t equal,
some are in different races
But Lex,
you’re going
to win.

“Throw her into the deep end,”
they said.
“She’ll learn to swim soon enough.”

Maybe she will,
but you know,
it won’t be easy
the tides will grasp her firm
and try to drag her under
her lungs will scream
she may wail
and desperately thrash
the tumultuous current will beat her down
her arms ache, so does her heart
she’ll sink once or twice,
wonder whether it’s worth the fight,
but with time
and I can’t say how much
she will gain strength
and slowly but surely
she will begin to swim against the current
claw her way back
to the shallow end
and she’ll be able
to look them all in the eye
scars bare, clothes torn
but a wicked smile.

The grasp you held on my heart
once felt reassuring, securing even.
But your fingerprints left bruises,
each one an echo of your lies.

My heart became a weathered map:
torn corners by sharp words,
crumpled from venomous lies,
the trail of betrayal tracked across it.

You made me flinch at kindness,
distrust soft spoken words,
run from help, for fear
it was another trap.

Even amiability makes me brace for pain
and I know-
I will never be the same, because
love feels like a fairytale
written for someone else—

and I can only imagine the ending.

Do you ever wish,
you could redo it
all
over
again?

Go back to when
there were no problems,
or at least
no real problems.

A time I can’t even remember anymore
let alone imagine,
No pressure or worries?
back to a flowing, carefree entity…

All the what ifs?
they will always gnaw at me,
would I like to satiate them,
or are they better off starved?

Although, I know
the future doesn’t wait,
so some time or another
it will arrive.

And there will always be
more bad things to happen,
more good things to happen,
more losses than wins

So would I try to escape or
accept what I cannot change
and keep going
anyway?

My vampire,
an old dreamer,
with eyes
dark
and tired—
yet still
alluring,
with irresistible mystery.

Your ebony hair,
wispy and wild,
holds secrets
I ache
to run my fingers
through.

Your sultry voice,
pensive,
tinged with solemnity,
makes me
lose myself.

A pale face—
yet lips,
full
of a red
I melt into.