"I promise,
We will be friends forever"
"Pinkie promise?"
"Yes"
As it turns out,
Forever lasts around two months

"I promise,
You can trust me"
"Pinkie promise?"
"Yes"
As it turns out,
Trust is a flexible thing

Pinkie promises,
You say,
Are a joke.
They don't matter.

They are still promises,
I think,
And break a little more

You should know:
You are why,
I don't trust
Pinkie promises,
*Anymore

I knew,
If I crossed that ocean,
I would never see you again.

I thought I was okay
I thought that was alright
I was wrong

I couldn't take it,
So I sent you message,
Over great seas,
In a small little bottle.

I thought you would never find it
I thought you were a lost case
I was wrong

You found the message in the bottle.
It crossed great seas to find you.
And when it did,
It caused waves
Even I
Cannot comprehend

I am sand.

People say rocks are,
Solid
Dependable
Unchangeable
Tell sand that.
Worn away.
Hour after hour,
Day after day.

People say rocks are,
Rigid
Firm
Strong
Tell sand that.
Crushed slowly.
Wave after wave,
Footstep after footstep.

People say rocks are,
Steadfast
Reliable
Unfailing
Tell sand that.
Drowning always,
In water and weight.
Me, I'm just drowning.
In love and lies.
In fear and anger.
In dumb human emotion.

I am sand.

A heart of stone
A girl alone

You came along,
You broke up the rock
It took time but
Slowly
It became soil

You were gentle
You were sweet
You grew a garden
It took time but
Slowly
It became flowers

You were lying
You were cruel
You left the garden
It took time but
Slowly
The flowers died

You were gone
I was lost
The garden was forgotten
It took time but
Slowly
The dirt turned to dust

A heart of dust
A lack of trust

When I first began
I was a human

I learned to fit in
And became a reflection

I started to fall
Now I'm a shadow

I see the ground coming up fast
Soon I'll be just *nothing

If I don't have to answer a text
I won't look at it
That way,
My phone continues to tell me
That I have a message
And I feel a little less alone,
Like someone actually
Wants to talk to me

I count my notebooks
Every morning
Before school
Even if I haven't touched them all night
Just to be extra sure

I smile when I'm sad
Just to look happy
For everyone out there
Even when the best thing
To do
Would be to cry my eyes out

I have a lot
Of silly habits

Depression is sad
Awful
Horrible

But if you are attempting
To be positive
I guess you could say
That it has it's pluses

For instance:
I no longer fear death

I can climb to the sky
Walk as close to the end
As I like
I can jump from higher
And do more

For it has been quite awhile
Since I last feared death

If I were a state of matter
The element I would be
Is water

The state I would be in
Is gaseous

Why?

It's because
Ice is beautiful
And useful

Water
As a liquid
Is natural
It's calm
And beautiful

But water vapor
It's invisible
No one cares about it
And while you can't see
You can feel it
You can feel the way it
Presses down on you
When it's hot out
No one likes humid days
No one likes water vapor

Water vapor
Does not belong
It's supposed to be a liquid
It does not fit in

And also,
It's molecules
Run away from eachother
Just as I
Run away from myself

If I were a state of matter
I would be water
In its gaseous state

Hope:
The biggest killer of them all

It will lift you up high
To send you crashing to the ground

Hope:
The most painful gift around

It will keep you alive
Just to torture you longer

Hope:
Heartbreak disguised as joy

It will let you feel whole
Just to shatter you more

Hope:
The biggest killer of them all

*It will give you love
Then watch you drown

Hearts of steel
Hearts of stone

Hearts of diamond
Hearts of dust

Hearts of paper
Hearts of plastic

Hearts of steel
Are strong
Sturdy
Reliable
But you can never see inside

Hearts of stone
Are strong
But from pain
In the past they were
Hot lava
But they've hardened
By the world's touch

Hearts of diamond
You can see inside
Their deepest fears
And weaknesses
But they are strong
You will never break them

Hearts of dust
Are vulnerable
Beautiful
But blown away
By the first gust of wind

Hearts of paper
Rip easily
But can be
Put back together
And be mostly the same
They record their life's pain
On their heart

Hearts of plastic
Are clear
You can see inside
They are melted easily
Damaged effortlessly
But kept safe
They are lovely
And wonderful

Hearts are not
Simply blood and tissue
They are
Steel and stone
Diamond and dust
Or paper and plastic
Or many more

*What is your heart made of?

I hold it in my palm
So fragile
So weak

I watch it, and think,
To crush it?
Or care for it?

A little glass ball
So transparent
Yet opaque

It's so easy to forget
Its true size
Its true power

So I stare at this little thing
And think
So numb

Would I feel anything?
To crush this
Small thing?

How would the shards fly?
Who would they cut?
Who would they miss?

Would this little glass thing,
So mysterious
So fragile
So powerful
So sharp
So overwhelming

Would it ever be missed?

We're all in a race
The race of life

It's kind of funny;
Most people try to run
Away
From the finish line
Rather than
Toward it
At least in this race

But as we all know,
The rule of racing is
That you need to try and
Get to the finish line
As fast as you can

So don't blame me for
Trying to follow the rules

Have you noticed,
That no one ever cares
About a bomb,
Till it explodes?

And when it does
People regret letting it live?

If I ever talk
To anyone,
I always weigh the facts
Is it worth it?
For they will always leave
Is this conversation
Worth it?

I almost always walk away
But with you
I had no choice
It was a sneak attack

Before I knew what was happening,
We were talking

Then,
We were friends

Now,
I don't know what is happening
It started with a sneak attack
And ended with a sneak away

So was it worth it?
I don't know
Let's see the ending
And find out

My grandma committed suicide
When I was six
I'm sure it was my fault
Was I not good enough?
Did I not meet your standards?

What did I do wrong?

My best friend
For seven years
Left me last year
For an unknown reason
Was I not kind enough?
Was I just too weird?

What did I do wrong?

Someone said I am stupid
Lazy
And dumb
Am I really?
Am I mentally ill,
Do you think?

What did I do wrong?

I don't know what I did
But it must have been me
It's always me

*What did I do wrong?

When I tried to tell someone how I felt
How I felt like a failure
How I didn't have a will to live
How I looked to the future,
And only saw pain

They said,
"You don't look that sad,
And anyway,
You're young.
You're probably exaggerating.
A young, healthy person,
Would not feel like that."

I know I don't look sad
I practice every day
So no one sees my pain

I know I am young
At least in years
But I have seen and felt
So much
In the short time I have been here

I know this.
But I am not okay.
I am not young.
And I am not healthy.

My heart, soul, and mind have aged
Far beyond my years

And I am not healthy
I have not eaten in days
3 or 4 I think
I did not sleep last night
And got less than an hour the two nights before
I slice my own skin open
To bleed the bad things out
And my mind has put me
On the verge of death
And taking my own life

Do you think that is healthy?

As for me being okay...
I think my tears and blood
Can speak for themselves

I just want...
To look in the mirror
And not be disgusted

I just want...
To use my voice
Without telling a lie

I just want...
To wake up each morning
And not regret it

I just want...
To sleep at night
Without the nightmares

I just want...
To be able to think
And not want to cry

I just want...
To smile again
Without being fake

I just want...
To look at my wrist
And not see blood

I just want...
To live
For once in my life

*Is that too much to ask?

The elements and I
Have a special connection

Earth:
I feel as though,
I am six feet under
Every day and night

Wind:
The gale's greedy fingers
Push me slowly
Toward the edge of the cliff

Water:
The strong ocean
Pushes me under
Continually

Fire:
The beautiful flames
Lick my skin
Slowly burning me to ash

I have a special connection
With the elements

When I was very young
I'd pass notes for fun
They served no real purpose

Later,
My insecurities
Started with a note

Someone was sad
So I wrote them a story
They laughed at it,
At me,
For weeks

It took me
Seven years
To share my writing
Again

I met my best friend
From a note

He's gone now
That's when
My sadness
Climaxed

Then I met you
I wrote a poem
And folded it into a bird
Hoping you would see the beauty

You never saw the poem,
But you liked the bird
And that was enough
For me

That was when
I remembered
How to smile

Then I left
I wrote a message
And folded it into an
Airplane

And hoped
Someday
It would find you

That was when
I discovered
Loneliness
Can be stronger
Than I thought

I've passed many notes
They caused my insecurity
Sadness
Loneliness

They taught me
To never trust words

However,
They also gave my smile back

Dear Layla,

Thanks so much
You ruined my life
Congratulations
I know you tried

All those mean words
They hurt
I pretended they didn't
But they did
And still do

"You're fat"
"You're lazy"
"You're stupid"
"You're slow"
"No one likes you"

It's fine though
You can say those things
It's a free country
Just know:

If I **** myself,
It's on you

I think
I'm stupid
Ugly
Annoying
No one wants me here

But I'm too cowardly to do the deed
And leave this world forever

Yet you say
I'm beautiful
Sweet
Kind
And I should stay

And that it's cowardly to "run from my problems"
And leave this world forever


I think
It hurts too much
No one wants me
No one will help me
No one cares about me

But I'm too selfish to say goodbye
And leave this world forever

Yet you say
That the pain will pass
That you want me to stay
That you will help me up
That you care about me

And that it would hurt you if I "gave in"
And left this world forever

What I think
And you say,
Do not match

What my soul says
And my ears hear
Are very different

Someone must be lying
**And I think it might be you

I had a strong heart
Strong mind
Strong immune system
And a bright soul
I was strong

*How did this happen?

Let me be your confidence
Let me be your strength
If you think you're not enough
Just remember;
You're always enough for me

Let me take your pain
Let take your sadness
If you think you can't keep going
Just please,
Please hold on for me

Let me hold you up
Let me hold your insecurities
If you think you're falling down
Always remember;
I won't let you fall

So New Friend
Let me be there for you
Please just let me in
You are not a burden

In fact,
You're my best friend

The world is dark
And I don't know what to do

And don't you dare
Tell me to
Simply turn the light on

Cause if you think I haven't been looking
For that stupid light switch
You're crazy

Haven't you seen me,
Running around
Feeling the walls?
Looking for the light switch

But it's pitch black
And I can't see a thing
So if you really care
Why don't you lend me a flashlight
And help me look?

Don't even try
To tell me it will be okay
That God will make it okay

Because I believe in God,
But I do not
Believe I will ever be okay

Don't even try
To tell me I can trust you
That you will listen and care

Because I will never trust you
And I know
That you will someday leave me

Don't even try
To say there's nothing wrong
That I am overreacting

Because there is something wrong
And I am not
'Just a little bit sad'

Don't even try
To save me
Like there's anything worth saving

Because I realize
That I am long gone
And that I am too worthless to save

*Don't even try

Watch carefully
Most can't even see
But look close

There's a little girl
Can you see her?

Her flame,
Once so bright
Is slowly
Very slowing
F a d i n g   a w a y

Soon she'll simply
D
    i
       s
          a
             p
                p
                    e
                       a
                           r

Just watch
For the little girl
Is going
Going
**Gone

Going uphill is hard
But downhill is easy

Holding light inside is hard
But hoarding darkness is easy

Finding peace is hard
But holding chaos is easy

Somethings are hard
**But they are worth it

My hair is crazy

It is frizzy, tangled, wild

My hair cannot be tamed
You cannot confine it

It is not glossy and smooth
Gently curled
Flowing and sweet

My hair is crazy
My hair is free

My hair is not beautiful
My hair is not calm
My hair does not fit in

My hair is crazy
And perhaps that's okay

My thoughts hurt worse
Than anything else
I try to drown them out
*But they drown me

My mom can't figure out why all the knives are getting dull

You said it would be okay

When will it be okay?

How can it be okay?

How is this okay?

You said it would be okay
*I think you lied

If you're in a store,
What would you buy?
A rock with rough texture,
And sharp jagged edges,
Or a beautiful stone,
Smoothed in a grinder,
Polished to perfection to have a nice finish?

Most would choose the second.
Same for you I assume.
This holds true for us humans.
You know I am right.
Society is the customer,
And life is the grinder.
And that nice polished finish?
That's words, you do know.
Sweet, honeyed words,
And usually lies,
Are what give you that beautiful finish, you'll find.

When we are young,
We have sharp jagged edges.
None are the same.
We're all very different.
So they run you through life.
That'll smooth you right out.
You'll learn to use words,
So society will buy.

A girl sits crying
In the bathroom corner.
Just use another bathroom,
Just leave her alone
She will be fine
The next day,
The girl is not crying.

And people move on.

A boy comes in,
His face black and blue.
Just look away,
Just don't ask questions
He will be fine
Two weeks ahead,
The bruises are gone.

And people move on.

A child's screams,
Heard across the street.
Just lock the door,
Just close the blinds
They will be fine
The child is murdered,
They'll never recover.

And still,
*People move on

Imagine seeing someone you thought cared
And on Halloween knocking on their door
And saying trick or treat
Then watching them smile
Then say, "close your eyes"
You trust them
And close your eyes

But when you open them
There is no one there
Only a note that says
Trick
I never truly cared

Imagine that hopelessness
Imagine that feeling of despair

Now multiply that feeling by 1000
And you'll be close to how I feel
*Every **** day

To make a poem is simple
All you need is

Nights of tears
A bit of blood
A lot of pain
A touch of peace
Heaps of feelings

All you need is

Pure exhaustion
Fear
Anger
Love
Sadness

All you need is

A whole load of
Emotion

Then when that explodes
Out of your body
You just need to somehow direct
All of it onto
A piece of paper

That's how you make poetry

The world is a dark
And dangerous place.
And it sometimes feels,
Like there is no escape.

You need a reason to smile,
Or put a grin on another's face.
So I challenge you,
To write a happy poem.

About your very best friend,
How life is worth living.
About hope and morning light,
Whatever makes you smile.

You need a reason to smile,
Or put a grin on another's face.
So I challenge you,
To write a happy poem,
Today.

What can **** a man,
But is used several times a day?

What has a positive word in it,
But a horrible meaning?

What is simple to say,
But hard to fulfill?

What creates hopelessness,
But started with joy?

What word
Is the most important,
Most life changing,
Most devastating,
Most deadly,
Seven letters you've ever heard?

The answer is
*Goodbye

Didn't you know?

Cinderella,
Was only chased by the prince
For the mystery
Not the girl

Snow White,
Was never wanted by the prince
He just wanted
The adventure
Not the girl

Belle,
Was never loved
By the beast
He just wanted
To escape the curse

So didn't you know?
The only real prince
Disney ever made
Is named Hans

Who was greedy
And just wanted
Money and fame
And tricked a little girl
Out of her innocence

Didn't you know?

I've found
That once you start
Digging your own grave
There are two types of people in this world

The ones who will help
Who will grab a shovel
And join the digging
Then give you a shove in
Once you're done

And the ones who will hinder
Who will steal and break your shovels
And shove dirt back in the hole
And when the time comes
They won't let you jump in

If I wake up
Without tears
Remind me
To be happy
For that means
I slept
Without nightmares

If I wake up
With amnesia
Remind me
To be happy
It's better this way
Memories ****
Anyway

If I don't wake up
And I lay there dead
Remind me
To be happy
This is good
I am not a
Burden
Any longer

Hello to
Hell

A simple hello
Can lead you to hell

Good to
Goodbye

All good things
Eventually leave

Word to
World

A kind word
Can give you the world

Simple changes
Make all the difference
In the world