winding, twisting, curling, fraying
ropes tangle themselves in between my fingers,
dripping red for passion and blue for despair,
veins slinking out of my skin like nervous snakes,
and the hollowed plaster called bone follows after.

a myriad of jesters howl and hoot and holler
and then drop to a deadly whisper.
they say i should die or something because
the joke only runs for so long before it begins to grow old
and mold like a hard piece of bread.

and the snakes weave trails in the dust on the ground
they tie up my legs as the ropes ensnare my wrists
the jesters hush, watching with diamond eyes
if i try to look into them for some sort of answer
i may as well bury myself before im disappointed again

The rain let up like a ballerina in the air,
Bouncing on her toes and holding her gentle poise,
And then beat down upon the sun-kissed asphalt,
Drumming her song as the morning carried itself along.

I, too, heard her melody and stepped into the rain
With curious feet.
She drenched me in her storm and
Indulged herself all over my hair and skin.
Rather than give a proper response,
I cloaked myself with a violet jacket and kept away from her sight.

When I peered out again,
She had taken off to someplace else,
Left her blessings to be soaked up by the wind wandering fauna,
And opened up herself to the everlasting sun.

I can't help but gaze at the sky.

Towering new york skyscrapers scraping by,
Burning cars and crying taxis honking like a broken record,
Crushing fragile crystal windows under hurried and hushed steps,
Bumping into each other and mouthing a flimsy apology,
Digging heels into half-dried concrete and waiting to dry up as well,
Reading into life a lil too much and getting hit by a car,
I guess

life isnt always the frosting on the cupcake
sometimes its the wrapper and
belongs in the trash

the flowers i turned into a bouquet yesterday
are now wilted and burning like fuel
"everything is fine"
is a bigger lie than the smile on my face
when i wake up every morning
and now i feel myself
catching  on fire too

i melt into your words like they're poetry
so here's my attempt to give you what you've given me...
how i see your world from my rose-colored glasses
and see a fairytale, and when i take them off,
i find with you reality is just as sweet;
how i'm always quiet when you speak because
i can't find the words to embellish my thoughts around you
but you can spin silk with the tongue you sing with;
how your smile means miles of metaphors to me
and on days i can't return the favor
you're able to shine though the clouds in me;
and how i feel compelled to tell you everything
even if i can't bring myself to say i love you aloud yet.
i don't deserve your poetry
and you're above mine,
but if you'll take it then that's all that matters to me right now

what a beautiful thing it is to have loved,
before winters demise and thoroughly through spring
but before i plucked petals from the flower-- i already knew
and yanked the flower from its roots
because you trampled all over them. My prince,
you trampled over them as i held you at the
summit of mount olympus.
i opted to put that very flower in my hair and
ran away singing,
what a beautiful thing it is to have loved.

because i've been in my own hell,
because i'm still there and
can't bear to see even
a single tear of yours
fall into your own hell,
don't ever doubt for a
single moment
that you are evolving,
that you are a work in progress,
that you deserve each breath
you take from this planet.
because,
honey,
the world should bow down to you.
the world revolves around you
in your own life,
so don't listen to your
inner demons, they aren't of this world.
they aren't of your world.
*become the sun.

At 2 am broken thoughts
Seeped out of my skin and soaked the bedsheets
At 1 am writing diary entries
Because happy things happened and
Forgetting sadness requires remembering happiness
At 12 am on the computer
Wasting away life for a lack of motivation,
Becoming motivated,
And then self loathing for wasting life
At 11 pm drawing a picture
(Because someone else wanted it)

The things i really want
They are scattered in between the carpet
And peel and tear at my feet when i walk across it
At 2 am im a broken thought

The future is undone
By the beasts of the past

You stomp on the glass floor
And when it shatters and you fall through
You point at me

on my way to where i am now
i’ve carried a bag of burdens, slung on my back
and there was a hole in the bottom
and all the hope was small enough to fall out
i could tell you about my journey,
but here’s what i left out

i forgot to stop to smell the flowers
and when i did they all shriveled up
but i took them anyways and pretended they were beautiful
i forgot to look up at the sky
when the sun shone and the clouds were absent
so all i ever knew were tearing up broken hearted skies
i forgot to tie my shoes before i left the house
and i kept tripping over my own feet and when i went home
i found i’d locked the door shut myself
i forgot to dance when i heard music
with despair chained to my ankles and dried blood spilled on my feet
how could i even imagine it in my dreams
i forgot to laugh when i heard a joke
because i’d already exhausted myself just
looking in the mirror
i forgot to breathe and to smile while breathing
and to live and to love and to sew up the hole in the **** bag
before i forgot myself too

i feel like a shredded jigsaw puzzle
the unsolvable rubik's cube
abstract art by the picasso of melancholy
who couldnt find a way out of his blue period
melted ice cream sundae and cherry
sitting forgotten rotting on hot summer concrete

the common man of the cubicle
would eat people like me for dinner
and he would enjoy it too with his
overly happy son and his
overly happy wife and his
overly happy purebred golden trophy dog
i sit at the middle of the table
the eye of attention and
stuffed by an apple to keep me shut and
they stare at me ready to tear me apart and
for dressing tonight they will eat my tears

cover me in blankets and lay me down in bed
i will slip away for the night and
in the morning hopefully
i will be a step closer to completed

you’re my cup of coffee at 6:45 AM
smell dancing like incense in the middle of pooja
warm as the sun peaking out shyly behind the horizon
richly sweet caramelized sugar pearly cream
and bitter like the small things i dont know about you yet.

but when you touch my lips
the bitterness i can swallow with the sweet
and the sweet i savor with every taste bud on my tongue.

before i head out the door at 7 AM
i kiss your forehead and wash out the emptied mug
but the taste of cappucino lingers at the corners of my mouth
as i wave good day to you.

and when i return at 5:30 PM
limbs pathetically sown on with prayers
empty rivers landfills of worry time ticking like a heartbeat
the aroma wafts around me again like a scarf.

in your embrace
i fall asleep with dreams of whipped clouds and
love at the cafe.

When will the day come
That I can call you
A distant memory

Besides,
It's the nickname you've given me
While forgetting all the other names
That you'd whisper to me

As we were holding hands
And laughing at the clouds above us,
Drifting away as if they hadn't heard

Now I wish those clouds would've stopped moving
So we could've spent our little eternity together
And if not that much, I wish
You could push my hair behind my ear in the wind
And if not that much, I wish
That you could have at least wiped my tears away

Before you drifted away, too

For lack of the sun
The yellow flowers became
The light of today

Nnedi Okorafor,
Your magic has kissed the trees and turned their leaves
Into beige pages, empty deserts
And your pen has created a world out of that sand
That show proof of your magic.

The story you’ve conveyed in these pages
Is impossibly valuable
I’ve only read one of your stories,
But the Akata Witch has shined on my heart

And if I could have another chance,
I would touch the pages of your thoughts once again.
And if I could have a miracle right now,
I would keep those thoughts to watch over me from my shelf
As I sleep at night.

The first time I opened my eyes I learned that the world
Wasn’t just the world I saw in my mother’s womb.
Up until then I was just feeding off of another person,
But I was growing stronger for that very moment.
Until then I was sheltered off from the real world to develop
In a safe haven.
The first time I felt the outside air I learned that the world
Wasn’t warm and protecting like my mother was.
But you see, even though I was just a newborn baby,
The youngest person on the planet for a split second,
I could breathe on my own. I could swallow on my own.
And the first time I tasted my first bit of food,
I tasted a whole ‘nother world dancing a tango with my tongue.
She was a bit clumsy on her feet but we had fun anyways,
And soon enough I grew accustomed to this world as well.
Then came the first time I stood on my own two feet.
It was one small step into yet another new world,
And one big leap into understanding the one world that was made up
Of all these littler worlds.
I could run from one universe to another by myself,
And it sounds a bit scary, but I got used to this after a while.
From there came the biggest eye opener of my life,
When I learned to read and write.
It was from those roots, the ones my mother gave me as she read me bedtime stories,
That I acquired the key to a myriad of other worlds.
It was from there that I learned how to open my eyes every day
And see a brand new world to devour with my insatiable curiosity.

Your name is as lovely
As the memories we made.

the clock ticks past twelve.
a new day comes across the horizon,
and with bags hanging from my eyes,
i laugh and continue working

What fine weather we’re experiencing today;
Let’s go outside, let’s not delay.
We’ll chase the birds and climb a tree,
The door’s before us and we’ve got the key.
And while we’re feasting on the warmth of summer,
I’ll ask you, won’t you be my lover?
What fine weather we’re experiencing today.
But with you, it’s always a good day.

She’s drilled holes into her temples
And tried to pull out memories with her bitten fingernails
She’s recited everything she’s said and heard
Into a ***** toilet bowl every night on the hour
She’s weeped a million times over
From her eyes and from her wrists,
But the thing about remembering is that you don’t forget--

And now the scars left over can’t scab
The phrases are written in morse code on her body
Her will has been evicted along with her soul
And she’s become zombified, a living piece of parchment
From which she’s tried so hard to erase the words
But the thing about remembering is that you don’t forget--

The sound of a voice tears hers apart every day
And the words they form she’s come to despise
So she’s taken up book burning,
Making every letter ever aimed at her head run for their lives
She’s even made her own name take off, and now she’s
Desperately pleading for eternal silence to be her savior
But the thing about remembering is that you don’t forget--

So when you see her in the hallways, she pretends she’s invisible,
Pretending that her presence won’t have any meaning to it,
Pretending that she’s not important enough to be noticed,
Because her motto is fake it
Until you make it.
But the thing about remembering is that you don’t forget--

And the ones that have told her she’s not good enough,
That she’s better off dead and no one will care,
They laugh at her and then they forget.
They come back around the next day to laugh at the same joke.
She looks in the mirror and tries to laugh like them,
Laughing so much, she begins to cry,
But the thing about remembering is that you don’t forget--

So when you hug her and tell her it’s alright,
That you love her and tell her she’s worth more than life itself,
Sing it to her, so she won’t forget.

Today, I am among the half-dead again
Wandering the halls with a gaze that could disintegrate the sun
The world around me is painted in an elephant grey
But this safari feels empty and yet so congested
With a smile that’s been sloppily and gruelingly painted on,
I face the challenges of everyday life once more

Half of me is tuned in to the things around me,
Scribbling words and deciphering the text at a snail’s pace
But the other half is still dreaming,
Waging war against the strongest mages of our time
Or drowning among a school of clownfish
Either way I’m not here and I’m begging to be free
Today, I am among the half-dead again

I imagine that someday a dragon will take me away
This may simply be my dreaming side taking over again
But if I said it could burn away all my worries,
Wouldn’t you wish for that as well?
I would hop onto its scaly back and point towards the sky,
Chanting as if I had been rehearsing for this moment,
“Anywhere is fine, as long as it’s not here”

But until then, I am drenched in my own rain
And the smile has run off with it, off to somewhere far away
Today, I am among the half-dead again
With weights tightly chained to my fingers
I’m dragging my thoughts along with my spirit

I’m a little bit tired but maybe if I wait, tomorrow will be a much better day

Above the atmosphere, beyond the clouds
Sits an empire made of cotton candy and dreams
Revolving around the Earth, disappearing every 28th

And it was there we were born,
We were raised as sisters, no doubt
Trained on hopes and shooting stars
And it was there we looked from,
Yearning for the vibrant stars twinkling
On the Earth we gazed upon

When we first grazed our naked toes against the dirt
I was looking up, afraid that home was too far now
But looking back down at your dirtied heels I found
A laugh was floating up though my throat and out

We're quite strange, aren't we?
Having never quite fit the definition of
"Normal", but rather, "Crazy"
Surely, we're both aliens from outer space
The moonbabes of this era

tasteful lies
on a silver platter, underneath a shining dome
i await dinner with drooling eyes

Your tears
Are glass
And you
Are a diamond

The stars glare at me
As I lie awake on my bed,
Imagining constellations on my ceiling
Truth be told,
I imagine I am gazing up at them,
But they are too stubborn
They wouldn't listen if I told them

Their twinkle in the night sky
Looked like a sparkling waterfall
Their loyalty to the night
Is unrivaled in the universe
Their blazing bodies
Bring light in the darkness
Their presence every night
Gives me ease and I sleep well

Nibbling on the corner of
A fluffy planetary nebula,
Swimming with a cluster
Of dreaming asteroids
I imagine all these things
Happening above my head

Two broken hearts
When they come together
They bleed out
From their fresh scabs
And they turn black
As the warmth from them
Trickles down
Dripping scarlet
Into our thoughts
And into our sanity
And we look down
At our intertwined fingers

As we scratch the backs of
Each other's heavily scarred hands
A murmur, our words
So porous and empty
They're carried away by the wind

"I love you"

As we fight for freedom
We become the American Dream

Someone save me from
Falling into the rhythm
Because surely
I will lose myself in it

I gave you a warm meal
   You called me nice
I gave you a roof for the night
   You called me kind
I gave you a bed and a fleece blanket
   You called me compassionate
I gave you a set of clean clothes
   You called me thoughtful
I gave you money for necessities
   You called me generous

You said thank you
I called you a saint

Our love was like a negative parabola;
Where we thought we found happiness
We only found the vertex

And then it came crashi ng d o w   n

The ones that were left behind
Began to kick at my shins
And they bled and bruised blue
But all that fell were tears
And my apologies

Forgive me, I've been a stranger
But deep down I've drowned
And coming up for air is a hassle
But I'm still watching from afar

Please wait for me
Please don't look at me like that
Please hear me when I say these
Two words, tumbling out like
******* birds, thirsty for the taste
Of cotton candy clouds

And please accept me,
Those not-so-forgotten friends of mine

So in the end
Night fell upon me
And swallowed me whole
And left nothing behind
But my fallen tears
No one was there
To watch me fall,
Drown in my eternal nothings

So in the end
Night fell upon us
And you were left with
My smiling face, the one
I forgot, I left with you
Because I love you so
And didn't want to trouble you
Any more than I already have

So in the end
Night fell upon this city
And to everyone that had ever
Laid their eyes upon
My matter, matter with no reason
I give my memory
Take it and breathe it in
Let it fill you with life
And then exhale

So in the end
Night fell upon me
And swallowed me whole
And left nothing behind
But a sad, selfish rabbit
Who loved being alone
And yet despised being lonely