Some days I wake up in terror
The body would move if only the mind would
Send the signal
Feel safe enough to go on living
Those days I feel a cage in the shape of
My skin
Pushing inwards with so much force
I could become a black hole


Some other days I wake up vivid
Full of life
I can walk, run, lift
Smile
I can answer the phone
I can plan my days ahead
And the only thing getting in my way
Is a pain
In my lower back
That makes it difficult to make things fun
And a confusion
That makes it difficult not to wonder:


"𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦?"

I lay on the floor, feeling the chore  
Of living creeping up through a poisonous door  
That leads to a future that’s already gone.  
Whatever have I done with my life,  
Except letting the dope flow down my dome?

Foam crawls from my mouth as the door rolls down,  
Pink elephants are drumming, parading wide open.  
Stars are shining as they are crying.
And the clock is ticking deeply down my aching mind.

The whole world spins, foam gushing out, the stars are begging and the clock is killing.
Shades of pink like cotton candy swirling about.

I pry open my veins, blue liquid drops  
Mixing with cotton candy as the drumming fades.  
Why do I twist and turn my veins inside out,  
Trying to fit them into the right place?

Where will we be when the last elephant falls
I'll still be in the room
You'll be down the hall
Let's keep pretending
life's never ending
when it's really the extinction of us all

Gloom rolled into town
like a caravan circus
vintage and ragged
rusty and golden
the metal tent reflected
a land before time
maybe from the old movies
when the elephants wore hats
still, and the women danced
long legged, **** and sweating
as their toes kicked up
leaving little to mystery.
The gloom has its trapeze highs
and it’s netted lows, a feeling
of falling through time,
through space, being caught
right before the big SPLAT.
The net between the gloom
and the bright lights
catches me like a spiders web,
totally and completely
but not enough to feel less lonely.
There is a tight rope of thought
instead of a train, in my brain,
i am constantly balancing,
a crowd of roaring people,
spitting people, animals
howling in the gloom
at me, laughing at me
throwing peanuts
at me
as i try to balance on the rope.

I sometimes am afraid
To go outside
Because there is a high chance
Of being trampled by elephants

They roam the streets
Seemingly peaceful to the untrained eye
But these elephants can turn on a dime
And crush you underfoot

The only way to be safe around them
Is to wear an elephant mask
And crush the mask-less with them
Filling you with guilt

I sometimes am afraid
To go outside
Because there is a high chance
Of being trampled by elephants

An elephant remebered running wild in savanna.

The rays of the sun shining down warming the ground beneath him,

He bathed in the light, as he trunked with the other elephants around his elder's legs,

He remebered the large disk of light as it descended behind the earth and the sky became hues of color,

He remembered as he lay down in the nights, drawing warmth from his elders,

He remebered this as the lion, with jagged teeth, ripped his guts.

The lion, having had his fill, looked up at the elephant and there as darkness settled in his eyes, like curtains closing in the finale, an elephant ran wild in savanna.