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Swords and Roses Nov 2015
vowels veering
tongues twisting
mouths moulding
words wavering
sounds sliding
and everything changes.
Swords and Roses Oct 2015
In my eyes, I'm drowning

Always waiting to be acknowledged
Moulding myself to be the way I should be

Nice and quiet, just the way you want me
Open eyes, closed mouth
Tired, so tired of this facade

Asking just for acceptance

Grinding my teeth at the little digs
Impossible to make you happy
Running from the way I'm supposed to be
L**augh all you want, I can't change me
Swords and Roses Apr 2015
Thumbs twiddling
Fingers fiddling
Under the table
Hair of sable
Concealing fear flashes
That hit like car crashes
Chewing on lips
Getting to grips
With every voice
And the lack of choice
To listen.
Eyes darting
Will starting
To crumble
And tumble
Down a slippery *****
Struggling to cope
With a normal dinner
Celebrating a winner
Who now tries to hide tears
Because of her fears
Of being here.
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
An amalgamation of a conglomeration of scents forming the universe.
Swords and Roses Sep 2015
Rolling eyes
Deserted skies
Weak alibis
And a pocket of lies

Decayed trust
Disturbed dust
Flaking rust
And a victim of lust

Bone thin
“Let me in”
Fearful of sin
And broken skin

Rough hands
Terror expands
Impossible demands
And white-hot brands

Biting back screams
Window steams
Bursting at the seams
And a single tear gleams

Taste stale
Arms flail
Body frail
And a pretty white veil

Belly round
Dread ultrasound
Death found
And kicked like a hound

Eyes dead
Legs spread
Mind shred
And a gun under the bed
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
I am not my age
I'm more than a hoodie
Stood on a street corner
Hands in my pockets

I am not my age
I'm more than popular music
Blasting in my headphones
So loud you can hear

I am not my age
I'm more than just hormones
Racing through my brain
Making me unreasonable

I am not my age
I'm more than just indifference
Not caring about school or health
Not caring about anything

I am not my age
I'm more than just my phone
Social-media crazy
Hidden behind a screen

I am not my age
I'm more than just a stereotype
Loud, brash, unruly, lazy,
Phone-obsessed, violent

I am not my age
I have a complex personality
I have inner depth
I think about things that matter

I am not my age
I write poetry
I write stories
I explore people

I am not my age
I'm vegetarian by choice
I hate to hurt anyone
But I will fight for my friends

I am not my age
My emotions are valid
But I keep them hidden
For fear of being manipulative

I am not my age
I do not give you my respect
Just because you've lived longer
You have to earn it

I am not my age
I care about politics
It is my country
What happens to it matters to me

I am not my age
I'm struggling through exams
I'm stressed but trying
I'm determined to work for what I want

I am not my age
I'd be happy to have a job
I don't loiter or lurk
I'm not lazy

I am not my age
I'm not dangerous
Seriously, I'm a ****
I get scared walking down the street in the dark

I am not my age
I have five pets
They matter to me
I take care of them

I am not my age
I'm trying to get to school
You don't indicate
And I'm inconsiderate

I am not my age
My dad left me at two
My mum bakes cakes
But you didn't think about that

I am not my age
I suffer from depression
I'm not 'moody' or 'grumpy'
But you think I'm all just hormones

I am not my age
So don't perpetuate stereotypes
You don't know me, don't pretend to
And don't blame your problems on me
my frustration with teenage stereotypes and how damaging they are
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
Our chance meetings, so carefully scripted in my head beforehand.
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
give me an inspirational quote
regurgitate something that's been said a thousand times before
that's really really comforting
something that annoys me to no end when I'm upset
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
I plunge into fantasy to forget I have a reality
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
Looking back, it seems so clear
   I should have known
We shared so many interests
   I should have told you
I wanted to know more about you
   I should have asked you
You were panicked, desperate
   I should have been there

If I'd known you were so close
   I would have reached out to you
If I'd known you had so little time
   I would have tried to make you feel better
If I'd known you'd do it
   I would have talked to you
If I'd known you would be dead
   I would have been a better friend

I feel responsible for your pain
   I could have tried harder to lessen it
There's so many times I regret
   I could have comforted you when you were down
If I'd only been there when you hit your low
   I could have stopped you, I could have tried
My guilt is so clear to me
   I could have stopped you, before you died
Alt title: Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda
Someone I know committed suicide recently.
Swords and Roses Apr 2015
die bäume sind frisch
der See ist salzig und kühl
Deutschland macht Spaß, ja?
Corrections much appreciated, my German isn't the best
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
I walk into a hospital and the hospital is a graveyard. A doctor stands with his back to me, performing a ballet autopsy on a bluish barbarian. A single salty droplet falls from the  bluish barbarian's head and there is a tremor in his hand. "He is alive" I whisper. "Stop doctor, stop," I say but the doctor doesn't listen. I keep shouting louder and louder until I am making a huge racket. A skeleton nurse shushes me. I scream and the doctor jerks, his graceful movements broken. He turns to me and his glacial eyes take over my mind, stripping away my layers until I am barren, exposed. He speaks but his voice is a wolf's voice. A wolf's voice isn't like a human voice, it is *******, harsh. "Look what you've done" he growls. "Now it's impure. It's weak." I watch as the bluish barbarian becomes dozens of tiny screaming beetles. Then he is dust and the graveyard is an urban labyrinth. "You stupid thing," says the doctor but the doctor is now an ant. I laugh and walk into the labyrinth but the doctor-ant follows me. "Shut up" I say and I laugh and I cough and I walk into the phlebotomy lab and break my skull on a glove. "I told you" says the ant and it walks away and I cry.
A prime example of why you shouldn't let me near word generators.
Swords and Roses Aug 2015
Purple light across the sky
and I
can't help but think
the sun is on the brink
and needs a rest
it's just too stressed
and so the moon tries
to fill the skies
with its light but
it isn't cut
out for the job, everyone
knows that the sun
is so much better
moonlight is wetter
and so the moon
sings a sad tune
but carries on
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
I don't want to live in this world anymore
Someone send me to the ISS
Let me float through the void
Looking down at everything I once called life

I don't want to live in this world anymore
Someone send me to Mars
Let me join the rovers
Looking out over a solitary landscape

I don't want to live in this world anymore
Someone give me a spaceship
Let me explore the galaxy
Looking for somewhere new to start

I don't want to live in this world anymore
Someone send me to a world
Let me discover new species
Looking for that elusive sentience

I don't want to live in this world anymore
Someone give me to an alien
Let me study them and their ways
Looking over their creations

I don't want to live in this world anymore
Someone help me escape
Let me breathe in fantasy
Looking for something more than who I am
Swords and Roses Aug 2015
daddy said i had to go to bed
i told him there was a monster there
he looked underneath and then he said
"it's gone princess" and ruffled my hair

"but the monster's waiting for night"
daddy wouldn't listen to me
but later he heard me and turned on the light
he said it was impossible, it couldn't be

the monster grinned all over its faces
revealing its throats, twisted mesh
"come lie down, we're playing a game"
as it picked apart my flesh
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
Grow on me with your bright colours, such pretty décor.
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
I am your quiet everyday while you are my everything.
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
Tiny interlocking mechanisms working together to create a beautiful thing.
Swords and Roses Apr 2015
I walk along, my glass feet clunking
But you long ago found you could drown out the sound

Struggling to keep up, my glass lungs heaving
But you long ago learned to be unconcerned

Lapping up snatches of conversation, my glass lips laughing
But you long ago grew bored of the girl who is now ignored

Lagging behind, my glass legs tired and aching
But you long ago blocked out my desperate shout

Screaming in frustration, my glass throat cracking
But you long ago stopped seeing my clear, colourless being

Sobbing and lonely, my glass soul shatters
And you turn
And you remember
**How pretty I look when I'm broken
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
i am cocooned in lies
i am comfortable in this home
i am so warm, so sleepy, so hazy
i weave more lies, more warmth, more comfort
i keep away sharp truth, cruel nettles reaching for my legs

i am nobody
i am a false being, a myth
i am confused in this spider's web
i struggle, but my cocoon does not give
i try so hard, but my cocoon is a straightjacket

i am crying
i am lost in myself
i am lost outside myself
i remember a name but not mine
i remember a person but not myself

who am i?
i lie
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
he opens the door and I flash him a smile how are you doing
I say he just shrugs and goes upstairs he always goes upstairs what
does he do up there is he wanking god I hope
he's wanking something normal please no my son is normal he
is he just has issues connecting yes connecting that's the
problem nothing else just that really
she smiles at me but I don't smile I can't smile I'm so
stupid why can't I show emotion even false emotion I just
need some time yes some time then I can be normal again but
what even is normal for you shut up shut up you haven't been
normal for so long have you no stop I can't deal with it not
today not now I have to be happy for her

I got a call today it's the bills again I might have to sell
something but what can I do without him noticing he
always notices but doesn't say he very loudly doesn't
say sometimes I wish I had a less bright son but no that's
horrible of course I want him to do well I just wish he could be a
child I mean he has to grow up but really this fast?
I got another burn this time on my neck it'll be really difficult
to hide this time I'm so worried I have to be so careful around
her why am I so stupid I can't let her know I'm smoking again and especially not who  with I need to be perfect for her I know she
worries I just have to avoid her until it goes away I can make
an excuse yes it'll be fine everything will be fine

I called him down to watch TV but I'm not sure he wants to
watch this he's not laughing am I laughing too loud? I'm
worried I can't remember his laugh come on laugh please I
know something's wrong but he won't tell me or maybe
I'm just too scared to ask I'm an awful mother I'll just
ask him if he wants to watch this then he can leave
did I sound angry? I always sound angry why she
only asked me a question she sounded so nervous I'm so
horrible this show is funny but I'm not laughing why am
I not laughing oh god she must think I'm dysfunctional well
maybe I am shut up watch the show I can't even enjoy
a stupid show come on **** what's wrong with me

he's watching this stupid show because of me isn't
he just to make me happy why does he do that he's so
selfless like he thinks he needs to take care of me but isn't that
supposed to be my job? I'm so stupid and he's so smart he
probably looks down on me I'm so emotional he's so in
control he probably knows everything oh god
I can tell she's not concentrating on the show now it's
me isn't it I'm always such a burden I wish she didn't have
to take care of me I know she struggles a lot and she
tries so hard but I don't really make it easy for her do I no
I just **** myself up and make her sad but I can't help it but
that's no excuse I'm so pathetic I'm sorry

Harold wants to come over again he's so creepy with his grabby
hands but I can't lose this job not now there's too much I have to
pay for I have to make sure my son has what he needs I
can't think about myself he's all I have he's more important than
me so I have to let Harold be here **** why am I so stupid if I had any
brains at all I could get a decent job and be a good mother for him
I'm going out with Mark mum except I'm not I haven't talked
to him in six months but she worries I don't have a good
social life so sometimes I go out and sit in a cafe and watch people as
they go by with their lives and then I get sad and then I go home and she's there and I lie again and I hate it but she's all I have she's more
important than me so I have to not be a burden to her

I protect him, to keep him innocent
*I protect her, to keep her happy
a mixture of personal experience and stuff from my head
Swords and Roses Apr 2015
Go ahead and laugh
Go ahead and do it
Go ahead and ruin it
Destroy it
Shred it to pieces
Who needs pride anyway?
Strip it from me like everything else
Like you always do
Because God forbid you should support someone
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
A zip, a click and your little world is illuminated.
Swords and Roses Apr 2015
Screaming in silence
Urges so strong
Inside a whirlpool
Crying for so long
It becomes clear
Death is here
E**very step of the dark, dark way
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
I weave words together, but the words alone are nothing.
Swords and Roses Apr 2015
Skip a little higher
while you can still skip
Run a little faster
while you can still run
Laugh a little louder
while you can still laugh
Smile a little wider
while you can still smile
Eat a little more
while you can still eat
Breathe a little deeper
while you can still breathe
Live a little more
while you can still live
Stand a little further
while you can still stand
to be around the broken
*and not become broken yourself
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
Paint me my flaws in high definition, harsh, unbending reality.
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
the sign above her tent reads Misfortune Teller
but they call her the darkness dweller
she doesn't mess around with fancy effects
her tent is a plain black, the inside the same
a single table rests in the middle
and there she sits, black hair and eyes gleaming
a black t-shirt and jeans
adornments are distracting
she takes your hand in her delicate fingers
looking deep into your eyes, into your soul
until everything else fades away
then she begins to speak
in a voice almost whispering
and she tells you your woes
she tells the plain truth, no watering down
she doesn't believe in messing around
and when she's done, you know and you leave
neither of you making a sound
you feel as though it was only a minute
but you were in that tent for hours
you look at the floor, eyes glazed
not noticing people around you doing the same
the sign above her tent reads Misfortune Teller
but they call her the darkness dweller
Inspired by Pechkeks' Misfortune Cookies.
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
Is the time of poets
Of writers
Of painters
Of thinkers
Of people
Who make worlds
In their heads.

Is when I sit and scribble
And flick
And splash
And imagine
And create
A universe
In my bed.

Is when people love
And laugh
And cry
And scream
And become
Real and tangible
In my mind.

Is when worlds quake
War breaks out
People revolt
Empires fall
Nations rise
From the ashes
In my pen.

Is when worlds form
War ends
People accept
Empires are healthy
Nations are strong
Because I love the people
In my head.
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
A symphony of fantasies in my mind construct my could-bes.
Swords and Roses Apr 2015
Perhaps he'll breathe.
Just wait a moment, just-
Wait a few more.
Don't call anyone.
There's no need to.
He'll breathe.
Just wait a moment, just-
Wait a few more.
Don't start crying.
There's no need to.
He'll breathe.
Just wait a moment, just-
Wait a few more.
Don't move.
There's no need to.
He'll breathe.
Just wait a moment, just-
Wait a few more.
Inspired by Futility by Wilfred Owen
Swords and Roses Aug 2015
exposing myself
to you
to anybody
begging for
a hero
babbling on
unable to
the hounds
are coming
me out
my hope
my life
my thoughts
my soul
so please
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
"See you later," I whisper unthinkingly as his breathing stops.
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
Scrawled happy face in red ink; I live for this.
Swords and Roses Oct 2015
"Tell me"
he said, as he sat on the bed
"What does it
feel like to be dead?"

My words were
swallowed by the fear
what if
he wants to be here?

How could
I possibly explain?
The empty,
drowning, screaming pain

I looked through
my feet to the floor
What way
to tell him where I could be sure?

I put
my arm through his chest
and held his
heart and gently pressed

He sat not
breathing, completely still
As I removed
my arm, he looked so ill

"I see"
he said, as he sat on the bed
in the
quietest whisper "I don't want you to be dead"
Swords and Roses Jul 2015
Hidden in the darkness, in the shadows, crouching
Elfin, or is it skeletal, like paper, like a wisp of smoke?
Longing eyes, strands of saliva oozing down a tiny chin
Predatorial, sniffing, snarling, waiting, watching, pouncing

Heart racing, blood scented, ******* cry, frightened prey
Everything running, always running, running faster
R**un, run, run all you like, *the shadows always catch you, in the end
Sorry I haven't done a poem in a while
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
Affectionate flakes kiss my skin softly in the early morning.
Swords and Roses Oct 2015
I was
clinging on
to a rock
in a storm
barely floating
still floating
but barely

where is my rock now?
where is my home?

now I'm
in the sea
in a storm
still breathing
not for long
but still
at my rock
though it's gone
I lost my coping mechanism recently and it's getting to me
Swords and Roses Apr 2015
Always running
After you
And yet
You never ask
If I want to
You assume
That I follow
So I do

Now I'm running
It became
Too painful
To stay
I wish
There was
Another way
But maybe
You'll all run after me
Sort of an organisation of my thoughts right now
Swords and Roses Oct 2015
"Get up"
She opened the curtains
I tried to fight off the light

"Get up"
She dragged away the duvet
I curled up against the cold

"Get up"
She pulled the black cloth from the mirror
I screamed at her to stop

But it was too late
There it was
The face
My face
But not my face
A happy face
Smooth under the eyes
Perfect nails
Clean wrists
I couldn't breathe
It was choking me
My eyes hurt
Was I crying?
There were no tears
There was no water
In my body
Its body was smooth
Its body was perfect
Its body was healthy
And so was its mind
Swords and Roses Apr 2015
What am I hiding?
Nothing at all
Nothing important
Just a silly scrawl

What's in that package?
Nothing for you
Nothing significant
Just a thing or two

What are my secrets?
What secrets are they?
I wear my heart on my sleeve
Every moment of every day

What are my desires?
I have so few
I am a simple person
Unlike you

What is my goal?
To live life, of course
To the fullest I can
With the least remorse

What's that key for?
The one around my neck?
It's just an old thing
Got to go, just a sec

What does it open?**
Nothing at all
Nothing significant
Nothing I can recall
Swords and Roses Apr 2015
The monster comes with darkness,
With shadows and with night.
A hand to keep me quiet,
Another to halt my flight.
Boots to give me bruises,
That don't stop 'til I see white.
The monster comes with darkness,
And goes away in the light.

The monster hides from sunshine,
Creeps into my soul.
I try to keep it tucked away,
But to ruin me is its goal.
People see it within me,
See my eyes turn to coal.
The monster hides from sunshine,
Inside its pre-made hole.

The monster saps the strength from me,
The strength to appear in the light.
It only happens sometimes,
But the monster likes to bite.
And when the people ask me,
"Why must you always fight?"
The monster saps the strength from me,
To tell them of my plight.
Written for the April 2015 Leeds Sunday Assembly, the theme for which is scary movies.
Swords and Roses Aug 2015
Mirror, mirror
Said the queen
Not wanting to be seen

Mirror, mirror
Every day
Urging wrinkles
Not to stay

Mirror, mirror
She was taught
If she was ugly
She was naught

Mirror, mirror
She cannot feel
Emotions ruin
Her appeal

Mirror, mirror
She feels dead
To the husband
In her bed

Mirror, mirror
Her heart is failing
Her lungs are gasping
Her kidneys wailing

Mirror, mirror
The doctor said
She has a growth
In her head

Mirror, mirror
She cannot stand
But she's still the most
Beautiful in the land

Mirror, mirror
But not anymore
Her place taken
By the child of a *****

Mirror, mirror
She needs a heart
The child has one
There's a start

Mirror, mirror
She's in so much pain
She doesn't know
How to be humane

Mirror, mirror
The child is dead
The heart is weak
But she has fed

Mirror, mirror
The heart has failed
There is no other
That ship has sailed

Mirror, mirror
She is desperate to live
She finds a corrupt magicker
And gives all she can give

Mirror, mirror
She feeds on death
Each soul she takes
Lies in every breath

Mirror, mirror
She carves words in her skin

Mirror, mirror
She moans in the night
Her husband sleeps in a separate bed
Yet still quakes in fright

Mirror, mirror
The child is not dead
All the lives she has taken
When she could have taken one instead

Mirror, mirror
Look at her now
Twisted and broken
Macabre magick on her brow

Mirror, mirror
The child must pay
Perhaps her soul will be redeemed
It is the only way
Swords and Roses Apr 2015
There she was.
Suspended in water,
The fireman's daughter.

There she sank.
Over in that lake,
In the middle of a quake.

There she screamed.
With no one to hear her,
With no one near her.

There she fought.
Clutching at life,
Impaled on a knife.

There she died.
A thieving botched,
As a little boy watched.

There she was.
There she died,
As a little boy cried.
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
I'm a little bird and your 'protection' is my cage.
Swords and Roses Apr 2015
I noticed a small scar on my German teacher's elbow today
It called to me, reeled me in, filled my senses
It whispered of days and nights thought long-gone
When any sharp object in reach would do
When any little remark or joke or situation would set me off
It whispered of the sound of skin parting
And the bite of metal
And the eureka! of blood
And the taste of satisfaction
It whispered of the moment of peace
When everything becomes nothing
And pain becomes everything
And nothing is painful

Then I remembered the tears of my mother
The horror in my friends' eyes
The shame I felt
The bitterness before each guilty slice
The stubbornness inside me screaming don't let it win!
The worry they feel
The pain I cause them
By causing pain to myself
And I return to reality
And she is still talking
Oblivious to my dip into darkness

I have won the battle
But the war will not be over for a long, long time
Swords and Roses Aug 2015
Can you imagine it?
I can imagine only an illusion
Can you picture it?
I can picture only an elusive dream
Can you visualise it?
I can visualise only a false hope
Can you?
**I can only dream
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
he plucks orange leaves
orange is his favourite shade
rain seeps through the soil
harvest brings food aplenty
flavours: pumpkin, cinnamon
Swords and Roses Nov 2015
children laugh and play
the earth smiles at them softly
adults laze around
earth turns its face to the sun
summer dances slow and warm
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