I feel sick inside,
I still want you by my side...

Maybe the reason I've been offline so often
is not because I'm trying to start a life but,
because it reminds me that you and I are dying out.

I'm sorry for the pain that you're feeling right now.
Just know that things will get better, But for now,
You should just embrace your frown.
It's okay to be sad for a while.
But please know this won't last forever.
Eventually, you'll feel better.
And when you do, believe it or not.
You will more than likely find new love.

I want to hide in a place
that makes me feel comfortable
under the bluest waves,
isn't so sufferable.
What's hidden beneath them,
is the most stunning
these colors and beings
could never send me running.
With my eyes wide open,
I'd float forever
face down,
I'd sink into deeper waters.

You claim you're the devil
to everyone around you there
I don't see it in you,
but if that's the case
I don't mind being Satan's girl.

I don't want to listen to music anymore, I'm tired.
What is self worth?
I've been trying but lack value
No one sticks around, so now I'm out too

Yeah, you're yelling louder,
but you're not feeling more pain.

I have value
It comes from within,
I know it's enough
I feel it under my skin.

It vibrates from me,
The power I hold
I'm special,
I'm something to behold.

I know I'm sensitive
It's something I used to hate
But now I'm embracing it,
There's a reason I'm this way.

So I stick to my routine,
I don't want to give up
I may fall down at times,
But I will not get stuck.

In the end
you're alone
and nobody cares
except your own
self's conscience
so what's the point?

I know that I'm sensitive
and I know I can be... clingy,
hopefully you're not too bothered
by the way I blow up your phone...
sending you songs or pictures
that I've draw, that I think you'll like
or how I continuously try to write poetry
that isn't written the way it probably should be, for you.
Hopefully, you know I act the way I do
because I'm simply crazy about you.

Silent nights
Restless eyes
Quiet dreams
Capture me
Sad girl
Melodic laugh
Dreary eyes
Questionable past
Drenched in pain
Screaming skin
Wrapped up in
depression,
she is.

Every time I think I'm done with my walk
I take note of the street signs name.
I'm still not done talking with myself
Because I'm still on the street of Shame.

When I think about why I feel so badly
I can list my ideas for what's wrong with me
but when I reach the the house and open the door,
I remember how unheard I felt in my core.

Shame encircles me
It's a cloudy fog that blurs everything,
Making it harder to see reality
I run inside my mind and hide in a dream.

I am a master at romanticizing!
I might even avoid you to interact with a fantasy,
My mind likes to protect me by airbushing things,
even though what I want is to live authentically

Every moment that I'm not present
Is a lost opportunity to change my mindset.
I'm trying to push past my negative thoughts
and ground myself but I feel so stupid.

I want an identity.

Silent nights
Restless eyes
Quiet dreams
Capture me
Sad girl
Melodic laugh
Dreary eyes
Questionable past
Drenched in pain
Screaming skin
Wrapped up in depression

As she walks through the doors,
So confused and afraid.
She takes a deep breath,
and reminds herself,
Just what to say.

She knows that she can make it,
right through the day.
But she's still afraid,
That they'll see her..

And she knows that they hate her.

Once she gets up the stairs,
She swears her heart is screaming.
She can feel her lungs pulsating,
She's thinking about running out.

But she knows they'd all see her,
So she keeps on walking along.

She stares at her keyboard
wondering what to write next
she has so many things that
need to be said;

I'm tired of hating myself
and aways searching for
people that will accept me
for everything that I am,

I love myself now and I'm glad.

That's all.

He feels the same pain that she does
Which makes her feel sad because...
The mask she wears,
he takes off and puts on,
But she sees the cuts behind the sleeve
Along with the smile that everyone believes.

I want to push you out of me
I don't want to need you the
way that I seem to.
But you've always been there
so it's kind of hard to do.
Honestly I just want the best
for you
So I'll disappear into the dark
I'm a wanderess already,
never sick of the rain that's
flooding me.

My thoughts are scattered all over the place
Sad corn, bad dreams, no diploma, brown leaves..
I want to be  h a p p y  for you but I can't be today
there's just a kind of stuffiness inside of my brain
but don't cry for too long, please don't worry I'll
get back to normal, soon things won't be so blurry.

My heart fills up until it's pounding
I freeze and wonder where you are
or what you're doing...
Are we even in the same universe still
or are you out there floating?
A lot of my life has encompassed you somehow.
Whether I was just thinking of you during a sad time
or laughing while reminiscing...
I miss you and hold you in my memories.
Though, we'll probably never meet again
I hope time will untangle someday for me too
and we'll cross paths come what may.

When you look in the mirror,
You see a girl with a fear,
A girl with a mask,
and a task to take you down,
whenever she gets the chance,
Cause she knows you'd be a nail,
and she'd be the hammer,
she slams you down,
and makes you cry,
She's hurting your feelings,
and you expect to make it through the night!?

Lost in your mind,
you have thoughts that make you cry,
but when I sing this lullaby,
your heart slows down and your tears go dry,
you're lost in time,
you never meant to lie,
you're tears go dry,
when I sing this lullaby...

Lay down your fate,
Set that ***** into her place,
she's going out of line,
and she does it all the time,
but you're done,
you're sick of it,
and you wanna break it up,
but she opens her mouth and toughins up!
and just as you're ready,
to knock her to the floor,
Your feet break lose and you run for the door!

Lost in your mind,
you have thoughts that make you cry,
but when I sing this lullaby,
your heart slows down and your tears go dry,
you're lost in time,
you never meant to lie,
you're tears go dry,
when I sing this lullaby...

Then you're walking down the hall,
when you feel your feet stop,
as her hand meets the touch,
on your shoulder,
her hand pulls you closer,
you shover her,
you kick her,
you run away after,
she lays on the floor a total disaster,
and you sing!

I'm lost in my mind,
I have thoughts that make me cry,
but when you sing this lullaby,
my heart slows down and my tears go dry,
I'm lost in time,
I never meant to lie,
My tears go dry,
when you sing this lullaby..

I hate that I hurt you,
and I feel hurt too
I don't know how to fix
All of our issues

You feel used, ignored and angry
I feel confused, used and ignored too
I try to talk about us openly
But you turned into something else

I don't know how I can make you feel heard

I turn the lights off
I don't want to sleep
but I guess I should.

Is it so bad.. that I just want to hold your hand? I want to pull you in and try to help you understand this isn't a ******* game, okay? You're either in or out there's no way around this yes or no question and if I keep thinking this way I might just go insane. I want you all to myself.. I've never felt this way please just tell me you're going to stay.. Until this pain subsides I'm going away to hide dreams may not be the best place to disappear to but it's the only place where I can see you. I'm sorry for being so paranoid. I guess this is what happens, when people find something they don't want to lose.

When you're laying in bed
feeling basically half dead,
eden's playing through your
             h e a d s e t
and everything else is quiet.

I keep rolling over
expecting to see you there...
but the screen stays black
and you're back in your own chair.

I tend to write directly before I sleep
Or just when I wake up
If I write somewhere in between,
That's when you know something's up.

Today was good, it was okay
Tonight was lovely, I saw his face.
But now it's real late and I'll be asleep soon,
Someday I hope, next to you.

Everytime we say goodbye
I go home to my bed and then I cry.

I put my head down on my pillow at night,
I smile as I close my eyes.
Because I know that I don't have to feel frightened.
Because Slendy's peeping, keeping close eyes on me all the time.

Slendy knows, I'm only five.
Just like he knows my brother Johnny is nine.
But Johnny doesn't like Slendy too much.
He says he's scarey and frightens him to the touch.

But I like Slendy.
I've told him every time.
Slendy means no harm!
That's why I don't hide.

"Come now child"
I hear Slendy call,
He's waving his arms,
So flimsy and long..

They don't scare me though.
Because I know that Slendy's my friend.
Not a ******.

"JANE!"

Slendy starts to move away,
I move towards him in such a sudden daze,
But I hear my mommy keep calling my name.

"JANE!"

I look away from Slendy to see her running to me.
"What are you doing?" I asked her as she picked me up,
As she held me Slendy vanished.
He was gone.

That was the last time I saw him.
But I know he's watching me,
Slendy always talks to me.

Never ending, life keeps on going.
With or without you; time will not stop
and just when you think: "I've got this"
it all turns. The world struggles- one crisis
after another, people die and we all keep
trying to find new reasons to survive.
Someone, tell me **why.

Do you have that one person who can change your mood by just saying a word to you?


I do.

I'm so thankful to have such an understanding and loving character by my side.
Even when the wrath of the tides within me show, he listens and answers with healing words.
He always brings a smile to my face.

s i n k i n g
s l o w l y
I ' m
d r o w n i n g
s u f f o c a t i n g
i n s i d e
o f
y o u r
w o r d s
t h a t
a l l
c o m e
o u t
a s
s l u r s .

He's like the first snowfall
in the beginning of winter.
After the heat and craze
of a stressful summer,
he shows up to cool you down
and is so lovely, but funny too.
He'll cheer you up,
even if it means throwing a snowball at you!
While blizzards sometimes occur,
he always goes back to that softness.
The softness that looks so perfect and simple.
The same way it looked
after the first snow fall.

I am Soraka Flocka Flame,
I go hard in the paint:
I'll make the bad guys go away
because I've got heals for days
that's right- look the other way
you can't handle this type of pain
I can tell that you're afraid.
Don't worry though because
I make everyone feel like this
all of your skill shots are amiss
and I bet I'm making you reminisce
about old times where you were fly
like the other game you played last night
but right now, I'm bringing you down
your teammates are calling you a clown
you're starting to believe you'll get reported
for  **f e e d i n g

The space between silence and sighs
It keeps me up in the night.

You make me feel happy,
you fill me with hope.
You've changed my life
in ways you'll never know.

But I want to know...
how do I make you feel?
Do I make you feel special?
Do I make you feel real?

I want to know,
if I make you smile wide.
If you long to reach for my hand
when you can see the tides.

It looks like we're gonna see the sun rise again this morning I can't help but wonder if you noticed as well that we will see the colors within the sky swell. The last time I saw it I was reminded of The Lion King it's so interesting the way the little things can get to me I wanted to watch it rise for a longer amount of time than I really had in fact; it makes me kind of sad that I didn't. And now my sleeping schedule is all out of wack wow, Rebecca. Why'd you do that? I just couldn't help it, don't you want to see the ocean of colors in the sky as well? I can't stop myself from picturing diving into the sky, I never learnt how to swim but I trust I'd only cause splashing to emerge from the happiness that these colors fill me with- I'd like to believe they'd hold me. **I won't drown.