I’ve given away all the pieces
Of my heart and my soul
Each of you carry me with you now
That way I know you won’t ever be alone
And maybe I can feel that way too

I see your flaws
Your sadness
Your past
Your problems
Your situation
The damage you’ve done
The hearts you broke
The pain you caused
The bridges you burned
The lies you told

I still love you though
That’s what love is
I forgive you… always
In spite of the pain I feel

I have no qualms
I understand my place in your life
I never thought that I’d be a period
I just want to be the best semicolon you’ve ever had

Period

Those eyes are sad but they are strong
They’ve seen too many evil things
The horrible darkness from the souls of men
Unspeakable creatures of villainy

Mis ojos? Son triste pero son fuerte?

Si pero...

Those eyes are beautiful and pure
Those eyes are renewed from above
I miss those eyes gazing back at me
Piercing my armor and letting me be me again

Mis ojos? Son bonito y puro?

Si mi amor. Es verdad. Solamente creer.

Am I a bad guy if I break the rules
I don’t like being told what not to do
Let me learn … let me experience

Your laws are meaningless to me
I will find the loopholes
I will exploit the flaws in your logic

I can’t make myself not
It’s my compulsion
My need to wear the black hat

I will sneak in and see your secrets
Your protections can’t stop me
I will root you if I desire

There is a sweet familiarity with you
I know your hands and your face
I’ve seen them change as we age

If I close my eyes I can hear your voice
I know your words and how you say my name

There is a deep intimacy there
A long romance full of heartbreaks and highs

I miss the version of us that got along

Soy un cabrón siempre
Lo siento mi familia
Lo siento mis amores
Soy un hombre roto… soy nada
Solamente raro
Solamente roto
Solamente solo
Por que es mi vida dificil?
Porque yo.... solamente yo y amor (los dos)

Trouble
Troubled
Troubling

Which one are you today?
I am that unholy trinity

Three in one… a triptych of suffering
Curse my name… mutter it under your breath

I will merely continue until my repentance is full

Sometimes it’s just easier to be crazy
Than it is to deal with sanity

This clarity is painful
So I’ll find a substance to make it go away

I always prefer the broken people of the world
Not because I want to save them
I am no ones white knight

Those people are more real
Their scars tell beautiful stories of triumph and defeat
They make me feel something more than just lost

The embrace you get from someone who is lonely
Will always be the most genuine  
I will never trade that away for cheap affection

It’s not that I want to hurt you
I just take my pleasure from the pain you feel

You’ll enjoy it too if you allow yourself
Stinging hot throbbing flesh feels so soft

Satisfy me with your agony
Crave my torture until you can no longer be in control

Be my willing victim

Does loving more than one make me poly?
What if I just need to love the world?
Will she break my heart too?

I can’t help falling in love with people
I care too much sometimes… all the time
It’s my flaw or brain damage maybe

I won’t stop caring because that’s not me
I need to love the world and its broken inhabitants
My heart will forgive me later

Have you...

Held a stranger like your life depended on it?
Cried on the shoulders of someone you didn’t know?
Shown your dark soul to the world?
Kissed someone that you just met?
Given yourself to the person who didn’t deserve it?
Loved someone that didn’t or couldn’t return the sentiment?
Hurt so bad that you questioned if you’d die?

No not me… Not ever… you?

We’re both horrible liars.

If I confess my secret sins to the wind
Will they come back to haunt me?
When the storm clouds come rolling in
Will I hear once more the horrible truths I said?

“Maybe” said the wind “but you’ll finally be free
once the rains wash them away for good”

Please don’t fall in love with me
I’m not someone to trust with your heart
I don’t even trust me with mine

Please don’t find me attractive
There are storms raging beneath this surface
Evil things dancing in fire and brimstone

Please don’t desire me
I’ll only let you down just like I do everyone else
I’m not what you want or need

Just keep looking... okay?

I’m choosing our love
It’s not easy

My heart hurts like hell
It beats like thunder

I don’t know how we got so broken
Years of not giving enough

I’m sorry for all the parts I played
I hope we can fix this

All of those cracks and chips
They intrigue me so

Tell me the stories of your scars
What caused those tear stains

Who broke you so beautifully?
I have to know because I care

You are a masterpiece
Don’t listen to anyone else

My peace helped calm your storms
But it was your storms that made me remember  my peace

Thank you

My newest fear is learning to forget these lies
Wish me well

Sometimes I forget how much words hurt
The sting as they hit your ears
And the jagged incision they make to your brain
Then on to your heart

Even more often I forget that silence hurts worse
Your pleas and needs falling on deaf ears
The response of a muted tongue
It’s so hard to find my balance

Maybe I’m not worth it
What you think about me is wrong

I’m not who I used to be
We aren’t us anymore

You think you know me
You know the memories of someone dead

Forget me and move on

Be patient with me
I’m still a work in progress

Somedays I seem put together
But that paint’s not dry just yet

One day I’ll get this right
I’m sorry

When I met you I knew what the end would be
I knew this was temporary at best

People like us don’t get the fairy tale
Happily ever afters are for normal people

You told me all about your past
It was all too easy to predict your future

I accounted for everything in that moment
I accounted for everything except for my heart

I never meant to do this
Why did we fall in love?

At least we had us
Even if just for a breath of time

Who am I?

Someone you loved
Or perhaps hated

Your friend
Maybe a lover

Some stranger on the street
Someone you dreamed of

Someone with piercing eyes
Or a forgettable face

I’m not really sure right now
But I’m still writing this story of me

I want him to hurt
Feel my pain you *******

Taste this bitter pill
Choke on it

You deserve my hate
You are my antithesis

You have made me crumble
Into this wretched man

You are me

I keep those words locked inside my heart
Combinations of letters that I can’t let you see

They really aren’t that important to you anyway
But they mean so much to me

When I was a kid I would carry a can of spray paint in my backpack
I always wanted to leave behind something that someone would see
Something that would make them stop and be enthralled
Something interesting... inspiring even
Something more than just the value of its creator

Maybe I haven’t changed that much

There’s something about us
Something that shouldn’t have been
And yet something that had its own gravity

It pulled us both more than once
It was relentless and almost tiring
The seduction of it was undeniable

We fought it as best we could
It was like swimming against the current
Instead of just giving in to the passions

Two lost stars shining in the dark
Calling out with our muted voices
And that was how we found each other

The way this medicine makes me feel
It’s my reminder that my heads not right

I don’t think like you do
My thoughts are too fast and come with flames

My anger is swirling in there as well
Raging thoughts of self harm

My little pills dizzy those anxious thoughts
Slow them to a less frenetic speed

Put me to sleep and make me dream of peace

Is it sane to question your sanity
Sometimes I wonder what real is

Am I? Are you?
Are my words landing somewhere?
Or did I just imagine it?

How many people did I hallucinate?
Can I trust my thoughts?
Or my memories?

What if this is all a dream?
Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow to something else
What makes real really real?

Maybe reality is just us responding to our own imaginations

I saw your face today in the crowd
I knew it wasn’t you
It couldn’t be because you’re not here

I miss you so much
I wish that I could hold you
And tell you that I love you

Somedays you feel more like a dream
Did I ever really feel your touch?
Or hear your tender voice?

Come back to me... even if only in a dream

You are unsatisfiable unpleased and unhappy
Forever wandering
I’m done trying to be what you want
I’ve tried despite what you say

You may wander wherever you see fit
I won’t chase you any further
My heart has moved on to its next unattainable goal
Making myself happy

Maybe I should change my name…

***** would get your attention
TV would have your eyes on me
Bathtub so maybe you would relax with me
Sleep so that we could spend time together
Phone you’d always have your hands on me
Your lover… no I hate that guy

I guess I’ll just be me and be left wanting

I had a brother
He fueled himself on drugs and alcohol
Until his organs gave up on him

I had a close friend
He was clean for so long
His relapse left him dead with a needle in his arm

My best friend just wanted a smoke
So he stepped out on a second story ledge
He slipped and died before the ambulance got to him

My friend that I got high with
The **** got to his brain until he killed his parents
Now he only sees the outside through bars

I miss all of you
You’re the reasons I won’t go back

I don’t fit in here
All these pretty people
Two kids and brand new cars
Their hidden depravity

Maybe your life has been happy
Maybe your family cared
My life has been pain
And my upbringing was scars

I can’t fake it like you do… I’m sorry

How can you look into another human’s soul and not be scared?
How can you see the darkness there and not have your hairs stand on end?
Why are you still here? Do I not frighten you?
Is my intensity and my pain not repulsive?

Can two broken people really make each other better?
Or are there just too many shards and sharp edges?

I hope you enjoy this nightmare you created
These shadowy figures in wide brimmed hats without faces
I hope that you can survive their icy grip

Why did you have to bring us into this horror
This dark macabre of your own design
I’ll hold your hand through this but I don’t know why

What has become of my heart
This constant flow of love and hate
Salt water and fresh spewing forth

I love you deeply but I hate you
I crave you madly but your touch repulses
I need you with me but I have to run away

How long can I pull myself both directions
One side must win but I don’t know how
We have divided me

Words coming and going
Tame this beast in me
So many toxins
So much hurt to dispel
I must write the pain away

I fell in love with a girl
10 years younger and full of problems
Me a married man
She the addict with a felons past

Her eyes are brown just like her soft skin
Her words they calmed my storms
Her hair once consumed with dreads
Smelled clean and feminine

Her past riddled with abuse and bad decisions
I secretly hoped I would be good for her
Somehow though she was good for me
She was what I had been looking for my whole life

I miss you now
Maybe I’ll see you again
I know we will never be
But I’m glad that at least we were

I have words that I just can’t say
I’m not even sure if they’re true
The thought of them terrifies me

I keep them locked up in my head
Sometimes they get out and roam
Those are the days I’m afraid of the most

What would happen if I stopped and listened?

I saw an owl once
It swooped down in front of my car at full speed
It flared it’s white wings and looked me in the eyes as I ran over it
I always knew it meant something because it shook me so bad

I saw an owl the night I went to see her
It flew across the road and looked back at me
It taunted me to remember his brethren that I killed
It planted itself again in my memory of remorse

I saw another owl again this morning
He didn’t even look at me this time
He just flew past me to remind me that they’re still here
Maybe they forgive me… maybe I forgive myself

Maybe the sun will come out today
Maybe I’ll feel the warmth on my skin
Maybe my eyes won’t gloss over with tears from the light
Maybe I can go for a walk and just be happy
Maybe there is some hope left

I could still smell your perfume hours after you left
It felt like reading someone else’s mail
Some lovesick ***** prose meant for him
Maybe someday you’ll feel like writing me again

What was this spell you put on me bruja?
What were the words you spoke into existence?
The fire you lit still burns hot and deep
I wish we both could have tasted the flames
Before you slipped back into darkness to pay for your sins

You fell asleep with your hand on my abdomen
And somewhere while you writhed and contorted with sleep it felt like you reached inside me
I hope you found what you looked for because I hope it’s still there too

Tus espinados
Mi sangre en fuego
Necicito tu conmigo

Donde estas mi vida
Mi vida para ti
Donde estas mis pensamientos
Los que eran antes

Me extraño contigo

I woke up at 3 AM but I didn’t want to open my eyes
I knew you weren’t there
You’d gotten up at some point while I slept to go see him
This bed and I are lonely and broken
This room and my heart are cold and not just because you left the window open

I hate it when you drink

All the times you punched me or
When you hit me with a rock and
Made my head bleed

I hate it when you drink

Those evil truths you speak
About how you really feel about me
That you just deny when you’re sober

I hate it when you drink

The way you throw yourself at me sexually
And get mad because I’m not interested
So you throw it at any other man that will pay attention

I hate it when you drink

The wedge you’re driving when you say
You’re gonna stop or slow down
And then you’re at it the next night

I hate it when you drink