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22.1k · Jun 2014
Corruption
There were plenty before you,
But don't get me wrong
You were my first love.

The priors i loved but
I was never IN Love
Till the day I met you,
Your innocent smile & golden heart
Never will I forget;
How you told me
I was only your second kiss,
You were 18 how could this be;
You were reserved n pure
Before you met me.


A year of on and off
& we fell IN Love
You knew the ****** deeds I did
& one day near the end of summer
You invited me over; caught me by suprise
When you lead me to your room
And removed your shirt

The pregnancy scare
Is what tore us apart,
I wasn't there;
Trust was broken,
& faith in men destroyed,
You never smoked
nor drank till after this
You must have been trying to escape

We stop talking
Cause you needed space,
I never once thought I should text.
You felt unwanted n used
By the way I lacked to try
I destroyed you,
corrupted you,
And I'm guilty of that

We agreed to stay friends,
But that didn't work
& we went our separate ways
Then last Christmas as if a miracle,
You came back into my life.

I never stoped loving you,
Never stopped hating myself


I let be known
That I'll lend a ear
When ever your down.

You must think I'm being sweet
Just to get another hit,
But the truth in the matter is;
I know you'll never take me back
Not after what I did

But I still feel guilty
And I wish to mend the wounds
After all I'm the one who caused
Them all.......
18.2k · Jun 2014
Waves
Pushing and pulling
Reaching and retreating.
You get where you want
And then you go & **** it all up.
Coming and going
Leaving and returning.
Your so unsure of your needs and wants.
Arriving and departing
Inhaling and exhaling.
This would be easier without a troubled heart.
Setting Sail and dropping anchor,
Have you made your choice
Or will you hurt her some more.
16.6k · Mar 2014
My Universe
Your my universe. I hope you know,
Your the earth beneath my feet
Supporting my every need
Your the sun high above
Refreshing me every morning
With your warmful glow
Your the moon above my head
Illuminating the way
Your the stars shooting across the sky
Attempting to reach me to make
My dream come to fruition.....
11.0k · Jun 2014
Painful Memories
The past can be hurtful if you don't learn to let go*
The past is barbwire
& I'm clenching a handful
Never healing; always bleeding.

I can't let go, closed fists is all I know
Hoarding memories
Not matter how much pain is bestowed
10.7k · Apr 2014
Conformity
Your changing your behavior
Your changing your style
Your changing your beliefs
Just so they can match his
You call it love but it's for from it

If he loved you for you
Then you wouldn't feel
The need to change,
You'd be comfortable
In your own skin.

Conformity isn't love don't let them fool not even once.
Not a poem just an outbursts of thoughts on why conformity doesn't equal love.
10.2k · Jun 2014
Making Love #3
Cold metal around your wrists
Restraining your moves,
Smirks and smiles exchange;
Feather tips on skin,
Sending chilling signals in-between, *your legs
8.3k · Jun 2014
Social Anxiety
Placed on the spot, People walking by
Eyes shift to my direction,
Snickering and smiling
My anxiety rising
Trying to grip reality,
My superficial temple artery starts pounding, as my heart rate rises.

I can't take this any more I must find the door.
7.0k · Jul 2013
Rebirth
What does it mean to me;
She asks as she looks into me.
My reponse, a tied tongue
As she kisses me and relaxes me.
My proverbial tongue does as it's asked

"It's all about perception you see,
And what context it's been used in.
It can mean the endless cycle that is Saṃsāra,
In where karma is responsible.
But rebirth in my eyes
Means something closer to home,
Rebirth isn't about physicaly dieing
It's about letting the old you die
So that a greater, better you is born,
Like in religion when you are born again
You didn't physicaly die but rather
You opened a new set of eyes
And that is what rebirth means to me,
When you let go all of that which holds you back
And the person who held onto all that dies;
You are set free as you are given new life and new eyes that aren't blinded by past actions and experiences."
5.7k · Jun 2014
Abandonment
Abandonment in the form of a 8 year old who's most loyal friend triped n left him to be beaten by the 5th graders

Abandonment in the form of a 10 year old boy, told to wait outside before going to the park only to wait an hour n see his siblings return in a sweat from the park.

Abandonment in the form of a 15 year old boy, told to wait in front of school for rehearsal only to be told a lie n wait there for countless hours while rehearsals were somewhere else.

Abandonment in the form of a 17 year old boy, told to come out to eat with friends only to return from the restroom n be left with the bill.

Abandonment in the form of a 21 year
Old man, who realized people aren't what they seem n abandoned them all.
5.7k · Jun 2014
Drug use #3
Shrooms*

Stems & caps divided in 8ths. Handful taken, pupils dilate; things get smaller others larger, pictures dance; your in a dream with open eyes
5.7k · Apr 2014
Her Touch
I'm never one to get cold
Or get goosebumps
But with the subtlest touch
From her can make my hairs
Stand *****, send chills down my spine
And expel a sigh of relief.
That's the power of her love
So precise so Devine so powerful
That with the tip of her finger
Can make me feel all that at once.
5.2k · Jun 2014
My Asexuality and Me
I'm not attracted to people. Never have, never will. See I might get aroused; it's like my body is rejecting my decision it doesn't care it acts on it's own, but I'm fine with platonic relations. We don't gotta touch just cuddle and kiss and I'd be more than fine, but I'm a pleaser so ill subject myself to such acts, In accordance to their needs.
*** doesn't come to mind when out on dates unless it's been made clear that ****** activity will be in place. When *** comes to mind all I can think is "*** ugh no" The only ******* in my life comes from my partners needs. I'm their bf I'm supposed to cater to them. I don't mind it but I also don't like it.
4.6k · Sep 2014
Walls
My walls are big n strong
Like that of Babylon
None can do me wrong
As I stay on my toes and strive on

The walls seem seamless  
But it's all for a reason
So I'll let you in on a little secret

The pain hid the door
And the gate won't open
Till I'm reassured that I'm not letting in a Trojan horse
4.4k · Jun 2014
The Pebble and Sand
You can hold a pebble
in the palm of your hand.
But when it's been pummeled
and turned to sand,
no matter how tight
you clench your fingers together
it'll slip through your hands.
Oh how the damaged ones slip through time.
Forgotten n spread across shore lines. Where different waves reach their lips only be pulled away before they reach,

Untouched n unfaze they become apart of the maze.
Left,
Right,
Up or
Down,
It's such a confusing haze. Her walls are high n you'll never find the center place.
3.8k · Jun 2014
Drug Use #2
Snorting Line*

White snow piled high broken up into single filed lines, across her coccyx and snorted of her ***.
T ough resourceful,
I ntelligent and admirable
F ound face first in the pages of books
F reeing herself from the cages of the world.
A spired writer with pent emotions
N egligence of vent
Y onder is her ability to write for fear it may
                                                                  come to light
3.2k · Nov 2013
Distraction
The memory is unbearable
I cringe as it rises from
my subconscious; haunting me
It plagues my mind
I need to find a distraction

Write, write, write, write
Stapling papers drawing forms;
Archiving documents.
I get on my 20 n get time alone.
The memory creeps up,
I can feel it as my mood keeps changing.

Distraction distraction distraction
Look at the cars speeding down the streets
The couples huddled close for warmth
Hmmm that's could have been us

*******

Your memory is creeping in
Everything I see reminds me of thee.

*You can only distract yourself for so long before you have to face the truth
3.1k · Jun 2014
Making Love #2
Gasps escape the lungs,
Hands gripping sheets; toes curled up
Body tenses,
Electric fire spreads;
Hands let go, In an explosive moan
2.9k · Jul 2014
Mother Earth
Earths anxiety; she feels too crowded her heart beat racing; volcanos erupt and the ground shakes. She's just trying to get rid of all the waste
2.6k · Dec 2013
Karma
I think of karma of a mental parasite rather than a celestial courthouse. Yea I mean they'll get what's coming to them but this "mental parasite" is so much worse. It's a mental parasite as in the way you've done something you now believe everyone is capable of that. The way a thieve thinks everyone is a thieve. Its something that plagues the mind, makes one weary of others.

(Expand at a later time)
2.5k · Jun 2014
Drug Use
Rolling Up*

Swisher split; gutted out, stuffed back in with some indo trees. Tucked right in, pull it over lick the edge close it up & roast that ****!
2.2k · Jun 2014
Changes in Perception
Just the kid with
Rose colored glasses
Who saw nothing but joy
Till the world turn their back
& beat him whole

Glasses dropped and crushed
Beneath the shear weight
Of pure hatred and pain;
He'd never be the same

Glasses broken;
Now flame rules his eyes
Cynical ******* rises from the pain
1.8k · Dec 2013
Sweet Nothings
You whisper sweet words
But to your surprise
My cheeks don't turn a rosy pink
It's does not move any nerve in me
You see it in my eyes
That your words mean nothing
They lack the power they once had
You could conjure the most beautiful
Words placed together but in the end
They'll be just Sweet Nothings.
1.8k · Dec 2014
In Search for Numb
French inhaling cigs,
Chasing the burn
With mixed drinks,
The nights oh so cold.

Who would've known,
That I'd find myself alone,
This night is ****
And I can't believe,
That I'd drown my dreams.

Nothing is as it seems,
Staring at the bottle
I'm just tryna find relief.

Chain smoking cigs,
Cause my lack of ****
Numbing the pain
Just so I won't see -
.....what's down memory lane
1.6k · Jul 2013
I am of The Fallen
The fallen, bringers of light who died and became angels of the night, they are the air that man breaths; chaos.

So fourth, I was light born in darkness with the healing of the light and the desires of evil. I roam the night in search of withered souls; hearts once made of gold tainted by dark tar. I feed off their darkness, I crave it like a child craves a mothers love.

And so I consume their very darkness, as I removed their demons and make them my own I free them of the suffering and shed light upon their eyes, the shackles now removed they realize their full potential. While I lay here battling their demons and my own; forgotten. As they went on to greatness I was left in the shadows; no one ever bothered to save me.
1.5k · Aug 2013
Making of a Healer
Just a boy who never wished to have hatred in his heart, seeing people abused was a daily thing. He had his fair share of beatings and run-ins with near death. This would all fuel his rage and hatred towards the persecutor. He felt it consume him and he did not want that, he did not want to be like his father when we grew up filled of hatred and self-loathing. So anytime he could he went up the hills to the mountains and overlooked the city. He sat there for hours writing or meditating. He constantly told himself "Do not hate the persecutor, for he himself was persecuted and knows of no other way". At only 14 years of age he came to understand what others never have. It was imprinted in him perfectly; the cycle as he liked to call it, and he wish nothing more than to break it. So there he sat surrounded by nature taking in the chirping of new born birds, the breeze swaying through the leaves, the sun warming up his skin. He closed his eyes and took all this in as he let go of the hatred to his father and brother, the resentment of his mother, the jealousy of his sister. This is how he cleansed his soul, this is how he stayed pure, this is how he was able to come home everyday, this is how he stayed strong.

Now he takes others, to the place where he found solace. He tells others how to let go of past harm n not let it influence future thoughts. He tells them to scream at the top their lungs everything they've built up, and then close their eyes n to listen to the wind, n feel the sun creeping on their skin. He helps and try's to heal his friends, cause everywhere he goes all he sees is pain.
1.5k · Dec 2013
Making Love
Fingertips racing across bare skin, signals repulsing to your brain. Eyes lock onto yours; pupils dilated. Free falling backwards on the bed. Wrapped in silk sheets our bodies becoming one.
1.4k · Jun 2014
Making love #4
Finger tips tread lightly around her navel; chills exploding loudly, trying to refrain her movement projected in short rhythmic oooooo'ing
1.3k · Aug 2013
Mu[Shrooms]
I exit my door and enter the corridor
The walls begin to collapse as
I grow twice in size
I make a left and turn the corner
As the walls expand I shrink
Three fourths of my size
As if I'm in a fun house
And the hallways are changing size
Yet they've been consistently the same
All those many years
I make my way back home
As I stare at the walls melt.
Till I fall asleep
And wake up thinking it was all a dream.
1.2k · May 2014
Receiving
Receiving,
So here's the thing
I can only receive so much

I don't like to take,
If offered I take a considerate amount
It'd be rude to turn down a gesture of kindness.

If i engage in such acts
I feel ashamed n worthless
I feel like a pariah
Just feeding of the scraps.

That's not me
I wield too much pride.
1.2k · Nov 2013
Stone Tablet
The Universe has a vision for me, of what I am to become and Life is the artist, the sculptor. Everyday it chips away parts in which I don't need. It refines me n smoothes my sharp edges, it carves into me intricate details which will grow to define me. Everyday a part of me dies, but only to be reborn as a newer more refined individual.  Every strike of the chisel hurts, but pain is required for growth so I embrace the pain I embrace the hurt cause ultimately it will help me grow. I'm not completed yet so the blows still come, I'm an unfinished work of art. Half a stone tablet and half a man.
Blood rushes to the cranium
Feeling light headed
Your vision turns oblique
Your sense of direction is ****;
Overwhelmed
Your thinking too much -
To allow your self to compose
The world seems like it's changing
And you don't know which direction your heading
Loss Of Thought
In a frantic haze you grab the phone
And dial his name
Not know what he'll do,
But he answers
You listen to the calmness of his voice
He assure you things are fine
And he finds your mind
Your relaxed your thinking straight
Regaining state of mind
You find your car, he helped you this far
How that's a question that
You came to ask
**Relaxed
1.1k · Jun 2014
Land of Stars
Where there's Stars beneath your soles
Reminder of those that made it
Such glamor n poise is thought
But it's a town of broken dreams
And where the poor sleep on stars.

Runaways, crooks, two faces
and aspired actors
All looking for their big break.
Some risk it all to come to LA,
Some don't make it n their soul
Sleeps on the stars where they're closest to their goal.

Broken city with false smiles
Where souls cost a dollar
N beauty is worth a fortune.

...............*A place called Hollywood
Hidden among
the London masses
Lies a goddess so young
who's beauty surpassed
That of the heavens

Skin like powdered snow,
Lips like Cupid's bow;
& with Curves bestowed.

She snaps the neck
Of Everyman that
Passes forth
1.1k · Jan 2014
Time Square
Standing in the crowd I was
Surrounded by strangers
In the dead of night.
People from across the globe
Connected through this single
Experience. Sharing tells
And their walks of life.
The ball drops
And confetti springs
People look around in awe
As I look to
My right,
My left,
My front and back
I'm not surrounded by strangers
Anymore.
The Portuguese behind us,
the Brazilians to my left,
The 7. Foot New Yorker in front
The spaniards to my right
N in my group two new friends
From 2 hours away.
The crowd disperses
As we all say good bye
Carrying with us the joy
Of new life, friends and
An experience that connected
Us all.
1.1k · Nov 2013
My Drug of Choice
She's my drug; my vice;
my escape from reality
one kiss sends me flying through the seasons,
her touch sends an electric fire across my skin
she's my addiction, a day of silence
and the withdraws kick in; the lack of sleep
the loss of hunger it makes me wonder
how I used to function without her.
1.1k · Dec 2013
Shiny Object
Let go, just let it go
It's your past
Don't let it keep you
From moving on with life
I know it's shiny and it makes you happy
But it's doing more harm than good.
He moved on and so should you.
Don't be the raccoon who
Took a gander at something shiny
And got stuck in place
When she she could have just let go and left.
999 · Feb 2014
K.I.S.S.I.N.G
A simple kiss can alleviate stress;
It can be done between lovers or friends.
A sacred action shared between the two .
Is like their lips cast hooks,
in your soul,
And as their lips part yours
You feel that knot in your stomach come undone;
As it races up your throat
And escapes your lips,
As a sigh of relief
990 · Feb 2014
Devils Hour
I toss n turn in bed
Fighting the image
Of you in my head;
Your memory plagues me
Disrupting my sleep
Slowly driving me insane.
As I lay there and contemplate
I can tell I won't get sleep
As I turn over to the analog clock
It's 3am, where'd the time go
I coulda swore it was
Eveleven fifty O' clock.
934 · Sep 2013
3am
3am
The world stays silent
Stuck in transition between night and day;
The thoughts that echo calmly
Are now magnified as they reverberate
Off your inner skull
Every attempt to close your eyes
And go to sleep
Is met with a thousand thoughts
That keep you awake.

It's magic hour can't you see

The dead is alive and your not alone in your head
924 · Feb 2014
Your my Moon
If my mind is as vast as an ocean
Then you must be my moon
Raising the tide every night,
Memories long forgotten
Wash up on shore
For my conscious to hold.
918 · Aug 2013
River Rider
I have never felt the wonder
Of admiring a single thing
I have never felt the wonder
Of having a favorite anything
Nor the wonder of a lover

For I'm a River Rider

Riding down the river of pain,
Following it to the very last vein,
To the very source for it must be drained,
Tamed and restrained, so they can -
Live a life of happiness and mine in pain

For I'm a River Rider

Always on the go,
Moving along the river to the next source
Forever alone, out to reinforce hope to humanity
But wont anyone follow my river & feed me hope?
Till then I am forever alone, lending my hope
And taking their pain, for what more can I do in a world full of hurt.

For I'm a River Rider

And that's my story
But now I must go,
To follow the flow of the river of sorrow.


*Written when I started high school
You think your eyes speak truth,
But hidden within, you analyze your sight
You critic what you see based on past experiences
Your not seeing what you think you are, your seeing your fears manifest before your eyes. You fear the past to repeat itself; negative thoughts they control your sight. Your blinded by your thoughts and the inescapable interpretation of your perception.
894 · Jun 2014
The Passive Agressive Chase
Sometimes I feel her eyes avoid mine,
As if she's trying to hide
the love in her eyes,
As if she knows if we made eye contact
I'd know n call her out on it.

She's bottled up n reserved
With such poise that no mans ever known,
They chase after her,
They come in hoards
And maybe that's why she avoids
Subjecting her self to being known.

She's got questions about me
And she's so unsure, she's just being protective of her self and more.
I'm never chasing after her though,
Cause I know the hoards that come after her,
Why subject myself to being like the rest. No! I won't,
Ill just say hello n hope you notice my tone,
It'll be a tone I rarely use with anybody else, and I just hope it'll be enough to let you know.
852 · Aug 2013
Sharpener
Packaged in plastic I was,
On the shelf waiting to be bought
I don't know how long I was there
But ill never forget the day I was picked from the rest.

I was taken home,
unwrapped and placed in a bag.
Taken out in middle of class
Stuck a pencil inside me
N began twisting within
My teeth grinding the wood
Of a number two
Revealing the lead
He would solemnly use
  
          Those were the happy days
                  Then came a time;
                          A time of darkness

Removed the ***** that held me
Put me between his fingers
N ran me down his gentle skin
As I parted the skin, he twitch
As he began to leak.......
822 · Jun 2014
The "First" Move
I use my words; I let it be known
That my feelings are true,
But it's up to her to make the move

I was taught to respect her skin;
After all even the devil
Needs permission to be let in.

If she wants her hand held;
She'll fidget her fingers against mine,
If she wants a kiss; She'll get real close,
If she wants something more;
She'll take control,
& remove some clothes.

*Only then will I have permission to explore her flesh.
820 · Jul 2013
The Light Switch
Shrouded in darkness she was
Unable to see, lost in her own mental
Black hole where the heart should be
Devouring flower hearts and spitting back
black holes, despite all this
I felt a warmness to her darkness
I wondered; "is there a light switch?"
Roaming around consuming her darkness
Tryrng to turn the sun in her heart on.
788 · Aug 2013
Fire Girl
Like fire
She didnt mean to
destroy everything
But she was looking to closely
For the destruction of a forest
Brought about smoke that filled the skies
Which entered the clouds
That brought down the rain
That feed the earth;
Her fiery nature danced on sand
And destroyed it yet created glass
She was to busy focusing on the destruction she caused
That she paid no attention to the beauty she created
*Theres always two sides to a coin, you chose which side to view
778 · Oct 2015
"I've Met Someone Else"
Four words
Coming in a massive shock
As time stopped
My heart dropped
All hope lost
His world caved in
What he so eagerly
Tried to keep stable
His happiness was dimising
As the weight of the world
Held him down

             He could not get up
               His claustrophobia set
                 His breathing got shorter
                   He screams to the world
                     For modest help
                       But silence is returned

Untaken by the narssasistic
world, who only care of their own
Walk past a man who needeth help.
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