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I just always wanted you to ask about me. The more I waited it came to me how pointless it'd be to say. So I stopped waiting and praised you on your talent, it seemed the only outlet I found searching to charge my ego thinking I were useful. My praise in your dream became your dream inspiring me. You never noticed. I shed tears hearing your hopes transcend words parked beneath trees in your apartment lot. I hid them easily. You were so devoted to listening to yourself.  I wasn't much to hold your gaze unless I was tempting or cheering. The amazement in your eyes having had created made me lust after my dream deeper. I was truly thankful for it. But you never seemed to notice how moved you made me. My silence wasn't boredom, it was gratitude, for if ever in our moments I fell silent it was because I felt something vivid that seemed to always surprise me. I wanted to be more for you. Stretch my limbs and soul for you. The way when I closed my eyes it felt you had. The way it felt your lips pressed to my forehead, the small breath you'd let out as you began to smile down at me half asleep. The most living thing I've ever felt against my skin because it was real without me needing to see. Thank you for inspiring me, for forcing me to grow even a little, and for feeling like you were there for me even when I know you weren't.
Four words
Coming in a massive shock
As time stopped
My heart dropped
All hope lost
Hidden among
the London masses
Lies a goddess so young
who's beauty surpassed
That of the heavens

Skin like powdered snow,
Lips like Cupid's bow;
& with Curves bestowed.

She snaps the neck
Of Everyman that
Passes forth
I've lost all hope.
I've lost all faith.

I've lost it.

I've lost my health.
I've lost my mind.
I've lost everything that's ever meant something to me,
nothing is coming back to me either.
I've failed.
I don't know, Free write.
Having a mind like mine means you are constantly looking for the next thing even before you finish whats already started.
                I'm always wondering whats next.
         Mentally never slowing down,
                                Physically never stopping to smell the roses.
I'm not complaining, I like myself for the most part.
I love my impulsive decisions and choices.
I adore the random **** that pops in my mind, and when people ask
"where'd that come from?"
I love responding with "I'm not too sure"
Because who really knows where the thoughts we get come from, or how we get those random thoughts.
I like surprising people too, unknowingly shocking them with unique thoughts and knowledge that they never seen coming.

You know what else?
Most days uncertainty scares the **** out of me,
but other days
it ignites something in me.

French inhaling cigs,
Chasing the burn
With mixed drinks,
The nights oh so cold.

Who would've known,
That I'd find myself alone,
This night is ****
And I can't believe,
That I'd drown my dreams.

Nothing is as it seems,
Staring at the bottle
I'm just tryna find relief.

Chain smoking cigs,
Cause my lack of ****
Numbing the pain
Just so I won't see -
.....what's down memory lane
My walls are big n strong
Like that of Babylon
None can do me wrong
As I stay on my toes and strive on

The walls seem seamless  
But it's all for a reason
So I'll let you in on a little secret

The pain hid the door
And the gate won't open
Till I'm reassured that I'm not letting in a Trojan horse
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