Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Rhianecdote Jan 2015
Don't think that I don't see
just because I'm not there
for you to view me
glancing through you.
I know.
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
My fear is not that I will be met with a response that I do not want

My fear is that I will be met with **silence.
There's nothing quite as painful to me than laying your heart out, only to be met with silence.
Silence says too much and not enough
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
When all's said and done

I just hope I did some good

And had some *fun
I tread a fine line between the deadly serious and the ridiculous. I was blessed with being extremely emotional and complex coupled with a pretty good sense of humour and mischief, and I believe my life journey is to find the balance as I'm sure it is for a lot of us. I've realised that going back to simple truths is a good place to start when you're in need of some perspective.
Rhianecdote Feb 2015
He picked up a pebble
and threw it into the sea.

And another, and another.
He couldn't stop.

He wasn't trying to fill the sea.
He wasn't trying to empty the beach.

He was just throwing away,
nothing else but.

Like a kitten playing
he was practicing for the future

when there'll be so many things
he'll want to throw away

if only his fingers will unclench
and let them go.

-Norman MacCaig
As this is one of my favourite pieces of poetry and I couldn't find a page for MacCaig I felt the need to share it. It struck a chord with me the very first time I read it and every time since. So earnest, so simple.
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
OG Rhi Rhi
Up in this party
Gettin wavey off JD
Sippin on Bacardi

Sportin sunnies inside
The Matrix
No look in
Neo na see!
So sick
Keanu Reeves
Got nuttin on me!
Wrote this last night whilst semi waved. Just a bit of fun, finding yourself at a house party, having a good time, sportin some random guys shades in the dark, feelin the buzz thinkin you've got more (over)flow than Biggie when he gets in the bath!

  You must be having a bubble bath! (Laugh)

Intoxication for the Nation!

More Bars than ***** Wonka!
:P
Rhianecdote Jul 2015
And so you're stood here
feeling the Exclusion

Cause now you're the Problem

When once you were the Solution
Deep Times
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
And yeah you wasted your time
Yeah you wasted your emotion
Hell! You made judgement calls
Based on the false
And the wait
Just led to the disappointment

And yeah you'll get twinges
Of pain and regret
Waiting in the fringes
Of your being
When the boundaries
Become insecure
But not enough to unhinge this

Here you are
In this beautiful moment
Called Clarity
All the better
Cause it didn't come easy

**Let Go
Confusion Cease
ReLease hold, Free
Soul-dier at Ease.
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
If you wanna be my lover
*** is 50p
Condoms are 1.50
Buy one get one free!
What shocks me the most about us singing this as youngsters is not even the context but the innocence of how underpriced everything is! XD
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
The Pedantic Romantic
travelling through the
World of Delusion
from Pacific to Atlantic
just with the news on.

Sofas the chauffeur
when you've got nothing
to show for a day spent
lament, pent up in the House,
Deep and empty,
spose that's why they
call it a HolEday,
best book the room key,
all expense on me,
no need for money,
this ***** free,
oh the irony!
How long a stay?
1 week, too weak, four?
Life long exCURSEion
not one foot out the door.

Just a fan of fantasy,
surviving on cans
of what could be,
Stored ambition that
cannot be ruled,
rotting through indecision
so now used for fuel,
Zero emissions in fact
devoid of all,
except to keep
you turning over
and it does at night
when fantasy ends
and  truth begins,
as the delusion of
the day fades away
its distractions sleeping
where the sun last lay.

Where the whispers you
could drown in music and tv
become allied with the silence
and now they Scream!
When you wish you
had kept those headphones on,
filling your head with thoughts
laid down on somebody
else's song, so those of yours
from your head be **gone.
Another joyful excerpt from my depressive teen days XD  Taken from quite a bad time when I look back on it, when I had what I can only describe as a nervous breakdown at 18. This is when I first started writing poetry, in part due to a lack of conversation due to isolation and as a means to express and release all the **** I was feeling.

Hmm sometimes it's good to look back just to appreciate how far you've come and what you can still work on
Rhianecdote Nov 2015
We had our time
That time has gone.

Never make the mistake
Of stayin too long
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
I'm just one line

               in a line of long lines

identical to each as you weave

                 same mistake after mistake

 thinking you choose to break

                the habit with each **one
Rhianecdote Jan 2015
Do you KNOW what it's like to STAND at your front door for half an hour,
SHAKING just trying to OPEN it?
GOD forbid you actually WALK out of it.

WAKING up in cold SWEATS with the PANIC that has FAILED to be SUPPRESSED in the SOLITARY, morphing WARY into the MANIC.

ISOLATION driven you half insane
That as you try to hold a CONVERSATION you're counting the syllables off against WINDOW PANES. And if they don't FIT you have to adjust the TOPIC to make sure you end on the LAST PANE.

It's lasting pain to know
I spent a good part of my
teenagehood in this state.


But now a weight has been lifted,
be it a product of my split personality or not the poles have been shifted,
so now it's time to sue a side
and reclaim the path stolen by an imposter deemed fate
cause if I learnt anything
in the wait it's this;

*YOU ARE THE PERSPECTIVE YOU CREATE
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
It is hard to be left

Its hard to be left when you're at your lowest ebb

Even if you didn't expect any less

Yes it is hard to be left

It is hard to accept you've been left

It is hard to accept you've been left when you had the opportunity to leave

That you were right to believe you'd be left

Yes, its hard to accept you've been left

It is hard to accept you've been left bereft*

It is hard to accept you've been left bereft through a lack of respect

And that this applies to yourself

Yes it is hard to accept you've been left bereft

Yes it is hard to accept you've been left

Yes it is hard to be left
It is hard to know when to walk away, especially if you're a hopeful person.
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
But you're a Joker
Why so serious?!

*Cause the conversation
And the company
Are getting oh so tedious
Cause life's like Waiting on that slow cashier for that Well overdue change
Rhianecdote Feb 2015
It's cool though
Cause I know
That once I'm in a better place
What you've done or what you do
Will be irrelevant in my headspace

I'll find my State of Grace.
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional
Rhianecdote Nov 2014
Of man be there two.
One holder of mirror whilst other a scryer,
renders mirror to glass pierces through.
Where one speaks the other is silenced,
mere whisper acknowledged in this interchanging feud.
So in this blurred intersection,
where there is no reflection
Then what man of man be the truth?

What man of man be the truth
as he stands here split in two?
Be it what he thinks or what he do
that makes the man?
This single man in double view.
A multi facet that will reveal itself in time due.

A facet only glimpsed in certain light,
gone unnoticed by friends.
One and the same in this game of life
where does one begin and one end,
when it is only in the battle that they raise their head?
See the chimera for what it truly is,
this lone Mr a Hydra instead.

Each flitters between life and the scythe
as they fight for control.
Each condemned to the darkness
as the other negotiates sole lease of this soul.
But Death haunts the two because the two
form the whole.

And so this dual begins
without rules and birthed in sin.
Begun with one who seeks to release his debase desires
that lie un-mired in mind,
  confined to an imaginary state,
where he can ******,  slander unheard
but then he plays with fate.

He plays with fate, when he opens the bottle,
hands himself to the primal,
unprimed for the battle that lay ahead.
That lay in head and heart and will;
one's will that will leave one dead.

But for now each has his role.
One takes the guise of a Jackal
in cunning he seeks to conceal the other,
his brother in hiding,
in sin he hides him inside him
but he will not be silenced.
The fiend longs for this angels confession
and will teach wings a lesson in flight
as he makes his escape in dark and in light.

So this would be angel tries in vain
to press the other down, so  that he can remain
but he's wingless and in pain, feeling the strain of
restraints  that will no longer contain
the hate that dominates as the other pushes free,
pushes to be this man's sole identity.

This poor soul thought he could enslave that which was caged
and to the beast he did open the door
but it was this angel that lost his wings
mauled by a beast that would not sing to his tune, just roar.
Each sacrificed for the other
as this man of man ends his days
cold on the floor.

For man can not negotiate with fate.
And when One cannot take rule
the pair will end their days together
in the dual.
Inspired by R.L Stevensons 'Strange case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde' I feel that we all have split personality's to a certain extent and it can cause internal conflict. We are all different things to different people, we all have our private self's that exist in mind and our public self's that exist in personality and it can be hard to balance at times. Sometimes I just wonder if a true self actually exists.
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
Time to hand the deck back
Before Alice in Wonderland
Becomes Malice in Blunderland
The looking glass cracks
And there's no passage back.

Sat at Life's table
Night after Night goes aRound
And you're Unable to leave.
Coulda drawn the Ace
But got sidetracked by the Joker
With your Inability
to pass up possibility
And it Leaves you looking in the mirror
At this fool that you see
The fool that you are
As you fall so easily
For this game
Who's only aim
Is to breed
losers to please
Those who have already won
With ease
Been Established for centuries
And now you're indebted
to this Society.

It Leaves you
Staring At the innocent face
You strive to disgrace
Even though it hurts you
And The sincerity
aids in your
Despair at he
That puts Gold before Good
Though it makes sense
Alphabetically
He who wages happiness
On the back of money
Will eventually sight
Looking glass Or not
*That the price is not right.
I look at our Society and how it just encourages and perpetuates the wrong type of gambling and risk taking in life and it makes me sick.
Rhianecdote Nov 2014
Jealousy sees me but I feign indifference.

Jealousy sees through me but I was born with green eyes so I can hide the despise, an envy in guise that smiles as it lies deemed the innocent.

Honest is me? No honest you see but honest I'm not, honestly quite the opposite is me. Liar that lies to themselves, sighs and cries to themselves, hoards emotions on shelves, call it Store Rage.

So jealousy cease in me, sign this treaty please cause you only tease,  won't you give me peace? Piece removed with ease, named Redemption...
#jealousy #truth #redemption #lies
Rhianecdote Nov 2014
Pretentious people*
       you will never know
          the endless entertainment
                 that you provide me with!  

But* if you did...
          
                 you would probably overstate it.
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
It's not that I can't do it
Its just that I can't KEEP ON doin it
Whatever "it" may be
I'm consistently inconsistent you see
Maybe cause I was born to be free
But that choice always seems
to wind up in apathy
I just can't keep it up
If I was a man then surely
I'd be suffering from impotency
This has been my struggle in life for quite some time, I'm at a loss at how to change it tbh, maybe I should take a leaf out of the book of Nike and "just do it"
Rhianecdote Dec 2015
There is something so timeless about the sea. He stood witness to its all encompassing beauty, watchin the ebb and flow of time and life. Captured and captivated but free from all thought and all worry. 
 
Just standin on a rock, in the bay. A plynth the sands of time had been left in a settlement between earth and ocean long ago, a viewing platform to satisfy the Seas only plea "See Me" 

He stood by its shores as all others before him had and in a moment he shared in all the collected memories of humanity. Of those first souls that made it to its shores from the desert, across the sands of time to dip a foot of weary and worn down soles into its abyss yet stand still as he does, captured and captivated, to watch it wave all the hellos and goodbyes ever given in an eternity.

None knew how long they stood there for, for there was no need. Though a part of them will probably remain there always. There is something so timeless about the sea...
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
I've been considered as one of the "guys"

But sometimes I just can't get over their guise

Heard one openly admit to sleeping with his best friends chick

The one he was utterly devoted  to even when they split

A bro lost my vote when to that he did admit

But then again, these are young guys...

It could all just be *******!

**Especially when it comes to ***
I got love for my boys but dang I need some men in my life! XD
Rhianecdote Nov 2014
It started on a goodbye
and it ended not on a bang
or a boom
or a high.
Just a sigh,
to fill a space where there were no words left to speak.
#romance #relationships #endings #love #anticlimactic #speechless #sigh
Rhianecdote Nov 2014
A conversation started on a "I don't know what to say" A good a place as any to start, I suppose in a way. Pacing and laughter and shaking of heads, shaking of hands but no agreement reached yet.
Decisions, decisions when will they be made? When these heads are unwilling lest the hearts be left scathed. Cause words of the heart are not easily swayed, so I start where you stop... but just what to say?
#hesitation #love #speechless
Rhianecdote Nov 2014
I have no interest in being a depressive.
The depressive gene is a recessive gene,
it leads no where.
Relapse got me treading tracks I've already been down.
And they lead no where.
So I say no!
Cause nowhere's not where I wanna go.
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
The worst kind is people

People who let others believe that their instincts are mere insecurity

People are such liars

Do you know what the worst kind is people?

Lies to spare feelings

Ultimately there Is no comfort in dishonesty

Do you know what the best kind and the worst kind is?

**Mankind
Trust in yourself
Rhianecdote Nov 2014
For so long I have held it to heart
that to be affected is to be infected,
so much so that it has become a disease;
my heart disease.

Not bought on by an over consumption of calories
but a product of being ill at ease with those around me
and that within me,
so better bin me. Better? Bin me.
I'm done being me.
Rhianecdote Dec 2014
I'd pause as
you'd say Grace,
fork hovering in space
even though I didn't
hold that faith.
Call it gracefull,
and you were grateful,
You were great...
at times
Moody and complex
enough to frustrate...
at times
Changed my mind
on a lot of things,
changed it back again,
enigmatic to the end.
Faith restored and lost
When this Angel was sent.
So I utter this grace
to our beginning
and our end.
Rhianecdote Dec 2014
Oh dear dance partner in despair*

must you weep now that the song is over?
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
Don't walk round eggshells with me

Until your feet bleed

It just (chicken) feeds the *insecurity!
I feel like people aren't straight up with me cause they fear my reaction (which in all honesty they probably should at times I can fly off the handle and take things personally) but having said that I hope most know that deep down I appreciate it a lot of the time and understand. The love I have for plain talking people in life knows no bounds, they let a doubtful person know where they stand and inspire me to reciprocate such honesty. Of course within a limit, not to a ridiculously cruel extent, judgement is crucial.
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
Sat on a train
and I gaze along
face after face
of strangers
that all share
this same moment
in time and space
and yet they're
all so vacant,
staring into space
and time bears
no relevance,
cause its the same thing
day in day out,
all of us sat there,
headphones intact
listening to our
own soundtracks
as we make our way
through tunnels
unaware of the tracks sound
as we're shuttled around
and I'm dumbfounded
by how wisdom
is found in the loss of interaction,
sat across a
man in a suit 
clocking up percentages
and in a fraction,
I've took stock
and mocked up
a story for him
through his action ,
this one man
of many in this
age of distraction
Until  this traction 
created by volt-age
comes to a halt
as this train stops
at the station,
my station in sight,
this stationary moment
of insight interrupted
as doors open,
my form plateaus
as I step onto
the platform,
leaving this
train of thought
for another one,
adjourned as
I Journey on.
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
With this Release life's studio is taking it's sweet time

So I'm just left Waiting to be back at my **Optimistic Prime
Rhianecdote Dec 2014
For the longest time I have avoided everything and anything that could potentially cause me stress or heartache. I have forfeited all of my potential in this pursuit. Wound my way around every which way, detour and diversion in a futile attempt to defer the inevitable and now I find myself at a dead end; without a friend.
Diverted my attention to ease any tension, but the constant detour, the long way round leaves a man weary; weary in waiting. Increasing the tension, the anxiety and the depression. Decreasing the fun, the happiness, the opportunity to be content! Because it's not a con, not really. It's a state that I could cross into absent of barriers if they weren't of my own making. No AK's line those gates, no watchful eyes or suspicious minds. Just an imagination creating a nation in its own image ; MY OWN MARRED IMAGINATION perceiving shadows as threats. But shadows they are and shadows they remain, shadows that grow in size and engulf me as I run further and further away. But shadows are only casts of the man; they do not exist without the being. Shadows have been cast but shadows may also be cast out; they are nothing without their maker.
Written over a year ago during a time where great change was needed in my life and I'm glad to say that for the most part I have stuck to such sentiments and it's made all the difference in life. A lot of us are scared of change but  it's important to remember that it is one of the constants in life and as long as that is the case there is always a chance that things will change in your favour.

Its simple maths *******!

Probability ftw! :)
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
Cause an Apathetic person

                 Is one space away from

                            being A Pathetic person
this is probably the most frustrating trait that anybody can possess. It's the trait that I hate the most in myself and in others
Rhianecdote Jan 2015
Denial
           I
             s

                A

                 L
                    o
                       n
                           g

                               River.

                        Caught in its tide,
                        Thinking you are
                            Self ashored
              
                   But you will drown in it.

                       You Can Bank On It.
Rhianecdote Jan 2015
Truth be told,

              I don't think anyone
understands the hurt that I hold.

                                                Least of all me...
Rhianecdote Nov 2014
A lot of us aren't fully what we make out to be
but a lot of us are sincerely trying to be and I believe beauty still lies in the forgery if you see it for what it is...
Rhianecdote May 2015
In the early hours
Sat here deciding
That I'm no longer gonna drink.
I don't feel hungover
I don't feel sick
But the low is really not worth it
And it's bad
It'*****

Very much like I coulda been
last night if things had taken
a different turn
Albeit an unjustified
and unnecessary one.
Undoubtedly why I'm feeling so glum

Caused by "girls"
who can't handle their drink
that would knock
you the **** out if you
looked at them wrong.
Yeah those ones

Putting me on the defence,
Making ****** comments.
Callin me a ponse
Cause they think my friend
Keeps throwing money behind the bar
While we all stand back and let her
But they're wrong.
I don't think that I've ever been
questioned on my generosity
Mainly cause no one
in that regard
has a leg to stand on.

And the fact that my sister
felt the need
to take me to one side and tell me
what they had to say
in the bathroom baffles me.
I try not to read into it
too much cause she's tipsy,
but you're making a point about something and I wonder what is the need?
I haven't felt this uncomfortable
and angry since I was a teen
When I had to deal with
your dumb friends then
and their jealousy.
So quit it,
I'm too old for this ****.

I wonder if it had kicked off,
Would you have backed me?
The fact that I'm not so sure
Has me questioning loyalties.

Cause it got my back up.
It killed my vibe dead.
In fact at that point I would have left
But the only reason I'm here in the first place is for my friend
Yeah you've thrown this
surprise birthday for her,
that you clearly want recognition for,
And it's nice
But you've known her for five minutes
I've known her for life
So relax before you twist in the knife
You know nothing

Got me thinking
when did peoples opinions
that don't matter
start mattering to me again?
Why did I feel like I
somehow had to make amends?
Are these really people I wanna call friends?
And would this scenario have played out any different minus the drink?

Did that one bad vibe skew my perception of that night onwards
Cause I swear these girls were slyly tryin
to hot me up as only females do
That bitchiness wrapped up in banter
but my gut knew
When that lil voice in my head took an inhale of breath and went "ooo"
Backed up by the realest one, the one I like, tellin em to back off
Girls thinkin they're fine cause they got back off, but girls need to back off
cause their attitude stinks,
grown *** women should know better
but oh no they didn't!

Shotting looks at you when you walk off to go talk and dance with the guys.
And they wonder why?
Reminds me why I prefer male company
at times
Cause sometimes they're no better.

When did all this insecurity
creep back up on me?
I think I really need to reevaluate the company I keep.
You know what gets me,
less than a year ago this wouldn't have even bothered me.

It's funny cause less than a year ago,
I didn't drink or party,
it just didn't appeal to me.
I contemplate the reason why I started cause this is far from being carefree.
When you're starting to relate to those who will stand on the edge
of Waterloo Bridge
to test the waters
you're far from happy.
So I stop and think...

**And I know It's definitely time
to stop the drink.
Insecurity and alcohol is just a bad combination all round.
Depression and alcohol is a no go

I'm not good with hate, especially unjustified hate which to be fair most of it is.
Rhianecdote Dec 2014
Drop the FRONT
  
                          Cause it only makes me


wanna see the BACK of you
I have so little tolerance for facades now.
Rhianecdote Nov 2014
Here comes the Anxietea.
                
                      Best
                          
                            Gulp  
                                    
                                       It
                                        
                                            down.
Rhianecdote Oct 2016
I see a lot of Take

                        So I no longer Give
Deuces

Zero ***** also works as a title but London lingo man
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
How can you know where you stand

With somebody who doesn't know where they stand?

You can't

You Can

Just hold their hand

And you stand together
With my dislike for confusion and my stubborn streak I usually fold my arms or flick the V's and walk away but hey ** maybe I'll try something different
"Ahhhh Reach Out!" *Chic remix*
Rhianecdote Nov 2014
Someone stole your ****** and now you're feeling under.
Debriefed but not on how to deal with this outfit.
What to do? go out? fit in? Irked but no shoes or shirt.
Took it off of your back and replaced it
with a lack of faith in what this place is all about.

So you hung up your ***** laundry for all to see and they took it.
No mystery just misery. To the wanderer who said "if home is where the heart is, than I'm cynically homeless" unaware that if home is where the heart is YOU are always home.

They may have taken the shirt off his back but he would have given it gladly, cause that's not the sort of belonging he longs for. Wasn't quite his idea of clothing the homeless, but its done nonetheless.

But you got your head, shoulders, knees and toes so who needs clothes? When you're transparent. To the one who feels alone, take comfort in the fact that someone's now literally walking in your shoes...  and socks ...  and shirt.

Solitary days still leaving him contemplating underwhere? And underwhy? But what's garment to be will be and he'll be alright because his light shines bright, even if he doesn't see it in the glare. There's something fresh in the air. It's a mean feat, but once he learns to stand on his own two, in the space of a haunted Manor will stand a Man. One that can, will and do.
Dedicated to my fellow pundamentalist (I don't need a Dr) Dre, humble host of the hostel on the loss of his laundry...
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
Spillin** my *****
Killin my spirit
Fillin my cup
Willing I'll feel it
Smile and get waved boys!
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
I don't know when it became
Such a game
To just communicate
With you
Some power play

But dang I'd choose
Cups and strings
And walkie talkies
Over this "thing"
Any day
Rhianecdote Nov 2014
It's sad but true.
And they ask me do I miss you?
And I reply how can you miss someone you're not even sure you knew?

                                  It's sad but true.
Rhianecdote Nov 2015
I'm zoned
Brains foggy
Can't even hold a conversation
With those closest to me
All this vocabulary
And I've run out of things to say
So I just talk ****
To fill the silence for a bit
But I can't be arsed
I quit
How bout you take over for a sec
Cause it's not just my responsibility
To remain enthusiastic
Asterisk
*having or showing intense and eager enjoyment, interest, or approval
Yeah,that's effort
haven't felt that way for a while
and I won't force it
So you speak
And maybe I'll listen
If it's not more of the same
Look up once or twice
If you say my name
Get annoyed that I'm in a stupor
Don't be so vain!
Can't you see it's just my brain
No one's home
It's nodded off again
I'm in The nil zone
But What can I say
I'm prone!
I won't pretend
Its a Shame
You're not entertained
but this Influx of Hormones
Got me feelin like being alone today
Hand me some chocolate
And some dumbed down TV
Oh ****! Just my luck I've given up dairy!
No ***** to give, I'm gettin none today
Just my luck I'm feelin hella *****
And my boyfriends away
But **** it, I'm tired anyway
Frustration got me in disarray
******* Sun! I didn't see you today
It's gloomy, I'm angry, I'm stressed
Call the A team
Here comes Mr P.M.T and Mrs P.M.S
Rhianecdote Mar 2015
Someone that gets it
Yet offers a different perspective
So sincerely
That I cannot reject it
That's what I'm waiting for...but then again maybe I should just make that someone me
Rhianecdote May 2015
You wasn't there for me

In truth I don't make it easy


You wasn't there for me

In all honesty I didn't expect you to be


You wasn't there for me

And part of me really wished you woulda been


You wasn't there for me

But I'm starting to believe that I didn't need you to be


Cause when was you there for me?

When it suited your needs?

When was you there for me?

You wasn't
"Where was Gondor?!" King Theodon rant style XD
Hey **, what's the point in getting bogged down by perceived losses or let downs when you've got the Riders of Rohan! I mean a lot going for ya :P
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
How do we stay connected?

*Turn off the internet
Next page