You call me a girl,
You call me a young woman,
You use she/her pronouns,
Hearing that, makes a little more of my soul die.

Oh you ask why?
It might because I'm a f*ing guy,
I may look like a girl but I'm not,
So quit being such a thot.

I am a male no matter what that paper says,
I came out to you and you throw me down,
You said I could trust you but you lied,
But I'm supposed to confide,

I come out as Trans and Pan,
But you refuse to call me a man,
I try to explain,
But all I can hear is you complain.

I'm getting the hair cut and the dye,
Maybe then you will see a guy,
Just in case I'm getting a binder,
Just so you can see the reminder.

I'm no longer your little girl,
Nor am I your daughter,
I am your Transgender son,
I am your little boy.

Sailing soft, frozen in time--
Sat on your chair where I could've sworn
I saw a past life regression flash along

Your face. Stuck there now,
I'm alone now and forever forth.
For years I stored half my cash into a box
without second thought
just to end up spending it all in six months.

that last crash erased all the academic pablum
that proved less required reading
  more distraction.

Just a border now,
head against an extending wall,
Witless and stonecold sober;

At ease with every unanswered craving
And coexisting with a life where nothing goes
   according to plan.

Death is stalking me.
It watches me play cards,
smoke cigarettes, and
drink beer.
It took my parents, two
brothers, and all my friends.
It got Chris last week.
20 bottles of whiskey in
seven days, I suppose that
would **** anyone.
They found him on the
railroad tracks.
Death is stalking me.
I won't cheat it.
I won't escape it;
but before it gets me,
I bet I finish
this poem.

Done blaming myself
Want to give myself love
That I deserve

Been fake
And treating badly myself
For far too long

Done being harsh with myself
I wanna grow
Although accepting myself
For who I am

I see the light in my eyes
I just woke up
Now I again recognize
My love and soul

I wanna give me the strength
I'm gonna need
I will be there for myself
From now on
Again

I won't be afraid
Of losing myself
Because
I'm here

I stop crusading myself,
I am still here

I see the light
In my eyes
It makes believe
I see the sun
And the moon
And I can breath

<3

Maybe you fear to be whole again,
to feel complete.
You've  felt broken for so long,
that you found comfort in it.
Your scared to take the chance of feeling complete in fear it will fall apart.
So you accept being broken
and smile on.