Not until steping closer.
I realized that I was in the palm of your hand.
I left my parachute without regret,
Moving one step closer staring down.
I deeply wanted to understand how free love was.
Standing here,
Realizing how high up everything really is.
Your palm sustaining my weight.
I wasn't at all anixous.
Now thinking that the wind could have shifted me forward before time.
Constantly aware that at any moment.
I will close my eyes and lean forward.
Pass the ridges of pants and tile floor.
Leaving behind everything I knew best.
My comfort zone.
This was me falling in love.
This was me overcoming my fear of heights
Forever in debt to the strength of your hand

Sometimes when I close my eyes
I see slight ripples.
Sometimes grain.
I sometimes wonder how most people see the world.
Bright colors.
If everything is as clear as it appears.
I assume it's normal. To wonder if things are there or not.
The static that appears before my eyes.
A desire held within.
The static compensating the reality of how things are.
A visual interpretation of what I miss most.
Nothing ever solid.
A face appearing between the grain.
I can never read her expression.
Dissipating seconds after I open my eyes.
Mounds & mounds of snow.
Sometimes I wonder.
If you ever see the same snow that I see

The choice to stop was mine.
The addiction itself was a different story.
Doctors don't write prescriptions for this kind of stuff.
The cold sweats associated with anger.
The beginning is the hardest part.
Admitting temptation.
I was addicted.
The situation had ended but I kept obsessing.
Knowingly risking health.
The way you feel, the way you taste.
I couldn't afford to lose you as well as myself in the process.
Properly insuring another substance for another.
The cost of Medicare.
It was my decision, my choice.
Your voice a constant peer pressure of finding bliss.
If only for a minute.
At some point I ignored my own voice.
Reaching for you again.
I acknowledge that it was my responsibility.
Blaming everything around me, even you.
In this brief moment, common sense wasn't so common.
Not anymore.
Forgetting that actions have consequences.
For every second I ignore you.
You whine, you cry.
Becoming my chronic illness.
The enabler to what ever complaint.
It's hard to quit.
Finding every excuse except the right one.
She was the highway.
I was the traveler.
Weary in search of exit.
This road becoming longer and longer.
The lights becoming more and more distant.
Each exit in-between stops having fewer establishments.
Additional signs appearing with more temptation.
The cold sweats are back, this anxiousness to reach for something that I know isn't there.
This addiction to hold you, crave you, taste you.
This urge to love you as much as I did.
This persistent itch that I can't live without you.
Doctors don't write prescriptions for this kind of stuff.
The warning labels causing more harm than good.
Reminiscing on times that I shouldn't.
The choice to stop was mine.
To love someone that doesn't love you back

She was a traveling soul.
The galaxy resting above her nose.
I'd sit & stare.
Wondering where the stars would go next.
Both young & in love I let go.
Tracing together swirls of color.
The planets all together aligned.
Definitely in love with no where to fall.
It hurt when she'd look away.
I'd lie to myself everytime.
A traveling soul with crescent eyes.
Where will she go next.
Would she bother looking back.
I'd genuinely gaze to fail in love.
I could feel her forget.
Traveling one place to the next.
At one time I saw the universe whole.
Myself reaching for the telescope.
She's nowhere in sight

At last, the truth came out.
I was an accessory to her outfit.
The many plastic bands that dangle against her wrist.
She was into fashion.
The appearance of how things look.
She placed more above me.
The beginning.
Lost in the reflection they'd give.
This false perception of how she'd feel inside.
She'd sit and fidget.
Checking her reflection on the screen of her phone.
Unable to differentiate who was who.
Another attachment left to sit on the dresser.
Laced in things to compensate what's missing.
The face of her phone cracked

I legit never knew the beauty black roses possess.
I stared at one day after day.
She looked like she didn't want to be bothered.
Still she'd look and stare.
She grew differently than the red ones.
Prepackaged, given to others in mass quantity.
She'd sit alone and read amongst herself.
With arched eyebrows and shapely dress.
Most were afraid of her thorns. Despite all the beauty she possessed inside.
They only saw her outside.
Reason her thorns were so sharp.
The misconception that she was to be feared.
When in reality they protected her.
They made her to think that she was ugly.
The red roses that surrounded.
They'd bunch around her in fear of their own self conscious.
Attempting to stop her smile.
The more they tried, the more she stood out.
Grounded in her faith she grew out of her insecurity.
Being the regal beauty that she was.
Realizing the heroine she searched was inside her the whole time.
Her petals testimony to her root.
When I spoke she cheerfully replied with a smile.
I walked by day after day

Currently there isn't a price on all the things That I love.
Depending on the situation I still check my pockets.
The places I go I am not use to exiting without pulling out my wallet.
Though it's not much, the minimum amount of your time provides the same thrill.
It's hard to disagree with a good heart.
Our opinions may be different but it's decent.
Our life evolving into deep quotations.
The revolution against cash registers everywhere has begun.
The clinginess of change and dollar bills.
Slices of our time stuffed and slid into the opening of each others mouth.
The trouble with that is we choose to label everything with price.
Ignoring common sense for cents.
I ignore my pockets whenever you are around as nothing of value can be found there.
I tread softly as more of your time creates more currency.
And I can't jeopardize losing that.
There isn't a career that can fill my wallet like you fill my heart.
No time clock anywhere that could justify.
Come tax time you are my greatest asset.
Come payday you are the currency I seek

She offered me a glass of water from the tap.
Delighted by the fact I happily accepted.
This wasn't like anything I've ever tasted.
I've never had Evian but I'd bottle it the same.
This particular taste wasn't accompanied by anything sour.
A strange taste that makes your face scrunch.
Before I knew it I drunk the glass whole.
Fiji water is an acquired taste.
But all in all I still enjoyed it.
I asked for another glass, feeling each ripple swish around my mouth.
All water doesn't taste the same and this by far.
The best water I ever tasted.
Ice included.
Fogging the outside of the glass.
Fingerprints forever stained.
If I was a fish I'd be in heaven.
The correctness of solely something to become apart of.
The importance that signifies how great this is.
The human tongue is an amazing thing.
Enjoying the spring water that flows directly from the well of your heart

I've lived in your heart for three years.
My payments were always before time.
If I made too much noise I assure you I didn't know.
My foot steps are often loud, the neighbor beside me keeps his music up.
I never filed a complaint.
Accepting things as they are.
Outside of that nothing seemed to be wrong.
The conditions weren't bad at first.
Everything worked.
The sink clogged a bit.The locks need to be replaced.
The things of which I done myself.
I felt home here in my one bedroom.
Not too much company so no need for much furniture.
There were nights I couldn't feed myself,
making sure your demands were met.
Differences between needs and wants.
Still I received note after note about noise among other things.
Things accused of though disputed.
You smiled in my face and told me all was forgiven.
To receive a note of eviction.
The neighbors music still loud.
My landlord unable to be found.
Someone new moving into my place

I have done everything in my power to become detached from the world.
Reassuring my decision every time I stare into your eyes.
My means of survival solely in the revival of your lips.
The light a reminder of the shadows that lay.
The past tense of habits no longer existing.
Thus-kissing you has become my favorite habit.
The more gently we treat each other,
The further and further away I become.
Throwing caution to the wind when it comes to you, each other-me.
It is through this perspective that I have learned to scream.
Scream every time it comes to you, scream when ever I feel this emotion rise.
This need to let you know that I am alive with each and every chance presented.
You being the cup that overflows each time.
Spilling all over my hands, my shirt, my mouth.
Traveling to a special place in my heart.
The horizon of a new atmosphere.
All of you in liquid form. Becoming a part of me.
And when you spill we both become terrified.
But not because you searched for me when at my lowest.
But because we were attached.
We were terrified.
Terrified in the sense that we trust each other with such sentiment.
The nature of what makes us, us.
Exploration the space around with loving eyes.
Our vessel made of tin.
The merge of planets happening inside of us.
Defying the means of gravity.
New galaxies lit by the sun.
The sun light of your smile.
Everything that happens within coming to light.
I have done everything in my power to become detached from the world.
Ignoring programs and other satellites.
Deliberately floating away in your eyes.
Detached from what was taught as the unknown.
New beginning

Maybe I love her more.
Then again maybe she loves me more.
To her love is a test.
I know I've missed my share of answers.
I looked at the clock.
Knowing I need to take my time but can't slow down.
In a time I couldn't think she hid my calculator.
Telling me to use my fingers.
I knew the answers, I used them everyday.
Maybe I love her more because I studied.
Then again maybe she loves me more because it was a pop quiz.
But thats ok, because it was open book.

Motivation to love you better

Gifts and corporations do not equate love.
Although I admire a certain aspect.
The after effect.
Everything being restricted to one day.
Three-hundred sixty-four days in comparison.
To show how much you love, how much you care.
The simplicity of taking time out to do something special for the one you love
out of sheer appreciation.
Price tags don't include how vital it is to bask in the same breath as your loved one.
The amount of time it takes
Creating memories that outlive us.
The moments we constantly over-obsess
How could they, they are manufactured in the same manner of restriction.
Mass quantities of fluff and chocolate.
All ranging from big to small.
A single day that lasts three-hundred sixty-four days.
Love is the rarest commodity and it's all of these small moments
That create the most memories.
The after effect.
In actuality.
The real holiday is to see your face light up at all the discounted chocolate
as we celebrate each and every day
The same way we met
Three-hundred sixty-five days

Your voice is the perfect song to listen to on a road trip.
To view all the things that remind me of you.
Miles away from the stress of work.
Your voice, the open road.
Someone I can love, no traffic jam in sight.
The goosebumps from the air on full blast.
To feel love when no love is felt.
A broken down car with someone to help when something is wrong.
The air tastes different, miles away from the city.
A euphoric high.
Your voice a beautiful path.
My phone thrown somewhere in the backseat traveling a scenic road I've never been.
No track of time.
The thing about disease is that you never know until its too late.
It spreads. Becoming infectious.
You've become my relief, my cure.
Your voice like the breeze flowing through my hand.
Your voice the only other sound that could be heard outside of the car and the road.
I've kissed the air a thousand times over.
Driving pass my destination.
Listening to the sound of your voice.
I don't want to move from behind the steering wheel.
What's a couple hundred more miles.
You guiding me pass every exit sign.
Enjoying the ride

And when ever I reach down everything is OK.
A jingle of my keys, pocket change.
And there you are.
I'd have a heart attack if I were to reach down and you weren't there.
I don't know what I'd do.
Back tracking every step. Doubling back every where I've been.
Pacing my breath in attempt not to panic
I know it's an unhealthy dependency but face it.
You are a part of my everyday walkabout.
Whether it's something that I need to know or randomly bored.
You always put a smile on my face.
Although some news I'd rather not know. You tell me in a way that I'll understand and I appreciate that.
Searching for a smile pure and humble.
A small print made large. Easier on the eyes.
You teach me things that I'd never think to look for.
Random searches that tie into the things I don't know that I need.
Me sitting in front of you face to face.
Our conversations spanning for hours at a time.
I know at times you need to recharge your batteries and I try to let you be.
But even when your sleep you don't mind waking up and keeping me company.
Even if it's just a second

You are my favorite song on the album of life.
I am sure others will agree.
Inside I drown in an ocean.
A boy peering into the kaleidoscope of a crush.
A beautiful voice, the progression of how far you've come.
Me appearing to see you in concert.
People don't appreciate you.
Rather comparing you to someone else.
It's exciting to see you covered in bright lights.
That nervous jitter you get.
A star crossing what's left of my life.
My faith in good music restored.
What ever the song I don't want it to end.
I love the way you say love.
The chill felt as you walk pass.
Hunty you never let me down.
The instrumental of your voice.
Even on bad days I listen to your song the most.
God bless you for taking the time out

Do you truly know what it's like to dream with your eyes open?
To confess that you don't know why you dream the way you do.
The need to miss as much as you do.
Missing the reality of the things that make most happy.
Catching yourself in the beauty that goes unseen.
Everything that goes unseen.
The light that twinkles in the melanin.
Quiet spheres that guard us from what we fear most.
Legit watching you the way you watch them.
Bowing in your essence while you share in their regal.
The way your shoulders slide into a dress made in their likeness.
The rest of the world goes on

Eyes do speak.
It's funny how they perceive the things around.
The broken conversations heard by fully complexed ears.
I believed that I'd be ok.
The conclusions that eyes draw.
Never making sense of the words heard.
I believed it to be my biggest mistake.
Falling for the beautiful images seen.
Following sight, my first love.
Pain is often beautiful, layered one color after another.
The stories that unfold given enough time.
The initial cause and effect, forgetting the love immortalized before anything
was ever heard.
The intimacy that eyes will only understand/
Speak to me and I'll fully understand.
She'd never been in love.
I gazed intensely
Still I pursued

If there is one anything that I could ask you to promise it is this.
Promise me that you will never stop looking.
Explore what ever fascination that excites you most.
Search deep within yourself and explore your hearts imagination.
There is no right thing that makes it wrong or come crashing down.
All the possibilities are endless
Your happiness, your dreams.
I guarantee on your way that you will find a bunch of things that will make your body melt in anticipation.
That out of the blue feeling that makes your heart race for no reason.
That is love, that is life.
That is the vein that stems from all that thrives from your hearts imagination

I wish you could- live in my mind.
I mean in alot of ways you already do- live in my mind.

In my mind you are the calm before and during the storm.
You are appreciated over & over again.
You are dreamed over & cherished without worry.
In my mind you are the relief to every ache, every crevice that dares scream of pain.
Your touch, your feel is one that screams I need more.
And once that touch is satisfied I'll still have that urge.
The urge to reach out and grab you.
In my mind you are the reason I close my eyes.
Squinting tight picturing you there always.
A grin curved on your lips.
In my mind you are always and forever wrapped tight in my arms, my warm sufficing the need for blanket.
My nose tucked in the side of your neck.
My hand layed across your stomach and our toes relaxed without a single thing to do.
Lost in the current of sheets and pillows.
In my mind you are the ocean serene & calm.
The sky your favorite color purple.
The observation of everywhere we are is a dream away.
And you remain always in my mind

And there I sat at the table without a thing to eat.
We often take the sweetest and most precious things life has to offer for granted.
The thought persisted.
Of all things I decided to bake a pie.
All things considered I brought apples, pie crust and a pan.
Each apple individually sliced and coated in brown sugar.
Each individual time I thought of her smile and how she's made me laugh.
The oven intensified.
Preheated by how delectable and sweet she really is.
Although cook books were there I put ultimate trust in my ability from memory.
The places we've been, the things we've shared.
All the perfect recipe of how precious life truly is.
Our taste buds craved more.
Crumb covered mouths yet to be wiped clean.
To further elevate all the sweet moments life has to offer.
Our bodies like crust that hold these precious moments.
Preserved with slice after slice.
Rather than give pieces of ourself to satisfy the moment.
We give wholeheartedly.
Now I am full.
Finding the meaning of life

Her roar could be heard.
Standing there, vibrant leopard print.
The sun distant behind her.
Her hair a celebration of pink and blue.
Her fist and feet swirl in uninterrupted chant.
The empress of tomorrow.
Without surrender her roar grows louder.
How often she laughs and smiles
Walking down to the ring.
A stripe across her face in raw emotion.
Standing 5'3 she will not be stopped.
Emerging yet again victorious.
A lioness draped in vibrant hue.
Her mask is off.
Inside the ropes there's no place to run, no place to hide.
The empress of tomorrow stares into the rising sun.
Hand rose in victory

With rough hands, she was the only thing that made them soft.
New experiences protected by their roughness.
The orbit of her body their center.
They kept her safe.
She admired their scars.
Their courage to love as they did.
To properly deflect the asteroids that threatened her orbit.
To hold a fire such as she.
Their standards high, lifting her high above.
An explicable star shooting across the sky.
With hands like a fortress.
They cherished every sunrise of her smile.
For all that she is.
She is blissfully unaware

She was a mystery.
She gave me her heart to understand the type of music she listened to.
Her playlist was filled with trap beats before it became fashionable.
The rattling of empty trunks.
The rattling of sticker covered tags.
This is how I saw myself before she gave me a pair of headphones. I asked her for more.
Not liking the way track six ended.
Track 7 and 8 captivated my heart.
Keeping it all to myself.
She fooled me.
Her playlist composed of the same beat over and over.
9 tracks with something added.
Another taken away.
Overtime it would become all that I listened to.
Her influence over two rocks shaken in a can.
My heart.
Beginning to nod my head and cut the volume to the max.
I played it at work. I listened to it in the car.
A natural disaster to those that I passed.
The rattling of my trunk almost non-existent.
A more crisp sound coming from the speakers.
It was Summer.
Before I heard her playlist in the hands of someone else.
She placed her heart inside of the music knowing I'd stumble across it first.
Unsure if I'd ever find her love.
To participate in the aggression of her love.
The originality of all that she was.
I listened in silence with the headphones she gave.
To be surrounded by everything I love all at once

Sometimes I think you are a fairy.
Everytime you appear everything gets better.
It's always unexpected.
Not that I don't expect you to show your pretty face.
It's how you appear.
Seeing you whole.
Though curious to where you hide your wings.
No matter how many times I mix my words up
You know just what I am saying.
Reaching into your bag, sprinkling your dust as you please.
My mouth covered a thousand times over, your essence.


Your words fly right out of your mouth.
And like that I am in awe.
One feeling at a time.
It's funny, how beautiful you are.
The way you sprinkle your pixie dust.
You know just how to pick me up.
The twitch of your nose.
The dimple that forms in your cheek.
The world a distant place.
This moment spent ensuring our distance.
The rest of me in your bag.
I acknowledge how special you are.
I'd never place you in a jar or any form of glass.
I'd never misuse any part of you.
My heart being the concrete that cushions the way you walk.
Your lips the fascination of the sun.
The bigger problem is how you always seem to find me when I am at my lowest.
And how I can never catch you off guard.
Never.
Your whisper in my ear.


Sinking into your presence

Sweet & delicate.
Warm to the taste. The thought alone drives me insane.
Before I can finish one I am already reaching for another one.
I am not myself.
I am addicted to the sensation. Each tender morsel, every crumb that follows.
I need you now, I need you now.
This never ending addiction that propels to new heights.
Your mouth dissolves into mine.
This psychedelic euphoria of transcendence.
There is no jar or wrap or plastic that can keep me away from you.
Your love is all I need.
All I crave. All I could ever phantom. There is no hiding me from you.
No twelve step program that could ever be created by man.
Even my WiFi adores you.
Holding each and every one of your cookies.
I long to devour each and every part of you.
There is no one part of you that is better than the next.
I am desperately ever so devoted to you.
My single reason for living

And all of this time I hid behind your beautiful brown eyes.
The way they drew me in soft brown.
I found no place safer.
Protected in a memory of lashes.
Delicately drawn,
My new favorite color.
I no longer saw in black and white, deep shades of gray.
What I found was a blanket drenched in warmth.
A warmth I longed to be apart of.
Colored in brown I laid still.
Hoping that you wouldn't notice in fear of being rubbed out.
In fear that you question how I got there and you'd rinse me out, your eyes once again clear.
Rid of the nuance that blocked your view of everything else.
The one thing that would never leave your eye.
The memories shared between you & I

In a strange sort of way.
I've always wished that we've gotten together.
Be it a dream; that we would speak in hellos than good byes.
True love by means of evolvement.
Maybe I shouldn't think of you this way.
To bootleg myself in what I truly believe.
The hope of every possibility.
Your complex occupation.
To say what really matters.
To truly inspire in the midst of what we truly feel.
Consciously low key.
Eyes that take for granted that you'll always be there.
Maybe this is what I low key deserve.
Now knowing to be heard.
The difference between listen.
On another note.
I don't know.
I sort of always thought that would be fire.
To think of you as mine.
To hear the depth of truly knowing how free we are.
Our phones unlocked with complete sincerity, with us humbly mumbling somewhere in the background

We celebrated on a ship abroad in a coffee shop.
We took our order to go, the view of the street clear.
The people smiled and adored their conversation.
A debate of what to try.
What to order.
This delicious smell.
Brewed dark, served light.
Foam covered lips.
A slited cap to release steam.
And here we are merely afloat.
We blend into the flavor.
I don't think I'll find a place as great.
An iceberg has sunken our ship.
Stirred around until all has dissolved.
This sailboat of ours coming to an end.
Crashing against our lips.
Directly against our tastebuds.
With us the remains of sweet rummage and cream

In every moment, don't forget to smile.
Do pray to feel the first kiss of every breath.
And in each moment I'll return the favor.
Covering the picture of your face.
Frame to frame.
Our eyes the glass that protects each memory.
A sweet smile that becomes the entrance of life itself.
Ambitiously half lifted eyes crinkled around the corners.
In every moment, don't forget to smile
and I'll return the favor.
Life is too short to let these moments go in vain

A rose bloomed.
A poem written in buds.
It offered its arms, illiterate to whats been written.
It fell asleep. A garden in thought.
Slipping from the ledge it grew.
In REM it whispered.
Wake me when we land.
For I will have acheived my dream

She filled the entire sky.
The fold of clouds evened out.
She smiled regardless of weather.
Her smile peeped through the cracks of closed blinds.
Peeked between open spots of trees.
Her smile bright for all to see.
Highlighting everyone around.
All seamlessly standing still.
It was easy to become lost.
A young woman with rosy cheeks.
At first glance her dimple shown.
The corners of her mouth spread far.
Her perspective of warmth.
A fire resistant to element.
Every branch traced by her essence.
She was free.
Appearing without forecast.
Her intelligence spread far & wide.
No matter the storm she exerted her dominance.
Her smile a halo everlasting.
Yellow and white exuberated by an inspiration of her own.
The news anchor predicted overcast
Still she shone her brightest

Loving you is not easy.
It is war, tinted in quick bursts of fire.
Our hands filled with grit, our breath steadfast in anticipation.
Camouflaged emotions dressed in fear.

The destruction in your voice rings clear.

There is nowhere to hide.
Loving you is not easy.
We find tragedy after tragedy.
Our hearts muddied in the trenches we lay.
I hand you bullet after bullet knowing at any moment you will turn and fire.
We ration ourselves not knowing what lies ahead.
We fight, we scream.
Our location given away, we brace ourselves for immediate disaster.
Our face and chest shielded in protection.
We live for the moment.

Realizing now the shame made in haste.
Loving you is not easy.
I accept the war at hand and admit loving you in absolute fear.
A calm thats grown to a heavy gasp.
The patter of boots tied tight.
I hand you the ammunition for my complete demise,
With nowhere to go.

Friendly fire

And if I am guilty of one single thing.
It is this.
I love too much and show too little.
Realizing in the end that I am the undoing of what I care most.
I need to believe that past is past.
Instead it dictates too much of what my future holds.
In truth I am terrified.
I believe too much in the things that hurt.
I am sold into beliefs to find that truth is never really what it seems.
I buy into sudden beliefs.
unconsciously we hurt each other.
We digest different pieces of each other and swallow them with water.
The prescription to love ourself is still the same.
It's terrible, the way we react before the initial action.
A means to cope.
Seeking refill before the prescription has run out.
We run out of patience.
Standing in line.
The hacking and coughing of times pass.
The body aches and trembles.
An infection that continues to spread.
Still we search for ways to rid ourselves of everything but the right thing.
Staying home in fear that contagion will spread.
Have we really run out of things to say.
Our voices cut short from the swelling.
A different piece swallowed, over and over again.
Chased down drowned with water.
Fallen asleep, to wake our symptoms worse.
Seeking a pharmacist to heal already present symptoms
without first a medical prescription.
In fear insurance won't cover cost.
In your absence I haven't done much healing

Some nights it would rain.
And in the comfort of solace I'd get up.
Grab my shoes, my coat and head straight to where
I felt most comfrtable.
Though this place near.
Not too many knew about it.
I'd go straight to her heart and comfort her during the storm.
It was something different about it.
Her heart.
Meeting her near and dear.
To bring her comfort put me at ease.
It's not that she needed or required company.
But deep down I felt at peace.
Watching the sky ignite every so often.
Igniting our hidden passion.
Our eyes the closest thing to a telescope.
We reminded each other how we should feel.
Our turns smiling and laughing.
Often times I'd forget the rain completely.
Becoming drenched in the patter of her heart.
In the end all we'd know was silence.
Coming to terms in our own agreeance.
The further apart she wanted to be, the closer we actually became.
Even now she kisses me in silence.
Not a cloud in sight.

When I feel you breath into me.
I am high.
I feel like a balloon.
Surrendered by belief.
This is the highest that I'll ever get.
To taste your freedom.
To breathe in it. To bask in it.
With each breath given, I hold on tighter in fear that
at any moment things could change.
That any moment may be my last.
Your kiss further confirms.
This bubble of joy that comes alive every time that you are around.
You blew life into me.
Teaching me the meaning of change.
A change I have yet learn.
Things that I have neglected myself.
I have lost the feeling of standing on the ground.
It is yours and yours alone, this breath I give back to you

But now we can communicate.
I am not sure what cause this sort of block.
Under normal circumstances I suppose it's human.
To access so much of ourselves mentally.
Yet physically remain mute.
An attempt to be funny. Charismatic.
To yearn the manifestation of being represented such as a memory.
For some it's easy. It becomes culture.
Ignoring this association of fear.
Although slight. We begin to judge ourselves.
In fight beyond a couple of seconds that leads to bliss.
The things that have yet developed.
The possibility that things may not.
But definitely something is there. Reflected from the light of eyes.
Self doubt in light of holding back.
Yet we've evolved.
We've evolved into a splitting image of what we adorn.
The critique of what eyes see & what ears have heard.
We've thought in different ways of what binds.
Now we communicate.
To better service our needs, our wants.
We've binged them all.
Knowing all of our favorite parts, to speak hesitantly about the bad.
We recite them only in private.
Ignoring the kick backs and *** lucks that begin with pleasure.
It begins with the closed culture of what feels foreign
to no longer recite in mental.
Now we communicate

The first word that comes to mind is infatuation.
We connect.
Plan and simple.
It's romantic type notion.
I admit I've tried to forget.
Yet the more I recall.
The more I acknowledge that what I felt and feel as true.
I look forward to find myself looking right at you.
I look left to find myself right back at the same circumstance.
Nothing fills my mind.
My time quite like you do.
I thought selfconsciously soon I'll forget.
But the more I try, the more I find myself torn.
I do the exact opposite.
It's not at all intrusive.
In fact I welcome it.
From time to time.
I've allowed complete and utter surrender.
As it's the only time I see you.
Your smile.
Your insight to aspiration.
I've pushed you to where I've always seen you.
And physically it's killing me.
Your well being is all I think about.
The time it took to admit time is but a stepping stone.
And we but mere moments.
I tell myself time and time again
Let go.
But the only thing missing is validity.
Moderation competes with repetition.
I can only distract myself so long until your thought arrives.
Never to leave;
A pattern expressed in pure emotion.
A scar left unhealed.
Out of the sincerity left undone.
My heart ponders.
And for a breif second I am happy.
Perhaps happier than I have ever been.
A familiar song that hoops and hollers down a familiar street.
A familiar face in an unfamiliar place.
Rationally you've revealed a part of me that I never wanted to let go.
The possibility of what if.
A glimpse of an familiar face.
If only in thought.
The memory of exploring an unknown place and loving every minute of it

I love the words you speak
For they reinforce the ideal in which hands speak.
A warmth that can't be heard, only felt.
A bonfire released in a cylinder.
The crackling of dopamine like wood.
Branches that provide warmth in times you aren't around.
The times dawn can be found in the palm of our hands.
The waking of primal urge where words do no justice.
It is there I find you.
Each crackle, every ash of residue where we've rested.
For you are the fire lit in body.
The cylinder that keeps me warm.
No matter how far away you are I melt in thought.
Urging to move closer.
Alas you welcome it.
Open flames that lash out without regard where it touches.
Our love is one of eternal scaring.
The wind lifting each flame higher.
The preference of action over word.
The concrete stained, scared.
Our warmth attracts the attention of the sky.
In brief hesitation we overheat.
Knowing only to collapse.
This is what it feels to kiss every word that slips through your lips.
In eternal heat.
A ring that burns in depth.
A sign that we were forever here.
I am drained.
The sap and moisture comes to a boil.
I am forever spoiled.
Forever yours.
Alas I welcome it.
The residue of what we've become.
A bridge of me, given to you.
Stacked and piled high.
A match thrown in need.
Without fear we provide each other in eternal warmth.
The sky borrows our heat.
This cylinder that can no longer contain this fire.
Distributed as red orange.
The look exchanged eye to eye.
The beginning and end of all we'd ever know.
The smoke covers as clouds.
I am reminded every time I look up

I suppose the best part of it all
Was that I fell out of my shoes.
Where most would be embarrassed.
In a strange twist I felt a calm peace.
I had nothing to hide,
Outside of the fact that I was falling.
Fall fast I did.
The most beautiful of facts, pleasing to the ear drum of desire.
The harmony of her kicking my chair.
Me falling flat against the ground.
A beautiful sound echoes about in memory.
A short in-flight movie of me falling back into one of the biggest smiles I've ever seen.
House shoes flying through the air.
I assume that I wasted too much time.
So she took matters into her own hand.
Well foot at least.
My inspiration

I have to thank the night shift.
With nothing else to do I stumbled across you by mistake.
With most of the work almost done.
My ears took a stroll.
Four hours left before I clock out.
My Pandora took an awkward twist.
A long pause of an ad, the quirk of a song I haven't heard before.
Before I could hit the skip button I realized that I found something I had no idea I was missing.
I paused in momentary combustion.
This orchestra of cool followed by bass.
And to think I would tragically have been mistaken to skip along.
Staring off into space.
I have nothing to offer except my ear.
Shamefully I can admit.
I have never had someone to come and visit me on the clock.
But I could get use to it.
Just my opinion.
This psychedelic feeling that found me twiddling my fingers.
Nothing much to do.
Except fall in love unexpectedly.
Four hours later the same song stuck in my head.
This station all the more better
Stumbling into you out of the blue

If you were a song you'd be number one on my playlist.
No matter how much time would past.
I'd never get tired of hearing you.
Theres not enough radio time for how much I think your voice needs to be heard.
You are too beautiful for words.
Finding time for all of your songs is like making love.
The two of us lost in a moment hung on continuous repeat.
A grin spread ear to ear.
Nominated for the grammy of my heart.
Your fabulous taste in music.
The vocals that feel like they were written for me.
Within the first ten seconds I am in complete ecstasy.
The advance my heart makes.
Skipping it's beat to the rhythm of your heart.
If I can be the next venue you choose to perform.
You'd never have to question why'd it take so long to appreciate you.
Bobbing my head to the vibe you give.
The smile spread across my lips.
Your the only thing I need circulating through my headphones

Then I realized my mistake.
I searched the world not realizing that the world I longed existed inside of you.
Wherefore I felt I needed some sort of permission.
Some sort of console.
Instead of accepting the card I knew hid face down in a deck of the same face cards.
I manipulated the cards to what I knew best.
The only thing I felt was real.
The inevitable.
I was the veil whom dangled in wait.
The classic a-ha moment when all would be revealed.
Not realizing that I myself was a part of the illusion.
The one I kept at arms reach.
A realm filled with room upon room of smoke and mirrors.
Face down on top of a hat.
Waiting for some sort of hand to reach down and pull me toward what I already knew.
I was stuck in an illusion

Hate is such a strong word.
Yet you show me plenty of it.
You first flash your gun.
In compensation to cut wages.
Yet you remember me.
How you should have listened.
A siren of power rung.
the hands that flashed adamantly "no, please don't."
You ignore my cry.
Covering me in the congress of actions seen.
I guess bad decisions in part.
Act first speak later.
My spirit shattered in false hope.
I put firm trust in the light that flashed from your badge.
Thinking to myself its all a mistake.
To think I was half right.
It's much easier to edit flim or tape.
The disguise worn scene to scene.
You were never held accountable for your word or action.
In a couple of months everything will be thrown out.
A face sagged in misery.
Treating me your very worse,
Refusing to see that your very belief is the problem.
I couldn't say a thing.
The claps of your sole echoing against concrete.
A new victim found.
No matter how fast you run,
Your disguise can never hide what you've done.
You fled the scene before my body dropped.

It's relatively a slow process.
A thought builds upon anticipation.
Thanks to the nostalgia ingrained by Disney.
Musically the songs are different.
Granted the press of a thumb.
Spotify, Pandora.
An assortment of different streams all profoundly deep.
Separately, the adaptation is the same.
Boy meets girl.
Eyes go on vacation.
Suddenly we're dressed in leisure.
Beautiful sights ingested by the brochures of a hotel lobby.
Just yesterday none of this seemed possible.
Everything crowed into the bends of a folded booklet.
Lost in the sensation of influential taste.
This was my outlook.
A yesterday morning spent in the hotel lobby of my own interest.
I am in sense booking my own fear.
This slow process that begins it's advance.
A millennium that begins a couple seconds past twelve.
She was the art visually spread across the brochure.
With arms wide open I fell in.
Speeding up this process ever slightly.
I still a consumer at best.
Her being the best vacation I ever been.
I am in sense booking my own fear.
Her love.
Further more exploring the secret of her parenthesis

She gave him life in the whim of passion.
Drawing lines of pleasure. All of her pain that she's felt over the years.
The very existence of all she's ever dreamed.
All in the hopes that he'd never do the same.
He and he alone would stand the test of time.
The portrayal of locking eyes, deep shades of gray.
Drawn and retraced.
A homesickness suffered from the gift of tender eyes.
She remembers the nights the rain wouldn't cease.
The creases her face made in grief.

In the end. All she had was the sketch pad that never left her side.
He alone took each tear and rested his head beside them.

Her sketch pad.

This vigorous sketch that stared off into the distance.
She screamed of warning to the oncoming flood.
The beads of blue that traced every drop of rain.
Blending bright and dark hues to the paper of her pad.
Wool combs of hair colored in, blending into the background.
She thought long and hard.
First filling his hands with roses then taking them away.

Deep marks left behind from a couple of flicks of her wrist.
An eroding eraser.
The blossoming of a new sketch, a tremble of thought.
The rain came back even harder.
More fierce the next sketch she made.
Paved and coated over and over again.
A fear that she would never become the recipient of all she's dreamed.
Someone that would love her for all that she keeps hidden.
She reacted to the woes of thunder and lightning.
A tear made deep then covered.
Resistant to all shes felt.
A deep pain struck against the burrow of her heart.
Every flower in the valley of her screamed in anguish to the water that continuously fell.
The valley becoming a gutter in front of the driveway she drew.
Blue and gray hues crosshatched across the page.
Surrounding him in the background.
Here he stood outside in the rain for hours in front of an empty house.
His heart replacing the roses that filled his hands.
Within the confines of her sketch pad she illustrated her best friend.
The best friend she's ever known.
Someone that she could trust.
Made her feel whole.
Here within the confines of her sketch pad.
she illustrated how he made her feel.
She drew breath into his lungs in true fear.
Knowing that somethings aren't meant to happen.
Of all things that she loved. She loved herself the most.
Promising that she would never feel this hurt again.
The torment of having something precious ripped away.
A homesickness suffered from the gift of tender eyes.
She remembers the nights the rain wouldn't cease.
The creases her face made in grief.
It was that night she made the promise never again.
She drew her best friend in a world.
Cold and alone.
All within the confines of her sketch pad.
Where she felt she could be herself.
Illustrating the exact way he made her feel

And I regret not following the after thought my heart throbs.
Sometimes my imagination gets the better of me.
Watching you follow.
Watching you lead.
Turn around and recommend the next best thing.
Rather than the havoc that ensues following a river of blue ink.
I've lost my cap in it's essence.
Creating messes unseen. Still I know it's there.
I begin to drown.
Shaped into a plastic mold of where she's last stepped.
I could only hope to be healed in recommendation.
 
She drew me to life in her river of ink.
Filling the gaps of my imperfection with lines traced in blue.
My after thought drenched in red.
Watching you follow.
Watching you lead.
My heart has tripled in rhythm.
 
There isn't anything to learn here, everything is fundamentally natural.
This open willingness to self destruct.
This open willingness that generates anticipation.
Our history has been written as an open mouth kiss
Between hand and ink.
And I regret not following the after thought my heart beats any sooner.
Our courage to spill into the unknown

Sometimes when I think of you.
I think about your smile. The way you talk.
I am forever thinking about your laugh.
Sometimes I think about what you'd be like as a butterfly.
Fluttering about in your thoughts.
Nothing to hold you back from where you wonder next.
It's always at the strangest.
Most simplistic time that you appear and spread your joy.
As soon as your seen you disappear again.
Wandering about as free as you came.
Sometimes I wish I had your courage.
The strength to wander about as softly and freely as you do.
I admit, before I met you the thought of a butterfly laughing never crossed my mind.
The part of yourself that voluntarily gives without worry.
Bumping into the funniest of things.
Often times not knowing it's own perception of depth.
Sometimes I wonder where do you go when you miss someone so much.
If that reoccurring feeling ever leaves or does it continue to get stronger.
Finding a place to sit and wonder.
If you'll ever land on my shoulder once more

Do you think of me.
Most beloved. The purpose of my existence.
I am certain of nothing else but this one thing.
That you breathe into the ideal of something outside of myself.
The commute of daily life.
The hours, seconds and years that it takes to build the ultimate dream.
The toil of hard working hands that desire more.

The first kiss of the rest of my life.
An envelope sealed under the same ideals.
The letter being you wrapped tight in my arms.
Over one thousand kisses stamped over and over mailed to the same address.
Time after time again.
Under the circumstance that I am thinking of you each and every time that I am smitten in thought.
A letter not to be returned to sender in the hopes that you feel the exact same way.
 
I admit that we are human and lust is not to be confused with desire in any way.
Mail carriers sometimes deliver mail to the wrong P.O box.
Some post offices take at least 5 to 7 business days if mailed out of state.
Handled by different hands, sorted, bagged and carried.
 
 
And here I sit, currently unmarked.
Uncertain if I will make it there in time
for holding one of the most potent substances known to man

And that is your niche I told her.
Finding all things lost.
If I were to swallow ten thousand puzzle pieces.
Each belonging to a different size.
A different color.
No matter how I hide them.
I have perfect faith that you will find each piece.
That's just what you do.
There is no hiding any part of me.
With the slightest look.
The slightest word.
You immediately know what's on my mind
and I love it.
Arranging my every thought to where you see best.
It's really a no brainer
Finding where I belong