I was always more scared of being abandoned than I was of being destroyed.

How do you hold the weight of the world on shoulders made of soft feathers. Collides into it and collapses, but once its gone, rising again as if it has never known pain.

I kiss the tip of your nose while my leg is thrown over your weary bones. Smiling, knowing that Im the one who gets to see this part of you, falling asleep mumbling your lullaby locutions with I love yous twirled around your tongue.

I am a feminist
Feeling fenced in
in a gender binary
fenced in a ****** binary
so people dismiss my Bi
No ally can stop that without listening
Listen with your ears and if you can't hear
listen with your eyes. Know that I don't need to prove my Bi
Yemen child brides, committing homicide
building graveyards inside of themselves
Acid attacks, police and blacks
**** is asked for
Jews are gassed more
Conversion therapy
People can't see through the Trans*parency
Gender roles wrapped up into us
Making us feel trapped making us adapt
A is not for Allys
A is for Ace or Aro
Thrown with a bow I miss the target
cast into the shadow
Lesbians are loved stripped down
but not in the gown
appreciated more with their mouths shut
and no ones mind open
They chose to be blind not see with their eyes
hear with your ears
hear the gunshot or the scream from the queer kid
who is bleeding, smiles were misleading
thought they were happy
Thats because we stigmatize mental illness
I feel the stillness of progress
My anxiety is as bad as the start
I've been told that l'm not being smart
but I know my voice is a work of art
We whitewash the shadow
using bleach to whiten skin
drinking bleach when that skin isn't light to begin
I am a feminist

Your love was honeysuckle sprouts growing with every breath I took. My tears kept them flourishing until they were sprawled up my insides, clogging my throat not being able to decipher the 'I Love You's from the screams. Quickly the vines overgrew and spilled out my mouth as messy as the poems, forgetting what it was to feel empty.

I will love you gone. Fluttering heartbeats shake trees into homes. Planting feet in the disposible cottages I roam freely from. I love you Brown even though all I've ever known was Green. Once an alive thing now foraged. Barren as I am wingless, Cant turn away from lacking leaves. I will love you deathly even if you dont nourish me any longer. You return greener than before, but sap only so sweet can be found on a dead tree.

He tastes of the ocean, I have been craving it for so long, I know the salt will drain me but Im still parched, so I keep returning for another taste, praying for it to be sweeter this time, drowning in my cravings for nothing more than saltwater stinging my mouth.

Goodbye. A word that haunts. Echos through the dark and paralyzes me with fear, enough to tremble and shake similar to the way a weak hand grasps for months, clutching onto life. When you leave, how do you suppose you hear me. I shout and scream into the cemetery of everything that once was. The lesson of a lifetime is say goodbye early. Say goodbye to the possibility of departure and leave before they leave first. Thats how you say goodbye to a ghost, in a way that will haunt them to their grave.

I remember staying until 2 am with you. We were planning to watch the meteor shower but time got the best of us and we were caught up in laughter and lingering touches. I left my gaze on you for just a second too long and you asked me why I was looking at you like that. I said there was no reason. But I remember thinking that I didnt need a star to wish on that night because what I always wanted was in front of me.

And as I bathed in milk, it became curdled. My heart eventually turning everything sour. It is a magic trick only I know.

If this was the last day alive I'd press my lips to your temple, Id whisper my name hoping to make it eternal in the graveyard of the cosmos.

Doomsday nurses us from the start, reigning over the watchlist of our lifetimes. I walk through the destruction in my path while ignoring the hand I dealt in it. The disillusionment falls out of your mouth and I weep tears at the sight. The end of a cycle. I nutured you whole and watched the lilacs bloom from your scalp. Started as buds but with the passage of time became weeded. I thought I breathed new life but it stands as just obliteration.

They sit in their beautiful growth. They are observed from afar. They mark these areas, firmly staked into the ground. All it takes is one selfish, careless person to rip them out. After that, their seeds dont shake and blossom anymore. They decay and wilt. Become nothing more than a dead, pretty thing that use to be.

Aphrodite is not a weak goddess. You've never felt a heartbreak without Aphrodite longing the same, mourning  with every lost love and every last widower. She is a ghost, wiping away your tears with her sleeves, tilting your chin up before kissing your forehead, whispering that you'll love again, even if it's yourself. And isnt that strength?

Shameful to feed your kids breastmilk in public, but yet we will feed them bullets in their public schools.

Heartbeat reborn out of fear. Heavy thump in my chest like a lead metronome. Keeping time to your footsteps as you walk out the door. I would rather die than watch you leave. Yet here I am, staring at you, frozen in fear. My coffin lined mouth shrill, asking you to not go.

Your teeth on my neck sent shivers through my body, quietly knowing one day your smile would be for someone else.

Down with the liars and sinners, Praise be the honest few left, Gone but not lost to the demons in their heads

You demanded me to rip a bandaid off an open wound while it was still bleeding. Blood soaked and dried, stuck to my body, staining my curtains, clothes, pillows. Not even being able to lay my head down without being reminded of blood spilt without a shield to save myself from the pestilence the world holds. Rotten, stiff air infecting us all slowly.

Sometimes its in my best interest to not be.

Cling tight, fear of falling, fear of flying, fear of being, and fear of leaving. I cant stay without wanting to leave and I cant leave without wanting to stay. You hold me and I push. You push and I cling. Always wanting what I cant have. Life calling for me and me clawing at it in response.

I kept hush of the trappings of your watered down spirit so their ears would not bear the burning news. The flickers of innocence flashed its teeth as we wrapped our pinkies around eachother for the last time and promised to not let go. Four days after you walked, I laid my soul for eyes to greive upon, for hungry dogs to ravage my remains, slobbering like there wasnt enough on their plate to fill their expanding appetite. I wonder if on the walk back home you saw a daisy and thought of how you let that promise become as spoiled as my remains. I wonder if you plucked it, held it, and said how ravishing it looked, only to leave it with pulled roots.

And for your love I'd skip through oceans and sing the sea foam lullabies. For they themselves know your love, unforgiving and harsh in its beauty. One of a love that I'd beg for mercy, I wouldnt do it any other way. Your waves engulfing me in love and taking away my breath.

If I'm to feel the shake of your winds gather the leaves from the trees will the rain fall down brushing my skin gently. Will the cleanse chill my skin, cause me to shiver or recoil? Will it touch my heart and cause a typhoon like the tears over missing you, its been years since I last knew what to do.

Starlight boy, made of constellations, you are my guiding light. You carry the sky, or are you the sky. The waves of purple to navy to black, a collection of your shades. Every one as beautiful as the last. Your night sky never gets tiring to look at. Shifting, moving, covered, but forever there. Within and without, miles from where we are but so close I feel like I could reach out and touch you. So present and so distant, you my starlight boy are a collision of feigned hearts and scrabbled messages. You’re so hard to read, but it’s all never made so much sense until I saw you. So sing me sleepy and say goodbye before sunrise interrupts your melody. But I’ll see you again my love, every night I have left on this Earth, I’ll look towards you.

I cry like the waves giving themselves back to the ocean. Pulling everything under until they are heavy and gasping for clear air. I hear people say my mood changes like the wind which steers my tears. Transporting my energy into something that doesnt matter. Your voice travels through me and I recieve it, just more muffled than how it was sent. I too swell
in response to a distant storm further within myself. Creates a hole I cannot escape from. You took advantage of the wave to carry yourself away to somewhere warmer. Calmer

What a relief it'd be, to fall asleep in the sea, and my lungs would fill up, with watery debris, so no more could you hear, my deafening pleas, and goodbye it would be, or God so help me.

Better to have a stark reality than a fragmented facade. Rather you leave arms open than mouth closed. Say Gods name when you leave,  not refuge but defamation. Put your loyalty into your spite for me. At least you can stay consistent with it there.

I want to give you infinity. Bloom immunity. This could be our forever.

And the boys see your tears as nectar. Flocking, not seeing the cyanide flowing from your eyes, wanting to be the savior. They’ll never be the anecdote, but, after all, a savior isn’t needed, just wanted.

Give my heart wings and a malleable mind and to you, my sun, I will always find. A compass through the dawn, a ring for the rest, when you are gone, Ill remember the beat of your chest. Burn up slow, call it passion or desire, ashes through the air, my love for you is like playing with fire.

And the people who are extensions of you breathe monoxide and speak with the sound of shrewd drills. I can't help but hear your voice through their wreckage.

Sometimes I wake up drunk on daylight's dawn, sending you my intoxicated love letters through brisk mourning air, grieving everything we couldve been.

And the Universe sighed. "This too you shall revieve as a blessing, all in time, my dear."

Ill always be present with you, just not here. Not now. Goodbyes are a foreign language that sound familar but I'll never be able to speak. The rushed last breath after I meet your eyes for the last time. I close the door behind me and face outwards. "Goodbye," I whisper. "And thank you for teaching me I have a voice".

I once saw a butterfly with bruised wings and, in that moment,  I understood what it felt like to break the most fragile, beautiful part of oneself

I abandoned all of me to make room for you, and at the end of it all, I lost you too.

Roses are red
As red as the open wound that bleeds
Violets are blue
As blue as the bruises on my beaten heart
Sugar is sweet
As sweet as your smile turned bitter after goodbyes
And so are you
Full of sugary sweetness, rotten teeth, and stomach aches.

I do not know how to not spiral. I don't know how to catch myself when I fall. I don't know how to put up my hands and make the darkness turn to light. I don't know how to sleep when tonight won't strike 12. I can wait, but then I sit. Waiting for the moon to tell me that it will be the last thing I see and it will be beautiful. But what if I cant bring myself to believe it? What if 12 never comes? What if it never leaves? What if Im stuck there? What if theres just always another 12 to wait for in the inevitable tomorrow? What if I dont make it there?

Friendship is a playground. Monkey bars and Slides. Swings and See-Saws. Slung arms around necks and giggles echoing throughout plastic tunnels. Climbing up, up, up- only to hurt yourself falling down. Sometimes there will be the same slung arm around your neck to carry you to help. Sometimes you lay on the ground for minutes that feel like hours and wonder if no one saw you fall, or maybe everyone else just decided to go home instead. Sometimes you look at an empty playground and see an abandoned circus with joy that use to be there only to be lost, nothing but a memory to the metal toys that once held everyone I have loved. Every piece still in its place but frozen in its child-like wonder.

Call them back.
Delete the message.
Videochat her.
Block that number.

You know the one.

If loose lips sink ships then your mouth must be a graveyard.

And that which coats my lungs, holds tight my throat. Begging me to go limp and surrender. But tomorrow will be sun. Tomorrow will be day. And I will no longer have to battle this fear alone.

Ill always be the fool,  throwing my heart in the air hoping you catch it when it falls.

People who ache to escape from our reality, wont be the ones to listen to our reason or logic.

Blue Eyes
Blank Stare
Doesnt want me
Doesnt care
Says I love you
Doesnt show
When its over
He will go

And the thought of her stains my mind, she's like the muse youve been looking to find.  And to her- I cannot compare, the beautiful girl with flowers in her hair.

Gone forever are the days of our youth, only are we corralled towards the now, yet living in our yesterday.

Its always a foolish choice to hold on to the I love yous like a life raft while surrounded by the wreckage of a ship

This love is ours,
I hope to be a greenhouse
Our love growing and dancing in the sunlight
We will keep this love safe
We will not only be preserved, but we will flourish