you’ve stolen so much of my soul,
i’m still trying to remember who i was

beauty is not defined by
the colors of pigment you brush onto your skin
to hide what you believe are flaws.
its not defined by the fibers you glue onto
your eye lids.
nor the creams and glosses you swipe upon your lips.
beauty is not defined by the skin tones
that rest on top of your bones,
or what colors of silk lay upon your head.

beauty lies peacefully within the soul, mind, and spirit.

you are beautiful.

you said its what you needed.
what the doctor had ordered.
picked it up from the pharmacy.
it would ease the discomfort,
aches, pains, soreness,
and finally you would
feel yourself again.
after all the years of suffering,
you could finally love me right.
but i don't recall doctors prescribing
whiskey in a prescription bottle.

you told me you loved me a thousand times
you didn't say it with you voice
you said it with your eyes

saying i love you
to get you to stay
was like burning my
tongue on a sip of black coffee


-its scorching me

you forgot to take it
to the curb
you forgot to empty it
your mind had been full
overflowing with the memories of us
it sat there for awhile
you wanted to keep them but
they began to
decompose
perish
rot to their cores
and the smell lingered
you started to bag it all up
one by one you put pieces of us
in a jet black
plastic bag
with a twist tie
and walked us to the curb

Strawberries fields
Pastel flower bloom
March April May
What did you do?
Honey bee sting
Love bug flu
Tie dyed blankets
I’m not over you
Green Grass blades
Cloud like zoo
Sweet oxygen
Lollipop ooze
Finger paint me
Like the sunsets do

Watermelon
Swallow seeds
Spring, Summer, lucid dreams
Fighting demons
While I sing

Sunburn hypocrisy

You taught me a lesson, and that was to never trust again.

i think we’ve all fallen down a time or two in life.
it's the ways we’ve chosen to get back up that makes us powerful

when do i miss you the most?
when the air conditioner is freezing cold?
or i just burnt breakfast because i got caught up kissing you good morning ?
or when i can't let go of you and its 11:30am and we've already missed the chance to get donuts at the drive thru?
I never thought i'd actually miss you.

every time i see you, it's like looking into the sun
- it hurts

my heart was started to skip beats
my hands trembling
my head was spinning
sweating
nausea
lethargic
every noise i heard started to
sound like nails on a chalk board
i was confused
i reached for a body that was no longer settled into my sheets
as the pupils of my amber colored eyes had dilated
i was seeing double of you
was this a nightmare
i was detaching from you
my drug
with drawls had begun

my past lies behind me
like the hairs that are tangled
into a bun resting on the back of my neck
like the world that dangles in my rear view mirror of my vintage
car with the torn seats
it comes to me daily
in everything i do
its there
it always will be there
but my future reminds me as its gushing through my windshield onto my face
its making my long brunette waves shimmer
and my olive skin glow
that something brighter is ahead

i'll forever deny that i still love you
and everyone knows thats the
biggest lie i'll ever tell

you had arms
covered in them
it was artwork of the things
who made up
who you had been
and who you are presently
you gave me my first cigarette
and you also saved my life
your mother still asks about me
and I will always wonder
my place in your life

and when i lost you,
it allowed me to become someone new.

you're not the author of this story anymore.
i threw away all of your pens and paper
so now if you want to continue to write
you’ll have to use your own blood to continue
to make our memories permeant.
***** your finger with a rose thorn
and let it gush out into a tea cup.
i hope it throbs because I still do.
swallow the knots in your throat
when you start to smear the crimson blood
onto papers because you know its not enough to
write how much you hate my guts.
You’ll have to keep pricking your finger until
it’s shriveled up like prune and it begins to ache deeper.
so you make deeper cuts in other places that you shouldn’t
and it keeps draining the blood from your body and it’s still not enough.
keep trying to convince everyone that i’m the reason
why your bleeding out cause I took away the the pens and paper.
but they don’t know my side of the story because I’m still writing it.
and when it’s all said and done at the end of the day,
your the one with blood still on your hands.
finger-paint the sadness since you can’t try to be a man.

you’ll finally get help and claim that your fine
but someone needs to convince me that i’m still alive.

i couldn't figure out what was worse
smoking or loving you
either one would turn my lungs black
and stop my heart eventually

i was the flesh you needed
to cover your aching bones
but then your skeleton
decided he didn't need a home

a needle
a spool of thread
you offered to sew me back together
you helped take the stitches out
of the wounds you made

you crept in my window
in the middle of the night
to steal all i had
right from me
nothing left in sight
place your hands around my
mouth
and now i can't breathe
the loneliness has robbed me
of everything

keep whispering
piercing promises
until my ears started to bleed
make me believe
make me believe
you won't ever leave

taunting,
like my childhood bully
on the blacktop
of the elementary school i once attended.
poking me all over.
tormenting me.
the mocking laughter.
kicking me in the ribs,
until i ran out of air.
that's what our memories
feel like

every time i see you
i want to cut my hair
you loved it long
i will become
everything you hate

that’s the only lullaby I’ll ever need
So keep letting your heart beat sing me to sleep

If you like fanning the flames,
It's time to meet inferno.

we waltz in perfect time at the end of the line

back and forth

swaying

with a face full of smiles

with a heart full of ache

that the music will soon be over

and so we will.


but just for an extra moment
i get to hold you near me.

When was the last time you slept through the night without waking up reaching for someone?

maybe it will never change

maybe we will still be flowers on the side of the road

still no place to call home

but still flowing in our veins is the wildness and adventure that

we’ve always known to be

we would be gleaming with vivd colors.

still trying to survive


the droughts
the rains
the storms
the heat
the wind
the bitter cold

when winter comes along, and someone doesn’t stop to pick you next and we will be left

to wilt

forgotten

something once so beautiful and fragile

now lifeless and limp.

r. Powell

and if i never find another soul to love, i'll be okay with yours being the last.

i bought the brightest colors of bandages from the drug store,
i put them all over the the scrapes you left on my skin.
i wrote on top of them with a sharpie.
all the words you said, so everyone knows why i’m hurt.

you saturate my darkest nights
with all the colors that lay in your eyes

for the longest time,
my pillow case was
the only one who
saw me cry.

he's a Saturday morning sunrise
he's a best friend
and the love of my life
he's a warm cup of coffee
he's a late night movie
he's everything i wanted
and everything love should be

its throbbing inside my soul
like a tooth ache.

- wanting to love you again

i wish i could make you disappear from my mind
- i'm no magician

trying to read someones intentions are confusing , they may look like their staying. But they've already stepped a foot out the door.

will the ache in my bones ever end ?

I’m tired of waiting for tomorrow.
Will tomorrow be a better day?
Who’s to say tomorrow won’t be as dark
as yesterday.

you got stuck
in that same
place you begged me
to help you out of
sinking
like quick sand
now all i can do is
sit back
and watch you drown
in your past

my nightstand is full of unread books, lavender candles and leather journals.
i like to keep books beside my bed because i would like to read someone else's outlook on life instead of writing about my sorrows.

Cause my demons bloomed like flowers, and I plucked them up for hours.

They remind us of the past
They remind us of the pain
They remind us we can heal
They remind us we have a future

scars

the person that reflected back in the mirror
wasn’t the same person she used recognize
she turned into a stranger
when she spoke the voice that came out
was different
the clothes that she wore didn’t rest right on
her bones.
though she was unfamiliar with figure she saw
everyone around her could see the transformation she made.

questioning how she got this way.
but knowing that she could only grow from there.

maybe the hesitation that ached below my skin
when i met you, was something i shouldn't have ignored.

don't run marathons for people who wouldn't take two steps for you

i was so desperate to hear the liquor induced
"i love you "
that oozed from your lying lips.