you're not the author of this story anymore.
i threw away all of your pens and paper
so now if you want to continue to write
you’ll have to use your own blood to continue
to make our memories permeant.
***** your finger with a rose thorn
and let it gush out into a tea cup.
i hope it throbs because I still do.
swallow the knots in your throat
when you start to smear the crimson blood
onto papers because you know its not enough to
write how much you hate my guts.
You’ll have to keep pricking your finger until
it’s shriveled up like prune and it begins to ache deeper.
so you make deeper cuts in other places that you shouldn’t
and it keeps draining the blood from your body and it’s still not enough.
keep trying to convince everyone that i’m the reason
why your bleeding out cause I took away the the pens and paper.
but they don’t know my side of the story because I’m still writing it.
and when it’s all said and done at the end of the day,
your the one with blood still on your hands.
finger-paint the sadness since you can’t try to be a man.
you’ll finally get help and claim that your fine
but someone needs to convince me that i’m still alive.
When was the last time you slept through the night without waking up reaching for someone?
Pastel flower bloom
March April May
What did you do?
Honey bee sting
Love bug flu
Tie dyed blankets
I’m not over you
Green Grass blades
Cloud like zoo
Finger paint me
Like the sunsets do
Spring, Summer, lucid dreams
While I sing
Cause my demons bloomed like flowers, and I plucked them up for hours.
I’m tired of waiting for tomorrow.
Will tomorrow be a better day?
Who’s to say tomorrow won’t be as dark
If you like fanning the flames,
It's time to meet inferno.
the person that reflected back in the mirror
wasn’t the same person she used recognize
she turned into a stranger
when she spoke the voice that came out
the clothes that she wore didn’t rest right on
though she was unfamiliar with figure she saw
everyone around her could see the transformation she made.
questioning how she got this way.
but knowing that she could only grow from there.
my nightstand is full of unread books, lavender candles and leather journals.
i like to keep books beside my bed because i would like to read someone else's outlook on life instead of writing about my sorrows.
across from me,
a god so i thought he seemed.
ink and paper in front of my eyes,
i sketched him out.
and too my surprise
something so frigtening
on the white sheet.
I can’t run now
he’s watching me.
you left a bad taste on the tip of my tongue
i've been tripping off the high
you left in lungs
did i get too close?
did i feel just like home?
I have everything I want. But my mind still visits times we had together. It's melancholy really. A beautiful time shared between us when we had been so lost ourselves. But yet we found some type of hope inside our wicked bodies.
I’ve swam the seven seas, till I almost drown.
I’ve broken my heart so many times that I finally lost count.
I’ve lost my way somewhere beyond the trees.
If you could help me find it….
I’m looking for peace.
its pathetic how you could let me
lay here without trying to save me
i’m cold and scared
but this is what you wanted.
you wanted me too be empty
and soon there will be
a void in my chest
soon you can cut
deeper into me
and harvest whats left.
i won’t scream now
because I'm lacking breath
your hands never left a
i was full of blood
but if you could see
the inside my brain
had been done.
i took off into an unknown place
two lane roads fade into a daze
the earth is painted with rust
my face is fresh without clay
the freckles take up the spaces where your finger tips
once laid and the wild flowers be me to stay
i once had dreams
but no matter how hard i tried never could i achieve them
while the years flew by my world remained the same
and i watched as my dreams seemed to scatter to everyone but me
don't run marathons for people who wouldn't take two steps for you
I used to panic at the thought of never hearing your voice again
I’d go back and replay voicemails with my headphones in until I feel asleep, because I never wanted you to leave from my memory
will the ache in my bones ever end ?
was it magic or fate
flowing through our veins ?
whatever it was has intoxicated my brain.
and i'm swallowing stardust
i'm feeling numb
my heads higher than the clouds
cause i finally found the one
you move your tongue
you are serotonin and dopamine
i'm so high
but drug free
he's a Saturday morning sunrise
he's a best friend
and the love of my life
he's a warm cup of coffee
he's a late night movie
he's everything i wanted
and everything love should be
that’s the only lullaby I’ll ever need
So keep letting your heart beat sing me to sleep
you told me you loved me a thousand times
you didn't say it with you voice
you said it with your eyes
you saturate my darkest nights
with all the colors that lay in your eyes
and if i never find another soul to love, i'll be okay with yours being the last.
maybe it will never change
maybe we will still be flowers on the side of the road
still no place to call home
but still flowing in our veins is the wildness and adventure that
we’ve always known to be
we would be gleaming with vivd colors.
still trying to survive
the bitter cold
when winter comes along, and someone doesn’t stop to pick you next and we will be left
something once so beautiful and fragile
now lifeless and limp.
maybe the hesitation that ached below my skin
when i met you, was something i shouldn't have ignored.
we waltz in perfect time at the end of the line
back and forth
with a face full of smiles
with a heart full of ache
that the music will soon be over
and so we will.
but just for an extra moment
i get to hold you near me.
when do i miss you the most?
when the air conditioner is freezing cold?
or i just burnt breakfast because i got caught up kissing you good morning ?
or when i can't let go of you and its 11:30am and we've already missed the chance to get donuts at the drive thru?
I never thought i'd actually miss you.
you woke up all alone
in the same bed we shared for 2 years
i bet you can still feel my bones
underneath the sheets
how many times have you tired to wash them clean.?
i think we’ve all fallen down a time or two in life.
it's the ways we’ve chosen to get back up that makes us powerful
trying to read someones intentions are confusing , they may look like their staying. But they've already stepped a foot out the door.
we used to be like magnets
if we got close we knew we couldn’t separate.
if we got to far apart, there was still a strong
sensation that kept pulling us together.
but we kept breaking down into small bits
and began to scatter.
we lost our strength,
now i’m not sure if our souls will
ever reattach to each other again .
Like two thunderstorms that came
From opposite directions
And caused mass destruction
That’s exactly what happened when our souls met
my hopes are so high
i hope they don't crash
because i'm not sure
if they'll survive the landing
my dreams had faded
like photos that had been hanging
on the walls for too long
once the summer sun
starting sizzling outside
as the seconds went by.
You taught me a lesson, and that was to never trust again.
i left my happiness out for too long
its beginning to rot away.
i've forgotten how to put it up,
so its just turn to decay.
maybe i should have preserved it.
and never walked away.
but now forever gone,
and i'm the only one to blame.
sometimes i miss waking up next to
but if i woke up to a body that wasn't yours
i'd be disappointed
how do i fix myself when
i don't even know what broke me
in the first place.
I’ve sunken down into dark holes
That I’ve dug myself.
The blisters are throbbing on my palms.
I know the way out.
But what lies above
Are the things that scare me.
And I’m hoping that hiding will heal me.
you’ve stolen so much of my soul,
i’m still trying to remember who i was
i was so desperate to hear the liquor induced
"i love you "
that oozed from your lying lips.
They remind us of the past
They remind us of the pain
They remind us we can heal
They remind us we have a future
I was missing a few pieces
But every time you tried to
Glue them back on me
They would fall off
the room was empty but it was filled with boxes of our things.
my hopes and dreams for us,
your secrets and lies.
you kept them taped up tight,
and every month that passed by you began to unbox them
one at a time.
and when i lost you,
it allowed me to become someone new.