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Luna Wrenn Nov 2020
you're not the author of this story anymore.
i threw away all of your pens and paper
so now if you want to continue to write
you’ll have to use your own blood to continue
to make our memories permeant.
***** your finger with a rose thorn
and let it gush out into a tea cup.
i hope it throbs because I still do.
swallow the knots in your throat
when you start to smear the crimson blood
onto papers because you know its not enough to
write how much you hate my guts.
You’ll have to keep pricking your finger until
it’s shriveled up like prune and it begins to ache deeper.
so you make deeper cuts in other places that you shouldn’t
and it keeps draining the blood from your body and it’s still not enough.
keep trying to convince everyone that i’m the reason
why your bleeding out cause I took away the the pens and paper.
but they don’t know my side of the story because I’m still writing it.
and when it’s all said and done at the end of the day,
your the one with blood still on your hands.
finger-paint the sadness since you can’t try to be a man.

you’ll finally get help and claim that your fine
but someone needs to convince me that i’m still alive.
SquidInk Nov 2020
im scared
im scared that one day our long embraces will evolve to just a faint smile
im scared that one day we will merely wave when we see each other
im scared that one day we wont even wave
we might just glance at each other
not so long ago, we spent every waking minute together
not so long ago, i laid in your bed and laughed all night with you
not so long ago, we dreaded for the time i had to go home
not so long ago, we told everything to each other
not so long ago, we always had something to talk about
not so long ago, we would go on long walks just because
not so long ago, we would sneak off at 2 AM to watch the stars
not so long ago, we laid on my shed roof in the middle of the night
just to watch the sky and talk
not so long ago, we laid on your kitchen floor rolling in laughter
not so long ago, we cried in each others arms
not so long ago, we composed hilarious songs in your room just to belt them out so that your dad would hear how dumb we were
not so long ago, we laid together and watched the fault in our stars
not so long ago we say
but it seems so long ago
it seems like a distant memory
remembering you
SquidInk Nov 2020
what we promised would never happen is happening
messages slowly being left on read
we run out of things to talk about more everyday
we awkwardly walk each other to class because that's what we always did
we have 3-minute phone calls instead of 3 hour-long phone calls
we cry about what's happening behind closed doors but it gets worse still
we are supposed to cry in each other's arms, not about each other
we unpin each other because we don't message much anymore
im starting to forget how it feels to laugh for hours over nothing
im starting to forget how it felt when we would rage about boys
im starting to forget the genuine happiness i felt when i could see you
im starting to forget how pure our true connection had been
we said twin flames
the flame is flickering
we used to be too close
now it seems like we were never close enough
we promised
we promised this would never happen
we promised that we would never drift
we promised that our friendship was one in a million
so why
why is that one in a million friendship crumbling
we were meant to be best friends
we were meant to wipe each other's tears and hold each other
we were meant to laugh until we couldn't breathe
we were meant to be attached at the hip
we were never supposed to forget how it felt to be so close to someone
so close that we never hesitated to call each other our best friend
but now we do
now it seems we are just neighbors
neighbors who used to be really really close
the worst feeling in the world
SquidInk Nov 2020
ughh i miss you
these are the last words i messaged you
what i wanted to say was
i miss how you used to be
i meant to say
i miss how we were
i meant to say
i miss how much you used to care
i wanted to say
i miss the old you
because i do
but she's long gone
i miss her
come back
Blxvkroseee Feb 2020
ive cried endless nights over you
I woke up with swollen red eyes the mornings after
I got sick to my stomach by the thought of you
I was in pain when you left.

so forgive me if i no longer tear up to the sound of your name  
I did my time already ….
ktle Feb 2020
there are four steps
of thin ice
between you and me.

it’s okay if you’re unsure.
i don’t mind if you’re still trying
to understand the rhythm of your heart
over the rationality in your mind.
i can wait as long as it takes
because I also know the complexity
of loving someone.
i understand the risks and the doubts
that come with
choosing to love someone.

all I want is your happiness
and if this thin sheet of ice isn’t enough
to hold both of us,
i don’t mind falling through
if it means keeping you afloat.
i would rather sink into the cold, dark
than to watch you struggle.
i don’t mind letting go
and breaking the ice from under me.
i want to see you happy
even if it means I won’t be the person to reach you.

another step forward will be my end.
there’s no path for me to walk back.
i will wait here, until you’re ready
to reach out and close the final step.
and even if the ice may break from under me
i will wait.
i will love you cautiously.
and with this distance between us,
i will choose
again and again
to give this heart to you.
i dont know which hurts more:
the feeling as i wait
or the thought of losing you.
Nina Jun 2019
Losing you was painful
And i don't know what else to say
Caitlin Dewicki Jan 2019
Suffocating pain.
It seems to be a friend of mine.
Always there, comforting me when my heart is broken.

It sleeps with me in the black night.
Hugging my heart to let me know it’s there.
It’s frozen hands reaching into my throat.
Letting me feel, just how close it is.

But when it relaxes it’s grip.
I am able to fall asleep.
This peace is not allowed for long.
It gets jealous.
Wants me to only feel pain.

Overtaking my heart.
Wanting to feel it stop beating.

Clawing at my stomach.
Telling me there’s no reason to fill it.

Intruding my thoughts.
Telling me there’s no point in feeling happy.

So I sit with pain.
In the long hours of night.
Replacing the warmth you once gave.
Juvia Cecilia Jun 2017
I'm losing you,
it was nice.. the thought
that you actually could've been mine
I need to get my life together
Juvia Cecilia Jun 2017
I felt myself losing you
your spirit had left my soul
your presence in me disappeared
another crack on my fragile porcelain heart
I keep telling myself to let you go
it's for the best
even if it's only for one of us
it's scary how quickly things can change
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