you're not the author of this story anymore. i threw away all of your pens and paper so now if you want to continue to write you’ll have to use your own blood to continue to make our memories permeant. ***** your finger with a rose thorn and let it gush out into a tea cup. i hope it throbs because I still do. swallow the knots in your throat when you start to smear the crimson blood onto papers because you know its not enough to write how much you hate my guts. You’ll have to keep pricking your finger until it’s shriveled up like prune and it begins to ache deeper. so you make deeper cuts in other places that you shouldn’t and it keeps draining the blood from your body and it’s still not enough. keep trying to convince everyone that i’m the reason why your bleeding out cause I took away the the pens and paper. but they don’t know my side of the story because I’m still writing it. and when it’s all said and done at the end of the day, your the one with blood still on your hands. finger-paint the sadness since you can’t try to be a man. you’ll finally get help and claim that your fine but someone needs to convince me that i’m still alive.
im scared im scared that one day our long embraces will evolve to just a faint smile im scared that one day we will merely wave when we see each other im scared that one day we wont even wave we might just glance at each other not so long ago, we spent every waking minute together not so long ago, i laid in your bed and laughed all night with you not so long ago, we dreaded for the time i had to go home not so long ago, we told everything to each other not so long ago, we always had something to talk about not so long ago, we would go on long walks just because not so long ago, we would sneak off at 2 AM to watch the stars not so long ago, we laid on my shed roof in the middle of the night just to watch the sky and talk not so long ago, we laid on your kitchen floor rolling in laughter not so long ago, we cried in each others arms not so long ago, we composed hilarious songs in your room just to belt them out so that your dad would hear how dumb we were not so long ago, we laid together and watched the fault in our stars not so long ago we say but it seems so long ago it seems like a distant memory
what we promised would never happen is happening messages slowly being left on read we run out of things to talk about more everyday we awkwardly walk each other to class because that's what we always did we have 3-minute phone calls instead of 3 hour-long phone calls we cry about what's happening behind closed doors but it gets worse still we are supposed to cry in each other's arms, not about each other we unpin each other because we don't message much anymore im starting to forget how it feels to laugh for hours over nothing im starting to forget how it felt when we would rage about boys im starting to forget the genuine happiness i felt when i could see you im starting to forget how pure our true connection had been we said twin flames the flame is flickering we used to be too close now it seems like we were never close enough we promised we promised this would never happen we promised that we would never drift we promised that our friendship was one in a million so why why is that one in a million friendship crumbling we were meant to be best friends we were meant to wipe each other's tears and hold each other we were meant to laugh until we couldn't breathe we were meant to be attached at the hip we were never supposed to forget how it felt to be so close to someone so close that we never hesitated to call each other our best friend but now we do now it seems we are just neighbors neighbors who used to be really really close
ughh i miss you these are the last words i messaged you what i wanted to say was i miss how you used to be i meant to say i miss how we were i meant to say i miss how much you used to care i wanted to say i miss the old you because i do but she's long gone i miss her
there are four steps of thin ice between you and me.
1 it’s okay if you’re unsure. i don’t mind if you’re still trying to understand the rhythm of your heart over the rationality in your mind. i can wait as long as it takes because I also know the complexity of loving someone. i understand the risks and the doubts that come with choosing to love someone.
2 all I want is your happiness and if this thin sheet of ice isn’t enough to hold both of us, i don’t mind falling through if it means keeping you afloat. i would rather sink into the cold, dark than to watch you struggle. i don’t mind letting go and breaking the ice from under me. i want to see you happy even if it means I won’t be the person to reach you.
3 another step forward will be my end. there’s no path for me to walk back. i will wait here, until you’re ready to reach out and close the final step. and even if the ice may break from under me i will wait. i will love you cautiously. and with this distance between us, i will choose again and again to give this heart to you.
i dont know which hurts more: the feeling as i wait or the thought of losing you.
I felt myself losing you your spirit had left my soul your presence in me disappeared another crack on my fragile porcelain heart I keep telling myself to let you go it's for the best even if it's only for one of us