They were children tasting sugar
For the first time
Without all the artificial layers
The raw sweetness
Making them gasp and shiver
Anticipating for more
Turning them into wild animals
Ravaging its meal
Showing their true identities
Buried in these colors

Words, thoughts, like chords;
Sewn, printed, onto paper.
Works, strewn, unwanted;
Taken to ground like ashes.
Owners forgotten, children;
Stained, broken, like old dolls.
Worn, exhausted, crippled;
All to become their elders.

Life is a puzzle.
Just like you and me.
Each day a note,
Together they make a melody.

Our life a puzzle,
A melody.
Each and everyone,
Another life, another story.

Black, white, crimson, burgundy,
Different shades of colors,
Lights of different intensities,
Life's of different meanings.

Some live for others,
Others for themselves;
Some have no clue,
Some just wish all was true.

Days pass like flipping pages,
A book opened and soon to be closed.
But after the story,
Still no one knows.

No one ever truly knows,
Never one found out the answer;
The real meanings,
Behind these beautiful melodies.

Many lives, satin ribbons,
fluttering Freely in the wind.

So much the same, similar traits,
yet all we see is Difference.

Can't get up
Get out
Can't think of words
Can't speak
Or write
Can't walk or move a fork
Can't give a fuvk
Much less talk
Fck
****.
Fine
Fat
Freak
Fate
Fake
Fish
Flood
Failure
Final
­Found
Dead
Die, dying
Death,
Need death
I must
D  I  E

need to
Just
FCKING DIE

Our lives are spiderwebs.
Delicate, pure, but Empty.

Sprinkle a little water,
It glows under lights.
Reflecting its own beauty.

Spill a pail of water,
It collapses instantly,
Reaping apart, for eternity.

Sneaking in silently,
whispering
secrets and conspiracies.

This is a puzzle,
scattered by
your thoughtless actions.

Voice still as stone,
I am held
prisoner of my mind.

The hands around my throat,
are not your's
but my very own.

Tunneling thoughts like rain
Craning through light clouds
Unsuspecting victims.

The fear
The tears
The temper tantrums;
                                           A kind of rebuttal

That won't let our feet find land
We adjourned to rehearse,
but our efforts were null and void

Only to appease with flames
that licked our shriveled bodies

D r
       i    p
                 p  i  n
                             g  
                                              Kerosene

Tainted like ink                  Spilled on
Reams of paper
ruined like Christmas
A house warmed by          Open flames

fallen candles                     Adorning
A naked kitchen                 My limp body,

Splayed beneath the oven      
                                               As
darkness indulges,             It
consumes
The smoke,                          Fills                
                                               Each crevice
                                               In your mind

Can you ever fight it
Burn your way back
To blissful ignorance.

the instant our eyes met,
i felt an unspoken understanding.
my heart ever so silently,
made a promise never to leave you.
i'm withering by the second,
every moment without you by me.
only reason my heart beats,
is to keep up to the rhythm of yours.
please don't leave or say no,
your existence in my life is my elixir.
it's you that keeps me alive,
for you are the last breath within me.

17 hoodies all in a line
a teenage girl wears one at a time
when it gets hot she rolls up a side
not the other because there's something she hides

she wakes up on a monday with a tear-stained face
and runs to the bathroom with quickened pace
so as to not let her parents see her mind
she hides from others because her emotions blind

she goes to school
walks though the gates but no one notices her not her mates
all else ignores her but she stays calm
as her emotions will pour from her palms

she need to be rescued from her own hands
but no one no where understands
crimson tears fall from my arms my life seems worthless so i self harm

The beat the momentum
of my heart
their urgently ringing conversations.

My mind empty as vacuum
yet brimming
with fears and unsolvable problems.

This machine is not who me
as humans
we all have our own certain limits.

People never remember history
choose not to
they keep pushing though i'm broken.

They never seem to realise even
when i'm long gone.

The skies cloud over,
the smell of thunder taints the air,
and the rain begins to fall
from my eyes.

There's a book of poetry
in the lines of my hands,
that no one wants to read.

I've lived my life,
rooted in her darkness,
arms catatonic as a tree.

Unable to run or cry,
when her other prunes my flowers.

An unconscious self sabotage
The reprimanding echo
A bed of invisible nails

Without the smallest clue
What was this discomfort of?

Exhaustion, a cage without doors.
Menial tasks turned impossible
Stumbling around all dazed

Dressed to the ninth in neglect
I keep forgetting to live.

The choice to cut is a signal .
I am trying no more ,
Taking a break from doing my best .

There are reasons why one would do it .

To ease the tension ;
Express emotional pain ;
To punish the body for its history ,
Or alleviate inner rage .

To express shame ;
To provide biochemical relief .

Breathe in fire
Breathe out rain
Love the hurt
Become pain

I'm sorry,
I broke my promise...
Not to hurt you.

My head hurts...
My mind is a mess...
My world is breaking apart...

I want all this to stop,
Hence I had to.

Sometimes the feelings are so overwhelming,
It's not my choice,
I can't control it...

I am euphoric now,
Tomorrow you see me crying.
I am angry now,
Then it morphs into excitement.

My emotions over flow,
My feelings don't reason...
They stream and pour into me,
Like a storm, a waterfall...

Scientists have discoverd
the same flexibiliy in thoughts
that leads to creativity;
can also lead in some individuals
to mental illness.

It wasn't you I wanted beside me,
It wasn't anyone in particular.
It wasn't anyone at all
It was the feeling of love,
Of being loved and taken care of.
This feeling is what I wanted,
To pin down and fall asleep
With its legs slung across me.
This longing has become need,
The need to feel any form of love
In ****** comfort and this security.
The need makes me stupid.

I’ve made a promise have to complete

thee a loser never to compete

my soul tattered that’s how i’ll bleed

diminish all shalt rid

mundanes with fine talent make perfect stead

as i’m gone who would take the lead

night wind howling as pain licks

hollow through my core once i wear of heat

on the cliff of valhalla i oath our only creed

flipping through minds in present

not anyone can cheat

Tis the season to be falling
Tis the season to be gay
Tis the season to be flying
Higher, farther, away ~

Chains loosened she calls to her mother
An earthy musk, grains of sand, mud on her face. A scruffy mutt laying listlessly on the tarmac, ribs rattling with the effort of each breath. She is home.

Muted flames thrashing in its cage, raging in the midst of civilization, a crucifixion of sorts. Tearing at its hair wildly, the masses trickling by, mouth agape in a silent scream. Ashes mixed into pieces of scalp, begging to be found.

Oblivious to a sound like thunder, clapping in one's ears. Strangled scream lost in translation, a language so old none could decipher. Fear wielding urgency, a disguise of desperation, depression.

Refusing to be still.

It doesn't always Happen.
Even though it hardly stays still.

Some don't realize its presence


Some will never see that it's passed


Some seem to have no recollection


It's the unbecoming of a star
The deconstruction of a song.

An elegant orchid in full bloom,
A nation of harmony, peace and justice...
Singapore ??? They ask.
What race are those people ?
As they guess and ponder...
Different ethnic foods hold the answers.

It is not
a good idea.

But

This is not
a cliche.

Truth

I’m pulling
no prank.

Please

I mean it
free me.

As a Borderline she suffers through ,
a kind of emotional Hemophilia ;

Lacking the clotting mechanism
needed to moderate her spurts of feelings .

Stimulate a passion ,
and she emotionally bleeds to death .

the thin filmsy material;
steel, copper, metal,
it doesn't matter.
push it into my flesh;
for that instance, it becomes titanium,
i am titanium.
the soft tugging temptation,
an acute pain filled sharpness;
the constant flow, an electric like current
willing me to plunge the blade
into my skin
once again.

my conscience begin to blur,
everything turns hazy;
but not my heart,
the heart burns like a flame,
bright and strong.
the slow beading of the wounds,
pairing with the rythm of my heart.
now protecting it,
a layer of amethyst pearls;
it's so beautiful, the most elegant moves,
the most gorgeous pattern ever formed.
and i do it,
once again.

June will kiss you and spell the extent of your beauty.

July will ******* senseless and leave you with a wailing heart.

August will pick up your broken pieces only to get cut.

September will brutally bruise you and jeer at your absurd fragility.

January will snap you in half and watch as you scream and cry on the floor.

February will be an ocean of self destruction, washing over you and gently cradling you in it’s arms.

March is broken records all over your apartment floor and getting wasted at ten in the morning.

April is blood in the sink, crying yourself to sleep, shaky hands and breaking down everywhere you go.

May is a storm forming in your eyes when you realize that you need to save yourself, because you stopped loving yourself for to long, and they stopped loving you too.

When they tell you that wounds will heal, you know that its all a lie.

love is like a broken thread
beads of water rolling off
a once beautiful band ruined
ripped to nothing like before
never a chance to hold back
to rewind the past written
carved into every droplet
falling off our cheekbones

There's a devil in each of us,
And an angel lives there too.

I saw the angel inside me,
Begging in tears to be set free.

But the devil stepped up,
shutting her up for so long.

I almost forgot her plea,
So I carved to set her free.

No one did understand,
How much this meant to me.

They stopped me for good,
Which stopped me from good.

It's been too long since then,
When i last saw her,
I'm afraid they killed the angel in me...

I wanted you to know
Not from anger or spite
Just a sort of insight
A slight glimpse into
My shadowed side
But I'm afraid you can't hold
They are really harsh, crude and snide

I never would lie to you
But you'd cry if you knew
What life has been like
From my point of view

The hurt the fear

I never would lie to you
But you'd cry if you knew
What life has been like
From my point of view

The hurt the fear
The past that's so near
Memories so clear
They felt like yesterday
It seems never ending no matter how I pray
I struggle, I fall, I stand again.
There's just no end to how much I've got to pay

You say, you're sorry
Misunderstood me;
But no, seriously
It's not your fault truly.

I wanted to change
For the better, if only
It's just too late
I'm doomed
That's my fate

Look in the mirror,
I hate the layers of I fat see;
the morbidly obese
not much of girl than Ogre.

No one seems to know it,
yet I always see in myself;
Like a guilt filled secret,
So heavy it weighs me down.

I can only ask myself,
Cause they always say no.
But the mistrust and insecurity,
They force me towards my Goal.

It's getting kinda old,
You know..??
I'm drained and tired,
Worned out by your fights.

Our fights.
Your words always accepted,
While I bury mine unspoken.
The one sided fight,
Where the opponent is silent.

No,
This isn't fair.
But fair doesn't exist.
Fair is a word that is created in fantasies,
Fair is a word spoken only in fairy tales.

I want this to stop.
We want this to stop.
Wait, don't you.....?
You don't speak the words,
But your actions strongly differ.

With every moment we spend together,
You explain to me the answer.
Why,
Why you treat me different now.
When nothing has really changed.

Your abhorring stares and frowns of detestation.
You tell me,
I don't belong here,
I took away your freedom.
I deserve to die.

You want me dead.

Blasting away heavy metal music ,
The angry lyrics and angst screams .

I picture myself ,
Punching the car's windshield .

Watching the barrier crack ,
From the impact of my fist ;
Like a cement sidewalk giving way
To the wild desperation of dandelions .

I want to see my anger ;
As poetry of a flower ,
Etched in glass .

I want the delusion of falling apart ;
That is like a dying swan ,
A swirl of yellow leaves in the fall .

Yet it would be more accurate to admit ;
Anger is a stone ,
Thrown through antique church glass windows.

The anger is a drunkard ,
Singing lewd songs at a funeral .
An addict ,
Putting a knife through your liver ,
Before grabbing ten bucks for a fix .

The anger is bold ,
Destructive and frightening ,
Not at all beautiful .

Visions of entrails ,
blood splatter patterns .
The anger , I ,
Am beginning to scare myself .

Searching, rummaging through slides of memories,
Hoping to find her place of sanctuary.

The need for love, for ultimate acceptance,
The warmth of family of own bloods presence.

Alone, burrowed in her hopes and dreams,
A heart empty, broken at its seams.

Despite the failed promises and torn wishes,
She carves and stitches the shattered pieces.

It takes time,
I tell myself.
Believe and wait,
And someday you'll gain
                                                                 Popularity.
The first day,
At a new school.
She comes and invites you,
What you've wanted is what she
                                                                 Has.
Sorority sounds cool,
But not what I'd expected.
Flash waves and strip poker,
The word boys tell you all about
                                                                 It.
Sometimes,
Things are different.
Never to be what we see,
There is nothing that is without a
                                                                 Price.

You can try to fix me,

I Dare you!

But there is nothing from the past
That you can undo,
There is nothing I can re-live
Or redo.

There is Nothing we can forget.

There are only the Flashbacks
Residual memories,
Fighting to get out despite
The torment.

Pain  ...   ...
                            
                            [fea­r]

  ||  A  ||  X  ||  I  ||  E  ||  T  ||  Y  ||



           ­                                     Loneliness...





¶¶¶ Depression

Replaying like a broken track
A warped Melody.

Just looking at her with pure sincerity,
now that she knows;
I wished she'd like me for me.

But the disgust in her eyes,
told me otherwise.

It was another start of one of my fears,
mercilessly coming true;
nothing i could do to amend.

The things i never did.

Sick I was weaker than I would be,
Soaked in vulnerability.

Recovering I was,
Still innocent, naive.
She sneaked in silently,
Masked under new skin.

I, forgetting her old tricks,
Welcomed her entrance.
Confiscating my opinions,
Shadowing my existence.

An oddly familiar reminder,
My speed my flexibility.
The ever swinging pointer,
Numbers, the scales, my proximity.

I, still trapped in her captivity,
Never knew to seek escape.
I, forever her prisoner,
Control she over takes.

In the dawn's embrace,
A weary soul seeks solace
In fading stars and a silent sky.
Where shadows dance in solemn waltz,

Echoes linger of dreams erased,
Life's fragile thread unravels, faults.
The weight of the world, a heavy shroud,
Lifted in a poignant plea, one last sigh.

That last breeze,
A final goodbye

A light that beckons,
The chance to be free.

The clarity rings,
Straight out from your heart.
You know it just,
This is your only calling.
Digging in deep,
Scavenging for the answer.
You lost all hints,
Seeking a treasure unrecoverable.
The roads get erased,
Sand storms final decision.
Random messages,
Sending you into frenzy and confusion.

ι ℓιкє тнє ωαу ιт ƒєєℓѕ
ωнєη ι тнιηк тнαт ι'м ℓєανιηg

нυят муѕєℓƒ тσ ρяσνє ι'м нυмαη
ωнєяє ∂ι∂ ι gσ ωяσηg тнιѕ тιмє?

ιƒ ι ∂ση'т ωαкє υρ ι'м вєттєя σƒƒ
ι'ℓℓ ƒιηαℓℓу ¢αт¢н υρ ση му ѕℓєєρ

ι'νє вєєη ѕσ ℓσѕт。。。
ωαηηα вє αηуωнєяє єℓѕє вυт нєяє
ωση'т вє тнιѕ ωαу ƒσяєνєя
¢αη'т ∂σ тнιѕ ƒσя мυ¢н ℓσηgєя

∂σєѕ αηуσηє gινє α ƒυ¢к?

ι ∂ση'т тнιηк тнαт'ѕ тнє ¢αѕє

I could've sworn you knew
When I met you, that day
Fidgeting with my sleeves
Arms scarred, a battlefield
Tears unshed for which I bled
Crimson, ounces I swear
So many words unsaid
Yet you still, left me alone
Nothing but much less
A crumbled heap, torn petals
Not worth an ounce of taffy
Still I needed you with me
Or at least whats left, my ashes
My soul, written on my epitaphy

Faster, faster,
Pump your arms.
Faster, Faster.
Don't you rest.
FASTER !
YOU'RE NOT TRYING !
you fat blimp...
...
ouch that hurt...
...
my ears hurt from your screams...
my arms hurt from pumping so hard...
my legs hurt from the consecutive runs...
...
aw...can't beat the others huh...?
Are you putting in more effort ?
Why won't you just try harder ??
Just move those chunky legs forward.
WHY CAN'T YOU DO IT ???
bet you forgot how to...
...
your snide comments are my fuel...
yet it rips me apart to be criticized...
By you.
...
who are you..??
...
you remain quiet at this question,
and you go on mocking me.
...
WHAT ???
You ate a slice of bread...?
great work...
...
then the screams of anger
they replace your softly delivered sarcasm
...
Look ! What have you done ?
98 calories !!!
YOU FAT SLOP !!
Dont you DARE...Take The Bus Home !
Its just a little more than 3 miles...*
...
my voice no longer strong enough
i stop arguing...
i've lost the strength to go against you...
...
i'll walk...
i guess...
you win...

The pain the sincerity the utmost devotion.
The times I tried that were left with no conclusions.
My questions unanswered yet my faith's unbroken.
My trust lost in you my heart forever burdened.

The lies the suspicions the cynical fabrications.
The secrets kept and spilled with no considerations.
Your eyes filled with disgust distrust and impatience.
Your impressions of me marred by your judgements.

Our minds our memories our hidden notions.
Our times together the sugary temptations.
Your doubt in me responsible for the tension.
My fear in you leaving my trust stolen.

We determine who we are
By what we do.
The choices we've made
Forever our own.
The flip switch we never saw
Is hidden in you.

Petals flew through the wind
among the overcrowded
morning sky.

Patches of clouds splashed
onto the canvas
that’s my sky.

A seemingly perfect picture
really broken pieces
of glass shards.

I silently paryed
You would see me,
The fear and torment
Reciding in me.
As my arms
Wrapped you in an embrace,
Wishing you could
Eternally keep me safe.

reaping apart souls, tearing open minds;
the indomitable virus, mental theives.
those slugs crawl into your systems,
dominate your nights with sleepless dreams.
dragging you by the feet,
making you acquire their language;
sharing so much of your memories,
you mistake for your own.