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6.3k · Jan 2017
Motivation & Reward
silvervi Jan 2017
The path you take
The choice you make
It's all your decision
It's all your own vision

Cause everything's possible
This everything's now
It is what it is
You never know how

But if you believe
You can make a difference
And what a relief
This knowledge might bring
Just try everything
Try to do it your way
Let this be your one,
Your only experience

Remember that day
You look back on life
You see what it brings
You're staying alive

The difference
It's there
No one can deny
You made it,
You can
You are satisfied
 :)
3.5k · Feb 2017
Self encouragement
silvervi Feb 2017
It's getting me worried
It loses all glory
Confusion and fears
Is there, what appears

Another strange moment
The energy's missing
Its colour is new
A new day processing

As if I changed
My program in brains
As if the software
Needed some updates

Relaxed but tense
The opposites rule
Too less defense
Too much to do

The energy's a useful tool
I need to get from somewhere
It should appear inside of me
Not the confusion, that I see

I kinda lost something
The passing days
I tried to evaluate
But it's a mess

I wanted it perfect
I wanted it right
But now life's teaching me
It's alright

I gotta accept it
I gotta move on
I gotta just stop
Comparing at all

Too much to question there
I know, I don't know where
The best solution's hiding
But I will fight, Ill find it

This is already
What I do right now
I give myself energy
I give myself power

I encourage myself
To go on
Keep on moving
On fighting
Stop crying
Amusing how dramatic it sounds
My creativity now is unbundling

I will heal the confusion
I will break the illusion
I will always keep going
And myself, it is growing
3.0k · Feb 2017
Embrace the moment
silvervi Feb 2017
Don't lose
Your knowledge
Darling
Don't get lost
In your brain
Expecting
Something bad
Is surely
The wrong way
But good is
To rethink
The attitude
You have
To question it
In logic
There's a proof
Ahead
Step further
Don't be worried
Nothing can stop you now
Examine to the fullest

The free feeling
The round
The evident
The present
The beautiful
The rare
Emotion
Moment
Ground
Obsession
Love and care
1.7k · Mar 3
1000 grains of sand
silvervi Mar 3
1000 grains of sand in my throat
And I was so naive, yes so.
After being the most suspicious person
I chose to believe, to show my deep grief.

1500 grains in my mind,
All horrible assumptions reunite,
I gave in once again into the light,
It turned out to be buried in the night.

10.000 grains are heavy and cold,
They creep through my heart.
And I was so naive, yes so.
But I had to get hurt to finally let go.
silvervi Apr 2017
You either struggle or you don't
This is your own decision
The way you look at things along
You build up your own vision

Please tell yourself that nothing ever
Should make you worry in this way
No one should ever get the power
To make you sad and not okay

It's hard sometimes cause we believe
This one is the one out of many
But do we want this person still
To make us feel really unhappy?
1.3k · Jul 2020
Fierce and Fiery
silvervi Jul 2020
I don't have to be sorry
Not at all
My conscience will fall
And let me alone
I will not regret
Not one thing
Not one
I will feel
Instead of fearing
I will see
Instead of hiding
I will go there
Meet it
Face to face
I will not let myself die in disgrace
I will fight for what I want
I will go there, fall, get up again.
I'll be strong
And stronger
Than I have ever been
I will be golden
Rock solid,
Deep with every emotion within.
I will fight, I will fall, and get up.
I will know how to call myself up.
To be able to look it in the eye
No matter how scary,
No matter how much I denied everything before.
Now and forever more
I will be who I truly really am
I will be myself, honestly
I will be and be and be and I will BE
Fierce and fiery and unapologetically ME.
Thank you, this time I really know who I am
1.2k · Jan 2017
The anchor of my heart
silvervi Jan 2017
The anchor of my heart
Please let me work

Stop holding me back
This struggle's a fact

Set me free instead
Let me focus on something but that

The anchor of my heart is too heavy
To move forward

I wanna cut it off
But I don't have the power

The anchor of my heart
Killed the message, the life
It is always there, this strife

And I can't move it
It's calm but heavy
It pulls my heart down
To the ground
Until the motion
Is frown
And there is no way back
I'd better understand
My emotions instead
The only way out
Is not to scratch on the surface
To ignore the internal maze
But to take a deep breath in
And to deal with the anchor within
1.1k · Dec 2023
It's ok #4
silvervi Dec 2023
It's ok to feel angry and to feel desperate about things.
1.1k · Jan 2019
Just for love
silvervi Jan 2019
I am just searching for someone
To fall in love with
Because it is that feeling
That I miss.
1.0k · Feb 2017
Everything will be fine
silvervi Feb 2017
Everything will be fine
Said she once
Said she twice

Everything will be fine
Just let it happen, alright?

Said she once, said she twice.

But this time, there's a difference

Because this time she herself is in this.
Waiting, waiting, she says to herself in distress
Waiting is the right way
For the moment, to escape
All those feelings insight
In her heart in her mind

"Let it happen" haha
"I just want to be far"
Far away from all of this
Even though she's gonna miss
Almost everything about him
Her and him - a perfect team

Trust is worth it
Be courageous
She is fearful
Never mentioned
How she felt ever before

Love is worth it
Scary word
She's frightened
She's shocked

She wants to hide
Though in her mind
There is a motivation

"I can't, I never mentioned..."
And all she knows after all this
That she's gonna miss his kiss
The one she never ever got.
964 · Jan 2017
Let it happen
silvervi Jan 2017
Don't think that this is wrong
Don't think, embrace the feeling
Don't try to see the cons, the pros
Just stop and let it happen

Don't try to figure out
But try to feel and not to doubt
The moment's truth is inside of you
And only you can let it happen

Don't worry too much
Just feel the real touch
The beauty, the moment's obsession
And simply let it happen

The feeling's always worth it
Don't try to run away from it
That'll be so dishonest
Just let it happen and smile

Open up, right now
Embrace the feeling
The power, the notion
And finally let happen the emotion

No one will judge you, only your feeling counts, stop being afraid of yourself
Stop hiding in someone else's shape but yours
and better let it happen.
952 · Feb 2017
A sober reply
silvervi Feb 2017
Now you talk like that to me
All emotional and all impulsive
I am tempted to reply
In the same unreasonable way

But because of that
I will keep it back
Staying calm for a moment or two.

To find the right answer for you.
941 · Mar 2017
No time left
silvervi Mar 2017
No time left
And confusion
Now seems
All a sweet
Illusion
These
Feelings'
Collusion
In brains
I won't
Let it get
Into veins
There's
No real
Pain
It's only
Artificial
Caused by
Fears
And caused by
Indecision
silvervi Feb 2017
There is no such thing as bein' adult
It's just an expression of many
It's just an abstraction-puddle
In which humans are hiding forever.

There's no such thing as the adult world
Cause every person lives on Earth
And here at times everyone takes a sword
To conquer this castle or another

There's no such thing as an adult behavior
Cause every person feels giggly at times
In fact these times are the ones we remember
We don't need to label them "a child inside"

There is no such thing as an adult
But you can call everyone a child
Cause that's the first name we're all given
And we all are trying to hide

There is no such thing as an adult
The only thing there's is an actor
And acting forever, without a break
The need to hide, to lie, to fake
It's all but good for a human being
Who's trying to avoid the lifeless way of living
886 · Jan 2019
A look planted
silvervi Jan 2019
A seed planted,
Turned around,
Hope.
A look planted,
Turned around,
Hope.
A smile more,
Turned around,
Hope.
Another look, longer,
Turned around,
I hope I touched your soul.
...because you definitely touched mine.
721 · Mar 2017
As hot and cold as a stone
silvervi Mar 2017
As hot and cold as a stone
When it hits the asphalt
It hit me on the inside
When I suddenly saw you
from a distance tonight

The sparks burned bright
But disappeared within a second
The hope has died
It only seemed to be awaken

Ridiculous, to let the light in
Again. I fell back into memories
I better should go on and forget
How bad I felt those days

I gave you the power,
Do you understand?
How much you meant to me
How much I cared
Now everything is hidden
In the sand
of pale old memories

I never got to hold your hand
But I am still thankful for that
For the beauty and the feeling
For the taking and not giving
You taught me about myself
I discovered through you
How I am dealing with
Situations like this
To get hurt and to miss
To get lost and to find
To be weak and to fight
To lie, to cry, to laugh and smile

I say thank you and you
Will never know
How much I grew through you
Through high and low

I remembered everything right then
When I saw you tonight in an instant
As hot and cold as a stone
When it hits the asphalt...
Met someone who used to be enormously important to me unexpectedly again and memories of feelings came back for a moment
710 · Feb 2019
Could it be a new romance?
silvervi Feb 2019
A mysterious coincidence,
I love mystery, it's exciting,
Could it be a new romance?
Because romantic atmosphere is igniting.

I am thinking of you and your glances,
Shining brightly across the room,
But I still don't know the colour of your eyes,
From a distance I was watching you...

'Look at me', I thought, and there you did.
And you spoke to me right across the room,
You spoke of the day when we will meet,
For a movie and - I hope - a date.

You said, that you hadn't forgotten,
No way, of course you had not,
Don't worry that day you will see me,
From much less far, than so far.

I was a bit nervous, I admit,
But maybe you were nervous too,
I looked at your forearms, uncovered,
to see if I spot a **** tattoo...
or maybe even two.

But no, at least not on your forearms
And maybe you're not the person for that.
I am keen on getting to know you,
I am not gonna regret that we met.

So all my reveries keep on dancing,
Around me, my soul and my head,
Your eyes' spark from a distance,
The warmth that I couldn't forget.

I am pretty sure that you like me,
And for now that is all I want.
I am happy that I can tell you more,
Once we meet, only the two of us, for sure.
709 · Feb 2017
Affection
silvervi Feb 2017
I wanna see you again
I miss your eyes
I wanna see you again
This madness, skies

I wanna feel your warmth
Your evidence
I wanna feel you more
Than ever did

I wanna touch you
Please, let me to
I wanna hug you gently
Under the moon

I wanna see your happiness
The crazy one
I wanna feel your breath
Until it's gone
676 · Mar 2017
The King
silvervi Mar 2017
Once upon
A time
A King
Spoke in a
Rhyme:
"Tonight Folks,
You will not believe
I'll show you
Something very deep
Inside of me
The secret is
Too hard to keep...
Too long have
I waited to speak
It out loud."

everyone
in the crowd
listened excitedly
to the royalty
speaking in clarity:
"My dearest crowd"

everyone bowed
to the King's Sound

As he went on:
"What's meant to be
Is what is nature's will.
For what feels right
Is what is real"

the people stood still...
waiting for more
the King being nervous
they couldn't ignore...
While he took a deep breath in
and scratching his chin let them know:

"So friends, I'll tell you
What I mean...
From now on
I will be your Queen."
Speaking of the LGBT-community, do what feels right and don't care about what other people say. "For what feels right is real". Freedom to every human being on this planet!
672 · May 2021
Untitled
silvervi May 2021
Guarded by the beautiful trees
I sit
Dwelling in the sun
My chest being warmed
My eyes closed
"Trust me", sings the soft breeze
As I surrender to the being
To the moment
To birds' and nature's sounds around me
Peacefully
Healing...
667 · Apr 2019
Listen Expectations
silvervi Apr 2019
Expectations, expectations,
Can I drop you for a while?
I don't mean it bad or vicious,
I just need a relaxed mind.

I don't really need your pressure,
Since it holds me back a lot,
Can I please enjoy this moment?
Cause it's everything I got!
655 · Mar 2017
The perfect state
silvervi Mar 2017
Whatever happens - I am ready
No fears, only excitement
Whatever happens, nothing bothers
Here I am, no suffering, no more

Embracing every obstacle
Like in a game
Even if I got too much out of the frame
Whatever happens, I am ready now
No questioning, no doubts
Playing around
So happy
Being me
That's what I like to be
652 · Feb 2017
Insanely insane
silvervi Feb 2017
Insanely insane
No program in brain
No chain to attain
No page to stain

No need to repeat
Issues to reheat
The past doesn't last
Anyway

Speculation is ******
And the son of disorder
Like a drama recorder
Playing again and again

The anxiety's claws
From the head to the toes
In a circle it goes
Reoccurring pain
643 · Dec 2023
It's ok #1
silvervi Dec 2023
It's okay to feel lonely and abandoned sometimes.
624 · Jan 2020
This night
silvervi Jan 2020
Out of time
No one minds
Anything
At all

Floating
Two crazy
Minds
And two
Whirring
Souls

Far away
But home
In your
Arms

Your touch
And comfort
Warm
Like
Home
In
Winter
Like snowflakes
On the windows
Painting.

Like the sound
Of rain in the summer.
Soft.
Cozy.
Refreshing.

Everlasting
Moment
With
No
Time.

Harmony
Is our
Song
I am sure
You heard it
Too.
This night.
silvervi Feb 2017
Who knows if you think differently
Or if you think the same
Who knows if you feel similar
Or if it's just a game

Who knows if this occured to you
As something special ever
Who knows if I would have liked you
Even if I said "never"

Who knows, but I never say never
Because I live in the present
Just like you
Who knows maybe if I stayed forever
There could be more than friendship
Between me and you

Who knows if you even ever wondered
How the day looked like without me
Who knows if you have ever thought
That that's so important to me

I'll probably never know
Or once after some years
I might meet you again
And fight against my tears

That day we could be changed
Or changing or be same
If this time we arranged
We'd both be nervous anyway

If that's the only thing
That is left to us then
We still would have the same
The lovely atmosphere
And once we might stay here
Together once without to fear
586 · Apr 2019
What's there to lose?
silvervi Apr 2019
Of course I wonder
Of course I care
It's coming, soon,
Like in a different life,
It's either a date
Nor a simple encounter,
It doesn't fit into my last months strife.

I do prepare for a breakthrough,
I do prepare for a heartbreak too.
But I prefer to have it that way finally.
Better than fleeing from love endlessly.

I do need love in my life,
I do deserve the heat of touch,
I do deserve the butterflies,
The ups and downs,
The stress, the rush,
The anxious worries,
The dramatic stories,
The fear, the pain,
And the occasional gain,
The tears of luck,
The tears of disdain,
I could do this again and again.

Because I do choose my way,
I'll be ignoring, what they have to say.
There's nothing to lose after all, anyway.

And once you let me go,
I set my love for you... free.
There are no boundaries for love
In my life, and for me.

So that's my goal,
I'm gonna haunt the truth,
After all it's only this one life,
And how often do we love
Like this?
563 · Dec 2018
Vacuum
silvervi Dec 2018
Forgot how to poem
Forgot how to rhyme
Tryin to find ways
To express myself

My void on the inside
Doesn't leave me much
I can't really say how I feel
Can't really reach it or touch

Got some physical pain
Cause the body knows
When the emptiness within me
Grows and my soul hurts

All this vacuum is there for me to hide
What I feel so bad about and what I mind

I don't see it all but it is there
It's invisible but I am tryin to share
Feeling empty after a bad incident in my family. Trying to find ways to express this inner void. I know that eventually I'll find peace again and poetry always helps to speed up the recovery
545 · Jan 2017
Oh routine
silvervi Jan 2017
Oh routine you are gorgeous
Let me feel nor old nor young
Oh routine, all my emotions
They are simply dead and gone
Cause routine, you are here
And you're making me flow
From the minute to day
To the week and Monday
All the way to the night
You're my day-satellite
Nothing new on my way
And as long as you stay
There won't be a single creation.

All I have is the routing vane
And the color of hay
Lighting everyday
Even blood of my veins
And the pulse of my brain
Have the same and old color
Of routine-blinded pain.
534 · Apr 2017
Short poem
silvervi Apr 2017
Precious time
Great ideas
I am using these

I don't want
To lose them
Make them useless

Automatically
Planning out
Creativity
Is the ground

No illusions
Can be found
No strategic
Or deep wounds

Truth is happiness
With no fear
And creations are
Its best friends

Beautiful
Nice to hear
This is how this short poem
Ends
523 · Dec 2023
It's ok #2
silvervi Dec 2023
It's ok to make mistakes, ask for help and to not know.
523 · Apr 2017
What would death feel like?
silvervi Apr 2017
What would death feel like?
Strong and mighty...
Like a fight?
Neutral ignorant
Maybe
Or just fearful
Not to be

Would it maybe
Rather be
Happy and relaxed
Or isn't it for us
To see how long it lasts?

Is there something like pre-death
Just to put us to the test
To see the reaction beneath
To examine if we are ready

It is possible
That death is a new start
Some do believe in it
It's not too hard
But tough
Is to assume
That nothing will follow
Nor time nor space no room
All in one swallowed

And I think to myself
If that's what death is like
Do we even have to worry
To die in a certain glory
Or too young or too soon
Because if nothing follows
Then the you disappears
In a moment with all fears
And if you don't feel
You are not alive
So death might be less crucial
Than we're used to assume
Our attitudes, opinions will be gone
Our feelings all disappear on their own
And with them our very own soul
Which might continue its adventure
In a different creature.
509 · Jan 2017
Be
silvervi Jan 2017
Be
Be a unicorn
Be just be
Float through grass
And to the sea

Be a seahorse
Be just be
Nothing is worse
Than not to be

Be a grasshopper
Jump through the green
Cause green means hope
And it guides every leap

Be a bear in the woods
Dance around every tree
Be the forest, the roots
Feel the nature, feel free

Be a small butterfly
Floating to every flower
Be a human, just be
And enjoy every hour
509 · Jan 2019
Anxious
silvervi Jan 2019
To lose yourself
Is scary

As not to know
The way

You see a million directions
And you're afraid to choose

You're overanalyzing
Lose touch to any feeling

You're transparent like a ghost
There's no sense in your existence

You see no sense at all.

Like a trombone
The sound of pain in mind
Your brain gets hurt
You're stuck

Can barely breath
Why breath at all?
If you're a ghost

You're scaring, hurting others.
What a shame.

Who will be ever able to love you?
It mustnt be true, it must be a game.
It's a process though. In darkness you can see the light even better, even if it's a tiny spot somewhere far away. Keep holding on to it.
499 · Apr 2017
Everytime
silvervi Apr 2017
Everytime I meet someone new
Who is cute, with interesting attitude
I get to choose -
If to save the contact or to lose...
I am starting to imagine me
Being in love desperately
Having settled a romance suddenly
Being able to become a couple

I don't know if I am starting too early
But I know for sure, he does too
Because I don't think I ever have to worry
About me having this attitude
My friend once said:
It's good to keep the naivety
Instead of learning from failures negativity.
I guess I'm gonna follow the advice
And I'm not gonna rethink it twice
Sometimes
You gotta live and let it happen
Sometimes
This is the way it should be done
It is so often here and now or never
So take this moment, do what feels right
And what makes fun.
This way you're gonna gain experiences
All of a sudden you become enriched
I am not trying to teach you a lesson
Your life is the one who is gonna teach :)
489 · Sep 16
Affirmation # 2
silvervi Sep 16
My body is safe. It is safe to relax.
Long exhales. You are safe here. Look around you. Realize that your body is safe. Continue breathing <3
488 · Feb 2017
Something
silvervi Feb 2017
Something very deep inside
Something I have tried to hide
Somewhere farther than my mind

Something I don't understand
Something deep inside my head
Somewhere I can't really get

Something that I just have found
Something big something unproud
Somewhere no one ever got

Something huge
Something new
Something scary

Something I will work out soon
Somewhere only me and moon
Thinking deeply, using time
Feeling like myself and I

Shall the weirdness stop that day
It ain't meant to stay forever
I will deal with it, find the reason why
This new challenge shall begin!
And the light is there to guide
Through the darkness of my mind
Through confusion, through the night.
480 · Apr 2017
The game
silvervi Apr 2017
If you don't call
I will not either
It is so cold without you
If you will fall
But won't catch me
I will not cry
About it
Since I can live
Without it

If you don't talk
So will not I
The silent wall
Between us
If you are tired
So am I
I will not entertain us

If you forget
I can do too
Sometimes fear
Is a useful tool
Afraid of pain
Of having lost
I better let you
Fall down first

If you don't see
So won't do I
I will not cry
And will not fight
If you will try
To get me back
I might come back
But only once
Again
A human self-protective reaction. Pride. Pretending. Revenge? Misunderstanding. Love? Hate?
478 · Mar 2017
If only
silvervi Mar 2017
Sometimes we don't know
Where to go
If only we learned to cope
Through belief and hope
477 · Jan 2019
Just asking to ask
silvervi Jan 2019
I am just asking to ask,
To get an answer from you,
I am just looking, to look,
To have you look at me, too.
I am so careful, I am,
******, I am just too shy.
I am afraid to risk it,
And show the interest I deny.
473 · Dec 2023
Durch den Schmerz
silvervi Dec 2023
Es wird nicht leichter
Und ich mach weiter
Bis der morgen
Weniger schwer ist
Bis mein Herz wieder
Atmen kann.
Bis ich wieder sagen kann:
Ich liebe mich.
Bis ich dankbar sein kann
Für die Luft.
Bis ich frei bin.
Bis ich ich bin.
Bis ich ich bin und
Mich nicht allein fühle.

Bis dahin werde ich
Weitermachen
Noch mehr lachen
Krach und Witze machen
Zeit allein genießen.
Auch wenn der Tag beschissen ist.
Ich geb nicht auf,
Wenn's am schwersten ist.
Niemand kennt mich so wie ich.
Niemand sieht meine Schmerzen ganz.
Ich bin deshalb für mich verantwortlich.
Ich werde mich nicht aufgeben, niemals.
Mit Schmerzen und Misstrauen schreib ich das.

Ich bin bereit mehr Gas zu geben.
Für mich und für ein schönes leichtes Leben.
Ohne traumatische Erinnerungen eben.
Ohne inadequate Reaktionen.
Mit lächeln und dem Wissen in mei'm Herz,
Dass jede einzelne Minute wert es war,
Mich zu dem Augenblick zu führen
Durch den Schmerz.
461 · Feb 2017
Too speculatiOUS
silvervi Feb 2017
Way too speculatious
That's how I'm used to be
I feel like passing weeks
Stole me some energy

I question myself
My thoughts
Everything
Because of what
He said
Because of him

I try to discover the truth
But all I am doing is hiding
I need to climb up a roof
To escape the walls
Which are blinding

I used to believe
In a set of rules
With different maxima
That brought me relief
I used to realize
That I can always choose
I don't know how
This all I could lose

Probably I saved it
In the back of my mind
Behind the part
That I'm trying to hide

Oh that's the solution
It possibly is
I have to let go
The things
I won't miss

I have to accept
Me - the way I am
I have to move on
And not to hold on

Confusion's a product
Of indecisive moods
That's how I take
This problem by its roots

I have to make decisions
Because they count
I have to choose
And not to doubt
457 · Apr 2017
What will happen next?
silvervi Apr 2017
Time, seconds, weeks, days
Randomly combined states
Never-ending, always standing
By your side forever

You know it seems unreal
I don't know how I feel
I don't believe what happened
With you and me that night

This time the tension more than tense
I didn't lie, didn't pretend
I didn't have to hide
My feelings
And you
Were honest too.

Believing in the past
The feeling which didn't last
Where is it right now
That's what I am wondering about
While I am here
And you are not
I am really close to question a lot
And I ask myself
What will happen next
Because I am afraid
That the feelings are away
455 · Jun 2018
Chasing Stars
silvervi Jun 2018
If you and me were on a road trip to somewhere only we know.
Everything would be different.
If you and me had time to get away … into the nature.
If you and me had time to get away
We would, believe me, I would want it badly.
I'd love to show you places,
And to go places with you.
No need for other people, maybe apart from gas stations' salesmen.
Only us and the beautiful nature,
No social boundaries … just life.
Because you are just a person. And I am a person, too.
You have just the same needs, feelings, thoughts.
You have a soul that tries to understand.

Your smile is just as warm as a sun’s ray can be.
You saw enough of lies, of dark and scary forest paths.
You’ve been through this, you lost yourself.
You found the light to get out of the madness.
Still social boundaries were haunting you.
Tying you up and forcing you to ground.

You’re learning and that is beautiful to see.
How you adopt, you build up and progress.
You learned to step out for yourself
To stand strong, to survive the hell.

Sometimes you can’t believe what you’ve been through.
Sometimes you want to run away and to forget.
But life is here and now,
You need to stick to what is there. Right now.

Believe me, watching stars and riding horses.
Going to swim in clear blue waters,
Diving into the ocean… of love.
But I don’t know if that would be enough.

You can be anyone. You know that, right?
Nothing is given for or to us by our birth but life.

Belief is all that counts. You can become whatever you believe into.
Sometimes… and almost always… the societies are blind.
Listen to your own self and ignore what anyone expects.
Be and enjoy life for yourself.
You deserve this my darling, please believe.

…..
Let’s pretend we’re chasing stars with our glances,
But in souls we’re calm as this word could ever be.
Let’s imagine we can get away
And leave the society to live free.
447 · Mar 2017
I remember
silvervi Mar 2017
I remember us
We talked. We laughed
We were happy to have each other
We have trusted one another
And I never thought
This might end.

I remember how
We spent so much time together
We talked about everything
Being open books to one another
And I never could imagine
This might end.

I remember those long nights
After having said "sleep well"
We were still talking about this and that
Even though both very tired the next day
We always did it again and again
And I never believed
This might end.

I remember being so happy with you
Laughing so much that it hurt
Trusting you, being there for you
Always wanting to keep that forever
-
Years and years. And at first
Our friendship grew stronger.
But having reached the highest point
The time and space became our enemies.
I never expected
This to have an end.

I know deep inside you understand
But you stopped chasing those good memories
Still it was hard for me to let them go
...
Anyway I just wanted to let you know
All my secrets and thoughts
All my losses and pains
I wanted to share with you
What was in my heart, in my veins
But you lost the belief in us
And we couldn't keep the trust

And I never again got to know
About how you feel deep inside
What you actually think in your mind
How you feel about losing your best friend
Because now our friendship seemed to end

And I always blamed the circumstances
But I knew that you changed a lot
So maybe if you didn't let go off
We could still make it through everything
Just how we used to do it once before -
When I never could imagine
This might end.
The friendship is unfortunately fading and I don't feel that I can save it anymore. Unfortunately. We picked to go different ways.
446 · Feb 2017
Live
silvervi Feb 2017
If you wanna laugh -
                                   Laugh!

If you wanna cry -
                                   Cry!

If you wanna love -
                                   Love!

But if you wanna die -
                                   Don't...
430 · Sep 16
Dilemma
silvervi Sep 16
What I connect with you
Is covered in pain
In black mud and dirt
All over

I slip and I fall
Over it again
If we play the same
Old familiar game

And we're both not that bad
No bad people indeed
But the hurt that's inside
Makes us lose our mind

It's my frustration speaking
Or shall I rather say weeping?
For a part of me knows
I don't want to let go.

Close to giving up on us
Closer than ever before
Maybe that's the only way
To be free and sane again

I am not ready to suffer
Until one day we will die
I need more than that
From this one and only life

Hoping you'll understand
My perspective someday
And that I won't regret
Whatever I'm gonna say

Trust me, all the dark mud
On our lips, in our hearts
Sealed up all the love left
Which was there at the start

Now when I am looking up
I am feeling empty
Looking at the stars  
So bright, but I was beaten by envy

I know deep inside
A part of me hates me
I hate me for the fact
That I failed to connect

That I failed to understand
My problem at it's core so that
I would know better and not regret
The decision I made based on that

I need now to accept the truth
But it's so painful
Having you
Beneath me

That's why my mind is looking
For a way -
to keep the distance
And to stay away

Even though it's not less painful that way.
What else should I say?
Have I done enough? Really?
Or am I simply sick of being the sick one after all?
How about what did go wrong in your childhood and home?
Is the trigger problem really only me?
Or is it both of us and we are both trying to be free...

No answer to my feelings, thoughts and states remains
Because the more I try the more I fail
To see and understand.
My mind is full of images
I can't pretend.
I need to know.
What I want after all.
******, life makes you wanna have a second chance. All over again. Till the end.
Feeling not much better than before.

But I know my dilemma is that all.
11/2023: Difficult relationship situation. Repeating painful cycles in conditioned patterns, hurting each other. I was looking for a way out of this, feeling guilty and desperate. Questioning everything. As always putting my complicated feelings and thoughts into words..  

I am in a much better place now. Grateful to staying persistent and being there for myself in the most difficult times such as described in the poem.
428 · May 2022
Relationship reflection
silvervi May 2022
Connected
Is what I want us to be
I should give us the chance
No running away

The confidence we'll need
We'll find
If this is what will happen.
I just want to trust
In your eyes
I will meet my fears
And go beyond

It's gonna be worth it
To show you my tears
Fall into your arms
I want this
But it only will happen
If it's supposed to.
I can't force it, you know.
Though I can stay present for us
And believe in the best outcome.
I'd never want to hurt you ever
Trust me
How you feel does matter
To me

I am afraid
And shaking insecurely
Can you bear my unaware times
Can you hold me when I am almost breaking in 1000 tears...
Biting together my teeth
Caring about what every body thinks..

I am honestly afraid
To get lost in somebody else's eyes
But if that's what is supposed to happen
Then I guess it will
...
Guess there's a part of me
That's searching for someone else
To fall for
And that part I have tried to ignore
But I'll try and accept it after all
Otherwise it'll always be there...
I know it's hard to trust
When I tell you these things
When I share everything....
Is it fair?

I still think I could get to know you better
Every time I tried to listen to you
You showed your true self
Opened up I guess..
I might be too confused and distracted by my own self all the time..

I won't be sorry but I struggle on the inside.
Will I be able to transform myself?
Though then it won't be for you...
Nor for nobody else.
I have to do it for myself.
Cause otherwise the lesson will come again... It will repeat itself.
silvervi Jan 2017
She was there alone that night
She was thinking, she felt fright
She was alone and there was light
She didn't go, she didn't mind

He was a perfect idea of many
He would have found her
And understood
She was alone and the night rather rainy
She stayed at home here
She embraced her fear

Fears and Ideas
Mixed up together
Just as a bright foggy snowy weather
Tumbling around
Feeling dizzy and drunk
Thoughts are confusing
Why do they matter?

She sat there and sat
The candle burned red
The light throwing scary pictures around her
She tried to believe, she hoped
But today she didn't received the relief
Anyway
424 · Sep 8
Song: Life of strife
silvervi Sep 8
I'm not worried about my life
I am worried about my image
I am trying to strive and strive
Performing on a stage
Called life of strife
This life of strife

Hör auf, listen to me
Du bist nicht so wichtig
As it seems to be.
What? You feel hurt again?
I don't know what to do
My friend.

I don't know what to do, my friend.
Speaking to myself, to my Ego, trying to support myself, but there was certainly self-pity involved. This was back in 06/2023. Glad, I'm not in that dark place anymore. But if you are, keep going and moving forward in any imaginable way. Don't stop believing. Write as much as you need to. Be compassionate with yourself. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. You are a human being, too. <3
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