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Aa Harvey Nov 25

Self-sabotage; it’s all I know.
There is no way I am letting anybody get close.
Self-sabotage; it’s all I have got.
If you want my love then I will be sure to be gone.

Why try to love me?  I can’t be loved.
Why try to like me?  I have given up.
Why try to talk to me when I am mute?
Self-sabotage because I could love you.

I am a broken record who totally ignores,
Any possibility of ever being loved.
Say I am bored, when inside it burns to the core.
There is nothing in this world that is purely good.

Holding on to losing hope.
Sun still shines even when it snows.
In love with misery; happy with apathy.
So full of nothing; love being empty.

(C)2020 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
Dear self,

I kneel before you not to let me stand in my own way.
Chris Calkins Jul 12
i'm stuck in this bomb of a body;
heels pressed into the knowledge
that things will always go wrong.
finger cocked on the hair-trigger that is my mind;
whether the blast will go inwards or out no one knows.
either way, the result will hurt everyone close
to this disaster that is me and myself;
the only thing  i can be trusted to do
is sabotage my health -
i fail on purpose at everything else,
Note: This was written 8 months ago. I was in an abusive situation, and I'm out now. Things still aren't great, but it does get a little better from here on out.
Isabine Apr 8
What could I do to push you away?
What would you do, if I hurt you?
How could I shock you—with me?
How would it feel to be thrown away?
How could I melt your smile?
How could I make you hate me?
Why do these thoughts keep blooming?
How come I can't believe anything lasts?
At all
Maurice Apr 5
You're like the villain in my own story
as soon as it seems good you reappear,
what was once so close is no longer near.

When I take one step forward, you take two steps back
two steps forward, four steps back
no matter where I go, I'm always trapped.

I stand on these crutches but others stand higher,
while they're looking ahead, I'm looking tired
I guess it's just how we're wired.

We've convinced ourself this is normal
"I'm just stuck in a rut!" but in actuality,
maybe I'm just a nut?
Tatiana Dec 2019
I'm sitting on my wings
and wondering why I can't fly.
Is there a doctor I can speak to
that'll diagnose my desire to die?

Do you know what it's like
to make believe all the time?
Do you know what it's like
to be stuck between death and flight?

I look up to the sky so blue
and see birds flying like I'm supposed to.
What am I doing wrong?
I raise my arms up, always reaching

for a helping hand
yet they slap it with glee.
I'm not here to cheer though I'm
proud can someone give me a boost.

I think I've got my
wings free.
I'll flap them to this
frantic beat.

Where did everyone go?
I'm not sure I know.
The rest of them flew here.
How am I alone again?
Grounded in the air.

I'm sitting on my wings
they're pins and needles not downy feathers.
They push into every single nerve
each time I try to fly.

Do you know what it's like
to make believe all the time?
Do you know what it's like
to be stuck between death and flight?

Here's a song about self-sabotage and depression
Kora Sani Aug 2019
i’ve always had an aversion to crowded spaces
it's not something i enjoy
and how can i
when my mind is crowded too

the more people that surround me,
the more i’m aware i exist

eyes meet mine and watch me as i move
i look away after that
so their hands can’t hurt me
and their hearts can’t love me

i fall back into the shadows
leaving one crowd, for another
self-sabotage, they call it
having no intention to change

always between two fires
getting burned either way
Lost Jul 2019
I’m drowning in ****
Spewing from my own ***
I’m in a fountain of it
I’m the figurehead vomiting
Liquid feces

I’m not rude
I’m not crass
I’m telling the truth

And sometimes
Honesty ******* stinks
Especially when the reality is
That it’s your own ******* fault
Bleeding from the walls

I’m drowning in ****
Spewing from my own ***
How long?
How long until you catch
The stifling odor
The aroma of ****
Would you stick around
Would it be worth it?

Big ******* doubt
You’ll do a 180
And turn right the **** around
Running in the opposite direction
Because you found out
That I’m full

Next to me
I’m laying here
Soiled and soaked
When somebody will come along
Without leaving
When my **** stinks
Too much
Sorry if the gross imagery is a little overkill lol. Just had to get this one out. Off all my meds right now and my mind is a messy place to be.
Llila Feb 2019
I broke my back to climb a wall
Almost got to the top this time
Foot slipped this time

You grabbed my hand
Fingers tracing vines against my skin
And pushed me down to the bottom again
I broke my back in the fall
sankavi Jan 2019
You don't know me -
not the real me.
You know my favourite movie
and maybe my favourite song.
You know what food I could eat every day
and you know about my first pet.
But you don't know me.
You don't know how much I want to tear my skin off my body
and become a whole new person.
You don't know how I self-sabotage
everything good in my life.
You don't know why I can't trust you
and you'll never know
my past or what's hiding
inside my mind.
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