I don't want this I don't I don't I just wanna be free Can't be me with her around Cause the me I got ain't even real I don't want this She is everywhere I go Recoiling Can't stand her presence bein' around
I just wanna be me The me that I created Not for real Not for real Can't be real
I just wanna be me Fake old me Li'l ol'me Pretending to be some one else.
set the scene;;
this is a male response to a females attempts to form intimacy with the real person inside the false, defensive shell that she has caught a glimpse of, and fallen immediately in love with. he is not used to tru intimacy, it scares him tremendously, and instead of going for it, he opts to repel her in favour of protecting his falsely created life of fantasy bonds with others. the value is placed on what is fake and defensive, whilst discounting the real and the intimate.
i'm stuck in this bomb of a body; heels pressed into the knowledge that things will always go wrong. finger cocked on the hair-trigger that is my mind; whether the blast will go inwards or out no one knows. either way, the result will hurt everyone close to this disaster that is me and myself; the only thing i can be trusted to do is sabotage my health - i fail on purpose at everything else,
Note: This was written 8 months ago. I was in an abusive situation, and I'm out now. Things still aren't great, but it does get a little better from here on out.
What could I do to push you away? What would you do, if I hurt you? Deeply How could I shock you—with me? How would it feel to be thrown away? Again How could I melt your smile? How could I make you hate me? Forever Why do these thoughts keep blooming? How come I can't believe anything lasts? At all