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  Jun 13 silvervi
Debanjana Saha
Turned 29 yesterday,
Celebrating on my own
For the very first time
I made arrangements
for myself
With balloons, songs
and a yummy cake!
And with all these,
I realized,
I can love myself too!

Despite the
love-hate relationship
with my own self,
I owe my body and soul!
They have been through a lot
From the self harm
in every possible way
To the
low phases
and pitfalls.
And I feel grateful
that I am still alive

With so much more of wisdom
Through the journey of life
Every changing as a whole
From happiness,
joyfulness, escasty,
And love -
To the
trauma's, loss,
heartbreaks, failures
Loneliness and depression!

I am now learning
to be on my own
From distraction and noises
all around
To shifting focus to oneself!

And with all of these,
Now Murphy's law
makes much more sense!

And now
With a the shifts of focus
I know that somehow
I can contribute
to this vast world too!
The support which I keep getting from God and all around immense and I am equally grateful for this life no matter how much it hurts!
silvervi Jun 13
Afraid?
Of what?
Of what's inside of me.

How evil
Dangerous
Destructive
Could it be?

I am my own careful detective
Investigating parts of me
That I myself have hid
For years quite stubbornly

Will I be able to rejoin
All parts of me together?
Will I be able to enjoy
The wholeness then forever?

It's not as easy to put into words
It feels as if I had maybe two hearts
There's one that tries to be so nice
But underneath it lies...
Another one, the dark and rough,
That one was made by times so tough
That really it just cannot smile
It has its own dark heavy style

I'm digging deep to see
My fear is growing though
That's how I managed to ignore
My darkness for so long

But finally, for feelings' sake,
I gotta stop before it's late
I need to see and to admit
Who am I underneath the dry smile
That I have been practicing for a long while


Scared of losing myself?
Maybe.
But I gotta risk it,
Don't I?

After all I just know
That my darkest side
Does deserve the attention
Of my soul and mind

It's a part of me
I'll express it in arts
Before my dry smile
Dries out both my hearts.
A human trying to connect to suppressed feelings
silvervi Jun 11
No, I don't know
What love is
At all.

I am wondering
And my soul
Is about to fall

What is love
Why is love
And why are we all?

Are these simply questions of a depressed mind?
Maybe.
But also of one that is trying to find

Reasons
To live and to feel and to love.
Again.
More
And more honestly than ever.

Searching is my current state.
It's rather stuck, but does vibrate
Uncomfortably under my ribs
Where the deepest of feelings should be

Instead I am mostly inhibiting my head
But I want to learn to change that
My body needs more of my attention
I need to connect
To reconnect I guess.

I noticed there is a big gap
Between my soul, my head, my body..
It is as if I am existing in parts.

Maybe it's true cause energy is divided
Maybe.

I don't really know much
My focus recently has been very shallow
I guess I lost other people's touch
The human connections with fellows

They matter. Society matters.
This is where love meets me
But rarely.

I did experience hate though
In groups.
No body came to save me

But that's over, isn't it?
Or do I still have to learn to trust?

Am I still so influenced by it?
That I'd rather deny myself
Than to accept
That someone might not like
Sth about me instead.

Why is it so bad?
How to get rid of this weird energy.
How to find a way to be finally free.
I am not even begging for materialistic freedom.
I just want to be able to decide
How my life is gonna be
Where I am gonna be
And in each and every moment
What is actually right for me?

I know I overstepped some boundaries
And I will overstep even more
There are boundaries I overstep unwillingly
And there's others that I knowingly ignore.
A human mind reflects...
silvervi Apr 28
How likes sometimes dicatate me my self worth...
But I'm a rebel and I had enough.
From now on what I like - that counts for me.
That way I'll hopefully learn to be free.
silvervi Apr 27
I don't know how to express it yet, not really.
But I do feel love coming my way,
As from that fresh air outside today,
To the moment where I might just say...
That I love you.

I just really want to experience that,
Sitting beside the fire,
I'll never forget,
Looking at the sky
With you,
I am smiling,
And you, too.

Your eyes depict the stars for me,
The sky is open, full of blessings,
Just like the feeling that I get
When you are holding me.

Don't you regret whatever thoughts may make you,
But be here with me, my butterfly,
My sun at the night sky,
And my fire fly
Of delight.

You are the highlight to my light,
Sharing these deep moments
With you,
Means so so much.
I literally always miss your touch.

Although I am at peace with me,
Or trying to be,
I love to share moments of love with thee.
This poem is about the connection with our  loved ones,
And about how we are all connected with nature as one whole universe-miracle.
Let's thank that we have all that. Even alone we are never alone.
silvervi Jan 8
Out of time
No one minds
Anything
At all

Floating
Two crazy
Minds
And two
Whirring
Souls

Far away
But home
In your
Arms

Your touch
And comfort
Warm
Like
Home
In
Winter
Like snowflakes
On the windows
Painting.

Like the sound
Of rain in the summer.
Soft.
Cozy.
Refreshing.

Everlasting
Moment
With
No
Time.

Harmony
Is our
Song
I am sure
You heard it
Too.
This night.
silvervi May 2019
Uncovering
Undercover
Ideas

I recover
From long madness
Called N-U-M-B-N-E-S-S

Held me in
For too long
Behind bars
Made of steel
Of fears

F-E-A-R-S

Instead of
TEARS

I wished many times
I could feel SADNESS
But all I felt was
NOTHINGNESS
And nothing else

Then I looked precisely
At the NOTHINGNESS
And found everything
Hidden in there.

Not only SADNESS
and NEGATIVITIES
But even HAPPINESS
and POSITIVITIES

I found new POSSIBILITIES
And the NOTHINGNESS
Became EVERYTHINGNESS

just like the colour WHITE
consists of all the other colours
Combined.
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