I feel her love
But it is painful
In every gift I got from her
Something seems to be lost forever
I hope that it can still be found

In distance, melancholia
Fills up each moment of forgiveness
In self blame, doubt, I drown
Each feeling so that I -
Don't feel the pain and cry.

I try to see the positive
But guilt is underneath of it
What have I done?
What have I lost?
I am confused
And barely let her close.

I try. But there's a wall of what? between us,
Like a kaleidoscope, a picture hard to grasp.
It could be fears and anger,
But shame won't let me see beyond them, I confess.

Connected
Is what I want us to be
I should give us the chance
No running away

The confidence we'll need
We'll find
If this is what will happen.
I just want to trust
In your eyes
I will meet my fears
And go beyond

It's gonna be worth it
To show you my tears
Fall into your arms
I want this
But it only will happen
If it's supposed to.
I can't force it, you know.
Though I can stay present for us
And believe in the best outcome.
I'd never want to hurt you ever
Trust me
How you feel does matter
To me

I am afraid
And shaking insecurely
Can you bear my unaware times
Can you hold me when I am almost breaking in 1000 tears...
Biting together my teeth
Caring about what every body thinks..

I am honestly afraid
To get lost in somebody else's eyes
But if that's what is supposed to happen
Then I guess it will
...
Guess there's a part of me
That's searching for someone else
To fall for
And that part I have tried to ignore
But I'll try and accept it after all
Otherwise it'll always be there...
I know it's hard to trust
When I tell you these things
When I share everything....
Is it fair?

I still think I could get to know you better
Every time I tried to listen to you
You showed your true self
Opened up I guess..
I might be too confused and distracted by my own self all the time..

I won't be sorry but I struggle on the inside.
Will I be able to transform myself?
Though then it won't be for you...
Nor for nobody else.
I have to do it for myself.
Cause otherwise the lesson will come again... It will repeat itself.

Afraid to feel
To touch and heal
Afraid to see
Reality

Afraid to hope
And slip of the rope
Afraid to believe
And fall into grief
Afraid to love
And not be enough

Afraid to leave
Step beyond my walls
Afraid to let go
Fly above the shores
Afraid to accept
And lose sense at all
Afraid to fall
To feel hurt and nothing more.

I am afraid to get lost in the pain.
I am afraid to stop breathing by shame
I am afraid to feel shattered again
And to think that all life is vain

Allow the feelings to come to you
Only this way you will ever discover
If what you fear could possibly be true
Or if it was empty and you can recover

Go on. Open up! Now.

Guarded by the beautiful trees
I sit
Dwelling in the sun
My chest being warmed
My eyes closed
"Trust me", sings the soft breeze
As I surrender to the being
To the moment
To birds' and nature's sounds around me
Peacefully
Healing...

Belief is my cable
that is connected to the phone
that is there for someone to call
that someone will know the answer
that answer will change everything
that everything is my life
that life is short and long
because time is subjective.

Can one word change everything?
I BELIEF it can.

Who is calling?
My soul.

It's all about the choices
You're in a tornado of voices
And still the power is yours:
Feel free and simply choose.

Falling onto his back
But I want to fall on my own
Standing only leaning towards him
He is helping me to cope
Now I realize this
And it is not funny at all
I thought I was stronger
But it was his strength I was measuring
And I needed it
Though now the new times have come
Still wanna love him
But let him go.
So that I finally can simply hold his hand
Without putting all my weight and sorrow
On his shoulder.

I wanna have a bright tomorrow
And see it positively for my own
My greatness is hard to find
In insecure times
When I need to remind myself
Sometimes in rhymes
That my self worth
Is not connected to others
That it's also not dependent on success
That in fact I am already capable
To feel strong and safe on my own
Despite all the trauma I have gone through.

It is hard though
Cause one part still fears
Needs a saviour
Doesn't trust
Doesn't want to rely on myself
Doesn't know that I can help.

How to reach my self,
My hurt inner child?
How to let my partner go
And to rewire myself
With myself?

Can anybody understand what I mean?
I have a deep wound within.
I am working so ******* myself,
Really trying different techniques,
In the end art is what's helping my health and the stone inside of me shrinks.

Though the wound is looking for a substitute
And I don't want to feel like a ******* :D
I just want to give enough love to myself  
Isn't it enough to help myself?

How to end the unhealthy dependency
And still keep my relationship safe?
Does anybody know some kind of recipe?
Because I'm really looking for a way...