I wish I was someone else
A girl who isn't ordinary
An outcast who's dealt
With real heartbreak
A dreamer who's felt
The love that exists
Only in fairy tales
This is why I act
To be someone I am not.
We are all treading water
Trying to keep our heads above the waves
Different methods of beating bosses in every victorious match
Dealing with maps encountered everywhere progressed in this world
No matter how complicated the terrain or what difficulty the opposition is set to
Just multiple devils disguised as characters to test character and integrity
In the digital world if mistakes are made get to retry levels until you get it right
If you die
That death does not equal a permanent zap out of existence but instead is more like a breif catnap
Then you are magically healed and respawned like a phoenix rising from the ash and ruin
The same miracle does not work like that in reality
When our time comes we are banished from this living hell we have named Earth to reside in a perpetual pitch-black exile
There is no consolation prize
Final scoring or tallying of points to alter the outcome of events
The only resemblance the end of a human beings life has to a video game is the "sudden death" part
If my life was a video game I think it would be something like Kingdom Hearts
Life goes by so quick
Got to enjoy good days and
deal with the bad days
Make the most of your good happy days and just have to somehow get through the not so good days **
Life’s experienced x
I was taught many things.
To read, write, to think.
Why, were we never taught to process our hurt.
The smallest pin *****, a devastating blow to an airtight seal.
That holds us all together.
A lesson so important.
Yet often forgotten.
Hold fast, push forward.
Tomorrow is another day.
And with it comes another lesson.
May you soon have knowledge of what you seek.
Close your eyes
I know it was hell,
But it's over now
You're going to be okay
You're going to be sad
You're going to be confused
You're going to be angry
But in the end
You're going to be okay
You're going to smile again
It's over now
Tell me when I'm gonna live again
Tell me when this fear will end
Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside
Tell me when I'll feel alive
- Skillet, "Rebirthing"
Down you once
Down you twice,
No guess whether im naughty or nice.
Drown me out,
Erase my thoughts,
Fill me with your violent voice.
Kiss my lips,
Slur my words,
Speak for me with an harsh verse.
Kick me down,
Make me fall,
Tell me im the Devil's spawn.
Or say no word,
I'll forget or forgive once more.
Make me sleep,
Or make me sick
Fill my Stomach with a hot candle stick,
I'll down you once and i'll down you twice,
I just need to find out whether
im naughty or nice.
There are a lot of Others out there
trying to make Their voice heard in this world
Trying to let people know Their (shared) sorrows
Trying to tell Their stories,
fact and fiction
about friendship & opposition
loss & gain
hurt & healing
through weakness and pain
to courageous and strong
My voice is just Another
voice amongst so many Others
just like me
Trying to stand out
in a crowd of voices
just as important
Just as unique and special and
needy of a listening ear
Will I not? open
my heart to all the Others and
be the listen and care
they need to try on
While my own is
left on its own
I need to stay strong
for the Others
It will struggle…
… but survive
with the glow that
loving Others brings
It will glow and grow
For I want to
There is nothing left for you to fix
There is nothing left for you to say
I guess you really did all that
to have everything play out your way.
I was so careless
I was a mess
Somehow my mind you managed to undress
I cared about your happiness
that for a brief moment I left myself behind
In a puddle of distress
In a empty pattern of unstableness.
I was born with wings that you tried to cut through
There was a disguise that prevented me from seeing the real you.
Giving you time to convince me that you cared about me too..
I guess this is your cue...
I guess the last thing I want to say to you is:
I hope the next time
you look a female in the eye,
you select to be true.
A past experience that no longer hurts
But definitely a hard time that felt the worst.
they don't tell you that it hurts.
that your chest gets too tight and aches, and your lungs gasp and scream for air while your throat stings, and your eyes swell and burn from scalding tears that you can't stop no matter how much you want to.
they don't tell you that all your muscles scream the next day from tensing up.
they don't tell you that there's no way to stop them.
they don't tell you that they don't just affect your body.
they overtake your mind.
every illogical fear, every small worry, magnified until they've grown into a monolith of overwhelming panic crushing you under its weight.
no. they dont tell you any of that at all.
why don't they tell you any of that at all?
it weighs so heavily on you all day.
there's pain in your heart as soon as you awake from fitful and restless sleep.
you know it's coming most of the time.
you can feel it in the uneasy heartbeats just a little too fast, the little stressors seeming bigger than they should.
it does so much damage; big, heavy panic.
destroys you while it's there, and most of the time after it goes away, too.
i've been dealing with panic attacks, so here's a little glimpse. thank you to any readers **
Its voice in my head is almost silent
I have pushed it back so far,
I barely hear its weeping
The tell tale sting in my eye
The congestion starting now
I try to push it back again
But this time i went to far
Bottled monsters dont want to stay
Cramped and shoved all the way in
They want out
But i want them in!
I struggle to keep them back
As my defense weaks they grow stronger
Waiting for a chance to erupt out of me
Like fire from a dragon's mouth
Lava from a volcano
First one breaks free
And before I know it
Im a screaming, crying
And then it stops.
The calm in the storm i Calm down reevaluate
And its gone im fine!
I was always fine
You told me i was fine didnt you?
You always were there for me werent you
You were there when it happened
You did not leave me did you
You told me to let them out didnt you??
You would NEVER allow me to hurt my self this way!
You love me right?
Yeah i know i love you too.
an internal struggle