The pain

Inside my brain

Is slowly driving

Me insane

I still can’t see

What leads

The way

I might be leaving you

Today

Although I might be gone

Please know I won’t be long

We’ll meet again one day

Black

Rain

Box

Hole

Dirt

Flowers

Stone

Tears

Tears

Tears­

Tears

I’m six-feet under

Thanks to my fears

My mind is wasted

On disgrace and hate

My life moves

At a 100 mile rate

I want to find an exit

But the highway just goes on

My heart beats fast

And everything seems wrong

I’m a skinny little nothing

A failure at the least

I’m dead at the most

I couldn’t defeat the beast

Please be strong

And crack my walls

Break them down

And make them fall

Dissolve

My unbreakable shields of fear

All the feelings

I hold so dear

Inside my head

They seem so strong

The dark gravel road

To my walls

Prolongs

You’ll always be walking

So pick up the pace

Please make the effort

To win this race

Against the road

Don't trust the girl with the blades in her hand

The cuts on her wrists

That you'll never understand

She's got stacks of bracelets

But don't be fooled

She'll cut you into pieces

And make you cry like you're in preschool

Don't trust the girl who tells you she's done

She'll rip out your feelings

One by one

She'll blow up

And display her wrath

You won't survive the aftermath

She's not planning on coming back

Don't get close or else you'll crack

She will always be hellbent

On killing herself

Leaving your heart with a dent

So don't trust the girl with the blades in her hand

Tell her why

And she'll understand.

I was such a lonely person
And I had no distraction
I put on a face
For other’s satisfaction
My friends were fake
Was I a mistake?
And my name
Is Eleanor Rigby.

I am lost
Floating in a tin can
There’s no hope for survival
When people hear my words
My mind is gone
My mind is scattered like the stars
Still,
My eyes shine as bright as the sun
My heart feels blue
And there’s nothing you can do
And my name
Is Major Tom

Music is my soul
I am an eighth note
Bouncing along a musical staff
The guitar strings intertwine with my heart strings
I’ve got punk rocker vibes
I jam
I twist
I shout
And my name
Is Sheena

He loves me
The way he looks at me
In the moment
I mean everything
His thoughts
He’s confessed
And my name
Is Eileen

My support is endless
My love life brought me down
But my friends lift me up
When I found my one
My friends supported me
And my name
Is Jude

Take off the mask
Remove the disguise
Who am I?
You’re in for a surprise
I am the fixer.
The lover.
The keeper.
I am the ballet dancer
Graceful, yet vulnerable
I am 13, wide-eyed
And naive
I am 30, dealing with more
Than a kid should
Ever see

As time passes
You discover yourself
Become one with yourself
Love yourself
Or hate yourself

As time passes
You grow
Into a brand new being
As time passed
It’s almost as if
My brain said,
“I’ll have sadness
With a bit of
Happy on the side.”

But that has passed.
Time
Has passed.
My brain is
Eating up that
Happy side dish like
There’s no tomorrow.
Now I smile like
I don’t care.
I live in a world
So unaware
Of what lies ahead
And sometimes
Of what fell behind
And my name
Is **Sarah.

I’m numb

I can’t feel the world

I can’t see the light

I’m a hopeless girl

I have a cold heart

I’m not even there

I’m a soulless body

And I don’t even care

If I slit my wrists

And I bleed out

I’ll count the minutes

Until I’m out

In an endless sleep

I weep

And no one knows

There is nothing but cuts

Beneath my clothes

I cry

As I try

To hide the pain

But it’s all the same

I’ll try to make

Myself

Go away

And I’m the only one to blame

And I have nothing else to say

I promised you that I would stay

But not today

I pray

You won’t be angry

If I don’t wake

Tomorrow day

Because my whole world

Has turned gray

And soon

I know I’ll fade

Fade away

And disappear

Please hold

The memory of me

So dear

I can’t

I can’t

I can’t go on

Even with you

I’m still not strong

I say I can’t do this

On my own

But even with you

I do not grow

I’m still not happy

Just please know

I love you dearly

But I have to go

Sing me a song

While I sleep

Keep me warm

And please don’t leave

Just stay with me

Throughout the night

And everything

Will be

Alright

I love you so much

So please don’t cry

Everything will be

Alright

I’ll die in the night

Free of fright

And everything

Will be

Alright.

Screaming in pain

Screaming in blame

Screaming in fear

Screaming your name

Screaming through water

As Poseidon grabs my neck

Silently choking

As I breathe my last breath

I’m so madly in love with you

I just want you to love me too

You say you do

Just please,

Render it true.

I can’t survive without you

When we fight I turn so blue

You don’t understand

No, you never do

Just the word

“Bye”

Makes me cry for hours over you

I know these are just words

Simply written in text

If you could just see the hurt and the tears

Running down my neck

The make-up smeared

In lines down my face

You’ll never hear my cries

You’re hundreds of miles away

You’re my knight in shining armor

Though you don’t believe this case

I care way too much

I cling to you

So there’s no space

No space between us

So we’re face-to-face

If only this were true

It’s just a matter of days

Until I take my life

With this pile of blades

I’m coming home my darling

Just please understand

I love you way too much

I can’t withstand

These days without you

Holding my hand

I’m coming home my love

This I have planned

I’m coming to see you

Just promise,

you’ll hold my hand.

I hate all this fighting

Because we’re apart

I’m coming home,

I’m coming home.

Together,

we can mend our hearts.

I’m sorry

For the days we fight

Just the thought of you leaving

Makes me cry in the night

My passion for you

Could never be for another

I will love you

Like no other

So even though

We have our ups and downs

We’ll work things out

And get around

The pain in our hearts

Don’t make a sound

Just think of me in the night,

then lie on the ground.

Look at the moon

And stare at the stars

Think of me

and know

That I’m not too far

I’ll love you forever

Just don’t forget me

Because even now

I’m still in need

Of your care and your touch

I forget

And I can’t see

If there’s any good left in me

Just don’t let go

If you still care

Cause my skin is thin

And I’m so scared

I don’t want to lose you

But I hate the air

I don’t deserve to live

And I can’t be there

I can’t be there and stay by your side

Even though I fantasize

About one day

Being your bride.

And even though you don’t want me

I just wish that you could see

What you really do to me

I try so hard to be happy

Because you said that you were

Proud of me

Proud of me for staying clean

When all I see is filth in me

And even as I hold these blades,

I think of you

and I feel ashamed.

You keep me strong

While I’m going insane

I really wish you felt this way

And I pour my heart out

day after day,

Hoping soon you’ll see the pain

Believing the tears rolling down my face

Knowing I love you

And that my heart breaks

Every moment that you’re away

I write these words

No matter what you say

I’ll love you the same

Either way

Even if

And when

You push me away

I’ll say,

“Okay.”

Cause I love you

And if that’s what will make you happy

Then okay.

I’ll still keep loving you

day after day.

And I just hope

you’ll feel the same

Just love the girl

That drove you away.

She didn't mean it.

She’s insane.

I’ve been lost

For so long

Never to be found

Yet you’re still wrong

It’s not about you

Just about me

You think that I’m

Attention seeking

Yet I will never spill

My blood for you

I can’t repress these feelings

Inside of my head

They’re loud

They’re fast

They’ll lead to my death.

I can’t repress

But I can’t let them out.

I’m silently shouting

And you’ll never find out

I’m slowly dying

Killing myself

From these repressed feelings

Inside my head.

I wish I could fly

Up to the sky

So that when I cry

My tears and my pain

Will blend with the rain

Then no one will know

I’m dying so slow

I’ll lie on a cloud

And fade away.

You pushed me down

You made me cry

You made me wonder

“Why, why, why.”

Am I a fighter

That’s still in need?

Or am I the monster

You’ve made me out to be?

My life is a vast

Waterway

Filled with demons

That **** their prey

Choking them slowly

Until they turn blue

Colors

Red, orange, yellow, green,

Blue

Dying

Red, orange, yellow, green,

Blue

Dead

Black

Darkness surrounds

Red

Fire

Miserable sounds

Hell on Earth

Still alive

White

Hospital

I survived.

Here lies a broken girl

With broken dreams

In a broken world

With a broken heart

That refuses to start

What a lonely broken girl



Here I lay

And here I’ll stay

In this ugly broken world.

Don’t let me wake up.

Dear God,

Just don’t let me get up.

As my blood pours from my arms

Just tell me,

Will this be enough?

Will this be able to end my wake?

Keep my eyes from opening

Day after day?

Doom me to an everlasting sleep

From all these cuts that are all so deep

I sleep.

The sheets of my bed

Are drenched in red

And I dream that soon

I shall be dead.

I’m better at hiding

These tears I’ve been crying

This skin I’ve been slicing

My soul that is dying.

I’ve gotta keep lying

Gotta push you back

That way you won’t know

There’s a rope around my neck.

I feel like my mind

Is stuck on rewind.

I’m trapped in the past.

I’m lost in time.

I can’t find my way

in this labyrinth of regret.

I’m fixed in a haze.

I can’t take one more step.

I’m scared of dying

I’m tired of crying

I look in her eyes

She says I’m lying

She says I’m ugly

She says I’m a *****

I leave the mirror

And slit my wrists

She left her mark

I felt her sting

The voice in my head

Urges me to bring

The blade to my arm

Not sure if I’m living

I go to sleep

I wake up again

I go see her

For another conversation.

I’m sorry world

For delivering a girl

Who is weak and naive

With her mind in a whirl

With her heart in a box

That may never be unlocked

I’m a broken

torn-up

terrified girl

But what can I say?

As I hold the blade

This is a broken

torn-up

terrified

World.

I’m tired of trying

There have been too many tears

All these nights that I’ve been crying

The burns on my arms

I’m terrible at hiding

But no one cares

So I don’t have to keep fighting

My parents don’t know

The pain I’m still going through

I’m “as happy as can be”

Who knew

There are cuts on my stomach

My hips

My legs

I don’t tell anyone

About this pain in my head

No one knows

About my long-term sedative

I’m getting better

Except for the fact

That I don’t want to live

I feel so ashamed

Because I’ve tried so hard

To fight for you

But it’s hard

And I’m still scarred

But I want you to be proud

Of this smile that’s been misplaced

Not of the make-up running down my face

Not of the blood that seeps through my skin

I’m “getting better”

Though I’m dying within

I’m ready to go

My thoughts always win

I’ve lost everything

Though I had nothing

To begin

With

My open eyes

Every night

I still cry

In the bathroom at school

My shoelace

******* high

Just a loop around my neck

Just a jump away

I’m ready to go

And my body will sway

Back and forth against the door

I just know you’ll be okay

Without me you’re safer

When I’m gone it’ll brighten your day

I’m sorry I made you go away

I’m sorry I made you feel that way

I hope my tears will brush the pain away

I’ll be gone soon

So say

“Hooray!”

I won’t bother you

Another day.

I’m never alright

So I’ll take my life

With this sharpened knife

I cry every night

It blurs my sight

So the crooked cuts

Along my skin

Have just begun

As the night begins

It’s unstoppable

And the addiction wins

Though the pain is lost

I’ll soon be forgotten

I’m left to rot

In this pit of pills

I’ll eat my way out

Swallow them all

By the time I reach ground

I’m already gone.

Come fix my  soul

It’s dark inside

The pain cuts deep

It’s hard to hide

Behind this mask

I’ve tried so hard

But I look within

And I’m still scarred

My arms bleed red

My eyes still sting

From dried up tears

And suffering



Come fix my soul

It’s dark inside

I cannot handle

How much I’ve cried

You say you care

Yet I still deny

No matter how many

Times you try

I can’t believe

In what you see

Cause all I see

Is filth in me



Come fix my soul

It’s dark inside

I’m still alive

Yet I feel I’ve died

I’m dying

I’m dying

I’m dying

I’m dead

From all the demons

Inside my head



Bring back my soul

Cause I have died

You might fail

But at least you tried

Slit your wrists

And take those pills

Down that bleach

Until you lie still

Kick the stool

And hang from the tree

Jump into traffic

Will you do that for me?

You say we don’t care

You say we don’t see

That we wouldn’t miss you

Well you just wait and see.

They’ll box up your room,

Cry every time they pass.

Your friends all have depression,

Your teacher won’t teach class.

Your bully’s now a cutter,

Your grandma passed away.

Her heart just couldn’t take it,

Knowing it was you she couldn’t save.

I am lost

I am numb

When I cut,

The pain…

It never comes

So I slice my skin

Watch the blood run down

My mutilated arm

I hear noises

But there is no sound

I feed the addiction

Then I go to sleep

I wake up with a jolt

I roll over and weep

I’m suddenly angry

I hate the whole world

Alone with my thoughts

Hate

Hate

Hate

Hate

I hate myself

But now I’m late

I’m skipping class

I don’t want to face

My teachers

For their eyes

Will flood with disappointment

I’m a failure

I know

I am a disappointment

I’m scared

But my fears

Are stupid

And irrational

The thought of death

I can’t even fathom

But the thought of life

It haunts me at night

What comes with tomorrow?

The light after the night

I scream in my head

My thoughts are so loud

My thoughts are so fast

I act

My feelings

Sorrow filled

Cutting again

My blood is spilled

The bipolar addiction

My feelings in a whirl

I can’t control

The monster

In this girl

I’m stuck in confusion

I’m out of my mind

I’ve lost track of time

I’m stuck on rewind

I am lost

I am numb

When I cut,

The pain…

It never comes.

I’m fighting this war

Behind my closed door

I sit on the floor

It’s happening more

More than before

It eats at my core

Behind my closed door

It’s a painful ****** war

I look at the clock

It’s late

And I can’t stop

I rock

Tears falling from my face

And I can’t stop

I slice

I burn

And pick up the pace

There’s no more flesh

Just a river of red

The pain is unbearable

So I crawl into bed

It’s 8 o’clock

I head to school

Wearing long-sleeved shirts

Because I am so cruel

Cruel to my mind

And more to my body

It’s an endless war

That I won’t win

Behind my closed door

Let the night begin.

The world.

It’s suffocating.

It’s crushing my lungs.

I can’t breathe

In this world

I’ve had enough.

It hurts.

No air.

Every breath has escaped.

I can’t live my life

In this world

That I hate.

I’m sorry

I’m sorry I let you down

I’m sorry

I’m sorry I never came around

I’m sorry

I’m sorry I pushed you away

I’m sorry

I’m sorry

I wish you would stay

But it can’t be that way

I’ll **** you

You’re my prey

I miss you

I need you

But you have to stay away

I’ll hurt you

Like I do

Every single day

I’m sorry

I’m sorry

It has to be this way.

I never feared the monsters under the bed.

What I really had to fear

Were the monsters in my head.

Every year

They told me to just

“Let them free.”

When the cold hard truth

Was that the monster

Was me.

I never feared the monsters under the bed.

What I really had to fear

Were the monsters in my head.

Slowly killing

Slicing my heart

Breaking my soul

Tearing me apart

And maybe someday

When I go crazy

I’ll slit my throat

You’ll miss me

Maybe.

I never feared the monsters under the bed.

What I really had to fear

Were the monsters in my head.

The addiction is killing

My blood is spilling

The urge to cut

Is all that I’m feeling

My smile is sick

Maybe just one more nick

Maybe after I die

You’ll be less of a ****.

My heart is black

And made of coal

With demons eating

At my soul

They sit inside

And they conspire

They **** my mind

And fuel the fire

I hate myself

I say that I’m fine

I want to die

Stop

Rewind

I’m nine

I’m fine

I’m happy

With friends

I love my life

I don’t want it to end

How did my life come to this?

I just want peace

I just want bliss

I’m scared

Still I dare

To say,

“It’s not fair!”

I think that people

Just wouldn’t care

If I weren’t there

Because I’ve opened up

And still they stare

Right through me

As if I was just

Thin air.

I hate myself

I need to die

For all that I can do

Is cry

Create the storm

That rips apart

Bit by bit

My broken heart

My broken soul

My broken start

My broken mind

My broken heart

I’m screaming

I’m crying

I feel like I’m dying

I feel like flying

To some other place

Where no one judged

Due to gender

Or race

Where ****** preference

Did not mean disgrace

Religion would be stupid

And looks would be gone

Money would be worthless

A perfect world,

Filled with hope?

Nope.

All I want to do is die

But all that I can do is cry

I go around searching for love

Because I know I never get enough

But I’m fairly certain I never will

Even now

I still want to ****

**** myself

for lack of a better word

I wish I was a bird

I’d fly high into the sky

Away from humanity

Away from everyone who is just plain

Sick of me.

Looking deep into your eyes

Makes me feel something inside

Showed you feelings

I meant to hide

My heart thumps deep

Into overdrive

Talk it out

And let me in

This is a war

I know we’ll win

And though our skin

Is oh so thin

We’ll work things out

And we’ll begin

The exorcism

Of your soul

I’ll **** the demons

I’ll pay the toll

I want to drop

The pain that won’t stop

Because one day

It might **** me



I wish I was dead

Yet it’s all in my head

These demons inside

Are still me.

I am a burden

To all creation

I am a bother

To this nation

A lost soul

Yet to be found

A dead body

On solid ground

He is my light,
my life, my soul.
He is my family
My partner
Unaccepted by my family
A long life choice
to sit by my side
Forever.

Strong as the wind
in the city of Chicago
His love falls unto me
like a tree falls in a forest
Without the timber scream
Silence
Secrecy
No one will know
No one will see

Sadness
Rushing through my mind
Once through him
His soul
Numb.
Disassociated
from life itself
Lost.
Where the darkness takes over

Darkness
The ventriloquist of his heart
Where the lack of
Dopamine
takes over the ability to
Sleep
Think
Feel
Anything real

What does the future bring?
Sitting at a desk
But now,
working.
Stress.
Dying stress
Living in the world of
Valoran
Waging the war of
Demacia and Noxus
When the real war is
against himself

Sister, brother, father, mother
He sits in their minds
but not in their world
Detached.
Afraid.
Games
work
bed.
Games
work
bed.
Games
wor­k
bed.

The cycle continues.

Sitting in a photo booth
He stares at his whole world
His light,
His life, his soul.
I am his family
His partner
Loved by his family
A long life choice
To sit by his side
**Forever.

She’s an ugly girl

With ugly scars

Sleeves and bracelets

Cover her arms

She’s and ugly girl

That does ugly things

Maybe soon she’ll get her wings

I burn my skin

To **** my pain

Yet suicide

Still remains

The cuts don’t work

The burns still hurt

I cannot **** my pain

I’m sorry.

I meant to say,

“I love you.”

I meant to stay with you

I’m so happy when I’m with you

I wish you could say that too

I meant to say,

“I miss you.”

Your voice fills me with joy

But I’m going to stay away

You treated me like a toy

But now you say you love me

With all of your heart

I meant to say,

“I’m done.”

Because you ripped me apart

But I decided to play along

I gave you my heart

I meant to say,

“It’s over.”

But I let you start

Reeling me in

As you begin

To steal my heart

And break it

You win.

You’re my sad addiction

And still I let you in

Even though you **** me

I love you

And it feels like a sin

Every time we start again

You’re intentions seem so true

But time goes by

And I lose hope

And my thoughts turn so cruel

I love you to death

But it comes too soon

If you don’t love me,

What else is there left to do?

But I mend my heart

And push you out of me

Then months later

You speak,

“I love you so much,

I don’t want you to leave.”

I’m blinded by love

And I cannot see

What you’re trying to do to me

You’re my sad addiction

And I’ll never leave

I’ll never be

Where I’m supposed to be

I’ll never be okay

I’ll never be free

And it’s all because

Of the boy who broke me.

**** me now

And sing the song

The song of death

The song so long

The song of pain

The song of blame

What a beautiful, deadly song

The scars on my heart

They seem so real

But maybe it’s less

Than what I feel

It’s been manifested

Into something more

It’s shot me down

Right in the core

Of my darkened heart

I feel so numb

I’m cold inside

I sit in bed

I sit and cry

I scream your name

Out to the sky

Save me now

Before I die

I’m left alone

In my room

I’m not the same

I should leave soon

I’ll go away

Still the flowers will bloom

Far away

I’ll meet my doom

I’ll see the stars

I’ll see the clouds

But if I don’t,

Don’t make a sound.

I’ll try again

Another round

Then I’ll go down

Six feet underground.