I will keep chasing,
Be better and grow wiser;
40-year old me

We’ve had our time,
albeit too short.
We’ve had our chances,
but somehow, I still
managed to **** it all up.

Third time’s a charm,
perhaps?

Maybe, that’s why
I never got enough of you.
Maybe, I never will.
Maybe, you really are
the woman of my dreams.
And maybe, it is supposed
to stay that way...

...a dream.

Not a hint on how to start
A tad drunk, thoughts fell apart
Not a word from worthless tongue
Even if this brain was wrung

Half-asleep and frozen rain
Caffeine running on my vein
It dawned like the rising sun
I love thee; life has begun

Goddess of great compassion
Such pleasant disposition
Just a question, I prithee;
Can you love a fool like me?

Can you love me, despite my flaws?
Dead sure, I am not a lost cause!
So, when I am healed and made whole,
Will you embrace my longing soul?

Not a hint on how to end,
Or what message I will send
You stole my eyes, and heart, too
I devote myself to you

And I swam against the stream;
Swept by currents and hit rocks,
But I swam against the stream.

Alcohol, my friend
Help drown me, end my torment
But I'm a swimmer

Drudged for the gold but drawn silver
Yearned for warmth, greeted by shiver
Braved the tempest for your embrace
Awoke with heart that ran a race

Oh, Star! My Star, empyreal
Your luster is ethereal
I reached, resolved and full of hope
Lo! I gaped through a telescope!

Within arm's span but could not grasp
Stung achingly like spider wasp
A shunned love, a bursted bubble
Such pain is unfathomable

Bewildered thoughts, our hearts won't weld
Let go of things I never held
Tender soul, albeit bereft
Set free someone I never kept

And though the sun shined ever bright
All I can do for now is write
And bid the long tale to a ghost
Of a love most true, but almost

A poet's power;
By my pen, I will grant you
Immortality

Her eyes mimicked
the beckoning moonlight
refracting in the
stillness of the ocean;
revealing a wondrous
depth, and all the
walls I built came
crumbling down.

Fear and courage
skirmished inside
my head as I drift
deeper into the
dark of her eyes;
equally liberating
and terrifying,
knowing I might get
lost in it...

...but I won’t close
my eyes, nor will
I ever look away.

Love without reason,
And to love beyond reason;
The most potent drug,
Most lethal poison.

We often wonder why our hearts
get broken, and I think I am
beginning to understand why.

A tiny thing, so precious yet so
fragile, had to be undone before
it can be made whole again.

My guess is, in putting the pieces
back together;
we find strength in weakness.
We find courage in vulnerability.
We understand ourselves better.

And with what we lose,
we also gain more of ourselves.

Love is a hell of a drink.
One sip and it makes
you brave enough to
think you can win
against the world.
It also makes you
paranoid and panic
out of your wits as
you stare into the
eyes of obliteration.
But that’s what love does;
it musters courage and
summons the monsters,
then mixes it into a terrifying
concoction called risk.

I know you’re scared.
I am scared shitless, too.
Let’s get drunk together,
What say you?

I keep dying everyday,
or the pieces of the
man I was, rather.

With each day that passes,
old parts of me also
fade into oblivion.

I remember how much
I loved her.
I loved her, like how the clouds
clung to the sky.
I loved her, like how the stars
burned in the dark of night.

I also remember being
afraid, but hopeful.

I was afraid of who I will
become, when all of who I was
has passed.

But I was hopeful that
I will be free, at last.
For the man that I was,
knew not how not to love her.

She is but a dream;
a dream that would not fade,
even long after waking up.

Fall came swift and true,
Ushered death to all things green.
But you did breathe life
to this desiccated heart;
Now blight-stricken, but alive.

Clinquant stars shied away from her splendor
Harrowing nightmares banished from my sleep
Rambunctious, my soul singing in tenor
Illicit smile, this heart is hers to keep
Sophrosyne; she's the envy of many
Tall tales, myths, legends; all insufficient
Intellect complements her high beauty
Nay nebular thoughts, for she is sapient
Eclipsed behind her eyes; wondrous kindness
Morning zephyr at the end of winter
Allure that cured this poet's mad blindness
Roused the humor in this foolish jester
    I wished her joy, from the very first sight
    End may come; she's the source of my delight

Forgive them today,
Or resent them everyday.
A tough choice, indeed.
One gives peace; the other, pain.
You're free to choose either way.

To some,
it may look
and feel like
loneliness.

But to her,
it was far,
far better
than that.

It was freedom.

Brain excogitated,
Heart swelled with apricity,
Hands scribed poetry

Read back old pages, my life's book
Fond memories on every nook
All seemed too neat, except one crease
A missing tile, one final piece

Blanket of stars shroud rolling hills
I lay spread-eagled, cooling heels
Bethinking my lady; how fair?
Building grand castles in the air

I dream us be, like white on rice
Will fate bid so that we should splice?
When days grow dim and full of blot,
I'll be your "Johnny-on-the-spot"

Night sky glimmered and I wonder;
"Are you nearby? How far yonder?"
"Are you beholding the same stars?"
"Are you concealing the same scars?"

Part of days past? But when, who knows?
Future, perhaps? Looming and grows?
How many times, I'll count the moon?
My heart's aching to meet you soon

You can avoid
it all you want.
Ignore it, if
you please.
Sooner or later,
it will haunt you
in uglier ways.
Because the only
way to heal
pain is to feel it;
to weather its gusts,
and to ride its waves.

Her tender heart is the goal;
The body's but a vessel.
I am in love with her soul,
And not only with her shell.

Squall borne aloft, wildly brewing;
Erudite words or malarkey
Bustling and rustling and howling;
This poor mooncalf's soliloquy

Snow came to lay on rolling hills
Extinguished surviving embers
Absent warmth to counter the chills
This lone, tortured soul remembers

Spring arrived, flowers grow in bloom
Butterflies morphed to razor blades
Star! Save me from impending doom!
As this replete ice thaws and fades

Summer warms trees and birds above
Kiss from the breeze of gentle sea
My lady's heart billowed with love;
Much love to give, but naught for me

Hope, a sweet promise and a sham
Such a cruel drug, a poison
Sure to put a man in bedlam
I stand, steady as a bison

Hope alleviates;
Expectation desolates;
Choose wisely, my friend.

I am a mountain,
reaching upwards.
And you,
you are the stars,
and the sky
that I can only
ever wish
to touch.

I am a mountain,
in league with bards.
And you,
you are the stars,
and the sky.
Crash into me,
oh how
I long
for such.

Perhaps, in a parallel universe;
or in another lifetime if there
is such a thing, we'll find each
other.

If we do, my hope is that we both
are free from the ghosts and echoes
of our past.

And if we are, I will love you just
the same as I do now, until my
bones are reduced to dust; in the
silent pauses of my heartbeat,
down to the very last of it.

There is an entire universe
inside her head. And I'll be
kidding myself if I say I am
beginning to understand her,
when all I've ever done is just
catch a glimpse of the galaxies
within, through her eyes.

Now, despite having nebular
thoughts, what I know is that
I will neither fully grasp what's
going on in there nor will I ever
fathom the simplicity and
complexity of her soul.

But that's okay.
I'll love her, anyway.

Loving in silence;
much like solace and despair
vying for power.
Misery and ecstasy;
clashing in between heartbeats.

I remember everything.
I’m not sure
if it is more
of a curse
than a blessing.

But I’m grateful.
Because of this,
I remember how
you made me feel;

like I can fight
a horde of monsters
and a legion of demons,
and I can win.

I see you.
I wonder if you know how beautiful you are.
With the way you smile, the way you laugh.
I like seeing you having fun with your friends.
And I love that you are happy.
It makes me happy, too.
Exploring and discovering places with you.
Profound feeling, knowing that you're only inches away.
I laugh at myself sometimes, for always being nervous and awkward around you.
Because I know I'm not always like this at all.
Only when I'm with you.
The stairs were a pain in the *** but you made it bearable.
See, I don't really care if there's anything to be seen up there.
All I know is, the view ain't worth seeing without you.
And you're just too **** cute when you're ******!
But I do hope that you won't be ****** at me.
There's just so much to see in this beautiful country.
But what I realized was,
I did not come with you to see Taiwan,
I came to Taiwan to see you.

You loved.
You loved,
time and
time again.
But now,
it’s time to
love yourself.

I write to forget.
I write so I won’t forget.
It’s a losing bet.

Truth is,
most of us
are junkies.
Always
chasing for
that hit,
paying with
our hearts,
all for the
high we get
from the
sweetest drug
called love.

But
I promised
myself that
I’ll be sober
and clean.
I need to
get you
out of
my system.

She is made
up of broken
bits and pieces,
held together
delicately by
her golden scars.

And that, my friend,
is what made
her beautiful.

No, love.
I am not a knight in shining armour.
My armour is bent and dented and
cracked, and underneath it are cuts
and bruises and scars from the horrors
of countless battles I've seen, and
some of them almost did break me.

No, love.
I am not a knight in shining armour.
But if you'll have me,
I'm prepared to take a vow and swear
an oath of fealty and devotion and love.

You need only ask.

Knock knock.
I've been knocking on
your door
for a while now.

A question, a haunting thought,
"how long can I keep doing this?"

From a dark corner,
heard a whisper;

"that door will never open
if you have no place to
dwell inside."

My heart sank, like a rock
thrown in a lake.

I already broke my heart waiting.
I don't want to break my hand,
if I keep trying.

Love.

It is that
baneful
medicine
we keep
taking...

...even
without
reading
the labels.

Clenched broken glass
cut deeper, which takes
a longer time to heal.

So let the jagged pieces loose.
Let it slip between your fingers.
Let it fall into its place.

Let it go.

Not much difference;
Delusions and Euphoria;
Love and Mania

And then,
you’ll know
you have loved,
and by “loved”
I mean truly
loved someone,
when you can’t
bring yourself
to hate them
no matter how
much they’ve
hurt you.

You cannot say you truly love her.

Not until you've seen the demons
she fought or still fighting to keep
her sanity, nor the monsters that
fuelled her nightmares.

Not until you've had an idea about
the storms she had to face bravely,
yet still managed to share her light
and warmth with you.

It's not always warm coffee and
blanket shared on cold mornings.

It's not always sunshine and butterflies.

It's not only her light that needs to be
cherished.

When you say you truly love her,
you gotta love her dark, too.

I see you again,
As beautiful as ever;
Filter, not needed

I may have written;
A thousand flowery words.
All of them fell short,
Paltry, meager rendition;
Of such beauty that is you.