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Niel Nov 2020
..a cutting edge
I drown in it
Cause to see this gem
          Then feel this slight
   Is hard to right.
Nad Simon Jul 2020
Well now this is sad and tragic
For both of us to hear
You and I at cross purposes
Ever our fate, my Dear

I just found your correspondence
Last letter that you sent
It was, I think, the final time
That you called me a friend

It was in a pile of papers
From my old mother’s house
With other cards and notes you gave
Back when we were devout

I will use these words to explain
In a way you’ll never see
That this miscommunication
Gave a wrong view of me

You sent it at a year or so
After we were finished
Within its words I sense your hope
Love not yet diminished

I think you may have mentioned it
After you came back home
When I once tried to talk but you
Walked by and wouldn't slow

A mutual friend spoke of it
Some two decades ago
And I was mystified because
I simply didn’t know

I didn’t recall the letter
Forgotten its receipt
But when I found and read its words
I recalled its described deeds

Your letter was at my mother’s
‘Cause I was injured bad
I’d had surgery and meds
With healing to be had

I received it in the doorway
Of my home at college
I tore open with alacrity
Falling from my crutches

I read part of your note that day
Then stuck it in my bag
Packed your other notes and cards
To fix the hurt I’d had

After my knee operation
Sitting up late at night
Unable to sleep sound because
Meds made my heartbeat slight

I recall being sad one eve
In Mother's modest home
Watching her little poor TV
Reviewing your slim tomes

In your letter, amazing lands!
And magical far places!
And one hundred mile per hour
Motorcycle chases!

Such experiences you had all
Through Europe’s bevelled plains!
But I in healing poverty
Felt sore lament and pain

I could not join you there, at least
Not for several years
Did you even want me to try?
You couldn’t know that fear

Your family was very wealthy
It’s hard for you to see
The lowly circumstances
That were the start of me

You never knew how bad it felt
My inadequacy
To give you that magnificence
That you deserved to be

Poor upbringing was no issue
For your generous heart
You never held it against me
Never pushed us apart

But it caused misunderstandings
From worlds so different
And my worries about it too
Increased how much it meant

I read your letter ‘til I saw
Your plans a year away
When you said with hopefulness
You’d move to Greece to stay

That is on the note's second page
I never read page three
‘Cause that's the point when I just knew
That you were lost to me

If I had read a bit further
For a lover's redress
Was hid a small request you made
In false casualness

You sought a call for your birthday
Bare affection from me
The letter asked for that action
A simple courtesy

Your year away almost over
You were soon coming back
I was thinking about restarting
And fixing what I lacked

Like truth serum the meds would have
****** away all my fight
I’d have called you...so so quickly
I’d have called you...ev’ry night

My Precious Girl, I’d have called you
There’s no way I wouldn’t
Healing slow on a pleather couch
There's no way I couldn't

I used to wish for your number
I was so ready too
I’d been pondering what we’d had
And I still wanted you

You were badly hurt thereafter
There was no getting through
Your broken heart gave a verdict
And THAT's when I lost you

It’s a tragedy in our lives
As that was your last sign
Of my lack of real love for you
And fickle boyish mind

It rankles so much in me now
Since that’s not how it was
It’s just one of those fateful things
God’s little joke on us

….

A Happy Belated Birthday
For now and all your life
I wish you joyous contentment
And love that’s free from strife

But I know something deeply in
My bones and in my soul
I know I would have called you if
I’d read your letter full

And I’d have wished you way back then
A Happy Birthday too
And I’d have told you on that call

How much I still loved you
This, unfortunately, is a true story as far as I can piece together from a quarter century later through medication-addled memory. This was a pivotal moment in my life, and I did not realize it until recwntly. Life is full of ironies and sliding doors.
Nad Simon Jul 2020
I just saw you.
The other day.
You were so nice.
You looked so great.

Such emotion
when we two meet!
You are so tough.
You are so sweet.

For a moment
I saw you melt
When I hugged you
and love we felt.

How do I tell
These things inside?
How to confess
These things I hide?

You fill me up,
then leave me empty.
You push me back,
then you tempt me.

You cut me deep.
You patch me up.
You make me thirst.
You fill my cup.

You make me cold.
You make me burn.
You make me flee.
You make me yearn.

You make me strive.
You make me lazy.
You make me calm.
You make me crazy.

All of these things
you do to me
And so much more
you’ll never see.

Is this love real
or just a toy?
Am I your man
or just a boy?

Is this for now?
Now together?
Just your dalliance
or forever?

Can I stay true?
Fidelity?
Can you open
yourself to me?

I am your love
you seemed to say.
But you left and
pushed me away.

Then just get out!
Leave me alone!
Get off my couch!
Now leave my home!

Don’t walk away!
Don’t ever go!
You have to stay!
Please come back home!

I will let you bind me I will let you show me
I will let you blind me I will let you know me
I will let you grind me I will let you grow me
I will let you find me
Please come and find me

I will be bold
and I will mold
myself to you,
if you I hold.

Please just show me
that there are ways.
That there’s a path
past youthful days.

I’m almost there.
I’m almost ready.
I’ll be better.
I’ll be steady.

I’ll never know you.
But I will try to
Do what I can do
Because I love you.
I wrote this for someone special nearly 25 years ago at Christmas time. Not a statement of present desires, but a nice sentimental piece...
Nad Simon Jul 2020
Thirty tear-splashed pages
My response with runny ink
Not us anymore, don't you think?
Fire consumed it in a blink

You just left me!
Okay, you had a chance
You could not pass up
For our romance
I get that but...

I said someday I'd marry you
You threw it right in my face
So I'm the non-Greek Catholic geek?
Well, stick this in your Orthodox socks
You'll never again disgrace
This young Irish fool!

Sated, but not happy anymore
I am quick out the bed, going home
After pleasing another random girl
I AM good enough for
To see you swish and twirl
Through my rattled dome
But I hope you sense or know
How I just made HER toes curl

How could you say
Over a year every day
How much you loved me
But at the last drive away
Like I'm just a roll in the hay?

How could you tell me
I'm just for college
I'm a temporary smidge
That we're not bound to be

You give us short time
Then leave for half of it
You tell me "Have a nice life!"
But you get a pass for it?
And I'M that hole kid!?
What's that bull
*
?!

It is just nuts!
Am I too poor and not tan?
Am I too pale to be your man?
So what! SO WHAT!

How could you dis me like that
Dismiss me like that
And then give an act
Like I hurt YOU so bad?

Making it all so breezy
You pop up and ask me to visit you
'Cause I have to show YOU something?
After telling ME I can't be your Everything!
And rolling away like I'm NOTHING!
Dancing to your same tune
For you, leaving was easy!

Now, Little Rich Girl
Write and tell me about your adventures
I will listen awhile
In lands I dream to see, but cannot be
You spoiled child

Tell me how great it is
Tell me how your heart is light
Tell me it all
I want to hear it, right?
Yeah. Not a'tall

Tell me where you go
While I do the same crap
We did back here
While I stay trapped
Your outgrowing shows

I give up. I'm done.
You are NOT the One
I'm not writing
Even one letter, "My Friend"
That I will send

I'm not the stupid kind
I see the request to write back
Jump through the hoops you stack
Maybe you want me back
I read between lines

I can hear you again
I can sense your smell
I see your face, taste your lips...

**** it all to HELL!

Where's my pen?!
The core of this poem was written about 25 years ago this fall. There was someone very special who had knocked me flat, and this somewhat incoherent piece was my reaction to her fist letter since we broke up. I got really drunk that night. I was really po'd....
Sasha Paulona May 2020
A moments of sleepiness summertime
The stillness is raised
The love that flashes under your eyes...

In a dream, in a mad valley
I am not alone......
Every night,
Every morning,
Every afternoon
I sing with goddess of my love....

This is a one of the finest vowels in romantic opera,
Every nod reads the unborn love to you and me

The moon light is flowing,
and the ***** get dampen...
maiden hands emerge in naked cloud ..
frenzied embrace of her delicate body.

In a dream, in a mad valley ...
I am not alone
oh.... my Goddess of love
Forever together
One love
One illusion ...
come on sink into this swing with me....
Unborn love of my life .................
J Apr 2017
Not much difference;
Delusions and Euphoria;
Love and Mania
Simon Soane Aug 2015
See
You're not as essential as oxygen
or sleep.
I could still walk without you.
But,
without you,
who'd put the spring in my step,
the jig in my day,
the sun in a ray
or
the see in my say.
Simon Soane Aug 2015
Still,
this summer breeze;
no wait for me
or
weight on me;
you make me light
and untouched by form,
when we touched you were warm enough to startle the birds
from the trees,
on the summer breeze.
Simon Soane Aug 2015
On
You make me smile,
and the far sun hotter,
add rhythm to my potter.
Your dance in slumber out numbers all other,
my present tense that opens spaces;
I feel the sunshine on my face,
I feel your sunshine on my face.
repressi0n Jan 2015
They asked me why I keep saying that I'm heartless. I told them it's a long story. But I saw the eagerness in their eyes. So I said that it all started the last time I fell in love. When I'm in love, I give my whole life. When I give my whole life, I mean literally everything. There are no walls, no boundaries, no space in between will keep me and my love apart.

I fought the most terrible wars and survived all emotional storms and droughts. I sailed all seas and climbed all mountains for the sake of love. I held on so tight to the rope connecting me and the one I cherish the most. I rode all traveling trains and skipped all stops. It was nothing but magical. Every morning was a glory and every night was a sweet dream.

I was so in love that I cared too much. I cared too much that I left my physical body on the ground while my spirit flew to the sky. I jumped from clouds to clouds following you like the moon to the sun. I couldn't keep my eyes off of you.

But I was a prisoner of love. I loved you so much I became selfless. One day, I asked myself If I really did fully figured you out. Sometimes when I look at you, you give a smile that wasn't genuine at all. You were like a strange mountain no one has ever discovered yet. Were you not comfortable to show your bare self to me that you kept putting bricks to form a wall?

I was dumb enough to think I could dig you up with my rusted shovel. I always hoped that the everyday love I offered you will give you sunrises not sunsets. But as you took them, all I could see was your hungry soul eating all positive energies. You were blue like a cloudless sky.

I felt like the wine bottle you drank from each day. I slowly became empty. I was never refilled.  And they say that saints and heroes are the only martyrs and for the first time in my life I felt like one. Strange how my only motivation was a flag with an inscription of the word love.

Do you remember that very night when you asked me to let you go? It hurt me even more. I've been spending all my time just thinking about you. I loved you too much. But was that it? Was it because I loved you too much? Was it that you couldn't handle it? You never told me the reason. I watched as you readied yourself for the coming war that would end all city fires. You shattered all glasses in my shelves once you turned your back at me. I waited for you to utter your last words but you never did. You walked away like a member of a funeral band. I was left standing with now a hopeless dream. It was too late when I noticed that you were holding a cloth in your hands. I didn't know what was inside until I watched my hands unconsciously hold onto my chest. At that moment, I fell on the cold ground and swam on my own blood. You took my heart with you. You stole it from me.

Before I closed my eyes that day, I swore to never love again. But why would I love? I am now heartless. My chest is now empty. I can never love anyone again.

People like you come and go. I never knew that your true form was a thief with a black coat. You steal hearts and leave.

— The End —