My smile gets bigger
My laugh sounds louder
My heart beats faster
My eyes grow wider
My stomach gets more nervous
And I wouldn't change it for the world

Was it your fathers gun
Did your hear your mothers footsteps run
Did you pull the trigger from the side or underneath
Did you have to pull it out from a sheath
Did you wear black to hide the blood
Or white like a stained angel above
If you were in your room is the door still shut
Is the floor burnt from an old cigarette ****
Did you know that you wouldn’t see seventeen
Did you think this was the only shot at being seen
Did you second guess it or was it in one motion
Did your family bleach the house like an ocean
If we had called you would it have mattered
Was it the bathroom wall where your brains splattered
Did you cut yourself before and I just missed it
Did you know I would cry where you used to sit
Was it the cops or the school or your girlfriend
Did you know at graduation we all played pretend
Can you hear me when I scream out all my regrets
Did you think that dying young was your winning bet
Did you think about your sister or yourself as a child
Did you think about your obituary being filed
Was your face recognizable in a closed casket
Would you think about shooting hoops through a basket
Did you think anyone would miss you
I do

Like a new flower
Love might go unnoticed, but
It's bloom is gorgeous

A girl
Beautiful
Courageous
Daring
Elegant
Forgiving
Gracious
Hyper­
Independent
Joyous
Kind
Lovable
Marvelous
Natural
Original
Preci­ous
Quizzical
Responsible
Star
Tolerant
Underrated
Victorious
Won­drous
Xenodochial
Youthful
Zen

Blonde hair
Green eyes
Fireworks shooting
On a humid July night

She was raised this way
Doesn't need all that money
She'll shine the brightest tonight
She's an American honey

Never yet have I found arms as secure as yours
Nor have I felt such love in a pair of eyes
      To look in your eyes for all eternity, how my whole world could be gone
Gentle, kind

Never yet have I discovered a hand that intertwined not only our fingers but our souls.
Nor have I dreamt of a more gentle caress than the touch you give
       Your hands feel like the warm sun rays beating down onto the sand. Warm, inviting

I don't understand
Because it's just not fair
I work so hard all the time
And there is so much stress for me
Constantly studying
Staying up late to do homework
That high schoolers do
And yet they seem upset when I get a B
And brush off all my A+
My sister get's a C and a pat on the head
Now can someone explain that to me?

Sometimes all I want
Is to go home

Broken Heart
Broken Mind
Worthless Girl
Worthless Find
Waste of Space
Waste of Time
I don't know if I can live
Just one more time

I find
A rhythmic beat
To the pounding
Upon my rooftop
And as the thunder shakes my walls
My thoughts fade
Into the darkness
Of the clouds outside

They see a girl, who
Is confident in herself
But really, she's scared

I've lost who I really am
These chains that I've put on myself
The ones I thought would help
Have changed to powerful ocean waves

They're choking me out
So that no one else can hear my desperate screams
I put on mask after mask
Each one a poor imitation of that girl

The girl that would laugh
And enjoyed having fun
Not this one who cries in the bathroom stall all alone
So if you find her, let me know

My last dying breath

Was your dramatic sigh

Torn between two
Does he love me too?
I want to say all I want is you
As the day passes my struggles anew

My thoughts aside from them are few
My heart is not being true
I admit, it leaves me feeling blue
Yet they both make me feel brand new

Thinking about who to choose is all I ever do
Being near either of them sends my mind askew
They stick to me like glue
Unfortunately, nothing can help me choose…

I can’t believe it
The whispers
Why can’t I see the news
The smoke floods in
It chokes us
People are everywhere
Nothing
Reduced to ashes
The flames swirl and twirl
Taunting
Crushing
Nothing to help
Just prayer
For me
For them
I must go
Like always
Grabbing only what we need
Unlike the others
No time

Does my age affect how people think of what I do?
Do my looks alter what people think of my personality?
If I tell them my beliefs, would they hate me?
Can simply my gender change what something could have been?
Does my outward distract from my soul?

If everyone wants me to be perfect
Why don’t they show me how?

You say you want us to still be friends
But it doesn't seem like you mean it
After getting over the pain
I decided I'd believe it
But perhaps you only said that to spare my feelings
Looking at you I know I should have seen it
Watch, you'll start acting like you like me again
And then we'll both repeat it

This is home
This is love
Here is life
Here is happiness
We give support
We give criticism
I push away
I push them
My family gives
My family takes
This is love
This is home

Ah, February
It is the month of love, and
Total rejection

You pulled your gun
But I'll pull the trigger
You thought I weak
I guess that's what you figured
You were big
But now I'm bigger

We fill up our lives
We can’t stand the thought of emptiness
We look at others who seem satisfied
So we fill up our lives
With our screens
We spend our days mesmerized by that vibrant glow
With money
Working days on end to be richer, bigger, fancier
With clothes
Walking around so we can receive shallow attention
And when we realize this is how we get rid of the emptiness
Think
How full are you really?

You can not play with a glass heart

And expect to fix it just as easily as you shattered it

I'm glad you're seeing the consequences of your actions

Torn out
Tightly yet intricately woven
Pulled up high
Half-dead
Twisted
Excessively washed, cleaned, and dried
Straightened
Fried
Surprised it hasn't all fallen out yet

Lips that have never been kissed
Hair that's never been brushed back
Cheeks that have never been caressed
Hands that have never been held

Yes, I know I dont need a boy
But it gets kind of lonely

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made me feel worthless
But I'll be the bigger person
And say I don't want you to be too

Do the malevolent poltergeists of my past haunt your benevolent spirit?
When I ride through my ghost-towns like an old west gunslinger,
Will the ricochets shatter your fragile glass house?
If I slash through phantom limbs, is it your blood that I spill on the altar of revenge?
Do all the periods of falling leaves and sundowns I spend at the graveyard
Will away the only real wisps of life I know?

When I take off my makeup
When I wash out my hair
When I change my clothes
Am I still beautiful?

Even though he hates her
She'll always love him

I had to vacuum up your spot today
And clean up the mess you made
But I didnt care because I loved you
And now I'll never get to see you
I should have petted you one last time
I wish this morning I had said goodbye
I wasnt ready for this much heartbreak
Who knows how long this healing will take

I love you
Isn't a statement
It's a question
And what you say back is your answer

Saying I love you back
Will confirm a feeling for someone else
But anything else
Can break a heart and crush a soul

He's a fire
A burning flame of passion
But I'm a rock
I'm sorry, but I'll never catch

Started off last year
Depressed and suicidal
Wish I knew all the things then
That only now I know
I hated myself
And pushed everyone I loved away
Nearly killed myself March 26th
Praying I could survive until May

Finally it came
Graduated 8th grade
That school year felt like living Hell
Lost my best friend and my life I almost paid
Moved across the country
Leaving everyone behind
Decided I could start new
Looking at what I could find

I went to a summer camp
And I renewed my relationship with the Lord
Came back a changed girl
Love instead of hate as my sword
I started high school
New friends came plus stayed with an old one
I met my dream guy
And we somehow fell in love

I'm starting this year brand new
And I know, you can do it too

"I'm fine,"
Is a lie
Because you left me
Dying inside

The feeling of not knowing what you’re writing
Because all of your feelings simply pour out the words

I straighten my hair
I put on the nice clothes
I make a beautiful smile
So nobody knows
I study really hard
I hang out with my friends
I crush on the boy
But the secrets weigh in
I wish things were different
I can cry myself to sleep
And now it comes to seem
My nightmares replace dreams
My brain can’t think straight
My hearts a mess
My family’s gone
I’m piled high with stress
I look in the mirror
I hate what I see
But nobody knows these things
Except for me
I can’t even trust my friends
It’s standard after standard
Everyone thinks I’m perfect
But everything is so hard
My friends have secrets that I have to keep
The pressure is on
The gossip, the rumors
I don’t want to play along
Teasing and assumptions
Are always made about me
Even though they’re wrong
I wish I could be set free
I wish I could change
My body, my skin, my face
My persona seems to change
And friends can betray
I don’t have it bad
I’m your average teenage girl
I am no different
Than the rest of the world
But maybe I want to be noticed
Appreciated for once
Is that something bad
To ask love for the runts
My heart’s gone heavy
I can’t keep it together
It feels like I’m drowning
In stormy weather
They hurt my feelings
And they don’t even know it
Do I do the same
This pathetic little poet
Blend in with the crowd
They say
I want to say no
But I can’t walk away
I’m so dramatic
I realize all I do is make a scene
Am I actually popular
Or just plain mean
How do I feel
About my classmates
Am I different or a follower
To love or to hate
I’m expected to like
Someone in particular
This boy or that one
Other people decide who goes with her
I guess I’ll be okay
I’ll be just fine
I’m taking life
One step at a time
Insecurities are always with me
I can’t change that
But I’ll be alright
Can I really change who I am?

I taught myself to believe
That you were better than that
That you were not the guy everyone told me you were

I taught myself to believe
That you're mistakes were not the usual you
That you were actually really nice

I taught myself to believe
That you were a genuine boy
And when push came to shove, you cared about me

I taught myself to believe
That you were perfect
And that everything would be wonderful if I could call you mine

But after all that teaching
I learned that I was wrong

Every time I drink from that bottle you gave me,
I think of you
Every time I meet someone with your name,
I think of you
Every time I look at yearbooks,
I think of you

Every time I talk with my friends,
I think of you
Every time your best friend texts me,
I think of you
Every time I try to move on,
I still think of you

I love that song
Not because of the beat
But the day we found it together
Just trying to hide from the heat

Slash up from my lips
To make a perfect smile
Iron my stomach flat
I haven't felt this good in a while!

Bleed out my thighs
So they won't be so thick
Pull my hair until it's straight
I think I'm almost perfect!

Maybe I'll break my nose
So it can be a little smaller
Why, this is so much easier
Than paying a thousand dollars!

I think next I'll carve out
All of my scars and impurities
Now I believe that's all it takes
For you to see a beautiful version of me

Doesn't it sting
Just watching them do anything
And oh how it hurts
Just to watch them flirt
He's the only thing I wanted
And by his ghost I'm haunted
The worst part is
One of my best friends is now his
I should be the one he loves
I want to be the one he hugs
Why does she get to have him
Tears are filling at the brim
My eyes are green
Is it me or him or her that's mean
I don't want to hate them
But I feel trapped in this pen
I hate myself for feeling this way
But it's not something I can just wish away
It's burrowed deep into my soul
Leaving a
Dark
Empty Hole

I am the deer
Large shimmering eyes and slender limbs
A fawn with spots still on
Like the baby’s breath of the meadow in which I lay
Mocha fur shining in the morning sunlight
Face wet with dew from the chill of night

I am the deer
Mangled on the side of the road
Intestines on display for the vultures above
Legs twisted into a sick jigsaw puzzle
Killed by the man who worries about the machine
And drives away with apathy unwavering

I am the woman
Long, toned legs
Striding down a city sidewalk, wind in her hair
A statue, a monolith, an icon
Like a being carved from polished marble from the raw earth
A face of beauty incarnate

I am the woman
A dismembered body with DNA foreign to herself
Lying in a lake, the soil, a vat of oil
The threads of clothing cut too short like Fate’s own hemline
Killed by the man and his ego who worries if blood washes out
And walks away with apathy unwavering

It is a tragedy as old as time
That Mother Nature birthed daughters

I just want to tell you, I might be falling in love with you
I lay down and think of you, wake up and think of you
You are the person that is always on my mind.
I’m sorry, I can’t help it. You probably don’t feel the same way anyways.
I might leave you, but I can’t bear to lose you when you’re so close.
You’re a beautiful nuisance to say the least.
It’s truly disappointing we won’t be together
I’ve dreamed of being yours, but I just know it won’t happen
How can I let go when I’ve come so far?
But maybe it’s a good thing
Because my friends don’t always approve
There are so many fish in the sea, but do I dare throw you back in?
I spent so much time working for your liking
Your smile can bring me out of sadness and I yearn to hear your laugh
Why am I so obsessed? I’ve moved on before
Because you’re special; to me at least
There
Now you know it all
It probably won’t make a difference to you
You’ll just think I’m some kind of ******
You might cast me aside as nothing
But honestly
I need to let go anyways