Your polaroids came in the mail today.
At first, I didn't know what to say.
Your body makes me hot and bothered.
You act as if you want me tortured.

I set the photos ablaze.
Never again. I'll forget those days.
I'll forget when you touched me, and kissed me all over.
I'll forget the time you picked me a four-leaf clover.

More polaroids you sent to me.
I didn't want to say it, but I'm filled with glee.
But I won't forget what you did in the past.
If I wanted these photos, I would've just asked.

I set the photos ablaze.
Never again. I'll forget those days.
I'll forget when we flirted, and you would get flattered.
I'll forget when you said I was the only thing that mattered.

Why do you post them every single week?
But I couldn't help but give them a peek.
Your body sets my ***** on fire.
Your voice sounds like an angel's choir.

I leave the photos on my desk.
A small part of me doesn't want to forget.
What we did, what happened, all you've done to me.
I thought that I was safe, that I had been set free.

Today I touched myself, looking at you.
It's your fault, you know? You cause all the crazy things I do.
Your thighs always call my name.
That's why it's you to blame.

Why did you send the photos?
When I saw them I completely froze.
Did you want to **** with my mind?
The past is the past, leave it behind.

You're naked in every single one of these.
Although arousing, they fill me with unease.
I don't know what you want from me.
What the **** do you want us to be?

We ended years ago, the past is the past.
I need to get out, I need to fast.
Your face is everywhere I go.
This is all your fault, you already know.

Why do you wish to torment me?
Why can't you leave me be?
Yet I always come running back.
Maybe it's because you're a snack.

You're unhealthy and bad for me.
But you're tasty and don't cost a fee.
Maybe it isn't so bad.
Maybe I'm a little glad.

I hate the photos that you send.
I hate the fact we were never even friends.
But if you ever stop loving me, I'll break.
Everything you do, causes me to ache.

What the **** is this?
I constantly melt into your kiss.
What the **** do you want us to be?
I don't even remember who I am anymore.

Picking at my skin,
making me bleed,
scent of flesh,
melting with the rouge.

Stuffing up my chest,
with a knife to my skin,
playing doctor one-on-one,
******* in my breath.

Am I pretty enough?
Are my thoughts pure enough?
Am I desirable enough?
Obedient enough?

Overemotional,
heart too big for my body,
keeps leaking out.
It's better with my mouth shut.

I'll gloss my lips,
twisting up my insides,
I'll become all that you want,
until only a shell remains.

Scream.
I.
Scream.

My throat hurts.
But the scream was soft.
My pillow holds all my screams.
So they can never escape.

I feel better.

Cry.
I.
Cry.

My eyes burn.
But my eyes won't water anymore.
My pillow holds all my tears.
So they can never escape.

I feel better.

I go to punch my pillow.
I need to vent.
Let it out.
Out.

Bleed.
I.
Bleed.

My knuckles are bruised.
The kid in front of me is crying.
Where is my pillow?
Where am I?

I feel awful.

Scream.
I.
Scream.

But this time.
Everyone can hear.
My pained cries echo the streets.
I can't hold it in anymore.

Blood trickles down my throat.
My eyes are red and puffy.
My knuckles are ****** from punching the pavement.
I can't stop.

I keep crying.
I keep screaming.
I keep punching.
I keep doing it.

Breathe.
I.
Breathe.

I can finally breathe.
After all this time.
I finally realised.
My pillow was suffocating me.

Round and round,
we go around,
on the carousel of love,
we'll never hit the ground.

Chasing a goal,
I know I'll never make.
Leading me 'round the nose,
but it's fine, I don't mind,
'cause it's you who's doing so.

Hey boy,
I'll be the jester,
entertain you,
just don't leave.

I don't care if you hate me,
just let me love you,
I'll beg on the ground for you,
just give me attention,
and you won't regret it.

But when I fall off the ride,
and bleed from my knee,
the hand that helps me,
why is it yours?

Baby, you’re one of a kind.
Your eyes light up my dim night skies.
The way you blow into that flute.
Hypnotic melodies.

Your magic blooming like flowers in Spring.
Causing even the dead to dance.
Everyone is left captivated.
They’d all like a piece of you.

Darling, your mind captures brilliance.
The kind no other has witnessed.
You’re a piece of art.
One of a kind.

Even with cold flesh.
Your smile imprinted onto the Earth.
Wishing this moment could last forever.
A masterpiece dug into the dirt.

And on your grave, I plant these flowers.
You’ll be sent to Heaven, baby.
Where your flame will rise.
And your high will never get low.

"Why are you crying?
You knew it was going to die."

Humans are strange creatures.
I've known that from the start.

You were no exception.
For the time being.

You cried over everything.
Animals dying, falling over.

Whatever it was, you'd cry.
In a way, I thought you were pitiful.

But I have grown since childhood.
Remembered who I was, once upon a time.

I'd cross worlds to protect you.
Even though you contradict me all the time.

You don't like what I say.
I never understood why.

I killed all those humans for you.
Those heathens.

But even then, you cry.
You cried and cried until no more tears would flow.

I remember the words to spoke to me.
Each one slipping out on a sharp tongue.

You had no more tears.
They had run out.

You hated me.
Despised me.

So we fought.
I thought we could reconcile.

Begin again.
Life brand new.

But when I turned to you to speak.
What stared back at me was dull.

A hollow vessel.
Void of a human heart.

You wouldn't speak to me.
You wouldn't breathe for me.

No matter how much I yelled.
You would never hear.

And for the first time in my life.
I cried.

"Hey, Akira,
What are these feelings?"

A tall, elegant wallflower.
Her orchid eyes tell a million tales.
An expressionless face.
A contagious smile.

She's easily flushed, and often hides away.
I love when she talks, her voice is melodic.
Her laugh causes my heart to ache.
Her small hands cradling a book.

Everything about her makes my heart pound.
The curving of her lips.
The way she blinks.
Her methodical way of thought.

I love it all.
She's a little messed up, but that's alright.
I help her as much as I can.
She's scarred, and in pain, but that's okay.

She opened up, little by little.
Making me proud, and a little flustered.
When she brandishes her knife, I feel a sense of fright.
But I know that everything will be okay.

She's timid, polite and talks quietly.
I'm patient with her, she means the world to me.
Whenever we touch, my face turns red.
But it's okay, because hers does too.

I have a very limited diet.
I survive off sweet and nutritious thoughts.
The compliments that taste like candy.
I devour them whole.

Put a little icing on me.
I could use a personality.
What do you want me to be?
Something sour? Or something sweet?

Cut me open, limb by limb.
Tell me good things.
Eat me and tell me how good I taste.
I crave the validation.

The bad thoughts have my stomach tied in knots.
I puke them out until I'm hungry again.
I could use some sweet things.
So all your thoughts get shoved down my throat.

Order anything you'd like.
I'll be whatever you want.
I'll make sure to consume perfection.
You are what you eat after all.

Am I good yet?
Am I too much, too little?
Too sweet, too savoury?
I will take in your thoughts and make you happy.

I'm filling up on too many thoughts.
But I'm starving.
I'm overeating all the nice things you say.
My insides are an overflowing shipwreck.

What flavour is my personality?
Should I just scrape it off?
Everyone will like me more without it.
Everyone will like me more without it.

Devour me whole, tell me I'm pretty.
Take a bite of me.
Call me the perfect identity.
Do you enjoy me?

I purge your thoughts and change my flavour.
Why aren't you happy?
My stomach is empty.
I've forgotten who I used to be.

An iris hid within a chrysanthemum.
Loyal, faithful and loving.

Hiding within their thick petals, letting not many people peek inside.
But those special flowers, special leaves and plants that look inside, are never the same.

They see a glistening, golden world.
A world full of hope and love.

When a flower is planted, it's planted with care.
Whether it grows with care is undetermined.

However, you can make a flower's life better by watering, talking and letting them breathe.
Flowers do so much for us, we should repay them.

A world full of greenery, full of plants and leaves.
A world without flowers, until I met you.

A splash of colour from your petals.
Painting a wall with your golden syrup.

I'm glad I chose to leave my dull world behind.
And befriend such a lively and lovely person.

The day you were planted is a blessed day.
And I hope I can make everyday that you live, a little more better.

As much as you've done for me.
Happy birthday.

Your voice.
The way you smile.
You sing.
I love it all.

I bow down to you, my queen.
I'll do anything you ask of me.
I tenderly kiss your hand.
Because I am your mere knight.

Your laugh.
The way you dance.
You see.
I love it all.

I'd lay down my life for you, my queen.
I'll do anything you ask of me.
I'd die just to feed your smile.
Because I am your mere knight.

Your love.
The way you hug me.
You kiss me.
I love it all.

But I know, my queen.
If I died for you.
You'd mourn and weep.
You wouldn't be the same.

Because even if I live to serve you.
You live off my affection.
My love for you.
So don't cry, my queen.

I'll love you until death do us part.

Bright lights!
Neon signs!
Pounding sounds
with citrus scents.

Focus on me.
Zoom in.
Zoom out.
I'll be all they see.

All eyes on me!

Wet cement!
Handprints!
Deafening silence
with the smell of freshly burnt oak.

Focus on me.
Flashing lights.
Blinding colour.
I'll be all they see.

All eyes on me!

Big billboards!
Magazine covers!
Spotlight on me
and the crew sets up scene.

Focus on me.
Dig your nails into me.
Leave your scent on me.
I'll be all they see.

I'm everyone's favourite.
I'm in control.
The society is crumbling.
They hum a lulling beat.

With their eyes on me.

Another day in bed.
My pillow dry with tears.

You're waiting for another breakdown.
Another plea for help.

You crave me.
You want to corrupt my mind so that I will only be yours.

What hurts, even more, is how much it works.
How much I can't run away from you.

I could leave your apartment.
The door is so close.

Yet, after I cry you just shove your hands down my pants.
We get busy after that.

You make me weak.
You make me vulnerable.

You use me when I am out of strength.
To fulfil your selfish desires.

"Come here, I'll make you feel better."
My thighs are always bruised.

I expected long conversations underneath a sparkly sky.
I expected cuddles and reassurance that everything was alright.

What I got was a torn *****, bloodied bedsheets.
Bruised ankles and red eyes.

I never told you "No."
Because if I did, how would you react?

I didn't tell you this.
But I'm late.

It hasn't come in a month and I got worried.
I spit up blood more than twice a week.

How can I tell you?
You'll ask me to get rid of it.

Yet you keep pushing me.
My limits are breaking.

You're going to hurt them, stop thrusting.
It hurts.

Stop.

Counting the steps you take.
Your fingers touching mine.
These walls I built up over time.
Slowly, you take them down.

This violent facade.
Eating me up inside.
I want to scream but I can't.
This is who I am now.

I distance myself.
Scared of getting hurt.
But you approached me.
And became my world.

I still detest how I acted back then.
I pushed you away.
When you tried to understand.
But the facade I made.

Crumbled down.

The only one I loved.
The only one I trusted.
You stood there, captivated by me.
Wishing I wouldn't go.

Everybody's words.
Like swords that cut deep.
I can't forgive them.
Can I even forgive myself?

So I let go of the anxieties.
Because despite my actions.
My true nature is love.
I love you, Shuichi - this is to be known.

These lies I built as walls of protection.
Break down and cover me.
Suffocate me.
I let myself be crushed under the weight.

Much like a hydraulic press.

Even after death, I will still love you.
You spoke to me, loathed me.
But I still love you.
And that will never change.

You ask why I lied.
I lie all the time.
It's my only defence.
From the people outside.

I know you don't understand.
Maybe you never will.
But that's okay.
My heart is open for you to accept.

After all,

"I" am just a "lie" that makes up "me."

I have so many worries.
Anxieties.
That I just can't escape.
They flood my brain.
Controlling my memories.

I keep up the facade.
That I'm stable.
Happy, nice.
But I'm not.
I'm anything but.

I break down every night.
Because of you.
My tears stain my face.
Because of you.
I don't know what to say.
Because of you.

You never meant to hurt me.
I never meant to hurt you.
But in the end.
We wound up hurting each other.
We were the monsters they warned us about.

The dark clouds, wrapping themselves around us.
Only engulfing us in sadness.
So I keep on crying.
Because the more I do.
The more the dark lets go of you.

You don't know.
But I do.
With each tear I drop.
The monster consuming me.
Will eventually.
Swallow me whole.

Cold, violet skin.
Red rose petals fall from my wrist.

The scent is pleasant.
It makes my head spin.

I spew eucalyptus leaves into the overflowing river.
Oleanders flow down my throat.

I puke out the petals, now stained red.
The river flows red as the lilypads sink.

Monkshood flowers cast shadows over my porcelain skin.
I pluck and I pluck and I pluck.

Until my fingertips are stained purple.
I lick them clean.

I weep tears that take the shape of an angel's trumpet.
They sing me a soft lullaby as they seep into my skin.

Pretty foxgloves draw me in closer.
I touch their shell and inhale their scent.

My stomach turns inside out.
Skyflower petals seep from my mouth.

I hadn't noticed until now.
That my entire body was a wilted rose.

They're laughing.
Smiling.
Being happy.
Happy Happy Happy.

It's hot in here.
Marshmallows being roasted near a fire.
Presents being put down.
Cards on trees.

It smells like family.
It smells like relations.
It smells like happiness.
It smells like living.

I can't touch them, I can't.
It hurts.
Every Christmas hurts.
The smell of eggnog fills the air.

They sit at the table and pray.
My mother weeps.
It's been three years.
She's not over it.

I want to cradle and hold her.
Tell her it's okay.
Tell her I'm alright.
But I'm not alright.

She can't see me.
Nobody can.
Not even myself.
It hurts.

Every Christmas I relive the same thing.
The flashing lights.
The horns.
The sirens.

The sound of my spine cracking in the all wrong places.
The sound of my mother crying in the ambulance.
The sound of my siblings arguing with doctors.
The sound of my life support being pulled.

It's alright, I'm here.
Christmas can continue.
Just hold me and tell me it's okay.
I need to talk.

Someone.
Anyone.

Red and white dotted fabric.
I spin around in my chic new dress.
My husband kisses me goodbye.
I iron out the clothes.

Stitch.
Sew.
Cut.
Pull.

Warm, homecooked meals.
We dine as a tune from our youth plays on the radio.
He places a rose on my empty plate.
I smile.

Thimbles coat my fingers.
I stick pins in fabric and sew it up together.
I feel a thud in my stomach.
I iron out the clothes.

He welcomes me home with gifts.
My baby boy is fast asleep.
My husband is slowly coming home later and later.
He hasn't noticed the holes in my arm.

I drink another shot, smiling at my sleepy baby boy.
My husband isn't home.
I pop my pills.
And I iron out the clothes.

The medicine isn't working anymore.
I can't stop his screaming.
Shut up.
Shut that child up.

My husband is yelling at me.
What did I do wrong?
He tears my new dress.
I iron out the clothes.

My baby won't stop crying.
Stop, please.
My husband is never home.
My head hurts.

I throw the pills down the drain.
I shakily brandish a knife.
I breathe.
And iron out the clothes.

Crimson splattered across walls.
An old tune from our youth plays on the radio.
My husband isn't breathing.
My baby boy stopped crying.

I feed my child and put him to sleep.
I sleep.
I spin around in my green and white polka dotted dress.
The fabric tearing at the seams.

I iron out the clothes.
The fabric.
The rope.

I leave a rose next to my child and stand up.
This necklace fits perfectly.
I take a bow in front of the mirror.
Don't I look pretty?

I kick the furniture.
Dancing midair.
My hair falls to my face.
I iron out the

An angel cloaked in black.
A crystalised sinner.

But I watch over a pure being.
Someone who can't be dirtied.
Not by filth or other humans.
A completely clean entity.

I wish for revenge against God.
The cruel God who abandoned me.
Who reinforced rules.
That only help him in the end.

So I combine my filthy soul.
With a clean vessel.
Me and the purity.
We become one.

A sinner cloaked in black.
A venomous angel.

Flowers are beautiful.
Not just in their appearance.
Each flower has a meaning,
Meanings unique to each one.

Flowers smell nice and look nice.
However, if you get too close they can hurt.
That's why they're put away in a vase, for viewing.
Look, don't touch.

However, all nice things must come to an end.
Flowers will wither away, much like a human.
However, you can always grow them again.
Flowers are easily replaceable.

Sometimes I hate flowers.
They're everything a human isn't.
You can't **** a person and grow one back.
You can't wither away and become a decoration.

Humans can't be put away, only to view.
Even the most beautiful flowers will hurt you.
Because you let them out of the vase.
I envy flowers, in some way.

Pick me up and spin me around.
Not too tightly, or you'll cut yourself.
Smell me, lean in and tell me I'm pretty.
Then when I wither, scatter me across the sea.

I've seen the gates of Heaven.
Pure.
White.
Gates.

Angels are beautiful creatures, aren't they?
They fill some with lust, desire...
They fill me with something nobody else could give.
Love.

I knew when our eyes connected.
You were something special.
You have my glass heart in your hands.
Please don't let it go.

I've been hurt by angels before.
They've taken my heart, handled it with care.
Then smashed it using all their force.
It's taken forever to pick up the pieces.

But by the way you touch me.
Kiss me and tell me I'm pretty.
I can tell you're different.
I can tell you're heavenly.

Black circles under crimson eyes.
Pale, porcelain skin.
Large white wings.
The heart of a saint.

You sink your fingers into my heart.
Squishing and spreading it around.
You dig your own heart from your flesh.
Bloodied fingertips connecting love.

With two hearts together.
You smile at me.
I am certain now.
You can teach me to love again.

[ Caution ]
[ Fragile ]

Our legs tangle together beneath tables.
Our smiles complete each other.
Your eyes are crystal blue.
Mine are a crimson red.

You reach over and caress my hand.
It feels good when you rub my knuckles.
You place a kiss.
It feels good.

But,
uneasy.

I love when you hold my waist.
We ballroom dance in the small kitchen space.
You rest your head on my thighs.
It feels nice.

You pull open my skin to look at my heart.
Your mouth gapes open.
Are you surprised to see it shattered apart?
It wasn't my choice, however.

Not mine,
not at all.

You hold red glass, cutting your skin.
Hurriedly you try to put them together.
I've been hurt before.
What's a little more?

Two pieces connect at the hip.
You smile through bloodied hands.
The pieces shiver in your touch.
You caress them with such compassion.

It stings,
but in a good way.

Slowly but surely, the pieces stick together.
A glass heart, torn at the seems.
You place it back, and stitch me up.
You smile at me, though your hands are scratched.

I kiss your wounds.
You cry for me.
I never believed in true love.
But this time, I'll give it a shot.

You don't have to say
"I love you."

Because when you take a kiss from me.
It's just us filling this landscape.

Colouring the outlines of a dull world.
In bright pastels.

Our entire life is one big memory.
Reliving our love over and over.

Please rely on me a little more.
Don't go crying in a split second.

You don't have to say
"I love you."

Because when you take a kiss from me.
It's just us filling this landscape.

A dream world that consists of only us.
This world is a story about us.

Please don't leave me.
Where did you even go?

Life flashes before our eyes.
Running by so fast.
So I press pause.
And rewind back to the start.

You don't have to say
"I love you."

Because when I hear it I go cold.
It's only us.

I never want to wake up.
From this dream-like escape.

Don't take me from your warmth.
Close the blinds - the suns too bright.

Give me five more minutes, please.

A crumbling god lays in my grasp.
As he lay coated in my tears.
I can't help but hope they heal him.

He said we'd ascend.
We'd leave our flesh vessels.
To watch over them like gods.

Yet, with all the power I've consumed.
Why is the body I'm holding stiff?
I've become a god, all you've ever wanted.

When you said you could join me.
Was that just a lie?
You said we could rid the Earth of filth.

What do I need to do to tell you I love you.
Would it take mere words to bring you back?
Ashes to ashes.

A tall man came today.
Coated head-to-toe in black.
He said he could bring you back.

For one small price.
If I gave up my name, my identity.
For that, you would return.

I accepted.
I await your arrival.
While you rest, I caress you.

I need to rest, I've been awake too long.
You may not remember me.
But that is alright.

For you see, my dear.
As long as you are here.
We can be gods all we'd like.

An angel with an arched back.
It's wings spread out like an owl's.
She turns to gaze at me.
Fluttering eyelids.

Her hand runs over her pale skin.
Her white wings flutter with every touch she makes.
Her dead eyes creep to gaze at me.
Beckoning me.

My throat feels clogged.
I walk closer.
My hands are shaking.
I still, walk closer.

She reaches her hand out to me.
I take it without hesitation.
An angel in love with a human?
It's mad, isn't it?

I kiss her hand and she smiles.
Her eyes are still dead.
She runs her fingers up and down my throat.
I sputter white petals all over her.

She's dowsed in white petals.
They're stuck in her midnight hair.
She smiles at me, her eyes finally glistening.
I smile back.

An angel in love with a human.
It's mad, isn't it?
Yes, it's mad.
But aren't we all a little mad sometimes?

Photos beyond photos.
Pictures of my heart.
Exposing my insides.
Everything I live for.

You left me rose.

I take pictures and make sure to smile.
I'm popular, now.
Is it because you're not around?
It's colder without you.

It was stupid to fall for someone I can't have.
You don't like me like that, I know.
But I still can't let you go.
I water that rose, every single night.

Did I tell you? I got a boyfriend.
He's popular, and I don't really like him.
It's okay, I guess.
He likes my photos.

He plays with my hair and makes me smile.
He smiles in the photos I take.
Okay, so it might be good.
But I still miss you.

I don't know about the scandal between your parents.
Your personality.
I'm sorry you had to go through it all.
I would've helped if I could've.

My photos start to blur.
The rose is wilting.
This guilt is eating me up.
But my boyfriend is here, right?

Hey, today he hit me.
It hurt y'know!
If you were here you could've helped.
I'm sorry.

He started smoking.
I don't really like the smoke.
It's not good for the rose, either.
Still missing you.

He burnt my photos today.
I'm getting a bit scared.
But he loves me, it's okay.
The rose is looking better.

Where did you even get this rose?
Why did you give it to me?
Is it really important?
Thank you, I suppose.

He put his cigarette out on me.
I cried today.
He loves me.
Why is he hurting me?

He won't stop.
The rose is getting sicker.
No matter how much I water it.
Help me.

The rose looks like ash.
I'm not too much better, to be fair.
All my photos are gone.
I leave you these notes.

I stilllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

A dull world.
Lit only by the coins, the bling of the masters.

Every action I do hurts me.
But there's nothing I can do to stop the pain.

I could end my life.
End the torment.

But even if I did that.
It's just bailing out of a battle.

I want to try to survive.
So I can go down with pride.

No matter how many times I am used.
Stripped, cut or burned.

I will get back up again.
I am scarred but still standing.

Everything leaves marks.
I'll make mine battle wounds.

Chocolate coloured eyes.
Mesmerise me every time.
Your cherry red lips.
Your moonlight glow.

Everything about you makes my heart swell.
It's twice as big.
I can feel it pound.
Every beat resonating.

Is this a teenage dream?
You make me so warm inside.
My face goes red.
And that's only when we talk.

Even though we're worlds apart.
I can feel you near me.
The sky we see is not the same.
But that's okay.

I can take a white rocket.
Go wherever you are.
The clouds and stars in the sky.
Are nothing compared to the beauty you are.

Every time you smile, a love song plays.
You do something crazy to me.
I try to hide what I feel.
But I can't whenever I'm with you.

I don't usually write poems.
Not for other people, at least.
But for you, I'll write these words.
My soul imprinted on your screen.

You mean so much to me.
Calling me something tame like "Cutie" kills me.
Do you not realise how much power you have?
You're the reason I wake up in the morning.

The seasons will change.
But my love will stay the same.
My feelings haven't lingered this long before.
So just read these words before I forget how to say them.

Addiction.
It's a filthy word that taints your tongue.
I'm not a normal addict.
I'm not addicted to beer, or to regular drugs.

The only drug that fulfils my desires.
Is you.

You are my drug.
You fill my head with morphine.
You take away my pain.
But when I wake up in the morning I feel sick.

I take you every night.
You've helped me in ways you don't even know about.
Even though I can't swallow you whole.
I can break you and take you piece by piece.

No matter how I devour you.
You always help me.
I taste the bitterness on my tongue.
But a cool sensation spreads to my head.

Being in love is a powerful thing.
Addictive?
Yes.
But you?

You're a chemical.
You make up my bright side.
You make up my best days.
You make me feel numb when I bleed.

I was never one for drugs.
But when it comes to love.
I dove in head first.

All those nights we spent.
Watching movies and shows.
Sometimes just straight up skits.
I cherish them all.

Your smile.
Your laugh.
The way you make me feel.
Is unexplainable.

You leave me breathless.
It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment.
That I fell in love with you.

Maybe it started when we first spoke?
Your funny jokes, the stories you'd tell.
Or perhaps it was recently?
Because whenever you speak my heart pounds.

It's almost suffocating.
It's kind of masochistic.
How you make my heart burn and ache.
Yet I never wish for it to stop.

I lay awake at night.
Watching the shooting stars.
I wish for your safety, your happiness.
All of the above.

Maybe when I wish upon a star.
You can feel my love.
I hope that with every wish I make.
My love becomes more apparent.

I know, that across all timelines.
Across all universes.
My love for you will never falter.
You, to me, are the embodiment of hope.

The embodiment of everything good.

This poem was a little cheesy.
I'd apologise but my words are sincere.
There's still a weight pressed onto me.
So I'd let to let it out.

Thank you for all the laughs.
All the love you've given me.
The only thing I have to ask.
Is will you go out with me?

Wherever you are,
I'll always be by your side.
I'll always hear your voice.
I'll make sure you never will cry.

Wherever you are,
I'll love you unconditionally.
I promise you this.
Sealed with a kiss.

Wherever you are,
I'll make sure you're alright.
I'll always sing you lullabies.
I'll make sure you smile every night.

Wherever you are,
I'll carry your problems on my shoulders.
I'll always make you smile.
Especially when you walk down that aisle.

Wherever you are,
I'll never say goodbye.
I'll make sure you're safe.
I'll cuddle you all the time.

Wherever you are,
I'll make an oath.
To love you forever.
Our love will never sever.

The people talked to you again today.
You said they made fun of your body.
The only thing in your eyes was humiliation.
You told me they make you feel ugly.

But baby, I know you don't see what I do.
Because anything that is beautiful.
People want to break.
Unfortunately, you are beautiful.

You told me that you're ashamed of your body.
They said you're disgusting.
They told you that you were fat and unworthy.
But I'll love you no matter what form you take.

But baby, I know you don't see what I do.
Because anything that is beautiful.
People want to break.
Unfortunately, you are beautiful.

You need to realise one of these days.
The body you have.
Is the perfect one to me.
You are beautiful.

You're like me.
We're one and the same.

You can be the moon, I'll be your sun.
When we eclipse we will rule this land.

Take my hand, let us become one.
We shall consume this universe.

Let us watch these puny humans from the stars.
Nobody will ever hurt us, or touch us again.

We have the power to mould this world into whatever we like.
A world with peace, and without filth.

Or maybe just devour the world.
And start it again, brand new.

Hand-in-hand, I find my strength.
My other half.

The Venus to my Mars.
The Eve to my Adam.

We can control these failures under our wrath.
Our reign shall last an eternity.

I will no longer let you be humiliated in a horrific reality.
Take my hand, let us ascend.

I stand tall, smiling manically through a TV screen.
Static amidst the broadcast, what a wonderful scene.

Turn up the volume, I'm showing the death of a nation.
Stand up and yell, dance in formation.

I open my third eye, I can see it all.
Turn around and around, everyone will fall.

They watch with their eyes glued.
No matter what they do, they're all *******.

They sway two and fro.
A telecast promoting vertigo.

I raise a blade to my throat and sing a chorus.
Black chords all around like liquorice.

They stare hypnotised at the television show.
I cut my throat and blood starts to flow.

I open my third eye, I can see it all.
Turn around and around, everyone will fall.

The screen cuts to static. A washed out town.
For a mere moment, I was their king. I wore a crown.

I lay on the floor of the studio, bleeding out.
I hurt them all, my mind has no doubts.

But I smile and laugh, coughing up red.
Those ******* won't forget the things they said.

Blue.
Red.
Yellow.
Green.

Little hands, touching a static screen.
Smearing lipstick and singing into a hairbrush.

Bigger hands, tracing a phone screen.
Wearing lipstick and standing on stage.

Holding hands, walking down the street.
Holding a clutch, walking a red road.

Black.

Long karaoke car drives with friends.
Quiet flights amidst a night sky.

Cranberry juice with girlfriends.
***** martinis in an apartment alone.

Friends with everyone.
Friends with the flashing lights, reflected in eyes.

Blue.
Red.
Yellow.
Green.

Lovers.
Tabloids.

Smoking.
Coc­aine.

Break-up.
TV Shows.

Black.

Waking up in a cold sweat.
Your heart bursting through your chest.

Diamond jewellery to your left.
Empty cigarette packets and beer cans to your right.

Asking yourself the same thing you've asked since.
Are you still having fun?

You've got my eyes.
Captured my heart.

As if a love deity chose you for me.

You always lie.
But I cover it up.

You always cry.
But I cover it up.

Your lips drip red with all the things you spew.

You've got my eyes.
Captured my heart.

As if all the stars in the sky pointed to you.

You always hide.
But I cover it up.


You're always blind.
But I cover it up.

Lungs filled to the brim with lies.

You've got my eyes.
Captured my heart.

My entire being is owned by you.

You always lie.
But I cover it up.

You always cry.
But I cover it up.

Choking on your lies, burning from the inside.

I remember singing song lyrics in the back of my Mustang.
Your blue eyes glistened in the moonlight as we both sang.
It was something like an old Elvis Presley love song.
Laughter and love swarming the air as we drove along.

I parked the car on the edge of a cliff.
I leaned in and gave your perfume a sniff.
A floral, seductive scent.
The time driving was well spent.

She opened her thighs.
It was quite a surprise.
But I smiled gently and let myself inside.
Her moans echoing through the night.
My, my, it was quite the sight.

She clung to me, whispering sweet nothings.
This was the only night I could give her some loving.

Because when I wake up, I know she won't be there.
I'll curl up and cry, wallowing in despair.

So, please, my darling, give me this one night.
I'll cover your neck, with rose-coloured love-bites.
Taking your shirt with me.
So when I smell it, I'll be filled with glee.

Please, let me love you.
You were always more than just someone to *****.
Although, I know this is a one-night-stand.
Falling in love wasn't something I'd planned.

So let me kiss you, and touch you tonight.
Our lips connecting under a sparkling twilight.
Your smooth hands, all over my skin.
I honestly don't care where else they've been.

By morning you'll be gone.
And without you, I'll have to live on.

Every day I wake, will be a hellish nightmare.
Because everything is Hell when you're not there.

Looking at the sky, I'll remember your eyes.
Don't worry, I'll die, so you'll never have to cry.

My life is meaningless without you near.
So please, just tonight, let me love you, my dear.

I want to be friends with everyone.
Is that selfish of me?

Why yes, it certainly is.
You're a very selfish little girl.

I want everyone to like me.
Is that wrong of me?

It's human nature to want to be liked.
However, wanting everyone to like you is quite selfish.

I want everyone to be happy.
Is that bad?

For everyone to be happy, you'd have to remove their egos.
Do you really want to mess with everyone so they become lifeless?

No! Of course not.
I just want to be good.

You want friends.
You want to be cared about.

I do.
Is that so wrong of me to want?

Certainly.
You're an extremely selfish girl.

But, people say they like me.
Is that a problem?

It feels good, doesn't it?
You feel warm and tingly.

I want more friends.
I want to be wanted.

It's unfortunate none of your friends actually cherish you.
You know that, yes?

Shut up.
Be quiet.

You're selfish.
You only think of yourself.

That's not true!
Shut up!

You only want to feel good.
You don't care about anyone else.

PLEASE BE QUIET.
I DON'T WANT THIS NOISE.

*Why?
Aren't you the one saying these things, anyway?

You.
The sole reason for my suffering.
I hate you.

To look into the darkness,
and only find you,
is disgusting.

Nothing has hurt me like you.
I'd create a war.
Just to get rid of you.

But as I look back,
you treated me kindly,
am I the one to blame?

Thinking.
For a person such as me.
To be given a second chance.

It must be a joke!
But I see now,
oh, so clearly.

I wasn't looking in,
I was looking out,
and he was looking in.

The darkness was I.
I love you.

Standing at rain-covered train tracks.

If you were a god, what would you do?
Make a perfect world?
While everybody claps along.
Then disappear without a trace.

Nobody will notice that you slipped away.
You smile.
You say you're fine.
You're fine.

But you're not fine.

It's hard being a god.
The entire world in your tiny grasp.
Mistakes being made everywhere.
So disappear without a trace.

Nobody will notice you slipped away.
They never liked you anyway.
You're fine.
You're fine.

You smile and lie.

I'll kiss your tongue.
Make everything better.
Feed you kerosene.
So you'll slowly wither.

Nobody will notice you slipped away.
They never knew you anyway.
You say you're fine.
You claim you're fine.

You scream and lie.

Spitting out your toxic drink.
You know the answer now.
You can fix all your mistakes.
The god of this world.

Nobody will notice you slipped away.
What's a god, anyway?
You say you're fine.
Close your eyes.

And step in line.

But I can't see.
My whole vision is a blurred, red mess.
My blood is soaking the string.
Dripping onto the marble floor.

Drip
Drip
Drip
Drip

There's a pounding sensation in my head.
It hurts, I cannot breathe.
I do not love you.
Get out of my head.

Out
Out
Out
Out

With a pair of scissors, I cleanly cut the string.
It loosely falls to the floor.
You stare at me with your big blue eyes.
It's like looking into an abyss, or into a twilight sky.

But it stings.
A bruise marks my finger where the string once was.
The starry sky is swallowing me whole.
I will never again see your pretty face.

I hate the string that burns my skin.
I hate your face.
It gives me a melancholic tinge.
I hate what drew us together.

But I finally broke it.

I hate you.
I hate everything that you do.
I hate your smile and your starry eyes.
I hate when I'm with you, time just flies.

I hate how you're never here.
I hate how you always seem to disappear.
I hate your toothy grin.
I hate when I'm with you my head starts to spin.

I hate how you yell and smash bottles all night.
I hate when I wake up covered in love-bites.
I hate how you tease me and tell me you love me.
I hate when you can't calm down and it takes more than just a plea.

I hate how you're violent and stay up for hours.
I hate when you kiss me and cuddle me during showers.
I hate when we play board games and I'd always win.
I hate how you're covered head-to-toe in sin.

I hate when you touch me and my heart starts to pound.
I hate when we dance and you spin me right round.
I hate when you laugh and tickle my ears.
I hate the fact that it's been like this for years.

I hate when you hit me and tell me you're sorry.
I hate when you do it the next day without a single worry.
I hate when we kiss and it makes me feel alive.
I hate when our love dies and it suddenly revives.

I hate you with every fibre of my being.
I hate when you pretend to care about my wellbeing.
But most of all I hate myself.
I hate how I take your love right off of the shelf.

I hate how I love kissing you.
I hate how I love everything you do.
I hate when you hit me and choke me and bruise me.
But I hate the fact that I can't even flee.

I love you, I do.
I really, really love you.
I know I'm dying, slowly but surely.
But I promise, 'till my last dying breath, that I will love you purely.

Why do I live?
I can count the number of times I've been happy on both hands.

Why don't I die?
It would be really easy to **** myself, I realise this.

But when I press the cold steel to my flesh.
I hesitate.

Death seems to be the ultimate thing I crave.
But my greatest fear.

I've spent too many nights sobbing into my pillow.
So I ask myself.

Why do I live?
I like seeing my family happy.

Why?
I like seeing my friends happy.

Why?
I like seeing anybody happy.

Why?
I hate seeing them upset.

Will I ever be truly satisfied?
I doubt it.

But, I want to try.

Why do I live?
I live not for myself. But I live for others.

Why don't I die?
Even though I don't believe it, people will be upset once I'm gone.

So when I press the cold steel to my flesh.
I put the knife away.

Death seems to be the ultimate thing I crave.
But if I let the urge completely erode me I will never be happy.

Happiness doesn't start once you die.
It happens when you learn to live.

Crying softly, I rest a hand on your cheek.
"Everything's going to be okay."
"You didn't need them anyway!"
Until your face turns into ashes.

An unrecognisable mass that once was you.
What happened to the you I knew?
I hear glass shatter.
As your silhouette gets further.

I don't understand why you always look so sad.
Life would be so much easier if you were glad.
But when I touch your pretty face.
Your porcelain skin starts to break.

I look through the glass.
"I'm doing okay.
I am okay.
Even though I needed them, anyway."
Then the glass breaks.

Words echoing through the cave that is my mind.
Trying to put all the pieces back together.
But they can never fit just quite right.
It's always you, but not the one that I knew.

"Today is a good day."
I lie.
"You can do it."
I lie.

"You're stable, happy with life.
One day, you'll make the perfect wife."
I look into the mirror.
Then my face turns to black.

Some days, it's hard to get out of bed.
You wonder "Why bother."
Nobody loves you.
There are so many thoughts in your head.

But, what I'm about to say is true.
There's a whole world waiting for you.
You're needed whether you believe it or not.
Just hold on one more day.

You're gorgeous.
You're capable.

I may not even know your name.
But I can tell you, I've felt the same.
You feel as if you have no friends.
Except for the metal that runs across your skin.

I know that you're better than this.
You're worth more than this.
So pick yourself up off the ground.
You can begin again.

You're gorgeous.
You're capable.

You can believe in yourself.
Even when nobody else is there.
Because if you go.
My heart would shatter.

You are stronger than them.
Prove them wrong.
Rise up.
You are capable of this.

You're gorgeous.
You're capable.

I promise you this.

Sometimes at night.
I look at the glistening sky.
The sky shines bright with thousands of stars.
Each one of them reminds me of you.

One star is your eye, shining when you’re happy.
Another one is your mouth, your pearly teeth when you smile.
Yet another star for your big, blooming heart.
And one more, a flashing star, for your silky laugh.

Sometimes we meet in my dreams.
We hold hands and dance on a road of stars.
We count the stars as we step.
And by the end of the road, I’ve woken up.

These stars and these dreams are all I have.
Since you live across the sea.
But know that I would travel far and wide.
Just to hear your laugh again.

You make me so happy I can barely breathe.
It’s hard to describe the way you make me feel.
Even through poetry.
You leave me wordless.

That’s why this poem.
Is a bit messy.
A bit wild.
Pretty all over the place.

Because there are so few words.
To describe how special.
And important.
You are to me.

I know I say it a lot.
But I really do love you.
And the day you said it back.
Was the best day of my life.

These stars and these dreams.
They’re enough for now.
Because one day.
I’ll be there.

Taking a plane across the world.
Just to see you smile.
Then those stars won’t compare.
To the most beautiful sight before me.

Everywhere I go.
I get foul looks.
Looks of pity.
None I care for.

"His parents..."
"He's gay?"
Yes.
Yes.

I sit at the television.
Flipping through channels.
The broadcasts.
The audience.

The bruises that mark my skin.
"******* loser."
"Not even going to fight back?"
Are a reminder of my trauma.

I'm friends with the colorbars on the television.
The red, yellow, green and blue.
The black, white and grey hues.
The static that seems to scream my name.

I am left with a single rose.
I don't know where it came from.
Or where it goes.
But it's my rose.

I can't take the beatings any longer.
I'm sorry to her, my best friend through this all.
I can't do this anymore.
I can't do anything.

I engrave my skin.
Line by line.
Until three deep strokes mark my wrist.
I feel dizzy but don't sleep.

She asks me where I've been.
I hide my wrists and smile at her.
She looks at the bruises on my face.
She angrily frowns.

I'm sorry to her, my best friend through it all.
It's just too hard.
I can't hold on.
So I leave you my rose.

The flower beside your bed.
The bright red rose that stained everything.
Crimson gushes from my wrists, from my neck.
It tastes metallic.

I'm happy now.
I smear it all over the TV screen.
Now I can become one with my friends.
Come on, play with me.

There she is.
Whenever I see her, my heart starts to ****.
She's beautiful, her smile makes my day.
But whenever we talk, I don't know what to say.

We like a lot of the same things.
Whenever she's around, birds start to sing.
Whenever she touches me, my body sets aflame.
Does she realise my aim?

My face feels hot, this is it.
Time to say what's on my mind, without throwing a fit.
"I love you," I say.
She plays with my heart like it's clay.

She smiles gently and puts her hand on my shoulder.
My heart begins to smoulder.
"I don't like girls," she says to me.
I said how I feel, but at what fee?

Why do cats hate rabbits?
Why do they decapitate and lick their heads?
What did the rabbit do?
Cats are mean, I hate them.

Why are rabbits so cute?
They're fluffy and full of life.
The way they eat makes my heart flutter.
Rabbits are nice, I love them.

My schoolyard pal, a snow-white rabbit.
Decapitated in the corner of its cage.
A lonesome black cat, licking its head.
What a horrendous sight.

I never liked cats.
They make my heart ache.
My only friend was taken away.
Why are cats so mean?

If you're a saint, I'm a sinner.
I'm willing to do anything for you.

Pools of blood drip from my wrist.
It's a spicy and agonising feeling.

You lick it all up.
Pushing me down inside you.

Love hurts like a *****.
Guess we must be sadistic.

Every morning is a break for the wicked.
Because I lay with you in comfortable silence.

But I know that you'll let go.
Untangle your fingers and flee.

But you'll always come back.
Because without my blood you're thirsty.

Where do babies come from?
Do they come from the bright blue sky up above?
Up where the doves sing and shout?

Do they come from a bright world full of hope?
Do they come from angels in love?
Saints blessing the world?

They come from tobacco-ridden men,
They come from girls who want to grow up too fast,
They come from demons in lust,
They come from broken homes.

They come from broke dads in debt,
They come from girls who beg to be left alone,
They come from pleading, screaming,
They're an accident, from centuries ago.

But in this day and age, aren't we all birthing addicts?