creaming soda is a pleasant drink, don’t you think?
the pink aesthetic of it, the sweet taste.
the way it tickles down your throat with each gulp.

it’s like a small exciting adventure every time you drink.
few things feel as good as drinking some creaming soda.
except, being with you.

somehow, for me, it exceeds the limits.
i no longer taste that fleeting sweetness.
it’s an overwhelming flavour that melts me down to my core.

i’ve never been much good at writing.
if you keep your pen in one spot, the ink will pool.
you and i both know that well.

but for you, i keep it moving.
whether or not the outcome is good.
i move my hand and write for you.

being with you feels like a time out of space.
a place that nobody except us can reach.
where we laugh, watch and love.

i bet you weren’t expecting this.
and i understand how you feel.
i just needed to tell you.

writing is a passion of mine.
so telling you like this felt right.
plus, you always said you liked to read what i write.

i would love to take you by the hand.
and dance with you, round and round.
until our heads feel heavy ‘cause we’re dizzy.

i know you don’t feel the same.
and that’s okay.
because as long as i can stay by your side.

i’ll be alright.

let us dance.
hands joined.
in the pink waves of an ocean of love.

What's the difference between an angel and a devil?

Both have powers and are worshipped.
Both have powers unthinkable to mankind.

Both can look illegally beautiful.
Both can have wings.

When you think about it,
Lucifer was just a fallen angel.

Perhaps every "demon" or every "devil."
Is just an angel in disguise.

They didn't want to live constricted.
They lived in a cage that God had built.

Even the scariest demons have some light.
So look inside yourself.

Find redemption.

Lying in a field of flowers.
I’m plucked by a needle.

Something sharp that was hidden.
Nothing I suspected.

Oozing with blood, the field stains red.
A reminder of the pain I went through.

I can’t look at daisies.
Without thinking of you.

Is this the curse I must bear?

I see your name in flashing lights.
Your face in the streets.

Every place we used to meet.
I drop down to my knees.

The agonising needle that pierced my back.
Corrupts my once pure heart.

Giving me chest pains.
I cannot endure.

I never knew death could taste so sweet.

As I lay here in pain.
I reminisce, my dear.

About the memories we shared.
The life we lived.

And as I hold your warm hand.
Within my frozen fingertips.

The needle falls.
On a bloodied bed.

Isn't it funny how a lot of fears.
Have never been seen in reality?

They fear clowns.
But have never seen one in person.

They fear the ocean.
But have never drowned.

They fear heights.
But have never fallen.

I think it's funny.
Because a lot of people fear demons.

You've never seen a demon.
Yet, I have.

Demons aren't that scary.
They're just like you or me.

They long to be loved.
To be appreciated.

They want to feel valued.
They want to feel worthy.

At the end of the day.
Don't we all want that?

So put down your pitchforks.
Put down your torches.

Grab your closest demon.
And give them affection.

Have you ever wondered what it's like to **** someone?
I have.

I imagined it being an exhilarating experience.
One I will never forget.

Of course, you have to make sure you do it properly.
You don't want to get caught, do you?

I remember her watery, crystal eyes.
Her violet wrists and ankles.

The way her hair stood up when I touched her.
The way she winced whenever my cool blade touched her.

Was she panicking?
Probably.

I remember her gasps for air.
Her hoarse, croaky voice.

One stab.
A velvet sea laid out in front of me.

Two stabs.
Red, glittery hands.

Three stabs.
It's getter harder to see.

Four stabs.
I fall down.

I smear the blood on the wall.
As if it were a cry for help.

I wanted to do this so badly.
Why am I now regretting it?

Guilt swarms my body.
My head aches.

Have you ever wanted to **** somebody?
Because I have.

Today's the day I ****** a blade into my stomach.
A crimson waterfall.

My final words are yours to read.
On this ****** sheet of paper.

Today's the day I shivered with a blade to my wrist.
Hesitation, but the urge to die.

My final words are yours to read.
On this creme coloured wall in red writing.

Today's the day I
died.

What does it mean to be good?
What does it mean to be human?
My body may be an abomination.
But my heart is as pure as a saint.

You can't say all humans are good.
Because you know they aren't.
You can't say all demons are bad.
Because you haven't met them all.

I never asked for this power.
The power to **** with just a flinch.
I used my power for good.
I protected those who needed protection.

But if you look a certain way.
You're classified as bad.
Everyone calls demons monsters.
Because they don't understand them.

But I think.
The cruellest monsters.
That still breathe today.
Wander around Earth.

You place your hand on top of mine.
I press the piano keys, this makes nine.

Your voice lulls a love song.
How nostalgic. It's been so long.

Life is a road I'm walking on.
Love is a river I'm floating on.

Your lips against my ear as you caress each key.
Each sound makes my body shake, my soul's being set free.

Your touch is warm and suffocating.
Every time you're here I just keep waiting.

Waiting for something to happen.
Maybe a journey, I need to strap in.

Life is a road I'm walking on.
Love is a river I'm floating on.

Your kiss is electric, it drives me wild.
Your touch on the keys is less than mild.

Tunes and songs you play to me.
When I hear them I'm filled with glee.

You finish the song and open my heart.
This is our story, but it's just the start.

Pools of ink drench white paper.
Darkness covering a world of light.

Your piercing red body shone through a bleak world.
And as you approached me I turned blue.

You were the only colour in a world full of white.
Every time it rained you never got stained in black.

The ink never touched you.
Never filthied you.

You always stayed vibrant.
That perfect scarlet red.

You finally approached me.
A pastel blue boy.

Your smooth, tender hands all over my body.
Marking me in lilac bites.

The dull world outside shunned us.
Because we were different.

But I find comfort in your coloured arms.
Because when I'm with you, I'm no longer blue.

When you touch me, I explode with colour.
I become a lilac man.

In this day and age.
We're all pressured to write something original.

But with every piece of art in this world.
Every single thing being written.

We're inspired by different things.
Isn't everything fan-fiction?

Warm bed.
Suffocation.

Lukewarm water.
Drowning.

Dishes upon dishes are stacked.
Tumbling.

Down.
Down.
Down.
Down.

Another day, another relative in the grave.
Salty tears can't turn back time.

I never caressed, I never cared.
But I did care.

Wet pillow.
Drying.

Cry.
Cry.
Cry.
Cry.

Take a watch and turn back time.
Where would you like to go?

Go back to everybody you forgot existed?
Or maybe spend more time with the people you didn't?

Help out your family more often?
Because you never did so before.

Never.
Never.
Never.
Never.

You can't go back, you know that right?
Why are you crying?

They're dead, they all are.
It's over now, forget it.

No matter how many times you say it, it's meaningless.
"Sorry."

When you're cloaked in darkness.
I'll be your lighthouse.
I'll wrap you up tight.
Give you the light.

I always thought constellations were a bit overrated.
Seeing pictures out of stars?
How delusional.
However, that has changed.

The shivering human in my grasp.
The kisses, "I love you"s you give to me.
They're all real.
I can hardly believe it.

I always looked at you.
I knew I needed you.
But I was scared.
I didn't want to hurt you.

I didn't want to engulf you in the black mass inside me.
But the sadness goes away whenever you're here.
So I started needing you more.
Wanting you more.

It was a pounding feeling in my chest.
Made it hard to breathe without you near.
I was scared of being hurt.
But I loved you ever since way back when.

Now when I look at the sky, I can smile.
Because my world is just a tiny constellation.
And you're the biggest star.
Making my world a little brighter.

And I know, when I'm cloaked in the darkness.
You'll rise up above all else.
You'll be my lighthouse.
And let me in.

You have me running in circles.
Maybe if we were more verbal.
This would all work out.

I love when our lips collide.
I hope one day you can be my bride.
Hand-in-hand all night.

We make love under a milky twilight.
I leave you covered in lilac-coloured lovebites.
Only with you, am I such a mess.

I braid your hair in the morning.
When I do your makeup you always give me a warning.
You're all over the place and I love it.

I connect your freckles like constellations.
I will love you no matter what the location.
Your kiss is pure and cleansing.

You run your fingers all over my chest.
I wake up every morning feeling blessed.
You're my medication, babe.

But we fight.
Every night.
This won't work out.

I thought we were meant to be.
But I can see the person you love is not me.
It hurts to admit.

So kiss me one last time.
Breaking my heart is your only crime.
I'm better off without you.

I cry but it's okay.
My world won't fade to grey.
'Cause love comes back in unexpected ways.

Beneath murky, bloodied water, it beats.
The lonesome heart of a saint.
With every beat, the still water ripples.
Agonising.

Lips like cherry wine.
Porcelain, icy, skin.

Will you remember the taste of my lips?
Will you remember my hands when he touches you?

Will he caress you the way that I did?
Will he care for you more than I did?

I breathe beneath the ***** water.
Heartbeats slowing down, almost inaudible.
When suddenly, the beating stops.
The water stops.

My fingers prune and my chest throbs.
It's cold.

I trusted you.
You came into my dark life.
Brightening up the world.
Like throwing open curtains.

You tinted my world a pastel pink.
Every word you spoke to me.
Was like music to my ears.
Was it like that for you?

But when I turned around, it was all dark again.
You were the stage-light, casting the play.
Making me happy every single day.
You turned my stomach, made my heart flutter.

I never knew love was so bitter.
I trusted you.

I know you didn't love me.
But I was alright with that.
I knew you liked someone else.
But I was alright with that.

I know you hurt my friends.
I'm not alright with that.
You played with my heart every single day.
What the **** were you doing?

This isn't a play.

You knew about my feelings.
You said it was alright.
But you kept drawing me closer.
Like a moth to a light.

I know what you did.
You hurt everyone.
Stop beating around the bush.
Take the blame.

My heart aches writing these words.
I thought you were different.
That my voice was heard.
It went in one ear and out the next.

My heart sinks deeper into my chest.
Wet eyes and shaking lips.
My knuckles are sore.
I need a rest.

I tolerated you.
Loved you.
And this is what you do?
**** up everyone's life.

You were the sun to my Earth.
You cast warmth to me.
But now I see you never intended.
On setting me free.

All your lies taste bitter on my tongue.
I hate that I loved you.
That I had once loved.
My poem I wrote, I shared my feelings that day.

But what do I do now?
I don't know what to say.

Tracing the lines on your thighs.
I look into your crystal eyes.

Our bodies stick together during humid nights.
Your eyes are stories; bright coloured lights.

Connecting your freckles like constellations.
I try not to give into my temptations.

I reach for your hand under the black sky.
In the dark, nobody can see you cry.

Rest your head on my shoulder and let it out.
I hate how you say you love me with doubt.

We've all got problems, issues of our own.
Nobody needs to go through that alone.

I love you, I touch you every night.
Your neck covered in love-bites.

The only problem I have is loving you.
When you leave, my soul turns blue.

My body radiates like sunlight with you near.
So please, stay tonight, just tonight, my dear.

Blaring sirens and flashing lights.

Make it hard to concentrate.

On the traintrack.

There are multiple paths.

I must decide which I go down today.

Tomorrow, again and again.

The road is covered in a thin layer of rain.

Making it slippery.

A dangerous ‘venture.

The horns blare louder.

The lights blur my vision.

If I can’t take a path.

I should make one on my own.

The train is coming.

The end is in sight.

And I jump down onto the tracks.

Our love collided on a warm Summer's night.
I can't really describe it, but it just felt right.
I know we're just strangers but whenever we kiss.
I fall deeper and deeper into your abyss.

Your heart pounds, giving me headaches.
Falling in love always ends in heartbreak.
Your skin is warm when I touch you.
Do you love me the same way I do?

Your crystal eyes, breaking into my soul.
Whenever you're near, I want to take you whole.
If you could just tell me those three words.
My heart would light up, echoing songs from bluebirds.

Between your two legs is such a treat.
Whenever I touch you, my heart starts to beat.
Your moans like an angel's sultry lullaby.
Then your legs shake and you begin to cry.

Cuddling beneath a milky twilight.
Your head on my chest until daylight.
You take the cigar right out of my hand.
You hold it between your teeth, the sight is quite grand.

Your hands rubbing all over my chest.
Whenever I'm with you, I feel the best.
Your smile causing my heart to pound.
Your whispers like gospel to me, I adore the sound.

Your pleasured screams echo through my mind.
I wake up with our fingers intertwined.
You smile at me beneath glistening stars.
I trace every one of your scars.

You cry every night now.
I remember writing my vows.
I'm sorry, my darling, for what I have done.
You'll forever be my only loved one.

You grasp onto my hand with such intensity.
Your tears soaking into me.
I love you, I really do.
I'd give up my life just to talk to you.

I liked it best when you would hear my voice.
But, it's not like we both have a choice.
You constantly weep all over my sheets.
Even so, my heart still beats.

All these things I wish to say.
You promise that it'll be okay.
I love the warmth I get when you are near.
But I promise, it's okay now, you can let me go, dear.

22 tablets I've swallowed.
Only I knew what followed.

22 insults I've been given.
I promised myself I wouldn't give in.

22 lies to cover my scars.
I connect the dots like the stories of the stars.

22 arguments I've been in.
Whenever they're over I plaster on a grin.

22 gashes across my skin.
I'm dizzy now. My head starts to spin.

22 droplets of blood on the floor.
They look a little lonely, how about some more?

22 people who lied and deceived me.
To open my heart, you'd need the key.

22 bruises, marking my body.
I can't look in the mirror, I appear gaudy.

22 poems, left unread.
I'll be thinking of that as I lay on my deathbed.

22 stabs to end my life.
I smile and brandish my knife.

A black and white world.
Devoid of colour, devoid of feeling.
No sound.
Only silence.

Then I met you and my heart beat fast.
I couldn't breathe without you near.
I wonder why.

The dreary skies suddenly turned blue.
The wind blew stronger than ever.
The birds began to sing.

I could hear music pound from my heart, whenever you came close.
The streets full of chatter, full of life.
Colourful clothes.
A radiant display.

When I touch you, my world's on fire.
I feel content and burst into tears.
Your lips on mine make my heart sing.
I love your warmth.

Holding your hand, I cry.
Crystal blue tears seep into your skin.
I wonder why.

Your hand limps.
The world is black and white.

Everybody has told me,
that I'm too thick,
that I'm too heavy,
and not good enough.

They told me,
that I'm disgusting,
revolting,
and annoying.

But, recently I've learned,
that nobody is perfect,
and everybody's ideal,
isn't the same as somebody else's.

I think perfection is an idea,
one we have fabricated,
'cause we can't handle,
the fact that we're disliked.

You can't please everyone,
that's what I've learned,
so I'll forgive you.
'Cause I'm an imperfectly perfect person.

There was a little girl,
Never seen, never heard,
Her heart ached,
Her vision blurred.

Hannah drank until dawn,
Her knuckles bruised and ******,
For a woman, she was brawn,
Oh, what an unlucky little girl.

She looked next to the sink, there were tablets,
Hoping to forget Hannah's abusive habits,
The little girl heard screams and shouts,
Her tears stung and she swallowed her doubts.

Crashing, crying and threats,
The little girl cries behind the door,
Hannah cannot pay her debts,
She looks next to the sink and finds her answer.

The little girl slashes her wrists,
Taking more tablets, this makes six.
The bruises will fade tomorrow,
Though, the blood continues to flow.

Warm arms cradling a cold boy.
Reassurance is only temporarily comforting.
Tears stain the boy, seeping into his soul.

He knows they care, but they cannot help.
The scars covering his arms are apparent.
But he doesn't care anymore.

It helps him relax and washes away his sorrows.
The warm arms grip tighter.
"I won't go away."

He knows they care.
He's well aware.
But from beneath the warm cocoon.
He picks up a razor.

In a world full of people, nobody can help.
You live in isolation; full of self-doubt.

I remember your cool hands on my flesh.
I remember the outside air, the clouds, how fresh.
When you touch me you send shivers down my spine.
I love how you look when you drink white wine.

Your throat moving up and down.
My body heats up and my heart pounds.
Your eyes pierce into me so deep.
Sometimes I forget *** is so cheap.

The way you pleasure me makes my head spin.
I love how your cool hands feel on my skin.
You opened your legs, your heart to me.
I've been considering dropping to one knee.

But when I saw you on him.
I never knew love could be so grim.
He's thrusting his hips. He's deep down inside you.
I can't believe you loved him and I never even had a clue.

You moan in delight.
You never did that during our nights.
I wonder how you two met.
My chest feels tight and I start to sweat.

You opened your legs, your heart to me.
I had considered dropping to one knee.
I throw the ring into the gutter.
You will never again, make my heart flutter.

Even as I say that I must admit.
Now that you're gone, my wrists are slit.
I can still hear your voice in the back of my mind.
I never knew love could be so blind.

What defines love?

It's viewed differently when compared to every other person.
I could say love is an intimate feeling.
While you could persist that it's non-existent.

What does love really mean?

I believe love means you're willing to devote your life to a certain person.
It's an intimate feeling - but it comes with stress and fear.
But you can rest easy if you know the other party involved loves you too.

What does it mean if you don't love someone enough?

Is that a real thing?
Because I tried my hardest.
But it wasn't enough.

Dancing in the rain.
With your coat drooping off me.

You smile at me.
And it shines like the moon.

Counting the steps we take.
Every minute feels like an hour.

Your hand in mine.
Makes my whole body warm.

I wish this evening could last forever.
With your lips interlocked with mine.

Poking at the fat on my thighs.
Laughing at all our quirks the whole day.

Binging movies and sharing drinks.
Playing with your hair during a thunderstorm.

Even though the world is cold.
You warm me up.

So I curl up with your wet coat.
And dream of that night again.

It was dark, cold and cramped.
I thought I'd never get out.
It seemed impossible.
The demons were consuming me and I couldn't do anything about it.

Anything.

Then there was a sprout of light.
It almost blinded me amidst the dark.
I felt myself breathing a little easier.
My eyes shot open.

It was there.
Right there.
Just beyond my reach.
Can I make it?

Knees bleeding after making contact with the floor.
Legs stained with red.
But the light, it guided me.
I was so close.

There's always light at the end of the tunnel.
You'll never make it unscathed.
But that's okay because you're free.

Like a feather picked up by a gust of wind.
                                                                           Fly.

Red.
I'm hot-headed, and I rush into things.
I'm strategic and tough.
Yet, this is all a mere coverup for the scars of my past.

Blue.
You're cool, suave and charismatic.
You're a good aim and goofy.
Yet, I can tell you're hurting deep inside.

Why won't you let me hold you?
Let us kiss under a sparkling twilight.
Then, our two worlds can collide.
And we can become a lilac sky.

The sky is bright blue.
Mesmerising.

The air is fresh and clean.
Beautiful.

This could all be a dream, but, it seems it's not.
As his nightmares have become his dreams.

Though, the pleasant picture fades to black, never to be seen again.

Cold, moist wind, blowing in all directions.
Horrible.

Blackness stained under fingernails.
Putrid.

He battered his tiny fist to feel something.
Just to feel something.
His stomach painted violet.

The bathtub filled to the brim with lukewarm water.
His fingers prune immediately.
His tears like rain in the tub.

Sinking his head down, wishing to be reborn.
A glass child, breaking at the seams.

Magenta lights flashing through my window.
Muffled groans and cries echo from my pillow.

Humid air, kicking off sheets.
I can hear cars driving on the streets.

Birds singing happily in the night sky.
I sink into the bath and begin to cry.

Lavender scent, filling the air.
Scrubbing my body, my body is bare.

Red marks wherever I scrub.
Slowly but surely red drips into the tub.

No matter how hard, how rough I've been.
I know it in my heart, I'll never be clean.

Small, silver tool on top of the sink.
It all happened so fast, happened in a blink.

Submerged in the water I breathe.
Across my flesh, I feel the metal sheathe.

The water is now red.
It shows how much I've bled.

I tilt my head back and look out the glass.
I can see the sunrise, bright green grass.

Birds are singing outside cheerily.
I close my eyes and exhale drearily.

Bathing in crimson, my heart starts to sink.
The only thought I have is what my mother will think.

Soft music, echoing from a phonograph.
The distant smell of tobacco and white wine.
Comforting, yet, unsettling.

Smoke fills the room, blurring visions.
It's warm, feels safe.

Raindrops can be heard hitting the pavement outside.

Is this a dream?
Am I dead?

I can feel myself float above lukewarm water.
Drifting away, my skin cold against the air.

My head is light and empty.
It feels nice.

Better than being awake.
This dream world is a safe haven.

Who would want to be confined to a dark reality?
When you can get everything you want,
                                                                just by closing your eyes?

Red.
All I see is red.
My heart pounds, I can hear it clearly.
There's a fuzzy dark figure in the red mist.

The rope around my neck tightens.
My ring finger hurts.

You caress my face.
You're smiling at me.

The red is slowly fading.
Your face becomes clearer.
I don't recognise you.
But I love you.

I see red drip down your neck.
I feel liquid seep from my neck onto my chest.
We are one and the same.
The chords around us.

Red string.
All around.

Twisting around our necks.
Our fingers connected.
Your blue eyes contrast the red.
I can feel myself breathing a bit easier.

I can feel your warmth.
There's no mistaking what we are.

Intertwined.

White room.
In the centre of it all, an overflowing bathtub, with lilies floating atop.
It's a beautiful, yet, unsettling sight.
The water continues to flow, drawing me in closer.

I cautiously dip my hand in.
The water is cold and ***** me in.
It's a blue place, shrouded in darkness.
Lilies float past me, but I am paralysed where I lay.

I close my eyes and breathe.
It's suffocating.
Where are you?
I'm cold.

When I open my eyes again, I'm in the same white room.
In the centre of it all, a piercing red chair.
It's ominous, but it draws me closer.
I breathe a little easier.

I sit down, my head in my hands.
I close my eyes.
It's hot, I'm sweaty, burning.
I open my eyes to the sight of fire, surrounding me all around.

I hitch my breathing.
It's suffocating.
Where are you?
I'm hot.

I open my eyes one last time.
A black room, with a photo of you.
You're smiling a goofy smile, just like you.
I trace the frame, remembering the past.

This eternal torture isn't too bad.
I get to see you every night.
But when I wake up you will be gone.
And back to torture where I belong.

I can hear the crunching of your skull.
The remnants of it being split on the road.
I frantically take all the pieces.
And pull out my glue.

I can barely recognise you.
Your face is a mass of ****** and broken bones.
Your warm hand is now stone cold.
And your fingers feel like twigs.

The scars that cover your body are no more.
All the flesh you were full of is gone.
All that's left is skin and bone.
And your beautiful face remains in my memories.

I hug the rags that you wore.
They still smell like you.
But now I've stained them.
With tears like a salty sea.

I can't rebuild your bones.
Because I know I'd snap them accidentally.
My glue isn't that strong.
Because my heart's already breaking.

Dark sky amidst the night.
There are remains of a glittering twilight.

Sobbing can be heard behind the door.
They won't tell me what they're crying for.

But I care about them, with all my heart.
Cutting yourself isn't some art.

You feel as though you have no friends.
Except for the blade that cuts your skin.
I know where you've been.
Hurting yourself won't help cleanse.

I know it's hard, I've been there before.
But it's okay, put the razor in the drawer.

You are beautiful, believe in yourself.
Keep the pill bottles right on the shelf.

If you pull them off one by one.
What happens to you cannot be undone.

Just hold on one more day.
Listen to what I have to say.

I may not know your name.
But put that knife down and come over here.
I can tell you, I've felt the same.
It's okay now, you're safe now. I love you, my dear.

I can play any part.
If that's what you want.
I can do anything you ask.
Nothing but machinery.

The gears and cogs turning in my mind.
Get muddled when you speak to me.
I've built myself from the ground up.
Then you swing into me, crashing me down.

I can be your everything.
Make myself dependant on you.
I can do anything you ask.
I'm nothing but machinery.

My fuel's running low.
My springs are popping out.
Your lies to my face.
Your knives to my heart.

You can pick me up and repair me.
Or toss me out with the other garbage.
I always thought I could take it all.
Whatever you had, you could lay it on me.

But when I cut myself I bleed.
When I fall down, I get *****.
I crash.
I break down.

My blood is not black.
It is not a thicky, oily mass.
My skin is not metal.
It will scrape and produce wounds.

I thought I could do anything.
Anything you asked of me.
But turns out I was human all along.
Made out of flesh and blood.

All the things you said.
Echo through my head.

Repeating, repeating.
Hurting my head.

Everything you do.
Rings through my skull.

Repeating, repeating.
Churning my brain.

You live in my head.
Something parasitic.

Repeating, repeating.
Let me tear you out.

Repeating, repeating.
Get out of my head.

Repeating, repeating.
Let me out.

Please let me out.
Please.

It hurts.

Static screens, calling my name.
Disfigured frames of my bedroom.
Morphed audio, taunting me.
Red velvet, soft sheets.

Downing more medicine.
It helps with the voices.
The screens still shake.
Audio still plays.

Secret messages, binary within screens.
Static, glitching televisions.
Unsettling 70s chimes.
Warm water, overflowing bath.

Downing more medicine.
It helps with the voices.
Messages swarming in my mind.
Songs stuck in my head.

Human eyes, staring at me through screens.
Human lips, moving at me through screens.
They're talking, I can hear them.
Their voice is glitched and edited.

Downing more medicine.
It helps with the voices.
I can't hear anything anymore.
I can't see.

                                                           ­  I can't breathe.

Empty bathtub.
Where you and I sit.

The memories that were once ours.
Now stain the mirror in blue.

Slow dancing into an embrace.
Leaving marks on your neck.

No matter how much we touch.
I can never fill the gap.

How can you bathe without water?
We sit - exposed.

You kick me for something I did.
I light up a cigarette.

Screaming in my ear.
Something about cheating.

I pop open a bottle of whiskey.
And pour it in the bathtub.

You ask to break up.
You found another man.

When you leave I can finally breathe.
I stretch in the bath.

It feels a little empty.
I pour more *****.

So many people.
Have been bathed with me.

None with water.
None pleasantly.

Still, even now.
Every body reminds me of you.

I remember your smile.
Your smell.

I’m tired of this by now.
So I lie down in the bath.

And let it overflow.

Sticky bodies.
Collided with sheets.
White sticky substance.
All over the screen.

They moan and bounce to and fro.
Violet stained hands covering their skin.
Her throat looks dry so he spits in it.
She screams, more white.

My grainy television screen jumps.
I whack it a few times until I get a clear picture.
Crimson sheets.
Moans with a blade.

Screaming as something makes her weary.
Being ****** with a knife.
He traces her thighs.
Letting himself inside.

My body is heating up.
I bite my lip and **** my head.
I reach to my hips.
Everything is hot and fuzzy.

She bites his neck.
Blood drooling out.
He hits her.
She moans.

White screen.
Insides leaking.
A crime scene, it should be.
But why is my hand all white and sticky?

It's hard for me to focus.

I don't hate the work.
I want to do it.
But I can't focus.

I fidget.
With my books.
With my pens.

It's not my fault.

I was always blamed.
I didn't try "hard enough."
I didn't "care enough."

I do care.
I do try.
But it's hard.

I'm really trying.
Please believe me.

With arms bound, and wrists blue.
I will always creep to you.

With a muzzle, like a dog.
I always treat you like a god.

Licking at your feet.
Gnawing at your meat.

You go in,  four fingers deep.
Your love what I yearn to keep.

When bound to you.
I feel so brand new.

Please hide me away.
Your bed is where I lay.

Legs stretching on silk.
As I swallow up your milk.

I need more.
I get down on fours.

You kick me down into the dirt.
It hurts whenever you insert.

Yet it’s your body I desire.
Moans in sync like a choir.

I can feel your heat deep inside me.
Nails on your back, digging with glee.

I fall asleep amongst the chain.
I wake up with the muzzle again.

Fingers intertwined.
Even on a hot, Summer day.

Kicking our legs that hide under tables.
Hands reaching for one another.

This moment.
Is brief.
I think I recognise this.
But how do I know?

Kissing under a pale moonlight.
Or curled up, binging movies when it rains.

Being competitive.
Being affectionate.

This brief moment.
Is so familiar.
I’m scared I’m getting ahead.
Oh, how do I know?

When you said my name.
For the very first time.

I saw a twinkle.
In your eyes.

This throbbing in my chest.
I recognise this.
Ah.
That’s how you know.

She’s your love.

White wings.
Desperately flapping.
Living its life.
Pure soul.

You rest upon my shoulder.
You're so light.
But my chest feels heavy.
I cross my legs.

My face warms up.
Can you hear my heart beating?
Give me a moment.
I'm a bit ****** up.

White butterfly.
With a blade to its wing.
Cutting a slit.
Kissing it.

I'll stick my tongue in it.
Make sure you can feel it.
Right down into your stomach.
Crimson cheeks.

So fragile.
So beautiful.
So weak.
So innocent.

You trace my limbs and lips.
You raise a blade to my skin.
And begin to cut little slits.
You open them with your fingertips.

It's such a delight like this.
You say this is the love everyone should find.
So don't cry.
Don't worry.

You're supposed to bleed the first time.

You're no good for me,
sweet like ice cream,
but just as cold.

You're only good for a week,
'cause all milk sours,
so I take you while you're good,
then I throw you out.

I can't even eat custard,
because it reminds me of you,
and my stomach starts to ache.

I should've known,
with just a taste,
that you're no good,
but I got selfish.

But never again,
you won't fool me,
I'm not that naïve.

'Cause first you're sweet,
then you're sour.

I can feel my heart beat through my chest.
Engulfed with the loneliness inside.
I peer around, looking everywhere.
Where have you gone?

I play hide-and-seek.
With the demons in my mind.
They hide in the crooks and crannies.
Being impossible to find.

Let’s play tag.
One, two, three, go!

I caught my nostalgia.
Then my trauma.
They merge together.
Forming blacked out memories.

****** up memories.
I’d longed to forget.
It’s a bittersweet feeling.
Leaving a sour aftertaste.

They bound my wrists.
Unable to flee.

With two options in front of me.
I pick the easiest.
To drink the toxic drink.
To forget about them again.

With one swift gulp.
The memories faded.
Back in the darkness.
Back in the solitude.

Pick it up.
The pieces of your heart,
that shattered long ago.

The dreams that seemed dead.
The lost and forgotten ones.
That never had a chance.

Pick it up.
The memories you discarded,
that you left to rot.

The ones with trauma.
The ones with love.
Put them together again.

Pick it up.
The hope that you lost,
that you thought was gone.

The determination.
The soul.
The strength.

'Cause healing starts now.

A distant daydream,
a memory I can't escape.

No matter how hard I try,
It always catches up to me.

A garden that floods,
as soon as I'm awake.

The cheering of a crowd,
that I can't make out.

Loud noises,
distorting my thoughts.

I try to forget,
But I'm dragged right back.

Am I real?
Is this real?

I can't escape these dreams,
It doesn't matter if I'm awake.

So I go back to bed.

Some days I feel like,
nobody wants me,
nobody needs me.

Some days I feel like,
I don't matter,
nobody cares.

But every day I wake up,
I do my tasks,
I live on.

I'm scared that something will change,
I'm scared that by living on,
I'll witness something I shouldn't.

I cry.
I love.
And I wake up again.

Doing the same thing,
every single day,
maybe something will change.

If I just do it,
one more time,
maybe I'll find reason today.