You're that breath of fresh air
That i can't seem to take.

My thoughts stopped visiting my brain.
My imagination got lost somewhere in the infinity of my aloneness but I don't feel loneliness.
I'm a walking comatose and I feel so futile, so deterrent of myself.
But I guess these feelings are inevitable.
Maybe I'm too afraid to sit in a sail boat without a paddle and drift into the sea.
Maybe the circumspec of my cowardliness, has dived so deep into the depths of mind.
I don't feel alive, I don't feel alone,
I don't feel numb anymore.
I used to believe that pain was the God of life.
For if pain didn't exist, I wouldn't know what being alive meant.
Not even if it shrunk into a tiny razor blade and cut an entrance on scars or scabs on my body.
To rediscover past wounds and lessons learned.
Just to make me feel humility or little more human.
Maybe I'm just caught in between that moment before unconsciousness strikes.
When the lack of oxygen slowly expires.
As you gasp for air and grasp for something to breath life back into your soul again.

i.
forehead kisses;
flannel covered embraces.

ii.
funny how a such a simple act
made me so intoxicated, yet it seems natural.

iii.
the nature of these feelings has nothing to do with
butterflies in my stomach, but maybe a whole flock of birds.

iv.
I can feel my heartbeat in my throat, my face is flushed,
going faster than any hummingbirds, whether inside me, or in my head.

v.
so warm, so promising, so deadly--
fleeting moments like this make me wonder
why I bother trying to breathe around you.