Through alcohol my words I stutter
So what if I've turned to another
Vice, don't look twice
On our mistakes, we were meant to break.

And I wish I could still please you
But now I look through
Our veils of betrayal and disappointments
Do you think we can still make amends?

Wish I'd been enough
Wish I didn't catch you laugh
On my pain
Can you handle the blame?

I'm on the other side
I promise I don't mind
That we don't see each other anymore
That we have others to pray for.

Somewhat nice
Bitter but in disguise
It'll all fade
To new promises, to be made.

Hope you keep them
Hope you feel them
See them through
This time around, with someone new.

A love like yours
Has got me weeping at unknown doors
To be heard,
To be mourned,
To be something,
Under this sky above.

I had to pray
Thunderstorms in my way
When you would never stay
A price too big you asked me to pay.

And I can't undo the candles
The lightning and the thunders
And the passion I poured into you,
You truly never had a clue
All I did was for you.

Say it as it is
But don't make it bad, please!
Sprinkle some pretense
On filthy truths and common sense.

Reality as it is
Let us sugarcoat it, please!
Let us masquerade ourselves,
Pretend we have a chance.

If evil wears your name
And has got the hang of this game
Do I say it as it is
Or catch myself freeze.

I've seen the truth
And I've seen the youth
And I'll be ******
If I don't get to watch your end.

I'd rather write a million poems
Than appease to what's unjust;
I'd rather die a million times,
Than in you to put my trust.

And if in the end I really must,
I reckon there's spells to cast;
And for those I'll be ****** for,
But at least I stayed,
True to my core.

I've had you on a pedestal,
I've had you look at me so tall;
Must've been so brutal,
When you felt the fall.

Was it unfair?
Or did I misinterpret your glare?
My apologies for the stare;
Must've been a justice flare.

And I'm okay,
To all our demons:
I obey.

When you turned me into prey,
My anger, I had to slay.

We now move in silence,
It's a new kind of nuance.

You taught me fear the hard way,
Through fake smiles,
I announced:
My stay.

Perfect on a first glance
On the inside, I built a fence
A fortress and summoned soldiers
While you threw your pain
On my shoulders.

Prepared for the war,
You didn't think I'd go this far;
I now live to outshine
The day you killed me inside.

I no longer carry your marks on my collarbone,
I already stepped off of that throne;
Or did you push me?
I couldn't tell through
The field of gasoline
I found myself in.

And in this tragic end,
I prayed that I could blend,
But I suppose we can only stand,
As tall as we can bend.

I want you to see this
There's a façade kind of bliss
That in my mind's eye
It sure felt like heaven's kiss.

You want me to see this
Play a part in your petty dreams
Let myself get lost in this shame abyss
Be seduced by your trysts.

If you wanted me to see this
How come we were a miss
And how come your new love's still
An old reminisce
Of memories and an angry's cat
Hiss?

I wanted you to see this
Maybe in the end
We were simply meant
To be each other's deadly miss.

A love so delicate
How did we get to intricate
Set us free
Didn't know it's all you wanted to be.

But then you unwrapped yourself
The moment I left
Something I will always recall
It's the fall
You shamelessly aimed
To call.

I write my paradise
While my soul is in demise
I write to escape
In words I take new shape.

In you I had an ally
Until against me you planned a rally
For order and control
It was all just for show.

I loved and still do
All the good I saw in you
And when the moon is anew
I'll pray I never met you.

An act of defiance
Is merely an act of compliance
To words you never told me
To worlds in which I couldn't be.

I dreamed mine in my mind
They were the Taylor Swift kind
With hidden key chains
In my deepest of pains

You could never reach
A contract we couldn't breach
I told God this couldn't be me
And then I watched myself, be.

What hurts the most
Is I always knew I should expect the worst
But I hoped for the best
I put my fears to rest.

Until you just pulled them out
When it all went south
I danced with my demons
I prayed for new seasons.

Avoidant of the decades
I lived in your accolades
And when I left you in the open
You left me go unspoken.

My pain is yours
To be written on all your doors
For everyone to know
Hatred is the new low.

And if I had something else to feel
I'd say it's not real
This is the new ordeal
Revenge with not much else to feel.

And in-between the praise
They don't know the man I raised.

I wanted to write
As if I would never be judged
But then I would never do it
My feelings never making it through it.

You left me numb
Deathless pain is all I've got
And it doesn't speak
It just feels like a cheap trick.

I thought I had you forever
But when I saw that you could never
Be that person, it lit in me an arson
What a betrayal
He expects me to be loyal.

And even then,
So I was
But he left me no chance
Not a breather
Now I'm a hardly
A believer.

I left your visuals at your door
There’s only so much I can adore
I loved you ‘till the end
But my soul’s getting bent.

Channel the grace
Feel the pace
I stood in their place
I thought I recognized the space.

Shiny isn't always gold
Or so I've been told
And death truly is bold
Grabbed my soul and turned it cold.

Got sold sins painted as dreams
Had to have it by any means
I let him have my soul
Only one of us is getting old.

My voice as a weapon
Loaded guns with demons I couldn't let on
And I'll show you hell and fire
It's now, not just a desire.

Lonely bones
Skin stuck to your muscle stones
Hold me but make me feel empty
It feels like you're loving me *****.

And why do I want to hate you
When you swear your love's true?
Look at my heart, blue
Act like you don't have
A clue.

But I can see through you
Love pretends
We can make amends
But somehow,
It always ends.

Not a part of your church
In the dark I built myself
A torch;

And the moon whispers to me
In the night she sits
By me.

I stood there and took the abuse
But in my mind I let it become my muse
My veins are filled with all that you left
Venom and a planned theft.

Planned my escape to easier days
Let you see yourself in too many ways
Did you like it or did you hate it?
I knew you wanted to break it.

And so you did and when you saw me
Behind the mirror in my glory
Did you ever think I'll tell the story
Of how he truly likes to adore me?

With these cold hands I write my symphony
With yours you've made yourself an enemy
And I sat and endured humility
Took the names and the liability.

I took it upon myself to curse and heal
I sat there and built a fever dream
Your words remembrance in my soul
A little fame from you I stole.

And perhaps I wanted you to be seen
In a light that was a little too mean
And I don't blame myself for the betrayal
Because I stood there a little too loyal.

And petty laughs I know you muffle
Ignorance in full throttle
We pray to the same deities but we do it differently
Are we to blame a deity
Or the society
For an unfair calamity
Id rather pretend to be
Almighty.

I keep my tears to myself
I keep them safe on my shelf
Hidden from you
What a sad thing to do.

Have I told you yet
That I made a little bet
When all's done and set
I'll wish on them we never met.

And I cried oceans
And I stood in your emotions
I think halfway through
I lost the notion;

Of what love is
As I felt the breeze
Of cold air and tulips
I paced through your mist.

And you're so empty
Don't love me gently
Leave me behind
Assume I'm blind.

Perfect doesn't exist,
I clenched my fist.
Prayed for God's call,
I know if I fall,
I gave it my all.

The places in my mind
Worlds where I can still be kind
Where did I leave my breath?
You didn't warn me you'd bring us death.

Loved you to my core
Sat always at your shore;
But you never let me swim,
I truly thought you were a twin.

The flames that we were,
I left mine in God's care.
They seem to have burned out,
When you tried to shut me out.

I waited for the boy in you
To become a man that was true
Until my bones started rusting
Until my soul stopped trusting.

I died for your arrival
I died for the survival
Of a love we both promised
You left me be uncherished.

Too much fury
Forgot to tell the jury
This ain't a fair fight
In the dawn of night.

Alone in the cold
Felt my bones getting old
Might've given up
Forgive me,
I let it all in the hands of
God.

I barged in and faked a smile
I could have bet on a little dime
That I was promised, I was cherished
But all I ended up being was
Perished.

You let me down and dug the ground
Built a grave and made no sound
Smirked at me like a filthy hound
Can you blame me now
For wanting him to drown?

And so I did the same
Dug the ground underneath his
Pool of shame.
The water so comforting
Against him seems to be plotting.

Look at me and don't lie
I wanted you to die
And you did the same and I bet
That you're still caught in the same net.

Blank page, I lost the mage
I didn't get to tell him to light his sage
Powerless cries, I turned to muffled lies
Saw the truth in his eyes, the ego dies.

I put on faces and covered my traces
I searched myself in too many places
Died on the hill of pain and fell
And found myself fueled by the fires of hell.

I came to light a candle on the mage's table
But he didn't back down from giving me a label
The child I thought I was turned into a crow
I actually thought I could put on a show.

And now we're both sad and disappointed
Cause my sweet child's love's been tainted
By death's touch and empty soul
I'm afraid now, he'll always be alone.

Sat with my ghost in silence
Tried to figure out the science
Of who she was
Of what she has
She looks like me
But could it truly be?

Did I die or have I been caught in a lie?
I swear I heard my soul sigh.

What's control
If not a need for love to show
Bring it up, blow it up
Nothing's ever good enough

Look at me so I can be free
It's the only way I know how to be me
If there is no mirror,
How can I see clearer?

Hold me tight, save me from
my inner fight
On my own, I just drown
every night.

I curse and swear
Light candles and **** away
But it never goes my way
So I keep putting on a play.

Built a house to escape to
Found out it's filled with ghosts
Had to break my mind in two
To accommodate the thoughts.

They won't leave, they won't go
Only I can know
What a drag of a show it is to feel,
But to not be, alone.

I dreamed of mastering the dark
And I do, but now it filled my life
With truths and lies and masks in disguise.
Praying for light, as I muffle my cries.

And I don't break, I don't go
Cause only I can know
How to master the thoughts
Of a ghost in disguise.

I'm a liar and a cheat
And I pray to my own heartbeat
For it to stay and let me lay,
Down my sorrow and my tainted name.

Left my tears at your door
Then felt my soul fall through the floor
You didn't catch it
You just watched it.

And it tore me down
And now I'm just a silly clown
For believing
For relieving
All this pain

You should've said this was
A game.

Greed's the name
And shame's the game
We played and we couldn't place
The blame.

When fire's a liar
You can hear in a choir
Angels and demons fighting for feelings
Fighting for space
In the name of grace
I played my last ace.

But playing God's a game to lose
And I just prayed I could only find my muse
And forgiven was I, or so I thought
Only to find out his hands are,
Just as cold.

And they don't help how you ask them to
They help how you need and leave your soul blue
Cause it's only you, you've got
And discernment, even that
Can end up feeling like a threat.

Cause your bones are weak and your soul sorrow
And your sight's now seeing just how hollow
It can get, within you, within them
It's never truly, gonna end.

And you just learn to live with it,
Every now and then, throw your heart and bones
Into their deathless pit.
Pain's the earth's favorite stain
I say: "**** your imaginary chain".