i try to open up
and bees and moths and venom
spurt from my chest
my rib cage so hollow
you knock it down
tear the tissue from my outline
i am just a shell
the skeleton my biological walls
built to protect me
broken to tease me
i feel like you've been
hammering on my heart
for years now
so much i can't say
with punctured lungs

falling through cracks
living alone
knowing I needn't take you back
the hurt is the same
withstanding quiet disapproval
forgetting you want to get away
for a moment you are mine
the moment is fading
you've never said to me the right line
I've wanted to love you for so long
I'll do anything, anything
to make you want me this long

I was too soft spoken before
to point out your rotting flesh
and lying mouth
but now
let a man ever defy me,
dare touch me,
who cannot love me
let him die for me
from me
by me
because it's been all about me
I've just been too shy
to believe in the land I walk on
crowned holy by my ***** feet
you should call yourself lucky
that I ever allowed my porcelain fingertips
entry to your ragged existing
that I ****** you
that I loved you
you never did notice
I was breaking apart
each moment you chose to
use my face as your mirror
your personal centerfold

I just want the time
to be good at everything with you
I pray you don't take my hands away
from your skin too soon
I'm not brave enough to explore it all
just yet
I do not want to be this way
but please, please
remind yourself to remind me
you want this

if you found what I wrote
would you scream?
I am thinking of my father
now I am thinking of my father
thinking of you
maybe he'd scream about both
I don't want him to know
I'd rather he just think
I'm nice
and detached

it's a boys club
it's a man's world
what is mine?
what is mine

I fell asleep in the Devil's arms
I lied awake, laid in waste
that there Devil
make sure he wakes up
demon girl should be up
until noon
sorry, sorry
don't put the needle back in
I'll be fine
illness be fine

since when did I lose my temper?
sunken beneath my throne
I am crumbling marble
shattering stone
it can't be
let a man ever dare
defy, touch me
I am not in ruins anymore
who had this be?
I am no longer
anger incarnate
the boy became man
and he let my ashes rise,
rise up to the surface
my madness fails me
let a man ever **** me
make love to me in my own
pool of bitter, anguished thoughts
I cut his hair like Samson
and he pet the monster
I keep on leash
doubled over in agony
he wept at my feet
and in turn
I plucked out all the thorns
hidden deep
and surrendered

had your phone turned off
I know you couldn't pay it
I turned mine off too
maybe now we can
finally
talk

you want me to be happy
adventure because, why not?
be a free spirit
be a free spirit and
forget about the chaos inside me
because, after all,
I am so, so happy
to be near you
aren't I?
to be for you
aren't I?
your mystery
I dance around
the kitchen table
and put flowers in my hair
every color of
the prettiest rainbow
here I am
God, I'm so pretty
I'm so smart too
but not too smart
I'm just smart enough
to make you feel
smart too
God, I really am just
one of a kind
your kind
the only kind
that matters to be
truly
tell me,
am I just everything
you've ever
wanted?
I'm just so, so entrancing
that's really why I'm here
to be yours
your ******* pixie dream
your ******* sunshine
coked out
queen  
I'm just your ******* doll
I'm so ******* pretty
I'm so ******* different
I'm just so *******
stupid

colosseums crumbling
stained glass shattered
I knew these relics would not stay
as everything is Eden
everything is decay
marble will be dust
velvet curtains torn
in the tapestry we put our trust
Rome will mutter, "what more?"
sink the silver
we will follow
as grief is to grief
as palaces to gallows

my skin is hellbent on flames
tears are grease in my lashes
nothing about big city concrete
is lavish
Rock back and forth on cement
to forget I rock back and forth
on your bed
and what it never,
never meant
who dare tell me I'm sinful
instead, pray I stop this addiction
to pins and needles, menthol
stop telling me I'm broken
when I never worked
to begin with
chains chokin'
Rockefeller pout infectious
I will own this ******* world
it will be the death of us
I'm only a rough draft
in the middle of culminations
but this big city concrete
it is death, determination
isn't this all
what I'm running to
chasing

I made my way through the streets
words echoing,
"you like it rough"
as I crawled to the smallness
and back into the box
full of desperate optimism
deepest condolences
out of date
addresses
cab fairs to
quick messes
tongue tied
his rejection
words deafened
madness
learned lessons
back way
intersections
"no" I said
interrupting,
"mind numbing"

I'm a ******* God
I'm trying to bring dead boys back to life
I'm trying to make them forget their plans
I'm trying to give them something to believe
I'm trying to change all of their ways
I'm a ******* mess

and you want something so bad
until you become a martyr for it
and the new year rings itself in
with yourself soon behind
and the weather becomes different
just like that boy you knew
you thought you knew
and your heart drops
and your stomach sinks
and you look in the mirror
after all these years
and you forgot what you looked like
a color kind of emerald jaded now
and it's like talking to a stranger
all over again
and you wish that you spared yourself the visit
and you wish you looked happier
and you wish you looked kinder
and you wish you looked cleaner
and you wish you looked like all the years
rolled by gracefully
but instead you look darker
and your heart beats slower
and you have to keep quieter
because you're talking to a mirror
even though it wont hear you
and you wish you could strangle that stranger
and make it all over
and in the end you just wish
you broke the ******* mirror

the day I realize
tears are not all bad
and people
are not all good
is the night I won't
come crawling
like some
sad animal
trapped once again
in a cage with only
you and me

I am a fair skinned insecurity
who was bent by a boy
and broken by another
and now you,
lay flowers at my feet
asking me, how to make it better?
but I don't really think
after all those endless aches
and drunken lustings
for him and for him
it really does
get better