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Dec 2017 · 118
Barbed Wire On My Heart
Britney Lyn Dec 2017
You were so scared of losing me you didn't realize you already had,
When the barbed wire meant to protect me started hurting me instead.
Dec 2017 · 321
I'm Not Your Damsel Anymore
Britney Lyn Dec 2017
I don't really know where to start with this. I feel like I need to write and express, how I feel.

I was forgotten, maybe even hated but I spent days trying to search for you.
I spent days loving you when you forgot to love me back.
I spent months after crying to myself at the foot of my shower.
I spent months pounding fists into my pillows, screaming words of bitter vile at those who actually cared for me.
And the hardest part was accepting you didn't.

You left and I didn't know what I did wrong but all I wanted to do was fix it! Fix me!
You somehow became my anchor to this reality without me even knowing.
We had created a world I could survive in but without you it all just fell apart.
My heart, my mind, I wasn't me.

Maybe you'd love me now because I do things I never did back them.
I smoke a joint with my friends and get drunk everyday but the weekends.
I sit in my room trying to think about something other than you but my cold heart is frozen on the subject, it refuses to beat away from it.

I no longer eat. My diet consists of a 32 glass of H2O and a hand full of pills that's supposed to make the fat go.
I'm worthy now I promise.
But somehow I'm never enough for anyone even me.
And if you could look in the mirror and see what I see you'd have taken your life long ago.
But don't.
Too many people end up hurt over the loss of someone that they don't really know.

They say I'm so happy and that I'm doing fine
But they don't even see what I don't let show!
My world is insanity and my mind won't stop thinking!
My heart just stopped beating.
Not physically, just emotionally.
I decided if I can't really die I'll just die in another way!
Let me tell you death is a funny thing.

People claim to love you and people claim to care but the whole ******* time they were completely unaware!
Of the thoughts that literally eat me alive and the loneliness I constantly feel inside, this **** ******* shell I'm left to take care of because the girl that I was is gone.

I can't handle the fact that I let myself down, I let myself drown.
Because you were my anchor and you wrapped around me as I struggled to breath.
You disappeared into the depths of my tears that created this sea, and then you were gone and I was left drowning, because you still had a hold on me.

The water froze over and I couldn't break through, I just watched everyone watching me there, acting like they couldn't see me or that they didn't really care.
And the girl you built died, I watched her sink to the bottom in an attempt to join you but you were lost where she was found,
Because in that moment she let you go, she learned to grow from all these mistakes.

She forgot what your laugh sounded like, what you looked like in the dim lighting of your room.
She forgot the words you swore by but never held to, she forgot your touch and your smile.
She forgot about you and the girl she was.
And she smiled with tears in her eyes as the old her died and the new her began to rise.

She was free,
I wrote this awhile ago. I recently just added to it and decided that these feelings I felt were valid at one point but they are not valid anymore. I no longer feel a thing for you, and I don't know where those feelings went but they left the second you did. Now I'm happy. I'm finally free of your toxic manipulations and I can finally breathe without the pressure of your presence.

I don't need you, I don't know why I ever thought I did.
Looking at it now, I don't really know if I ever loved you at all. I was dazed and confused. But now I see things perfectly clear. And I'm happy with the man who treats me right, the actual love of my life.
Dec 2017 · 691
Nothing Bright In My Eyes
Britney Lyn Dec 2017
The sky tonight is grey, starless, and a little foggy; just like me.
Dec 2017 · 338
December Heart
Britney Lyn Dec 2017
You broke up with me on a cold winter night.
Each word hitting me like a speeding bullet, not one missed.
And I remember watching the breath leave my body,
My ice sculpture heart shattering in that stand still moment.
A song I have stuck on repeat, singing the haunting song of forever,
Into ears that never once believed another word from the boys with beautiful eyes.
The world looks like December, bitter, and always in the landscape of you.
Britney Lyn Nov 2017
You were a storm on my heart.
Your gusts of wind took me aback with each breath you let go,
Your words like thunder pounded at my barriers until you came flooding in.
You shattered the windows, tore down my walls and left me with nothing.
Nothing but you and your shallow waters.
Britney Lyn Nov 2017
It doesn't matter how many times you save me, if you only build me up to break me.
Nov 2017 · 327
Beautifully Tragic
Britney Lyn Nov 2017
Your name felt like thorns on my tongue.
Oh, but how I longed to see the rose you once were.
I admired you even as you wilted.
Even now, dead.
But I miss the flushed color of you, the velvet of your petals against my flesh.
The pains you left on my heart.
The mess you left in my head.
I no longer like the smell of roses, because none of them smell like you.
Nov 2017 · 85
Now That You're Gone
Britney Lyn Nov 2017
Does your heart still yearn for me?
Did it ever yearn for me at all?
Nov 2017 · 94
My Monsters, My Demons
Britney Lyn Nov 2017
The monsters under my bed came out to fight the monsters in my head.
They were tired of me losing sleep over my battling demons.
They could never truly have me because the voices in my head already did.
Nov 2017 · 913
Britney Lyn Nov 2017
You lit a fire underneath my frozen heart.
The ice began to melt, my heart became warm to you.
The kind of warmth I had longed for.
But the flame never stopped, it burned.
It turned my heart a brittle black, a mistake you tried to fix.
But at the slightest touch it turned to ash, and beat no more for your words and affections.
Nov 2017 · 158
Break Me
Britney Lyn Nov 2017
Destory me in a way I won't come back from.
Beat me like I deserve it.
**** me like I'm worthless.
Take my heart, and make sure there isn't anything left when you finally decide to leave.
Nov 2017 · 186
Unfavorable Misfortunes
Britney Lyn Nov 2017
I am the pen that is out of ink.
I am the gum that has lost its flavor.
I am a car that is low on fuel.
I am a Barbie with matted up hair.
I am the spoiled milk in your fridge.
I am the unexpected rain on a sunny day.
I am the stain on your favorite shirt.
I am useless.
I am undesirable.
I am an inconvenience.
I am a mess.
I am forgotten.
I am unwanted.
I am a burden.
Nov 2017 · 94
I Thought...
Britney Lyn Nov 2017
When you left, I thought about you every ******* day.
I thought about you when I woke up in the morning, checking my phone for an apology text, but there were none.
I thought about you in the shower, how the warmth of the steam felt like your breath on my neck.
I thought about you in my car on the way to work, how if I happened to glance over I could see vague fragments of you in the passenger seat.
I thought about you while my music was blasting, singing along to tunes I could only listen to, to remember you.
I thought about you at my busiest moments of the day, where you were, if you were happy.
I thought about you in the grocery store, you pushing the cart and telling your jokes, going about our day.
I thought about you when I cried on the couch, your hand rubbing my back, telling me you missed me and that you're so sorry.
I thought about you on long walks, hand in hand with you, all of your thoughts.
I thought about you while I lay in bed, how you'd caress my cheek and tell me I meant the world to you.
I thought about you before I went to sleep, how you'd cradle me and how you're cradling her the same.
I thought about you for a whole ******* year.
I thought maybe...just maybe. You thought of me too.
And now that you're back in my life, I'm starting to realize maybe you're not the same guy you were when you left...
Nov 2017 · 704
Good Girl
Britney Lyn Nov 2017
I don't like being called "good girl" anymore.
Not because I don't like the way you say it, or why you're saying it. No.
I don't like being called "good girl" because of a man.
I met him at a party, my friend ditched me.
I was watching everyone around me relax and have fun, but I was so tense.
He must have picked up on my weakness, like a predator to prey.
He handed me a drink and kept me company, he said I looked nervous.
He told me to relax and to take a hit off his joint.
I didn't want to be there anymore, but I tried to take his advice.
We sat on the floor near the double doors and he told me I still looked nervous.
He said I had no reason to be that he'd never let anything happen to me.
I just laughed because he only just met me.
Next thing I remember I wasn't feeling too good, my head was cloudy, and the floor was the ceiling.
I remember his eyes on me, so hungry.
I remember his hands on me, whereas mine were incapable of moving.
He couldn't meet my eyes and I couldnt remember where we were or how we got there, but it wasn't by the double doors anymore.
I remember noises, the dim lighting around us, I tried to focus on anything and everything else.
I was screaming, but I don't actually know if the noise came out.
I remember the hot tears that slid down my face as he slid over my body.
I was a toy, I couldn't do anything, I was a puppet to his whim.
He stoked my face occasionally and said I was a good girl, that I didn't need to be nervous, that I was a good girl, to just take it.
I remember wailing, his hand covering my mouth, my lips bruising, my body throbbing.
I haven't seen myself the same since, there wasn't anyone I felt safe with, not a hand that didn't feel like his.
I get sick at the thought of him, at the thought of that act he forced me to commit.
I didn't know his name but I knew his face because it haunts my dreams.
I scare easy now, I want to hide but sleep can't even save me.
I didn't want to be a good girl, I never wanted to be a good girl.
So please...please.
Don't call me one.
I don't think I'll ever be able to read this poem again, it's too much for me.
Oct 2017 · 116
Hands In Reach
Britney Lyn Oct 2017
So many hands to reach for, but yours is the one I long for.
Oct 2017 · 677
You Took
Britney Lyn Oct 2017
I can still feel your hands on me,
The way they took, the way they gripped at my skin until I screamed.
You liked hearing me scream but you held a hand over my mouth just in case there were ears nearby.
You bruised my lips with how hard you held my face in place, I could barely breath.
Your hands they took, savagely, selfishly
Your eyes trailed my body with a tenderness that you couldn't possibly possess.
They humiliated me, for I was open, helpless.
You took and took, and you ******* took!
I cried, I kicked, I begged, but you were all about finishing what you started.
I can feel your hands, everyone who has ever touched me has your hands.
I'm crying, I'm crying, I'm crying, somebody help me, please stop, no more!
I want to feel pretty but not like this.
I flinch at the unexpected embraces.
I awaken in fright when I should be at peace in the night.
You took.
And you couldn't even look me in the eyes because you knew.
You knew
But you still took.
Can you please take the memory with you too?
Oct 2017 · 104
Britney Lyn Oct 2017
It's not worth it, but you are worth everything.
Oct 2017 · 187
Love Me Roughly
Britney Lyn Oct 2017
I'm brutally in love with you.
My lungs have no air, my heart has no beat.
My body has no warmth without you.
Please love me roughly so I can feel what it's like to be alive again.
Oct 2017 · 88
Britney Lyn Oct 2017
I don't hate anyone, it's not in my nature.
I hate me, but I'm nobody really.
Oct 2017 · 127
When You Leave
Britney Lyn Oct 2017
When you leave I'll cry myself a river and drown in it, I promise. Because never again will I build a bridge to cross it, they always burn...
Oct 2017 · 127
Draw Me In
Britney Lyn Oct 2017
I'm drawn to you...
Not like fish are to the sea, or fire is to the wick of a candle,
No, I am drawn to you like a moth is to the flame, like a viking is to a ****** war.
I am drawn to you, despite the danger because I know in my heart that is where I belong and where I need to be, even if it ends up killing me.
Oct 2017 · 272
Britney Lyn Oct 2017
And one day you just woke up and forgot about us, forgot about the moments that stopped time for me, the moments where the dark thoughts stood silent. You ruined me, and one day I hope it will be effortless to hate you for it.
Why can't I let you go?
Sep 2017 · 138
Among The Stars
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
I want the last thing I see to be the stars, so I know my soul will finally be going somewhere beautiful.
Sep 2017 · 237
Poetry Is His Name
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
You are the words in my late night poetry.
Something beautiful to read, but tragic to be.
Sep 2017 · 751
Brown Eyes
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
And your brown eyes are still the brightest part of my future, even if they do not rest upon me but instead continue looking.
Sep 2017 · 236
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
Some people fight their demons, I on the other hand became mine.
And you cannot run away from yourself
Sep 2017 · 358
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
I'm so tired of fighting the demons in my head, but how long will it take before I realize you're controlling them.
Sep 2017 · 276
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
I will not fall to my knees and beg for your attention, but I'll gladly get on them and show you some of mine.
Literally had this line running through my head so I figured I'd share.
Sep 2017 · 2.4k
Closer to Closure
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
Tell me that you still look for me in a crowd out in public. Tell me I live in your mind, that I don't just cross it.
I wrote down the times that you were eating me alive. The times I couldn't breath the times I did more than cry. I wrote about the passion, the love, the hate. I wrote about sidewalks, the movies and cake. I miss the moments we would meet eyes, I miss the moments we went on nighttime drives. I think about details like the curls in your hair, the way you stared. Your eyes lit a fire I have yet to put out. A fire that's destroyed me So just tell me you understand, this way that I feel. I need the closure so maybe I can heal.
Please let me heal.
Sep 2017 · 535
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
You make me breathless, but please put your hands around my throat and choke so I can at least enjoy you slowly killing me.
Your hands are all I've thought about today.
Sep 2017 · 1.6k
Sep 2017 · 219
No, Never
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
I suppose I've come to terms with the fact that you will never love me. Because how do you dwell on something that never dwells upon you.
Sep 2017 · 4.0k
This Is My Letter
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
My name is Britney. There were about 5 of me in high school so you would always have to ask which one. They were all spelled different because we were different.
Brittany and her boyfriend were the perfect couple, she was prom queen and she had a killer body.
Brittanie was short, longest hair in the school and a smile that lit up a room.
Brittney was a volley ball player, she ran track and was more like the boys than anything else.
Brittani was quiet, she read books and took a lot of art classes.
Me, I was sad. That's all anyone knew about me.
I would stare at the floor stuck in thought, cry almost every day and have mental breakdowns in the bathroom.
But no one knew why, only me.
I want to die now. I want to end my story while every one else's goes on.
I want everyone to know that I never stopped being sad, and when they hear the news that Britney died, everyone will ask which one but no one will remember me because I never left a mark.
I'm sorry I was always the sad girl. I'm sorry ai never stopped.
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
Last night you told me you loved me.
That's all I've wanted to hear for the last year.
But something seemed to come over me, and I panicked.
I wanted to believe those lovely words but my heart wouldn't let me.
Because I'm enough for the moment, but I'll never be enough truly.
I never am.
And I'm sorry i never will be...
Sep 2017 · 804
I Want To Live There
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
I still love you.
But only in my dreams do you truly love me back.
Please, if you haunt me dreams do not wake me. I cannot face the reality of us.
Sep 2017 · 227
Morning Rise
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
You are the sun.

Full of warmth and anger. You light up the world but there is always a part of you hidden from it. You chase away the darkness but who chases away yours?
It's nice to feel your warmth again. I have been cold for so long.
Sep 2017 · 816
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
For every shooting star I see I wish you felt the same about me.
Tonight was beautiful, I hope it never ends.
Sep 2017 · 277
Isolation 101
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
Our minds are a prison but the difference between yours and mine is I built my bars. Others built yours.
Sep 2017 · 234
If Tomorrow Ever Comes
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
You were like a pile of sugar, but a pile is too much and you made me sick with your sweetness.
I’ll never find anyone who cared as much as you, or at least as much as you seemed too.
I’d like nothing more than to run back to you but you stabbed me deep and left a scar where the other half of my heart used to be.
You did everything right except for when you did something wrong which unfortunately canceled out all of the good.
I still think you’re the best thing that ever happened to me though. So maybe I’ll see you tomorrow.
If I live that long.
Sep 2017 · 359
The Evolution of Love
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
I never imagined a love so passionate.
We would kiss each other endlessly every night.
You were everything I wanted, never needed to fight.
I never imagined a love so overpowering.
We stayed awake for hours just looking into each others eyes.
You were my wings and with you I could fly.
I never imagined a love so gentle.
We cuddled for hours under the blanket of stars.
You kissed my wrists and all my scars.
I never imagined a love so comfortable
We could talk to each other or watch the telly.
You even made breakfast to fill my belly.
I never imagined a love to challenging.
We bickered about bills and fought about time.
You made me feel like my loving you was a crime.
I never imagined a love so toxic.
We once were a spark that turned into a flame.
You burned me alive and handed me the blame.
I never imagined a love so lost.
We could never settle in one place in life.
You and I were bonded but I was cut off by your knife.
I never imagined a love so dead.
We saw each other sometimes but refused to even smile.
You tried to come over and say “hey it’s been awhile.”
I never imagined a love like this.
We started out strong but ended in fists.
When sparks turn to flames, both of us will burn.
Sep 2017 · 263
Too Much Distance
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
I stare out the window some three stories up off the ground.
I could live up here, never having to worry about the world below.
I can see the tops of the trees and all their branches reaching up.
And so did I.
I was always scared of highest, but I no longer feel that fear.
I only fear that I feel nothing.
Not a thing.
I’m sure if you’d pinch me I’d feel a form of pain but emotionally I’m lost.
As if I no longer have a voice speaking to me, I no longer occupy my own mind.
I’m absent, vacant.
I wish to be like the trees, above my problems, above my worries.
But again maybe I am like the trees.
Always reaching for something I’ll never truly touch or have.
I just want to lay my hand on your chest and feel your heartbeat, if you still have one.
Sep 2017 · 387
What If I Can't Forget
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
Last night I had a dream that I saw you, standing amongst a crowd of people whom I could not identify. You were leaning against a wall like all those cool kids used to do in the movies and you were talking intensely with someone else, you didn’t notice me.
I walked right up to you and wrapped my frail arms around you in an embrace. I didn’t have to say anything, I just marched right up to you mid sentence and hugged you, burying my face into the scent of your old leather jacket. You wrapped your arms around me and the people around us disappeared and we just stood there, no words needed because all I needed was your warmth. The warmth I haven’t felt in months.
When we let go, I asked you if we could go down to the pond, sit in our old spot and make fun of the people passing by. But before you could respond I woke up.
They say that when you dream of someone they are either your biggest fear or your greatest desire. And I know it’s strange but I’m still trying to figure out which one you are. And as much as I miss you we were always meant to fall apart because I loved you more than I could ever love myself and if that’s not destruction I don’t know what is but at the same time you were my breath, my heartbeat and let me tell you you’re not really living when those get taken away. I don’t know when I’ll stop missing you. But I know it won’t be soon.
From a couple months ago.
Sep 2017 · 224
Britney Lyn Sep 2017
My thoughts eat at me like termites to a tree.
Tearing me apart from the inside out until I'm nothing but rotting dreams and scattered leaves.
Late night inspiration
Aug 2017 · 391
Britney Lyn Aug 2017
If you burn our bridge, I will not waste the time or energy to build another. Goodbyes are forever.
The fire that once guided our love has now consumed and destroyed us.
Aug 2017 · 709
The Dark
Britney Lyn Aug 2017
Loneliness lives in the dark, where even your shadow leaves you.
Aug 2017 · 428
Angels Can Fall
Britney Lyn Aug 2017
The only reason the devil's still alive is because you keep protecting him.
He may have been an angel once but then he fell.
But not for you.
You're my devil. The evil I have to face every day.
Aug 2017 · 1.1k
He Was Change
Britney Lyn Aug 2017
The first time I met him he smiled at me awkwardly, as if my presence bothered him.
Of course he was too kind to ask me to leave, or maybe he was just trying to figure me out.
The second time I made any interaction with him was at our high school formal.
I wore a blue dress that flared out at my hips and gave a definition to my waist in which I loved.
He told me I looked like a mermaid and I swear I must have blushed.
The third time I was at my lowest of lows, hand on heart, wanting to rip the ***** out.
He came running from miles away to make sure that I was okay, to save my heart from anymore breaking.
We were friends after that. I was somehow connected to him emotionally. As if I owed him something maybe.
We had classes together, we joked around, and I fell.
I fell so hard that when I hit the bottom I was a puddly mess of emotion.
I want to believe that he fell too, even if it was just further away.
I want to believe I'm not just sitting her two years after he left writing about him for no reason.
I've tried. So **** hard. To let him go because I cannot find him.
Some days I'm convinced I have released my grip, that i can finally be content or even happy.
But on days like today I think back on all the good times we had and it's as if I've fallen all over again, only to relive the heartbreak.
I was always afraid that he'd leave, find someone better.
I was always afraid of change, and he was.
I write about you in hopes that by pouring my feelings out I'll be closer to getting over what we had. Because what we had feels like nothing at all anymore.
Jul 2017 · 331
I'll Be Better Tomorrow
Britney Lyn Jul 2017
Cloudy days, vacant eyes,
Brilliant blue to sunset skies.
Falling stars, broken dreams,
Midnight sky with moonlight beams.
Daylight break, mourning rise,
New days come and old days die.
Britney Lyn Jul 2017
She was just a girl whose eyes were constantly filled with the darkness that ate holes in her soul.
Jun 2017 · 268
Hidden Secrets
Britney Lyn Jun 2017
She would glance up at the sterling lights in the sky surrounded by their black blanket of night, hoping to find the hidden secrets behind them. Secrets are always hidden by beautiful things...
She sighed softly and glanced down upon her feet that sway oh so slightly in the water below, she was alone.
She couldn't help but think to herself if there was someone out there that saw the world as she did, and if so, why do they hide like the secrets in the sky... the young girl brought her feet up out of the water and stood.
Why ponder on a thought of no existence, she said shutting the door to her house and her heart.
Something I wrote 5 years ago.
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