I wake up in the bath
after a day on the wine.
Fat ******* arrives
at mine around nine.
Friday night and it's too much,
the temptation.
******* powder with dehydration.

Back into town,
bouncing around like a clown.
Absorbing attention,
I'm the star of the show.
I'm cloaking my secret,
the one they can't know.

I'm out of my mind
and I've no Idea where.
I cannot go back,
'cause she lives in there.

I've been running for years,
purge after purge.
Yet I know come tomorrow,
I'll again have the urge.

Because I need her
and I love her.
I am her!

Poetry by Kaydee.

Being nothing may not be everything you thought it would be
but experiencing yourself as nothing,
that's absolute,
It's the stars,
It's the sky,
It's the wind you're riding.

So here's to you and that
nothing you're finding
Here's to YOU.

because it's all I need.

Poetry by Kaydee.

It's raining, it's raining.
Her blood, it is draining.
She went to bed, he smashed her head,
for nagging and complaining.

Now he's inside and oh, how he cried.
The lucky ******* should have fried.
Someone told her Mum & Dad,
I have some news, it's really bad.

She's loved to dance since she was five.
She can't do that, she's not alive.
He was a talent, web site creation,
he'll return to that when he gets probation.

Poetry by Kaydee.

After I am gone,
I might just stay.
Not for long but for
a short while anyway.

I'll see you in the daytime
and call your name at night.
Switching on the t.v,
turning off the light.

The temperature drops
and it is getting colder.
I'll breathe into your ear
whilst touching your shoulder.

"It's me, I'm still here"
"Yes, you heard me right"
I'll sit on your bed and
watch you all night.

Now you know it's me,
It's time for me to go.
I never ever left you.
I wanted you to know

Poetry by Kaydee

I'm here.
You lost your way kid
and I can't see you no more.
Did the lights go out?
Did the mist decend?
You lost your way kid
and I can't see you no more.

The light's back on
and the mist has gone
. . . and I'm here,
so I can see you once more.
I'm here kid.

Poetry by Kaydee.

Ladies, ladies, ladies,
in all shapes and sizes.
Some like no other
in malesque disguises.
There's more if you know
where to look down below.
From a soft,
sausage snake,
long and hard,
you can make.

Poetry by Kaydee.

Held back by fear.
He said it wasn't him,
it was the beer.
You looked down as
I looked up.
So prosecution seems ****** up.
Look after me?
Oh, you ******' did that.

Writing stopped.
Cried so much.
So much.

I won't be your ugly creation.
I won't.

The light it shines,
My light, it shines.
Someone comfortable with my
untrusting mind, I'll find.
You, I'll find.
You, I'll find.

So walk with me, talk with me.
In time my scars will fade and
together we'll realise the
dreams once made.

Poetry by a tearful Kaydee.

Take the pieces that remain,
I'm leaving them to you.
Use them wisely,
learn the game.
You're now on level two.

You cannot change
what others do.
So what will be, will be.
Remember this.
It won't be long.
You're now on level three.

No need for riches,
don't care you're poor.
Quit the race,
you need no more.
You're now on level four.

Organically dying,
body is old.
Your spirit is flying,
you feel alive.
You're now on level five.

I caught a glimpse,
a butterfly net.
Your beauty destroyed
placard beauty, beset.
Flayed wings and
long body at rest,
all to see.
Why can't they
just leave you to
flutter,
to
be.

Kaydee.

What did you expect me to say?
Surely you noticed,
I've got a cat anyway.
Love the lush velvet collar
around its throat
but why on earth
have you coloured it's coat?

Yes, I know I love lilac.
Lilac poppies are best.
Oh ****!
I think you need a
hearing test!

Poetry by Kaydee.

The clock on the wall,
like my bomb ticking.
The time, my time running.
Sat in the dark, everything to think.
Speechless, nothing to say, no point.
Doubters, expresionless, doubting.
There's only me listening.
Loneliness, the biggest killer.
Knocking at my door.
Might as well let him in.

Poetry by Kaydee.

With leather clad hands
and old plastic sheets
he makes up the reasons
for the people he meets.

They'll feel nothing's wrong
for he sings a sweet song
where false promises are made
with a smile from a blade.

And on a cold knife night
he'll extinguish their light
as they struggle for air,
for their pain
is longer than
the chair.

I spoke to my partner babe
at our place and everything's well.
I sure feel a lot of love babe.

I met with my friend babe
at the bar and everything's good.
I've sure got a lot of love babe.

I saw my partner and friend babe
in the street and everything's clear.
They've sure got a lot of love babe.

Spoke with my sister babe
at her home and everything's
much clearer now.
I sure hear a lot of lies babe.

Talked to my brother babe
at his flat and everything's
oh so ******' clear.
I sure hear a lot of ******' lies babe.

Listened to my demons babe
in my head and everything's clear.
I sure feel a lot of hate babe.

Met with my solicitor babe
in my prison cell and
everything's gone.
I sure feel ****** babe.

Poetry by Kaydee.

The pipes began to pipe some more.
Baby don't rush,
baby don't rush.
Darling take some time, some more.
Please
hear my hush,
hear my hush.
I'm not ready no more,
not ready, no.
Only when you hear them sing
you'll know.
Baby you'll know,
you'll know it's time to go. . .
. . to go.

Goodbye.

So there we were.
You like it, you want it.
You've got to say you'll wear it.
You've got to swear you'll live it
and then I can be you.

So here we are.
There's good news
and there's bad news.
I can breathe
and you can walk in my shoes.
So everything you ever wished for
is now all yours forever.

Poetry by Kaydee

And in the silence that's often deafening, I hear my heart that still beats.
Reminding me of more pain to come, disguised as truths we are their lies.
After all these years there's no surprise.
Whispered softly into your ears, we are the makers of salty tears.
One day your heart, cold, blue and torn will cease to beat, when death is born.
Life's light will fade for one last time, up through the clouds your soul will climb.
A breeze from the graveyard whispers death but that's ok, I hold its hand.
A smile in the dark I understand, the effort you've shown, this was all planned.
Congratulations to you, my life is through.

Would we halve the pain
if we shared it?
Or even better,
be spared it
'cause I'd give
you my rose
if
you
did.
x

Poetry by Kaydee

Dress the bones with flesh
and cover them in skin.
Name this doll,
this mannequin.
This meat case
I live in.

Kaydee

Memories of
sepia toned photo's
of a world once lived in.
Baggy shorts and huge shirts
of football games I once played in.

Are memories, just that.
In a playground once played in.

Though things have changed
some things remained,
like
the body I still live in.

Poetry by Kaydee.

All my cups are put away,
all finished for the day.
I sit here quietly on my own
with nothing much to say.
Well no, ok that's not entirely true,
things would be different
sat here with you.

Remember how we'd dance to ads,
the ditties on TV.
We'd nod our heads,
a couple of berks.
Yeah, didn't we have some quirks.

These things I need to find again,
but can't envisage when.
I sit here and I wonder,
"Will I ever find you again"

Poetry by Kaydee.

Look what they've done,
torn you apart.
In the name of fun,
some kind of black art.

I'd been thrown into the lake,
arms and legs tied.
I sunk to the bottom,
they thought I had died.
Out of the depths I arose
wearing a beautiful dress.

Some kind of new magic,
like a good witch.
A white art.
I don't seek revenge
for I have a pure heart.

It's now they'll see
that they could never be
someone like me.
Because I'm the greatest
******* in a dress
they'll ever meet.

Poetry by Kaydee.

My Mum has five kids
and first one was Paul.
Oh look it's a boy so
we'll give him a ball.
The second was Ste,
a year younger than me.
Then there was Wayne
and oh what a pain!
Now the fourth was a girl
and so her hair we'll curl.
The fifth, it was Gary
and the last one she'll carry.
So four will wear blue,
it's just what you do.

Did nobody check if
this **** is true?
I'll prove this is wrong
when I show you my thong.
You see, I prefer lace
and blush on my face.

But seriously though,
these rules are so dumb.
How the ****
will I tell my Mum.
For twenty five years
I hid it away.
Where do I start
and what do I say?
I showed her my nails,
I'd painted them red,
My Sister piped up
"Are you off yer head"

So the best thing to do
is just show her it's you.
With a smile on my face,
she'll see that it's true.

Poetry by Kaydee. ❤

Twenty years in the fast lane, speeding
was ecstacy at the time.
Sweet heady bubbles of coke,
buzzing at feeding.
No softeners added, lemon or lime.
My therapy, my medication.

******, my mind on a long vacation.
Knowing this time would
one day arrive.
My restless legs, my tired insides.
My not so central nervous system,
twitching fingers, flickering eyes.
This to me is no surprise.
My therapy, now my reprise.

Peotyr by aKydee.

Hey, that's my Gran!
She's not ******* demented.
She lived on her own
in a house that she rented.
This is how it used to be
when I'd knock on her door
and shout "Hey Gran, it's me!"

Through her curtain,
a bi-focaled rim.
She threatened the Police,
"I don't recognize him"
Although I knew her,
she didn't know me
and from that day on,
this is how it would be.

Poetry by Kaydee

I'm like a song in a clef-less world.
My symphony of blood and tears
have stained my skin of many years.

Duran, Depeche have carried me through
until that day when I meet you,
but don't be long because I need
my happy sunshine song.

Poetry by Kaydee.

My Immortal,
what you upto today?
It's just that, well we haven't met yet have we, eh?
I'm sat alone drinking and I know,
yeah I know what you're thinking
but I'm just a fraction and
I want to be whole.
So your interaction,
well yeah that's my goal
and with you as my tower,
my guard I can lower.
Behind you in the sun and
underneath you in the rain.
Consuming your love,
erasing my pain.

Can anybody hear me,
is anyone there
or am I alone as I lay my soul bare.
I know it's a big ask,
for something so rare.

Poetry by Kaydee.

We play with creepy things
to quell the fear inside us.
Disguised in life it brings,
the woodlice and the spiders.
...
The mud pies and the worms
all made in preparation.
With life's persistent germs
a stronger generation.
...
And because what we consume
eventually makes us stronger.
The mud pies and the worms
will make us all live longer.

Poetry by Kaydee.

You've been the roof above my my head.
You've been the pillow on my bed.
The bubbles in my bath, the tonic to my wrath.
All this you were and this you still are.
You could've escaped, you could've gone far.
You're the first to call, you make my problems small.
Just one thing though!
You still call me Paul.

Poetry by Kaydee.

Oh my love, our chats seem to be getting much shorter.
Though I hoped they wouldn't,
I thought they might.
Oh my love, the days feel much longer and I'm so tired.
Though I hoped they wouldn't,
I thought they might.
Oh my love, this sadness I feel is getting much deeper.
Though I hoped it wouldn't,
I thought it might.
Oh my love, I knew you'd forget to call and I really needed to chat.
Though I hoped you wouldn't,
I thought you might.
Oh my love, I'm so so sorry.
Though you hoped I wouldn't,
you always knew I would.

Poetry by Kaydee

A florist stands guard at the overgrown garden of broken stone teeth.
  Where a million flakes of silver and white covers neatly laid out boxes of bones.
  Small, separated audiences quietly chatting to themselves, unaware that no one can hear.
  Where their cold grey words drip from frozen blue lips on a falling mist of old sorrow.
  The trees once in full bloom appear dead, reflecting all life around.
  Where the butterflies and ladybirds used to play, just as the bones in the boxes did yesterday.
Those in attendance file out one by one. They peer left and then right, realising the flower lady has gone.
And it's on their way home as the time ticks on by, the realisation that
one day,
they too,
must die.

Poetry by Kaydee.

I'm a future without brakes.
It's the only way to stop the pain
and my heart, the way it aches.
Red lights can't stop me now.

I'm nearly there.
I'm on the brink
of something great.
This time's my time
to celebrate.

I can't believe I bought them.
Is this the top scoop?
I've entered a raffle for
pea & ham soup.
I can't even eat it,
I'm vegetarian you see.
Won't you just change it to
tomato for me?

I don't mind the peas,
It's the ham that's no good.
They slaughter those piggies
screaming, covered in blood.
Eyes bulging, their throats cut.
It's really not nice.
There's so much more to choose from,
not just cakes made of rice.

Have you seen how they nugget,
crispy goujons and breast?
They've found faeces and gristle
in a food safety test.
So don't think that these people
have your interests at best.
Look it up, do your research
and I'll give it a rest!

Poetry by Kaydee.

Woke up this morning,
looked a right fright.
One eye on my forehead,
the other lay squinting,
on the pillow on my bed.

Chin on my right breast,
tongue on my left.
I looked like I'd had
a ******* cardiac arrest.

Kaydee.

In life,
not all is as it seems

said me . . ,
. . . . to me

whilst chatting in a dream.

Poetry by Kaydee.

If you know me.
I write from many a different mind.
Yes, they're all mine
You cannot quell my thoughts.
I refuse.
No, I absolutely ******' refuse.
You cannot **** what's in my head.
I'll do that myself.
When I am dead.

Kaydee

A Queen in waiting, a Princess no less.
Each day, a routine before being seen.
For some, a shadow and not of the eye.
The kind you'd find on that of a guy.
An army of pogonophobes in dysphoric confusion.
Each purging our wardrobes,
a repeated delusion.

A leading *******
from a pornographic circus.
The ***** under graduate from
a school of *** workers.
Your Hubby's vision in blue
is our secret down south,
'cause he wouldn't kiss you with
that ***** mouth.

So, I'll stop you there Sizzle Chest
with your cans of Stella
in your pristine white vest.
'Cause this is real easy,
even for you Mr ******.

I used to be a Princess but
now I'm a Queen,
recently coronated
after all that I've seen.

Poetry by Kaydee.

Religion is Recruiting for
Customer Complaints.
Where is my God, the disciples
and all the absent saints?
The time I have invested
sitting in your church.
This wasn't in your advert
you've left me in the lurch.
I'm asking for a refund,
you've years to reimburse
and then there is the funeral,
the flowers and the hearse.

I've sat on your pew,
spent time praying to you
and now that I'm dead,
I'm unsure what to do.
I should have known better,
you never replied.
Yet I kept the faith
until the day that I died.

Now I queue to complain,
I must be ******' insane!
because,
well,
you don't even exist!

Poetry by Kaydee.

If prevention is better than the cure
(up the sentence for intimidation)
to much, much, much, much more.
Let me search my mind.
See what feelings I can find.

These thoughts I have
were never mine.
You gave me these.
Did I wrong you somehow?
Was it for your friends to please?
How many likes did you get?

  (black cloth on my head)
For the pain you imposed.
Unfortunately.
for you,
I have been whispering with the
jury of the (******) self righteous mind
and so,
your sentence,
will take your breath away.

Kaydee.

Flicking through your magazine,
you want that perfect face.
Put it on your credit card,
become the perfect Wife.
May as well go the extra mile,
book yourself in for a new hairstyle.
Get your nails done,
you might as well.
Something bright
so your friends can tell.

What did it all cost?
You went too far but at least you
look like your favourite star.

After all, let's have no doubt.
To look like this is what
life's about.

Isn't it??

Poetry by Kaydee.

My twin the mirror,
she looks just like me
Correcting mistakes,
I'll one day be free.

With words from my head
relayed with my tongue.
I write my own words,
I'll sing my own song.

She's spent all the rent on
cigarettes and cider,
so pull out your **** and put
it inside her.
No need to bring your polished game,
for this one's a **** and that
is her name.
In her **** or up her ***.
The choice is yours,
where d'ya wanna ***?
Say "You ******' ****, get down on all fours, 'cause this is how I **** little ******!
Impale her on your hardened stick and explode inside her, creamy and thick.
Bangin' her *******,
it used to be tight.
It's not anymore,
it gets wider each night.
Then when you're done,
wipe the rest up her back,
letting her know most got
shot up her crack.
Next week she'll be suckin',
an appetizer before ******'
This **** she don't care,
for a TGirl with red hair.

*******
Poetry by Kaydee.

I've repainted the wall
and dusted the shelf
as very soon I will become
myself.

I've given back the cow
and I've returned the lamb
in preparation for becoming
who I am.

I've made an alliance with
the fleeing refugee
hoping I find peace as I
turn into me.

So im putting many ghosts to bed
before leaving this body,
escaping this head.

Kaydee.

It's a risky idea
you should give it some thought.
The wheels are in motion
and all stock is bought.

I'm thinking so fast
and I know what comes next.
No longer enthused
'cause my hyper can't last.

Did you take all your tablets?
The one's that restrain you.
Taking off in your spaceship
that's called hyper mania.

Super-thusiastic poetry
by Kaydee.

My name is Sara, a transgender chick
Wanted a *****, was given a ****
I hide it in knickers of satin and lace
before sitting down to make-up my face,
Next the prosthetics, I'm using two bits.
Stuck to my chest, they'll do as my ****
Now for my legs I'll put on false tan,
I wouldn't do this if I were a man
Alternative nights, a t-girl delights
to sit on her bed and pull on new tights.
I'll put on a dress, a cute one no less.
Then for my shoes, high heels I choose
A sandal style shoe as every girl knows
not only looks cute, they'll show painted toes
A bit of eyeliner, eyebrow definer,
lipstick and blush, I'm now looking lush.
I stand in the mirror all ready to go,
there's only one question I just have to know.
"Does my *** look big in this?"

Poetry by Kaydee.

With our extremities entwined
two pairs of digits, stroke in kind.
One pair, painted.
The other, dirt.
One of us delicate.
The other, dirt.

A soft and fragrant anticipation
succumbs to an accrid and earthy
magnetic like hold. . .
Hold. . .
Hold. . .
Thankyou Sweetheart,
you were great.
I'm going,
are you *******?

Poetry by Kaydee.

Stay on point,
remain on path.
A childhood thought,
a fiery wrath.
Safe and sound
now all is well.
Do not recall
your childhood hell.
The bedroom door,
that creeping light.
Remain tight lipped,
too young to fight.
When Mum goes out
stay quiet, I'd say.
Don't make a noise,
he'll go away.
Face buried deep,
the pillows cloak.
You got away,
your brother's broke.
He struck again,
too late to cry.
We couldn't tell,
he'd only lie.

Kaydee.

What colour my eyes,
you'll see right through.
Into my mind,
I'm showing you.

Angels of mine
have all absconded.
The ballots are in
and all are counted.

A landslide shows
only demons have voted.
So words of hurt
have been promoted.

Poetry by Kaydee.

Inside the Catholic Church
the shepherd does lurch.
With a flock of sheep
for him to keep,
Using their belief,
he'll use them all for his relief
and he knows they won't tell,
for he'll send them to Hell.
To see the bad guy
who punishes the bad.
Yeah I know, and people believe this.
How sad!

It just makes me wonder
how much wealth they will plunder.
Defending the beasts,
sorry I do mean priests.
and if church walls could speak,
how much blackmail they'd seek
to keep the shepherd,
from the mild and the meek.

Poetry by Kaydee.

I've taken my sorrows
& buried them deep,
The things like my laughter
I'm trying to keep,
but things like my sadness,
they all need to go.
My privacy took so
now they all know,

Denied, denied and my God I tried,
Each time that I asked,
they all ******* lied,
All that I did and all that I do,
Destruction, a gift was to me
and from you,

With this gold ring,
I take your life.
Into your back,
I put my knife.
You wouldn't listen and
you were my bride,
You weren't by my side,
it was then that I died.

I feel like a ghost,
unable to feel,
I don't know who's fake,
I don't know who's real,
Unable to trust who's
*******,
I can't make new friends
when I feel like this,
Vulnerable and insecure,
I stay inside and lock my door,
This isn't life,
not for me I'm sure,
I cannot take this anymore.

Poetry from my dead heart
by Kaydee.