I'm on the edge.
I'm on the edge.
So many edges. . . .
with no chasms . . .
. . . . . . no freefall
. . . . I have crossed.
Overcome?

Where is my chasm?
"hurt"
"betrayal"
"pain, just pain"

I have overcome.

Where is my chasm?
"fatality"
"silence"
"peace"

No chasm, No edge.

Nothing.

Kaydee.

My Pandora's box, nailed shut, known as the FEAR.
I can't look at the box, it is FEAR.
FEAR itself.
A good day today but my fragile mind has seen the box, the FEAR.

Face the FEAR, **** the FEAR.
Face the FEAR, **** the ****** FEAR.

The apprehension, the box, the FEAR.
**** the FEAR, **** the ****** FEAR.

Oh, the untold, the box, the FEAR.
**** the FEAR, **** the ****** FEAR.

But for you, not one ****** tear.
Tell anyone you read this poem and
I'll ****** **** you!

Kaydee, confidence growing.
Kaydee, feeling bold.
Kaydee, the story untold.

Poetry by Kaydee.

Are you ready?
Are you sure?

Then lean right in
and make him yours.

You're not ready?
You're not sure?

then tenderise your gentle touch
just a little bit more.

and perfect your kiss
that makes you his.

Until he wants you
no more.

Poetry by Kaydee.

Can't wait to see the old man Wednesday week.
Give my update on exposing the freak.
I'll have to 'create' by Wednesday tea, so me Shan & Lloydy* can watch T.V.
I told Deb Simo, I count as best friend, but didn't consider how all this would end.
As one told another and the news spread.
The obvious outcome, my husband is dead.
What would I do without my old Mum who guided and led me to be with this ***.
By listening to Mum and taking advice, this peado has had me not once but now twice.
Oh didn't I tell you, when I was fourteen, he took down my knickers, did something obscene.
Now that my marriage has all ended bad, I've now got a boyfriend as old as my Dad.
And if you think that's a joke, here's one, he's probably due another stroke.
Three years of bad luck, what will I do next.
Send him vile messages, all via text.
It can't be long now, and when all is done at least me and Shan have had lots of fun.
Now his family all know, they smirk and they grin. Best just do that than risk say something.
But what will he do. He'll tell them they're through unless they come clean and point at us two.
As we'd always planned, "best get on our toes". He's not ******* stupid, he already knows.
So time to move on and find some new friends.
For me, you and him this is where it all ends.

Poetry by Kaydee.

Leave my Nan out in the rain, it'll be right.
She's having veg later with some meat, on a bone but meat.
No gravy, she's too lazy. She will not thread it.

So what do you think? Shall we fold it the other way?
Do it tonight, it won't be today and not quite black but definitely not grey.

If it smells like cheese, just wear one and keep one eye open!
Then, we may even finish third.
Remember, listen for the sound.
It's crucial, like a twenty pence piece.

Dust! Always dust. Grams and ounces of the dustiest dust.
Never before six and never after six.
Just continuous with no bends, bubbles or any of that material you really like.

Because when he'd finished speaking (The Italian) I didn't understand a ******* word of it!

"Sorry, I don't speak Italian", shrugged my shoulders, did that thing you do with your bottom lip and ****** off.

THE END
(FINITO)

Starting with coverage from BBC2.

Brushing calm shadows into
pastel hills.
A rhythm paints terrain a
sugary brown.
Flicks of green create
fauliage serene.
The clean tasteless air is
cotton soft.
A effortless stream runs
cobalt clear.
Where salmon gymnastics begin
each year.
Squirrels practice dance routines a
glamorous red.
The doormice dressed and ready
for bed.

Continuing coverage on Ch4.

The perch, the tench sat together on an underwater bench.
Discussing bait and hooks whilst flicking through some fishing books.
What's he eating? Mr Mole,
it looks like cheese and ham
on a soft brown roll.
There's a chicken and a fox that
live round here.
Seriously, they've been dating each other for about a year.
Now, if you take the next left,
then over the stye.
There's a duck lives there,
call in and say, hi!

Poetry by Kaydee.

Yes,
yes I hear the pipes.
Stay with me.
Hold my hand.
Shhh, I hear your hush
Shhh, I hear your hush.
I'm not ready,
I'm not ready, too.
They're calling me.
They're calling me, from you.
I know,
I know it's time to go.

Goodbye.

It's not a competition,
It feels like its a game.
The paths we are all walking,
I believe are all the same.

I'm sure you'll get there sooner,
and this is how it feels.
That's because I do insist
I walk my path in heels.

Kaydee.

Oh ****.
Oh, oh, it didn't work did it?
Why?
Why didn't it work?
I can't see!
I have blood in my eyes, my hands.

Oh ****.
It didn't work did it?
The plastic bag!
****!
The plastic bag!
****,
****,
Ff cck ckk err
err
(sigh)

Poetry by Kaydee
(**** it Kaydee! Just **** it! That's it!)

A subtle panic like a slow death creeps, the anxiety within me, for here's where it sleeps.
Quietly loud enough to cover the sound, of the glassware you've thrown, now strewn all around.
Rocking all positive lullaby's to sleep, ensuring all menacing thoughts I'm to keep.
It's adept like the teen who's stayed out beyond curfew, sneaks in armed with oceans with which it will drown you.
All because of the lies that were said, went in through your ears and lived in your head.
The life you once had held aloft like a prize, you breathe your last breath and then close your eyes.

Poetry by Kaydee.

Look inside you if you can,
deep where no one's ever been.
Embracing yourself in your own Kingdom, you are Queen.
Impossible to see
but what do you feel?
Open your third eye and
what you are is real.

A vibration from here.
A vibration from there.
You are the Queen of Everywhere.

Poetry by Kaydee.

This writer HAS been damaged.
This writer WILL, well, who knows.
This writer IS distracted with life
and all that life tries to **** her with.

I don't understand it but then I am happy with life* (go me!)

p.s Is she still alive? Who knows.

Poetry by Kaydee

******* barking and let me in,
Check the form,
I wreak of sin,
Where's your Master,
the man in red,
Tell him I'm here,
I'm finally dead,

Those ******* people and their lies,
so full of ****,
I do despise,
I couldn't take it anymore.
My body, I've left it on the floor,
Well, what's left is no good,
It's all covered in blood
and how do I feel?
I feel ******* good!

They smiled at my eyes
and lied to my ears,
They think I don't know,
I've known it for years,
I wrote them a note
and sealed it away,
That note is still here
to this very day.

****** poetry by
Kaydee.

Could I have your shoulder
when I need to cry
and not be worried
when I can't say why?

Would you offer your hand
when I am ill,
feel weak
and cannot stand?

Would you lend me your ear
when I am troubled,
worried and shaking
with fear?

Will you offer me your arm
when I'm upset
or shaken
and make me feel calm?

Would you ever suspect me
of collecting
body parts
and call the police?

Poetry by Kaydee.

Her saturate beauty
in violet black light.
The narcotic consent
some Saturday plight.
Colours are bleeding
a vivid dream night.
Lysergic Acid Diethylamide,
Right?

A sleep pattern paisley
purple and green.
Faceless adversaries
heard, yet unseen.
A motionless panic,
unable to run.
Contorted, curled fingers,
now, isn't this fun.

Stood in the doorway,
a delivery guy.
A warm buttery mirage,
reflects in my eye.
A yellow bouquet,
this girls favourite treat.
So lovely, it's beauty knocks
me off my feet.
A spray in the background
of lilac, well matched.
A card with a ribbon and
message attached.
I lift it to read it,
what does it say?

To Sara, Happy Birthday
and have a great day.

Poetry by Kaydee.

Go on,
break me, shake me,
like I've never known.


What?
Go on.
What's up?


You've picked me up
and I'm already broken?


Oh sorry, have you got your receipt?

Poetry by Kaydee.

You're wringing out my brain
with all that it held.
You've left it all twisted,
confused and in pain.
So I'll just untwist
and fill it up again.
Then . . .
. . . carry on!

Kaydee.

In your sun I know I'll drown.
So, I rise when it goes down.
Add all my years, I am so old.
Yet, I'll never feel your cold.
Your punctured skin are signs you're dead
but that to me means I am fed.
I'll lure you in with fake romance.
The lies I'll tell, you'll take a chance.
Allaying your fears, I'll promise you years.
Then, muffled screams that no one hears.
So what you see as silver and gold
in reality, a death so cold.

Poetry by Kaydee.

You couldn't reveal,
you wouldn't say.
This Mask I wore,
It weighed me down.
You didn't care,
It wasn't fair.
I held my breath,
You didn't say.

and now, . . .

I watered down your poison.
You cannot hold me now.
My arms held out,
waiting.

Nothing.
You'll run.
I know you'll run.
oh,
ok kid.

#Poetrybykaydee

Paul and his friend once said
"The rock feels no pain".
Yet, without mallet or hammer
the rock,
was smashed with forked tongue
and I wonder . . .
was it Art?

Kaydee.

It seemed automatic,
the things that you'd do.
I never expected.
Not this,
not from you!

Now that you've done it,
how do you feel?
I never thought that I'd say it,
but yeah.
It felt real!

Poetry by Kaydee

The trees and the river
where we loved to go.
With tents and dried kindling,
the fire, its glow.

Make swings in the trees
with mud on our knees.
Completing scout tasks
and the badges we'd sew.
Make rafts that we'd sail
and the scout songs, regail.

We'd follow the river
to see it unfold.
Now none of us go there
now that we're old.

Poetry by Kaydee

Looks like we didn't make it,
I always thought we would.
Now the end is nearing
and it is getting late,
I never knew until today
your love would turn to hate.

I know that people change
and no one more than I.
I really didn't realise
you wished that
I would die.

by Kaydee
late in the day.

Lipstick kisses,
we're both wearing red.
I motion her over and onto our bed.
Blood red smeared across our lips.
I keep her enticed, I straddle her hips.
Seductively playing,
I'm touching my lips.
Long acrylic nails,
for us never fails.
I show her a ***** and
she gently wails.

She's waiting,
my sweetheart,
I lust her so much.
We ****, we're on fire
and I wonder,
which of us holds the power.
I, in all honesty is hoping it's her,
'cause then I'll continue this life
in her beautiful blur.

Poetry by Kaydee.

Ding **** ding.
Could you make any more?
The noise you're creating,
now my ears are sore.

You have a brass neck.
Who's pulling your strings,
and now every Sunday
a crowd turns up and sings.

So, ding **** ding.
Now, la la la
because you're a bell-end.
Yes, that's what you are!

Poetry by Kaydee.

There's no need for this
never ending doubt.
Be the first and the last
of your very own devout.
Clear the clouds of those
who surround.
Your mind is stronger
pound for pound.
For you are you
and they are their friends.
Realise this and all your
fear ends.
You are one, now light the flame,
your doubters gone.

Do you see what I mean that
it doesn't matter where you've been.
'cause now your all knowing
It's about where you're going.

Poetry by kaydee.

Promise me, my flesh you'll place
'neath a fledgling willow tree.
And as it grows toward blue sky,
It's in its grace you'll hear me cry.
Laden with the heaviest fears,
resembling, reflecting
my darkest years.

A fragile bone was once my arm,
so likened to the willows charm.
It's branches delicate,
could ne'er do harm.
It's soft and fluffy hand like bud,
encased in skin, the willow's wood.

Hold its hand at branches end.
My message, a vibration,
to you I'll send.
Until the death of said willow tree,
reminding you . . . . .
. . . . . . always of me.

Poetry by Kaydee.

A vanta black with specks of white.
The darkest night, embedded light.
The finest flicks, raised painted grain.
Diagonal lines, depicting rain.

The only colour of sodium light,
all placed on sticks and stood upright.
They line the street and evenly placed.
The coldest night, a bitter taste.

Upon the path, a man and dog.
Both brisk in pace and breath of fog.
Icicles drip from frozen eaves.
Returning home, both kicking leaves.

Kaydee.

Blessed are the fools
who remember read ink.
Fooled are the blessed
who critically think.

Kaydee.

If I can't be your Daughter,
then I won't be your son.
Forget the shame and
just move on.
The next time you won't see me
I'll be wearing a skirt
and not doing just to please you
would just hurt.

By letting you go there's
nothing I lose,
I care not what you think,
nor of your views.
You should've known anyway,
"A Mother knows" or so they say.
You've run out of time,
I won't wait anymore.
So go and tell that to
the other four.

In fact they too are to leave me alone,
don't knock on my door
and don't try to phone.
You've ignored me too long and
in that time I've grown.
In fact, you've taught me
how to live alone.
The Woman I am has no
fear anymore.
Now walk straight through it,
I'm showing you the door.

Poetry by Kaydee.

Be good, be bad.
Have things, have none.
Give love, taste love.
Feel power, share the wealth.
Keep every penny all to yourself.
Learn the game, change your name.
Watch the sky and never cry.

But remember this, when you are dead.
All these words, I never said.
You were never here, I was never there.
Ask anyone, see if they care.

. . . and now you're dust and time has past.
Did you come first or were you last?

Poetry by Kaydee.

I still believe my eyes.
All I see
is my blindness.
I still believe my ears.
All I hear
are lies.
Yet I still quell the urge to fly.
And if you'd achieved,
after all you believed.
I'd be dead.

Awww, such pity for the
narrow minded fool.

I gouge.
My finger, my tool.

Awww, pity . . , fool.
I slice.
My blade, my tool.

Awww, pity . . , fool.
I grind.
My hack-saw, my tool.

Awww, pity . . , fool.
I bury.
My shovel, my tool.

Tell me . . ,
You or me.

I rule.

Kaydee.

Every time I pull it off
it goes off in my face.
It's in my eye and
on my lips,
I look a right disgrace.
My ***** though
she loves it so
I do it all the time
and if I feed her
from a tin
I'd feel it was a crime
because she just loves
those sachets
that I can't pull open
without getting
covered in
gravy
flavoured
splashes.

Poetry by Kaydee

So humble
and so demure.
Yet . . . . . . .
. . . . you still freak me the ****
out with everything you do.

You amaze me just so
you'll absorb me, I know.
Then we'll both become one.

I've been erased,
now (I'm) no-one.

Poetry by Kaydee.

You're a glitch in the system,
a ******' mistake.
But carry on regardless
'cause I know you're fake.

I'm sure that you know,
you were never all that.
A big ******' lie
and then you did that!

So take off your mask
and show me your face.
'Cause to me you're already
a ******' disgrace!

You cast a steel shadow
yet still hide your face.
You shared all my secrets
and told them my name.
Now, step into your spotlight
and reveal your game.

Poetry by Kaydee.