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Flint Holcomb Apr 15
A floral mat
Separates me from
The tile floor
I feel anxious despite the peace

The instructor speaks
My heart stops
Because I know
The chest binder can’t hold
Through another downward-facing dog
you shouldn’t really wear a binder when doing yoga but i would rather not exercise that do it without a binder
Flint Holcomb Apr 15
The weight on my chest
Excessive flesh
A distinctive sign
Separating me
From the other men in the room
Flint Holcomb Oct 2018
This is a suicide note
From the person you thought I was.
From the girl, from the woman, and
From the person who used bathrooms without a ******.

“If you are reading this
Then I am dead.
It was inevitable.

I would have died either way.
The only variable was
Whether or not
He died too.”
Apollo Hayden Aug 2018
Pregnant clouds wait in pain to give birth to rain.
The sun leaves to its abode, and one wonders where exactly does it go.
Left us here with weather that used to be fair but all I see is gray skies.
It could change the mood of anyone but still I keep my head up high.
Here it comes, thunder rolls and lightning dances above our heads.
I'll just wait till this storm is over because there's no way I could get to bed.
Instead I sit here at this window thinking of summer and all that has happened up till now.
I'm still practicing at mastering the art of detachment, and I'm making progress somehow.
But this rain can bring alot to mind, it brings what I try to hide out
and so I sit with it, reminiscing I see your face appear in the clouds.
Just my imagination playing games with me.
Got me going through scenarios in my head, thinking bout how it'd be if you never left,
but I won't dwell on it for too long cuz it'll just leave me stressed.
The second I shake the feeling your face turns back into a cloud.
Oh, the things that happen when I reminisce too long and find myself thinking out loud.
I'm alone but not lonely, still in love with you only.
Letting it go but doing it slowly because I've been missing you...
Sara Kellie Jun 2018
I wake up in the bath
after a day on the wine.
Fat ******* arrives
at mine around nine.
Friday night and it's too much,
the temptation.
******* powder with dehydration.

Back into town,
bouncing around like a clown.
Absorbing attention,
I'm the star of the show.
I'm cloaking my secret,
the one they can't know.

I'm out of my mind
and I've no Idea where.
I cannot go back,
'cause she lives in there.

I've been running for years,
purge after purge.
Yet I know come tomorrow,
I'll again have the urge.

Because I need her
and I love her.
I am her!

Poetry by Kaydee.
Running from my destiny but I couldn't run from myself anymore.
Remmy Aug 2017
I'm uncomfortable
I'm uncomfortable in this feminine peice of **** others call a body
I look in the mirror and all I see is deadname
My body isn't me
My body is deadname
I figured this out yesterday
So I finalized my decision to get top surgery
Only to find out that my insurance matches my peice of **** body
Top surgery isn't covered
Apparently it's cosmetic
You don't have to live in a body that's wrong
It's not my fault I was put in a body with ***** and curves and bumps in all the wrong places
I don't have 5000 dollars because I already had to pay for intensive outpatient therapy that insurance wouldn't cover
What's the point of having insurance if it only costs and doesn't pay
being proud to be black is more important than
caution tape around a social construction zone
that is also an advertisement
also is a warning
in another language
pay attention to this
if you do not then this will happen
whiteness or else!
whiteness or else!
screaming it
acting like its this pretty evolved thing to be
technologically advanced
to the ultimate in dissociative technology
Organic Intelligence knows within power struggle of language
advertisements and warnings are the same
Chris McNeilan May 2015
I feel something new resonating from my very core, something powerful. Its as euphoric as it is exciting. For the first time in a while I finally have a genuine smile on my face.
I will let this carry me into my next stage of life.
Thomas EG May 2015
Two burns, left wrist
Two more burns, left hand
Two fading slits, left ankle
Easier to deal with, to understand
These six scars...
They are the only ones that I have
Well, the only ones in your eyes
The only ones that were deliberate
Deliberate necessities
There is one on the right side
Of my nose too
But it was accidental
Nothing more than a childish
Slip of the foot
"Sorry, it was just a slip of the tongue"
I need you
I need more
Two more, in precision
(a double incision)
One on the right
And one on the left
"No cesarean for me, thanks"
No life coming out of this body
No matter how beautiful
I could have made you
I would have kept you safe
I promise
I won't let them hurt you
They'll understand
They have to
They have to
They have to

But that's what I thought before
And yet they still don't
Not today, not quite yet
But they have to
And I've been thinking
And drinking
And smoking
And toking
And I do not know
How far I will go
So cut me open
Take what I don't want
Because I do not want this
Remove my heart
You may as well
While you're in there
It's been aching so badly lately
And this is all that I want right now
They will let me do it
They have to
They have to
They have to

They will...
Won't they?
You can not see teardrops
Amongst raindrops
Can not distinguish between
The peaceful and the pained
And I fall, I fall hard
I crash and you feel me, you do
But rain is a friend
Rain is something that I can trust
Something that I can relate to, rely on
Too quiet to be seen as thunder
Too dull to be seen as lightning
Too transparent to be seen at all
From a distance...

You get used to rain after a while
We are known for our weather
(Rain rain go away)
Let the sun shine
So that I can become a rainbow
Cut me open and pull out my heart
Offer it to that planet's glorious rays
Look up at me
Not down on me
And tell me that I am beautiful
Tell me that I mean something
To you
That I mean anything
Because I am not mean
I mean
I love you
I love you
I love you

I try far too hard
You think that I don't try at all
But it's ******* hard
It's SO ******* hard
And I am trying my best
And I am transgender
I am the she / he / whatever
The it
I do not deserve you
But do I really deserve this?
I know that these are not raindrops
I can taste the salt, slowly rolling
And rolling down
And down my face
My tear-stained face
Please tell me that I am worthy
Please let me do this
Please, please, let me do this...
You have to
I'm not alright
I'm not okay
I'm not alright
I'm not okay

Save me
Fish me out of the ditch
Ditch me halfway through
My transition
You have to
You have to
You have to

It hurts
It hurts so bad, oh God
And I'm not getting anything in return
So let me pain myself
Until I can breathe again
With a smile on my face
A smile that will not run in the rain
I am running through the rain
Running away from myself
I am falling, as rain falls on me
And I am crying
I'm not alright
I'm not okay

So let me do this
You have to.. You have.. You..
You will...
Won't you..?
Because I'm not alright
And I'm not okay
I am transparent, I am transitioning
I am transgender
Whether you like it
Or not.
This poem is purely to express what I'm feeling right now in some way other than crying and pushing myself too hard... Life ain't too good right now. Writing this definitely helped though.
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